"Getting High" by NobodyAtAll

Warning: spoilers for the Abuse Syndicate Saga.




Blueberry patrols his forest in his Blaukörper, with Yakko, his eldest son, riding shotgun.

The Blaukörper has a new aesthetic addition: an X in an octagon. It means what you think it means.

“See, Yakko? Am vewy yoo-suw-fwend-wee, wite?”

“Yus, daddeh. Su wut am we duin?”

“Jus pah-twow-win. An dat meen, we gun see if dewe am anee twubbwe.”

It’s been a while since we’ve checked in on the Fluffy Cartel.

They’re still the biggest herd in the forest, despite Blueberry’s brilliant idea to control the herd’s growth with a steady supply of No-Foals Treats. The other herds might breed more, but if they don’t listen to Blueberry’s friendly advice, they get themselves killed more too.

He’s warned them about the portal to Primal Earth a hundred times, but some stupid fluffies just don’t seem to get the hint, and Blueberry sincerely regrets that.

Blueberry’s been to Primal Earth a few times, with Pierre, Tommy and his Blaukörper, and he wonders why any fluffy would walk into a world full of dinosaurs alone. He knows that he wouldn’t if he didn’t have his big metal friend.

Sometimes, when nobody is looking, Blueberry talks to his Blaukörper. It doesn’t talk back, those things aren’t sentient.

He’s asked Pierre to bump up the defences around the portal. And Pierre is working on it. He thought the fluffy-proof fence was enough, and he was very surprised to learn that it wasn’t.

The No-Foals Treats aren’t mandatory. Blueberry isn’t a dictator. But if any fluffy couple in the herd feels like they’ve had enough foals, the treats are there. Yin-Yang and Karma had a second litter not long after Austin and Mercury were born, and decided that was enough.

And yes, it is possible for fluffies to ignore their hard-wired drive to breed as frequently as possible. We’ve seen that on many occasions in the past, haven’t we?

Dot, however, finally tore herself away from the dodos long enough to choose a special friend, and is now expecting. She’s in the Brownie Palace, because she’s at the helpless stage, and Muffin is taking care of her.

Dot hopes that her foals will love the dodos as much as she does.

Another fluffy in the herd, Zip, a red and white pegasus stallion with yellow eyes, crossed Threshold X, developing the power of superspeed. After training with Wally and Bolt, Zip returned to the Cartel, and now works as a messenger.

In any area with multiple feral herds, there will usually be fluffies whose designated task is to send a message to another herd when needed. They’re usually the fastest fluffies in the herd. Relatively speaking. Or the fluffies with the best memories, because it would be extremely embarrassing if they forgot what the message is, or which herd it needs to be sent to.

But Bolt and Zip are faster than most humans. And, like all X-Positive fluffies, on the same intellectual level as alicorns. So, if Dot goes into labor, Blueberry and Yakko will know immediately.

Every stallion of the little Animaniacs’ generation is extremely jealous of Dot’s special friend, Prince, one of Yin-Yang and Karma’s second litter, a black and gold unicorn stallion who would sell for a very high sum of money were he born in a professional breeding facility, but they’re trying to be civil about it.

After all, he’s dating the boss’ daughter.

Wakko is currently in the Fonda cabin’s saferoom, taking turns with Woodstock while they play on the latter’s GameFluff.

Of course, they’ve both had a bite of brownie. As Blueberry said, they keep the brownies in the Fonda cabin now, and the attempts to raid the Brownie Palace’s stash now end with the guilty party slinking off in embarrassment.

Yin-Yang and his toughies don’t even fight off the foolish fluffies who try to get some free feel-good nummies, because they know the would-be thieves will walk away empty-handed. Er, empty-hoofed. And they think it’s funny every time.

It’s currently Woodstock’s turn, and Wakko is watching the screen with interest.


Wakko doesn’t know how humans come up with this stuff.

“An dey say dat fwuffies num wots. Hey, Woodstock.”


“How yu fink dem dawts taste?”

“Woodstock nu knu. But yu knu wut Woodstock am wun-duh-win?”


“Wai Pak-Man nu num da gost see-pwaces?”

Meanwhile, about a mile or two away, a group of men in Dutch Navy uniforms make their way to Pierre’s cabin, singing together.

:musical_note:We zijn er bijna, we zijn er bijna,
maar nog niet helemaal!

Blueberry pilots the Blaukörper up to the top of a hill. They’ve got some snacks in the cockpit, so they’re having an impromptu picnic.

He pushes a button on the control panel, and the plexiglass dome retracts.

“Wook at dat vyoo, Yakko. Am dat nu byoo-tee-fuw?”

Yakko nods, seeing the two cabins and the Brownie Palace in the distance.

“Yus, daddeh.”

Blueberry points a hoof up at the sky.

“An it am eben mowe byoo-tee-fuw fwom up dewe. Bwuebewwy haf seen it. Yu wan see tuu, Yakko?”

Yakko nods again.

“Otay den.”

Blueberry pushes another button on the control panel.



The Blaukörper and its two occupants appear in the hangar of the Snowflake, the ChaotiX’s new space station.

“Um. Whewe am we, daddeh?”

“Dis am da Snowfwake, Yakko. It am a space stay-shun. We am vewy faw away fwom da Pawace nao. Yu fink Wakko an Woodstock am gittin hai wite nao? We am hai-yuh den anee uddah fwuffy wite nao.”

Blueberry pilots his Blaukörper towards the meeting room, occasionally stopping to greet any fellow ChaotiX members who happen to be aboard.

“Yo, Big Blue. What are you doing up here?”

“Bwuebewwy jus wan shu Yakko sumfin, Vic.”

“Ah, I think I can guess what. You’re gonna love it, Yakko.”

When they get to the meeting room, the Blaukörper stomps up to one of the round windows, and the father and son look down upon the Earth far below.

“See? Dat am ouw pwan-et, Yakko. Da Uwf. Dat am whewe we jus wuz.”

“It wook wike a big baww fwom up hewe.”

Blueberry grins.

“Dewe am sum dummeh hoomins dat fink da Uwf am fwat. We shud jus bwing dem up hewe, an shu dem dis. But it am su byoo-tee-fuw, huh?”

The sight is actually bringing Yakko to tears.

“Dewe am nu wowdsies. Dey shudda sent a poh-wet.”

After Yakko takes a moment to dry his eyes, the father and son return to Earth in their magnificent blue machine.



Just seconds after blipping back into the forest, several Dutch sailors, larger than the last group, walk into the Blaukörper.

As they get back up, they realize what they just walked into.

Um… Kapitein? Wat is godsnaam is dat?

Het lijkt op een soort mini-mecha!

Ik heb zoiets gezien in Mega Man X, Kapitein!

Maar is dat nou een fucking fluffy die dat ding aan het besturen is?!?

Unfortunately, Blueberry and Yakko have no idea what the sailors are saying, seeing as neither of them understand Dutch.

But Pierre’s taught Blueberry a few things to say, even if Blueberry doesn’t entirely understand what they mean.

He remembers one and decides to give it a go.

“Um… kan-kuw… uh… awp? Am Bwuebewwy sayin dat wite, yong-uns?

The sailors stare blankly up at Blueberry.

…Hij spreekt Nederlands. Hij spreekt Nederlands!

Ik wist niet dat fluffies dat konden doen!

Hoe slim is ie?!?

The sailors make a tactical withdrawal.

But they’ll be back. Wherever there are dodos still uneaten, there will be Dutch sailors.

Blueberry sighs.

“Aw, shit. Hewe we gu again. Bettew gu teww Piewwe.”


the smartest man on earth underestimates just how determined wild fluffies are to get into trouble


Well, even the smartest people can make mistakes.


true, i like to think that pierre was thinking more like a human, when he should have thought more like a fluffy. Put a small robot there, dress it up to look “scary” (really cheap costume that looks like crap to most people but is very scary for most fluffies) have it say “rawr”, and patrol back and forth near the portal. Fluffies start telling eachother about the “munstah” over there, and they know to stay away.


Has Pierre ever hear the saying “Never make anything idiot proof because there’ll be a bigger idiot?”


Knowing Pierre, he’d take it as a challenge.