Your name is Giovanni and you’re just a regular guy. You work a 9 - 6 desk job for some big corporation. Pay is good, a generous 20 annual leaves a year and the weekends off. Pretty good deal. You also saved enough to buy a house and a car. Life is good. Only one problem. You’re bored. You used to have this really good video game that you would play every weekend, but you completed that. 100%. All achievements. No other good games on sale, so you’re bored.
You do some chores. Clean the house a bit. Boring! Maybe you should hang out with your friends? Nah! Your too lazy. What to do? You don’t know. You go out to your front yard for a little walk. Just so that you can say that you have a healthy lifestyle. You hear rustling in the bushes. What the heck was that? Time to find out. You grab a rake and get in position. Legs spread wide and feet firmly rooted on the ground. Rake held up high. You thrust the back end of the rake into the bush, like some kind of spear.
Eep.
That was a cute noise. What kind of creature makes a cute noise like that. Oh. Those things. You peer inside the bush and as expected, it’s a shit rat. Ah man. Shit rats here? Another infestation? You remember news of some Fluffy research facility getting blown up by F3, but that was like hundreds of miles away. How did they end up here? Doesn’t change the fact that there was a shit rat here now.
“Pwease… pwease nu huwt babbehs n Sanny” goes the shit rat.
Sanny huh? You tell the shit rat to come out of your bushes. Sanny does as told. It’s a mare. Black fur, with a pink mane & tail. Got three babies with her. One red, one yellow and one green. Like a traffic light. You inspect her carefully. No collar. Kind of dirty. A lot of mud in her mane same for her kids. Actually looks kind of badass. Claw marks on her side, one even across her right eye. Really rocking the war vet look. Kind cool, especially for a Fluffy.
“Sanny sowwi. Nu kno dis hooman wand. Sanny wiww gu n weave hooman awone”.
+1 respect. You liked that.
Okay not a shit rat. Quiet when attacked. No sense of entitlement. Respectful. Camouflage? Definitely a forest feral. Cool one too. Fine. Let’s give her a chance.
“Wait!” You say “You can stay in that bush”.
Sanny looks at you in surprise.
“Weally mistah?” Sanny asks “Mistah otay wit Sanny n babbehs make nestie hewe?”
You nod and Sanny looks surprised, but she bows down. Fluffies know how to bow?
“Tank yu mistah!” Sanny exclaims “Babbehs say tank yu tu mistah”.
“Tank yu tu mistah” go the streetlight colored trio.
“But only the bush. I don’t want any turds on my yard” You say.
“Gat it mistah. Onwy bush. Yard iz hooman wand. Nu poopies on hooman wand”.
+1 respect. You liked that.
You go back inside. Time for lunch. What we got? Let’s go with risotto. Chicken broth. Portabella mushrooms. Parmesan cheese. Microwavable. Put it on a plate with a sausage, microwaved of course, and a glass of wine. Damn you a classy man. Put on Meme compilation #420 for that extra class. The perfect Saturday lunch. Damn that was a good lunch.
Do the dishes. Clean the table. Bored again. Maybe watch more meme videos? Nah, you wanna be productive. Fine. Let’s do garden maintenance. Go back out. Good day today. Good weather. Peaceful and quiet. You water the plants and bushes.
Eep.
Whoops you forgot about the tenants. Sanny comes out and sees you. She puffs her cheeks.
“Pwease mistah, wawa bad fo Fwuffies”.
“Oops, sorry Sanny”
Sanny stops puffing those cheeks “Iz otay mistah”.
She heads back into the bush. Huh? That it? Nothing more? You kind of thought there would be a tantrum. Pretty refreshing actually. Also that puffed cheek thing was kind of cute. You kinda wanna see it again.
“Hey Sanny!”
“Yus mistah?”
“Could you puff your cheeks again?”
Sanny looks confused, but does it anyway. Eh? Not so cute. Not like before. Weird. Wait a minute. You pour water on Sanny. Just a few drops, but she looked horrified.
“Mistah!”
You laugh and you notice her puffing her cheeks. There it is! The cute one. Only works with the angry eyes.
“Mistah dat nut funny”
You chuckle more.
“Sorry Sanny”
Sanny pouts, then giggles “Iz otay mistah, bu pwease nu mow wawa”
+1 respect. You liked that.
What? She’s actually a good sport. That’s pretty cool. You go back to tending to your garden. You’re trimming the leaves now. You hear the foals playing, but you aren’t looking.
Peep!
You look down in surprise. Whoops you almost stepped on a foal. The red one. It’s looking at you in fear, the other two are also scared. All three start crying. Sanny comes out.
“Babbehs! Nu cwy!”
“Uh… Sorry Sanny” you say.
Sanny doesn’t respond. Too busy with her foals. She’s nuzzling them to calm them down. It actually works.
“Dun botha hoomans, Mummah awways teww yu. Pway in nestie nut hooman wand. Sowwi mistah”.
Sanny and her foals go back to their nest. No other words. You’re confused. You thought she would lecture you or try to argue. You’re kind of disappointed. You wanted to see those cute puffed cheeks again. That gives you an idea.
You ain’t hungry, but you make a sandwich. You got a fantastic idea. Meatballs, tomato sauce, cheese, little bit of basil. That’s right, sketti but with no pasta, put the ingredients between two slices of white bread. Sketti sandwich. Noice. You go back out, sit next to the bushes. Take a big bite.
“Yummy!” You exclaim
One of the foals takes the bait. The yellow one.
“Nummies?” The little one goes.
“Yeah lil hombre. I’m eating sketti… In a sandwich”.
The foals give you a blank stare “wat sketti?”
Dafuq!? You look at the foal in disbelief. What? How?
“Sketti? You know the nummies all Fluffies love?” You say
“Fwuffies wuv sketti? Babbeh onwy num weaves n bewwies”.
You eye the foal suspiciously. Is it playing you? It’s got to be playing you? Aren’t all Fluffies supposed to just know and love sketti? Time to test it.
“Hey Sanny!"
“Yus mistah?”
"Look what I’m eating. Sketti sandwich”.
“Sketti sandwich? Bu sketti am nu sandwich”
Ah ha! Someone knows.
“Yummy!”
Sanny nods.
“You want some?” You ask
You ain’t actually gonna share. She says yes. You say no. You just wanna see them puffed up cheeks again… Then you’ll probably let her have it.
“Nu nee mistah. Dat yu nummies. Sanny gu fin nummies fo Sanny n babbehs”.
Sanny and her foal go back into the bush.
Dafuq?! How? You thought sketti was a drug to them. This one immune? Is Sanny actually a Fluffy?
“Hey Sanny!”
“Yus mistah?”
You pick her up.
“Wat mistah doing”
You inspect. Nope this is definitely a Fluffy. Doesn’t act like one, but it certainly is one.
“Can mistah put Sanny down?”
You put her down and eye her suspiciously. You know, she might be a government drone. Maybe the government is watching. Time to say something controversial.
“I think, the Godfather was just an okay movie”.
“Wat mistah?”
You chuckle. Man, you’re really bored today aren’t ya.
“Want me to make some nummies?” You ask
“Huh? Mistah weally make nummies fo Fwuffies?”
“Yeah?”
“Tank yu mistah”
You go back into the kitchen. No kibbles. How about biscuits? Crumbled them up in a bowl and put some milk. Does this count as nummies? You go back outside with the bowl in hand. Sanny is there sitting. She looks up at you.
“Yes?” You ask.
“Mistah mak nummies?”
“I did?”
“Eh? Mistah?”
“What?”
“Mistah nu mak nummies fo Sanny n babbehs?”
“Huh? Did I say I would make nummies?”
Sanny looks surprised, and you pretend to look confused. She has to be annoyed now. Here it comes. Puffed up cheeks.
“Dat otay mistah. If nu nummies dat otay”
Huh?
You watch Sanny walk away.
Huh? What is going on?
“Hey Sanny!”
“Yus mistah?”
You put the bowl in front of her.
“Oh nummies! Tank yu mistah! Babbehs!”
You watch the Fluffy and her foals gobble up the food.
“Dis bestest nummies ebah” the green foal cries out.
“Babbehs say tank yu tu mistah!”
“Tank yu tu mistah!” All three foals say in perfect unison.
+1 respect. You liked that.
You kinda wanna see the puffed up cheeks though. What to do?
You go back inside and watch some TV. Maybe check out what other people do to Fluffies. Damn. God Damn! That’s some brutal stuff. You ain’t gonna do that. Well not to Sanny at least. You watch some of the parn-o-agraphy to feel clean. Three girls. One bowl. That’s the good stuff. You still don’t know what to do with Sanny though. You go back outside. Your neighbor’s kid out there, little bro got the green foal in his hand, dangling it above Sanny mockingly.
“Gib babbeh bac, meanie hooman!” Sanny is shouting.
The kid is just laughing mockingly, as he continues to dangle the foal above
“Hey Kid!” You shout. You forgot his name, embarrassingly.
You see the kid tense, he stands to attention “Hi… Hi Mr. Vanni” he says.
“Trade you the foal for a Packermon Card”
Kid’s eyes light up “Absolutely!”
You go inside. You get a Charlizard card and give it to the kid. You wonder when Packermon Cards became a thing again, but it is nice to see love for the old cartoon. Kid gives you the foal and runs off.
“Thanks Mr. Vanni!” He says with a smile.
You wave goodbye to the kid and then look at Sanny
“Tank yu fo sabing babbeh, mistah”
You grin. Time to make her puff them cheeks. You dangle the foal above her mockingly. Little green is just looking at you confused. Same as Sanny.
“Mistah gib babbeh weiwd huggies” Sanny comments.
What the? You toss her back the foal in confusion.
“Tanks mistah!”
You watch Sanny run off. You’re confused. What is going on?!
You go back inside and watch more meme videos. You are bored. It is getting dark. Time to mess with Sanny again.
“Hey Sanny!”
“Yus mistah?”
“It’s almost night time. Be careful out there, as there are a lot of monsters that like to eat Fluffies. They hide in the darkness waiting for you to close your eyes and then, boo! They eat you in one bite”.
That’s bound to scare her. Then you tell her it’s a joke and she makes those cute puffed up cheeks. Except that doesn’t happen. Sanny just nods with a calm look.
“Sanny kno mistah. Hab scwatchies fwom munstah. Sanny kno wat tu do, bu tank yu fo tewwing Sanny”.
Sanny goes back into her bush, not even looking the slightest scared. You’re just stunned.
+5 respect. You liked that. What a badass.
You go back inside.
You spend the night reading on Fluffy care.
It’s morning again. Like your hero Ol’ Sol boy, you stare out the window and stretch your arms out high.
“Praising the Sun” you say with the conviction of a true believer.
Praising the Sun indeed, for it is Sun Day.
You go outside to check on Sanny. You look at your front yard. You realize something. It is clean. Clean, as in no Fluffy feces anywhere. Sanny really kept her word about the no poop on human land thing, huh?
+1 respect. You liked that.
“Hey Sanny!”
“Yus mistah?”
You see Sanny come out of her bush.
“What you gonna do today?”
“Sanny wook fo nummies. Iz getting coldie so Sanny nee tu make nummie piwe befo weally coldie times”.
You nod. That’s a very sensible move.
“Where you gonna look?”
Sanny looks around, then points at the forest nearby.
“Obah dere. Shud be weaf nummies n bewwies. Twees stiww hab weafies su shud stiww be gud to nummie”
You nod in agreement.
“Aren’t you scared of the forest monsters?”
Sanny nods “Munstahs scawy bu Sanny nee be bwave o babbeh hab hungwies”.
+1 respect. You liked that.
“How about I give you nummies?”
Sanny looks surprised, then looked confused.
“Mistah gib wast bwight time n den dis bwight time. Dun mistah nee sabe nummies fo coldie times?”
You laugh. That’s a Fluffy alright.
“It’s okay. I have a lot of nummies. Like a lot a lot”.
Sanny looks surprised again, but smiled.
“Mistah hab wots of nummies? Dat su coow. Mistah must be bestest nummie findeh ebah. Can mistah teach Sanny hao tu fin nummies as gud as mistah?”
Ask the fisherman for a fish, you get fish for a day. Ask the fisherman how to fish, you get fish for life. But you didn’t think a Fluffy would get that. Also you technically don’t know how to fish in this metaphor.
+5 respect. You liked that. What a badass.
You stare at Sanny suspiciously. You sure she’s a Fluffy? Aren’t they supposed to be incompetent? They are definitely supposed to be entitled, so why she different? Well she currently has 16 respect points, so maybe let her stay over for a bit?
“Wanna stay at my house and play for a while?”
Sanny looks surprise, but shakes her head.
“Nu can pway mistah, nee fin nummies befo coldie time”.
“Wait!”
You go to the kitchen. Get some more biscuits and drown it in milk. You go back outside and give Sanny the bowl. Sanny looks surprised.
“Hao mistah hab su many nummies?”
“Human magic”
“WOW! Sanny wan leawn Hooman magic!”
“Sorry. Humans only”.
Sanny looks disappointed “Otay mistah”
That was cute. Sanny and her foals starting eating. Kind of cute.
“Babbehs say tank yu tu mistah!”
“Tank yu tu mistah!” All three foals say again in perfect unison.
You smile and go inside. Time for breakfast. Nails. Without milk. You wish. You ain’t a badass. Only oats. With milk. You go back outside with your own bowl. Start eating breakfast with the Fluffies.
“So you wanna come over and play?”
All three foals are cheering. “Wan pway!” They say
Sanny looks conflicted, but finally nods.
“Otay. Babbehs pway wit mistah dis bwight time, bu next bwight time nee stay in nestie n hidesie while Sanny wook fo nummies”.
All three foals cheer. Sanny helps them up the steps to your porch. You notice the dirt. Shit they kind of dirty huh?
“Hey Sanny!”
“Yus mistah?”
“Is it okay if I give you and your foals a bath first?”
All four Fluffies look horrified.
“Wawa bad fo Fwuffy!” Sanny cries.
“Ah come on! I’ll bet you guys will enjoy it”
Sanny and the foals all look suspicious. Kind of feels like that Whatchu talkin bout willis kid, but they agree.
“Otay. Sanny and foals twy bathsie”.
You know what to do. You read this in those care guides. Half inch of water in the tub. Make them bubbles with liquid soap. Perform a magic spell (Sing the Rubbing duckie song) Viola! Gorgeous bubble bath. Sanny and the foals love it. Three foals running about. Sanny on her bum. Rub a dub dub. Scrub them clean. Four fresh Fluffies, nice and lean. You bring them out. Four clean Fluffies. Damn they all look kinda nice. Sanny especially. Black fur. Pink mane and tail. Like that girl group. Pink Black?
“Wets pway!” Says the yellow foal.
“Pway” the other two foals add.
Cute. You got to your bed room. Grab some stuff. A tennis ball, a stuffed toy and an abacus. Give em to the foals. Watch them play. Red hits the ball. Yellow plays with the abacus. Green hugs the bear. Cute stuff. You see the appeal. Now you get why Hugboxers exist.
You notice Sanny sat on the side, just watching.
“Hey Sanny!”
“Yus mistah?”
“Dun wanna pway?”
Damn you actually starting to speak like a Fluffy. Sanny smiles, but shakes her head.
“Sanny otay”
You give her a suspicious look. Then pick her up.
“Cuddle time!”
You give her a hug. Sanny seems surprise, but loves it. You hear her squeal. Foals want hugs too. Family hug. Guess your family too. Rest of day goes by fast. Playing. Eating lunch. Watching TV. Showed them cartoons. The Sponge one. Blue dog as well, the one with clues. It’s night time now.
“Wuv mistah” Sanny says.
You grin. Time to finish your plan.
“Hey Sanny!”
“Yus mistah?”
“Wanna be my Fluffy, you and your foals?”
“Mistah be daddeh fo Sanny and babbehs?!”
“Yup! You want that?”
Sanny starts nodding. Her babies too.
“Wan! Wan! Wan!” All of them cheer.
You pick them up. Group hug. All the Fluffies cheer. You walk outside. None of them noticed. You drop em on the porch. All four Fluffies looked surprised.
“Tricked ya!” You shout with a grin.
“Wat?”
“You’ve been tricked! I don’t need a Fluffy!”
Sanny looks shocked. The foals too. Those faces are great, then it finally comes. There it is! The puffed up cheeks and angry eyes. That’s what you’ve been waiting for!
You slam the door.
That was fun.
It is Monday.
Time to get back to work. You wake up with up a solemn look and look at the clock. 07:25 am. Good. Five minutes to have an existential crisis. Why must people work? Why is my purpose in life? Why am I alive? The alarm rings. You are now ready for the week.
You get out of bed. Make yourself breakfast. Take a shower. Get changed.
You’re ready to go to work. Oh wait. One more thing.
“Hey Sanny!”
“Yus daddeh?”
You stare at your make shift Fluffy pen. Sanny and her foals are all comfy. You weren’t actually gonna leave them out there yesterday. You’re a Hugboxer now.
“You’re stupid”
Sanny looks shocked then gives you those puffed out cheeks and angry eyes. Okay not full Hugboxer.
“Nu yu stewpid, daddeh!”
You grin and so does Sanny. Time to go to work.
“Be a good Fluffy, okay?”
“Otay! Wub yu daddeh!”
“Same for my traffic light trio!”
“Otay! Thank yu tu daddeh!” Say those three in unison.
Ah one more for the road.
“Hey Sanny!”
“Yus daddeh?”
“Luv ya”
“Wuv ya daddeh!”
You smile. You head to work.
Little Hugbox to break away from all my abuse stories
