Bad Fluffy Names Part 2 [by Maple]

Part 2: Letting their Mummah do it

“Good morning sweetie!” You called, your sing song voice bouncing around the safe room and waking a sea green alicorn mare. Her long dark blue mane dangled in front of her eyes as she slowly pulled herself upright.

“Good morning mummah” she yawned.

You opened the baby gate blocking the door of the safe room. “I’m gonna make breakfast, do you want eggs or oatmeal?”

“Ummm…” the fluffy pushed the hair out of her face clumsily with one hoof. “Siwen wan eggies.”

“Got it. I’ll be right back!” You turned on the lights in the safe room as you left, causing Siren to wince and paw at her eyes. You fluffy was a special one, not just because of her alicorn status. She had a unique mane, incredibly long and perfectly straight. Some breeders had managed to breed longer manes into fluffies but they always got tangled and the fluffies wouldn’t always stay still long enough to properly groom it. They were a hassle, especially if you have more than one. Siren’s mane was another story, however. It’s coarse, wiry hairs never made more than a minor snarl. Even the most worn in knots were easily removed with just a damp comb, as the hairs seemed to grease themselves in the presence of water. Was it nice to touch? No, not really. Kinda felt like petting straw. But she was beautiful, her mane cascaded over her shoulders gracefully, and extended almost to the bottom of her hooves. The only cutting you did on it was trimming the ends to keep it from being underfoot when she walked. You tied it up and out of her way for easy play most days, you wanted to be sure her comfort came before any beauty.

As you returned, you watched her carefully pull herself out of her blanket nest as not to wake the 6 sleeping foals still wrapped in it’s warmth. You rescued her out of the alley behind the coffee shop you frequented, where she was getting beat up by a smarty and his herd. They were her herd as well, but they abused her at every chance they got, making her eat their shit and calling her a monster. It broke your heart, so you took her home. Once she had recovered a bit, one of your breeder friends insisted you let her have at least one litter as he wanted to know if her mane was a genetic trait. It seemed like a fair deal, she got to have babies, your friend got some potential cash cows, and you got $25 a foal once they were grown and the peace of mind that all her children were in happy homes even if they didn’t turn out spectacular. They would be alicorn friendly even if their colors weren’t great, and he had assured you that they would still have eager owners.

“Here you go sweetie” you said softly, setting the cooled plate down in front of her. “How did you sleep?”

She yawned, nibbling at the edge of her scrambled egg. “Siwen stay up too wate, gunn need nappies watew.”

“What kept you up so late?”

“Nu tink of namsie fo wastest babbeh, aww uddah babbehs have namsies, bu nu wastest.” She took a large mouthful of eggs and chewed slowly, staring vacantly into the plate.

“Oh! You named them!” You didn’t initially think that was something that fluffies did, but you realized that you should have expected this. You heard some of the names of the herd she left, no human would name a fluffy “Sky Ball” or “Warmsies”. You shuddered, what if all fluffies were that bad at naming? What stupid names did she give the foals, what were you going to do if she refused to let you change them? God, you should have named them when they were born. “Can you tell me their names? Maybe I can help you come up with the last one.” The “wastest” foal, thank god. At least one of them would have a decent name for sure.

“Mummah! Das gud idea! Siwen du intwo- intwodox- intwio-…” She looked up at you.


“Yeah dat. Siwen do dat!” She skipped to her nest, exhaustion forgotten, looking the foals over while deciding which one to pick first. You prayed it wasn’t a horrible name, nothing stupid, please.

She picked up the blue unicorn first, he was the deepest blue you had ever seen, with a greyish mane. It was still far too young to see if he had her coarse hair, but the little stubble he had on his neck stood straight up like a war horse’s mane. “Dis babbeh am Bwu Jay!”

“Oh, such a pretty name!” You released a breath you didn’t know you were holding. A good name, a really good name. He did look like a little blue jay.

“Siwen gwad mummah wike!” She set him gently next to the plate of eggs, where he chirped once then began to sniff blindly toward the plate, eyes still sealed. “Siwen make biggest saddies if mummah nu wike namsies!” You smiled widely back at her, forcing your anxiety down. When she was sad she was inconsolable, wailing for hours on end. She had once ripped her favorite stuffed rabbit and it took a week to get her to calm down fully, and that was a full week of screaming and sobbing. You figured it was from trauma, and did your best to keep her in a good mood. For her sake as much as yours.

She smiled back and went to grab the rest of her babies. “Dis wun am Feathew!” She held up the yellow pegasus filly, who wriggled and peeped in her hooves. “Oops! Sowwy babbeh!” She gently cradled the foal to her chest to quiet her down.

“Another great name!” And you meant it. Feather was pretty, and you were sure others would find it adorable.

“Dees…” she struggled to get the pair of grey pegasus foals into her hooves at the same time. “Dis wun am Wightnin!” She jostled the foal with the pale yellow mane a little higher. It yawned widely and put it’s hooves over its eyes. “An dis wun Wain!” The other had a dark blue mane like his mother. You hoped they would get adopted as a pair, and clearly so did Siren.

“You’re so good at naming sweetie! What about your alicorn?” You nodded towards the deep green filly flopped over in her blankets.

Siren picked up the foal and held it tightly to her chest. “Dis babbeh pointy-wingy like Siwen! Babbeh jus wike Siwen! So Siwen name babbeh after favorite nummies!” She held her foal out at arms length, smiling warmly at her. “Babbeh am Kewpie!” Stealing a sidelong glance to you, she added “buh babbeh nu bestest, aww babbehs guud. Siwen guud mummah.”

You beamed at her, Kelpie was a perfect name. She only knew it as the stinky plant matter washed up on the shore she subsisted on as a feral, but to you and any other human it was the mythological kelpie. Fitting for a dark colored foal!

Siren nuzzled Kelpie in with the rest of her siblings, and picked up her last foal, a beautiful turquoise earthie colt with a white mane. Your fluffy may not have a favorite baby, but you did- this one. It looked like the sky to you, and you prayed that if any of the babies got her long mane it would be this one. A cascade of clouds over a brilliant blue sky in fluffy form. If only he were a pegasus!

“Dis babbeh nu hab namsie… mummah nu kno…” she trailed off, gently setting him into the plush carpet next to her plate. It snuffled around, tiny blue hooves wiggling.

“Maybe it will come to you after you eat.” She nodded and tucked into her eggs. The foals in the pile settled quickly, snuggling into each other’s fluff. On the other side of the plate the teal baby squirmed, looking for his siblings. He lifted his tiny head, sniffing, then yawned and dropped it as if it were too big a burden to carry. As his mouth shut, a bundle of carpet fiber got caught in his lips, causing him to chirp in surprise.

“Silly baby!” You said, gently picking him up. “Don’t munch on that!” He snuggled into your hands, cooing contentedly.

“Mummah! Siwen hab namsies for wastest babbeh!” She danced in place excitedly.

“Oh? Let’s hear it!” You held the foal out in your cupped hands where she could see him well. She clearly didn’t have the stupid name conventions of her species. Possibly because alicorns were smarter? You made a note to ask your breeder friend about it.

“Babbeh munch cawpet! So siwwy! Siwen name babbeh Cawpet Munchah!” She beamed at your cupped hands, your stomach fell through the floor

“Uh… sweetie maybe…”

She reached out to gently pat her foals head. “Wastest babbeh get bestest name. Wub Cawpet Munchah. Wub Cawpet Munchah’s namsies.”

Carpet. Muncher.

Good god.


That was a long road to travel for a cunnilingus joke but I laughed.


And I have a new favorite comment, thankyou!


I would have found it funnier if they were a filly but the jokes unisex. :slight_smile:


Bahaha!! Great namsie!!

i love carpet muncher :purple_heart: