It’s Eddy again.
So, me and Alpha just made it to the Lich Yard. It was a long flight, it’s in a perpetually foggy forest on the outskirts of the kingdom. Not exactly a tourist hotspot.
We landed just as the sun started setting.
Erdrick enjoyed the ride in my bag of holding, and he’s disembarked. He needed to stretch his legs and relieve himself before we can get started, and he just waddled back over from the bush he did the latter in.
That’s partially why it took so long. We had to keep pulling over for bathroom breaks.
Had to put up with that on our first carriage ride to Dragonheart, too. And on the way to the bandit cave and back.
According to Cal, that’s a regular occurrence on all the excursions he’s been on. Flufftopia sells moist toilet wipes for fluffies making poopies on the go, so most humanoid ChaotiX members bring an ample supply of those when on missions with fluffy team members.
Kinda hard to be a badass when your ass is covered in shit.
They’re biodegradable, too.
But I think you get why we don’t cover every single bathroom break, readers.
Yeah, I know that he can break the fourth wall too. Shush, don’t tell 'im.
We’re outside the gates, which are open, and we can see lots of ancient gravestones inside, along with what look like crypts.
Alpha’s scanning a sign by the gates, written in Drakonian script, but I know enough Drakonian by now to translate it myself too.
“Beware the Lich Yard, of ghosts and ghouls.”
“The secrets it hides attract only fools.”
“Beyond its gates the death specter looms.”
"So turn back now, or you will meet your doom!"
“Honestly, they might as well have just written that this is Dehak’s crib, yo.”
“We should still be on guard. That sign’s not a bluff, nobody’s ever entered this place and returned to tell the tale.”
“Den hu wote da sine, daddeh?”
“If I had to guess, Erdrick? Probably whoever killed all those visitors.”
“If dey nu wan vis-it-ows, den mebbeh dey shud cwose da gates.”
“I think they do want visitors. Or rather, they want victims. Some people will go anywhere if you tell them not to go there. Maybe that’s what the sign means by the secrets it hides attract only fools.”
“Mebbeh, daddeh. Su am dey Dehak ow nu?”
“Even if it’s not Dehak, they’re still a problem. And you know what us ChaotiX can’t do when we see a problem…”
“Ding ding ding ding ding! Alright, lemme just install these things quickly before we get in there.”
Al opens his bag, taking a case out, and opens it, revealing the seven Omega Drives, glowing in all the colors of the rainbow.
Well, the colors most people can see. There’s an eighth color of the rainbow, but only people of a magical nature can see it. It’s called octarine, the color of magic, you see.
Also known as the pigment of the imagination.
Dragons are magical beings, and I have dragon blood, so I can see it too. It’s kind of a… um… sort of a fluorescent greenish purple-yellow kind of color? It’s kinda hard to describe it to someone who can’t see it.
Like trying to describe what red looks like to someone who was born blind.
Alpha starts sliding Drives into the slots on his chest, his body surging with the energies of each Drive as he does.
“You need a hand with that?”
“Nah, I’ve done it enough times. Too many times, honestly. I used to be obsessed with these things, you know.”
“Really. What do you think happened to Old Quezon City, Erdrick? I happened. Cal had gotten four of these things before me, and I destroyed Old Quezon City to coerce him into handing them over.”
Al sighs as he enters the sixth Drive, his body turning white.
"I still regret everything I did back then, but I’ve moved past it. I’ve been forgiven. And I refuse to let it define me forever. Hans made me do all of that shit, and I’d say he should rot in Hell, but I’ve gotta be realistic."
He slides the indigo Drive in, turning gold.
"And I’ve GOTTA say that gold looks good on me."
I crack a grin.
“I don’t think Dehak would know what to do with you, Al. That undead dumbass has probably never seen an anti-magic ray before. Whatever crazy-ass enchantments he’s cast on this place won’t do jack to you.”
Alpha snaps the case shut, putting it away.
"Unless he knows blood magic. And I’d say that’s likely. Sander says that any mage who is sadistic enough to shed blood on a regular basis will, sooner or later, learn blood magic, just so all the blood they’re spilling doesn’t go to waste. And from what I’ve heard, Dehak is bloodthirsty as they come. So if he DOESN’T know blood magic, I’ll eat Prommy’s hat."
“Doesn’t Sander hate it when people call it blood magic?”
“Mistah San-dew nu am hewe, daddeh.”
I pick Erdrick up, giving him a quick hug before I put him back in my bag.
“Okay, yeah. Stay in there, alright?”
“Ewdwick nu am scawedies, daddeh.”
“I know, but I’m scared for you.”
Erdrick retreats into the relative safety of my bag.
“Shall we get in there?”
"It’s just an exploratory mission, Eddy. We get in, we look around, we see what we’re dealing with. Then we leave and come back with some of our many friends to deal with it for real."
“I think that’s more caution than most adventurers around here show, Al.”
I’ve seen a few adventuring parties leave town and not come back by now. A lot of them just kick in the door, stab first, and ask questions later, and sometimes that bites them in the ass.
It wasn’t any of the ChaotiX parties now adventuring in Drakonia, we’re usually smarter than that.
Glenn, Leene and Prometheus formed a party together. Prommy’s been adventuring with Glenn before, I’ve heard. They went to Scotland to fix Glenn’s sword or something. It was long before I joined the ChaotiX. Apparently, Vic shot a couple of kids, but they were actually demons in disguise, so it was all good.
Man, I missed so much crazy shit when I was just a fluffy porn writer.
“I’m sure it’ll be fine, Al. We’re probably the two strongest people who ever entered this place. What could possibly go wrong?”
"Don’t jinx it, Eddy."
So, we pass through the gates, finally entering the Lich Yard.
The air almost immediately drops to a chilling degree.
And with a loud creak, the gates swing firmly shut behind us.
“That bodes poorly.”
As we walk among graves so old the names aren’t legible anymore, we hear something.
Lots of raspy voices, and ethereal voices, all singing as one, and it seems to come from all around us.
“Those who trespass shall meet their end…”
“Al, you hear that too, right?”
“Only lost souls to call our friends…”
“And the ghouls gathered to descend…”
Erdrick pops his head out of my bag.
“It soun kinna cweepy, an dis am Ewdwick sayin it.”
“To the Reaper’s defence!”
And suddenly, we’re surrounded. The singers reveal themselves in the most horrifying way possible.
Cold dead hands, many of which have rotted down to yellowy bone, burst out many of the graves, the rest of their bodies quickly following the hands up, and the rest of their bodies don’t look any better than the hands.
“All the warnings have been shared, and no one can say they’re unprepared!”
From the other graves, horrifying spectral beings rise up out of the dirt. They’re not as transparent as the ghosts I’ve seen usually are, or as pale. Honestly, they look a bit like those dementors from Harry Potter, and readers, please don’t tell Des I said that.
Were they human? What happened to make them like that?
“Let the enemies of the cemetery all beware!”
They surround us, and it’s clear that we’re not getting out of here without a fight.
“In the legion of the night, we give no quarter lest you run and hide!”
Erdrick retreats back into the bag just in time, as the undead hordes attack, crying out as one.
“NO PITY FROM THOSE WHO’VE TRANSCENDED LIFE!!!”
And me and Al immediately prepare for combat, Al giving me an annoyed look.
"You just HAD to jinx it, Eddy!"