Bad Nummies 5, by Swindle

You’re Applefluff! You’re the bestest fluffy pony EVER, 'cause your daddy loves you sooooooooo much!

Daddy’s having a Krizz-muss party. You’re not sure what that is, but he has lots of other hoomins over and they’re all very, very loud. It was distressing at first, but then it was ok because they’re all laughing and being friendly nice-nice to each other. It smells wonderful; they’re eating all kinds of nummies out there.

But now you’re sad. You’re locked up in your safe room all alone, while daddy’s out there having fun and eating wonderful nummies that are enticing you with their smell. You lay on the floor and halfheartedly roll your ball back and forth from one hoof to the other, then sigh. It’s not fair. Why do you have to stay in here, while everyone else is out there having fun? And you can smell all the nummies the hoomins are eating outside your safe room and it’s making your tummy rumbly and gurgly, but you don’t eat the kibble daddy put in your bowl. You’d rather eat the special nummies he’s eating out there with all the other hoomins.

Suddenly, you hear someone just outside your door!

“Is this her room?”

“Yeah, you want to see her?”


The door opens and DADDY walks in! You jump to your feet and dance in a circle, tapping your hoofsies on the floor and shouting, “Daddeh daddeh daddeh!”

“Oh my gosh, she is just ADORABLE!”

There’s two nice ladies with daddeh; one has a long brown mane and the other has a short yellow mane. You wonder why lady hoomins have nice long manes but man hoomins like daddeh don’t. Perhaps the mystery will never be solved.

“Say hello, Applefluff.”


You’re a little shy around the nice ladies, so you hide behind your pillow and peek out at them.

“Oh, she is just so cuuuuute! Can we hold her?”

“If you’re gentle; fluffies are kinda delicate, and she’s small for her age.”

Daddy picks you up, but you don’t get the chance to cuddle in his arms before he hands you to the lady with long brown mane. She holds you against her and makes “d’aaawww” noises while the other nice lady strokes your mane and scratches your ears, telling you what a pretty fluffy you are. You’re still feeling a little shy around these strangers, but the attention is nice.

“I always thought fluffies were really bratty and hard to handle. But she’s such a little sweetie! Yes, you are!”

“They can be,” your daddy says. “My first fluffy took a while to break in, but once I got it through his thick head who was in charge, he was a really good pet. Applefluff here took to it immediately. Really, her only flaw is that she’s always getting into things because she’s so curious.”

“Well, I think she’s just perfect! Aren’t you, sweetie girl?”

You’re not really sure what they’re talking about, but you seem the center of attention and the nice ladies keep telling you what a good, pretty fluffy you are, so it must be good. You mew contentedly and snuggle up against the nice, soft pillowy things the nice lady has on her chest and they both make that “d’aaaawww!” sound again.

“It’s not exactly fair to keep her locked up in here by herself while there’s a party right outside, is it? She won’t get into trouble if we let her out with the guests, will she?”

Daddy looks at you, obviously thinking about something, and scratches under your chin the way you really like. You give another mew of contentment.

“Weeeeell… As long as she promises to be a good girl and doesn’t eat anything without permission, she should be ok.”

“Appuwfwuff pwomis, daddeh! Appuwfwuff nu eet nuffin wifout pewmissun!”

The nice lady not holding you seems to think what you just said is funny, for some reason.

“Oh my gosh, that baby-talk is just adorable!”

“Nu am babbeh, am big fwuffy!”

This just makes her laugh even harder. You’re confused.

“Ok sweetie, as long as you don’t eat anything unless you have permission, and you stay out of the way so nobody steps on you, you can come out for a few minutes. But no crying when daddy puts you back in the safe room, understand?”

“Yus, suw.”

The nicey lady carries you out into the living room and your eyes widen. There’s so many people here! You’ve never seen this many people before! You get a little scared and snuggle up tighter to the soft, cushy things the nice lady keeps under her not-fluff and she jogs you a little, scratching your ears. That makes it a little better.

She sits down in daddy’s big, soft chaiw and picks something up from the table and holds it near your face.

“Here, little sweetie, want some nummies?”

You recognize it; it’s a cawwot. You like cawwots, but they’re really chewy. This one has something white on the end with little dark speckles; you’re not sure what it is. You really, really want the nice cawwot, but you feel a little sad.

“Appuwfwuff nu can haf nummies wifout pewmissun.”

The nice lady laughs, but it’s a nice laugh, not a meanie laugh.

“Sweetie, you have permission to eat it. If somebody gives it to you, that’s ok. Your… daddy, just doesn’t want you eating things without somebody giving it to you first, that’s all.”

Oh. That makes sense. You gingerly reach out with your moufsie, still a little unsure of yourself, and nibble on the end of the cawwot. Mmmm!

“Whu dis whie stuff?”

“That’s ranch dressing.”


You gobble the whole carrot (it wasn’t very big) down and lick your lips and the nice lady makes that nice laugh again.

“Here, try some celery too.”

More nummies! You gobble it down and lay down on the nice lady’s lap, chewing the last little bit contentedly. This is nice, you decide. Parties are fun. But then the nice lady picks you up and sets you on the floor and you look up at her, wondering why she did that.

“Here, I’ve got to ask Michelle something. Be a good fluffy and stay out of trouble, all right?”

“Otay.” You’re not sure what a Michelle is, but you know you can be a good fluffy and stay out of trouble.

The nice lady wanders off and you look around and sniff the air. So many nummies here! But unless someone gives it to you, they’re all no-no’s. You know better than to eat anything that’s a no-no; you shudder in memory of past things you’ve eaten that weren’t good for you.

But enough about that, it’s time to explore! You trot happily around the room, sniffing people’s legs and backing away shyly when they notice you. A few are nice and smile at you or give you nice pet-pets, most just ignore you, and one was a meanie and tried to swat you when you sniffed his hoof. You don’t think you like him. You wander over to the tree and stare at it in wide-eyed awe.

It’s so pretty! You were confused why daddy brought a tree inside the house. That was silly; trees belong outside, not in the house! Then he decorated it with lots of pretty lights, and shiny balls and made it look soooo pretty! You tried to play with one of the prettiest balls, but it broke and turned into sharp pointy things and daddy fussed at you and said they weren’t for playing with. He swatted you on the rear, but you were already sorry and didn’t want to break the shiny pretty balls. If they were broken, then they weren’t pretty balls anymore! Then he put lots of pretty boxes covered in all kinds of fun colors underneath the tree and put shiny ribbons on some of them! You tried to explore under the tree and sniff all the boxes, but you poked a hole in the pretty paper on one with your hoofsie and daddy clapped his hands and shouted at you not to mess with them. You convinced him not to swat you with the sorry stick again though, and daddy said you could look at the tree and ‘presents’ (you think that means the pretty boxes), but you couldn’t touch them. You like looking at them, they’re so pretty! You’re still a little confused as to why daddy brought a tree in the house and what the purpose of hiding pretty boxes under it is, but daddy often does strange things that puzzle you, so you’re not too worried about it.

One of the hoomins sitting on the cowch starts calling you, not by name, just ‘fluffy’. You recognize him; he comes over to visit daddy sometimes. He’s daddy’s bruddah! Daddy calls him an ash-howe sometimes. He likes to play mean tricks on you and laugh, but he also does nice things, so you’re not really sure if you like him or not.

Oh! He’s holding nummies out to you! He must want to give you something nice to eat! You trot over and start to gingerly take the nice nummies from his not-hoof when you freeze. You sniff. You recognize that smell!

“Nuu! Chocwat bad fo fwuffy! Nu wan chocwat!”

You almost make scaredy peepees remembering the last time you ate chocolate, but there’s no risk of scaredy poopies; the instant you smelled the chocolate your poopie place tightened down so hard your muscles were trembling in exertion.

He makes a frownie face and looks at the piece of chocolate, then shrugs and puts it back on the table.

“Ok, no rumball for you then. How about some eggnog?”

He sets a little cup on the floor and pushes it toward you. You give it a sniff. Oh! This smells… this smells good! It’s kind like miwkies, but… not. You lap it up. Mmmm! It’s so rich and creamy! This is the bestest miwkies ever! You lap it all up and then sit back on your haunches, licking it off your lips.

“I guess you like that, huh? Want some more?”

“Yus, pwease, suw!”

You jump to your feet and tap your front hooves back and forth in the way that daddy thinks is cute. He laughs and sets another little cup down. You lap this one up as fast as you can. This is good stuff! You’re glad daddy let you out with all the nice people and all the nice nummies! Krizz-muss parties are fun!

You lay down in the corner and watch all the nice people talking and listening to fun music. This is nice. You feel so warm and good inside.

Oh! There’s daddy! You get up to- whoa. You fell over. That was silly. You get back on your feet and try to walk over to daddy, but you’re going the wrong way. You trip over your hoofsies again and giggle. Daddy notices you having trouble walking and comes over to pick you up.

“What’s wrong, baby? Did you hurt yourself?”

“Daddeh, Krish- krizz-mush partiesh ish fun!”

“What the hell? Are you slurring?”

“Dude, she drank two whole cups of eggnog!”

Daddy is angry with his bruddah again.

“You asshole, that has rum in it!”

“I know, your little fluffy is drunk off her ass!”

“That stuff could kill her!”

“Relax, dude! I only gave her two little Dixie cups from the water cooler, she didn’t get much alcohol. My dog accidentally drank a whole six pack of beer and he was fine.”

“How does a dog accidentally- dammit, fluffies are sensitive to this shit! You’re an asshole, you know that?”

“Sorry man, I didn’t think it’d hurt the thing. I just thought it’d be funny-”

“You thought! You never think, that’s the problem! I’ll be back, I need to make sure my fluffy isn’t seriously ill because of you!”

Daddy’s so funny. He takes you back into your safe room and gently sets you on your nestie. You lay there limply, smiling. You feel so warm and good inside.

“Are you ok, sweetie?”

“Yesh, daddeh. Appuwfuff feew v… feew f… feew fewy nishe. Hee hee!”

“Ok. Well, you just lay here and take a nap, sweetie, I’ll check on you again in a minute. Daddy has to go give someone the sorry stick.”

You close your eyes and bask in the warmth in your tummy. Daddy’s so silly sometimes.

You wander into the living room, still feeling groggy after the Christmas party last night. Your brother is an irresponsible asshole sometimes, but it seems he didn’t do any permanent harm to your fluffy by giving her spiked eggnog. If anything, she seems totally unaware that anything potentially bad happened. You turn the coffee maker on, then head over and open the safe room door to check on her.

She’s still laying on her bed, but looks up at you with bloodshot eyes and wails pathetically, “Daddeh, Appuwfwuff’s headie has bigges owies! Why headie gif huwties? Huu, huu, huu!”

Great. A fluffy with a hangover. And she had less than half a shot of rum, in total.

“Drink some water, sweetie. Daddy has a headache too. Drink lots of water and we can watch some cartoons together.”

Your fluffy continues to wail pathetically, hugging her head with her hooves.

It’s gonna be a long morning.


Yay Apple fluff!


She is too pure for the world.


Applefluff likes the tiddies.


The idiot brother strikes.


We’ve all been there. Hang in there little one.

Oooh thats so nice and it is an other Part of Pain.

I hate siblings that are morons :unamused: sure dogs doesn’t suffer he never think some animals could have died due to their different biology.

Thankfully its just a hangover.

And applefluff follows what her daddy says.

Nice chapter :+1:

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What will she eat next? Stay tuned to find out!

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Yo bro this shit is funny as hell.

I mean, who doesn’t?

Given the typical context of fluffies using “no-no” to refer to their genitals, this is fucking hilarious. Aside from that, Applefluff just might be the cutest example of fluffy behavior I’ve ever seen.

This fluffy is a booby fiend yes join the darkside

Oml fuck his brother