"Inhuman" Part 7 by NobodyAtAll

Part 6

I open my eyes, my vision blurry.

Where am I?

And how the fuck are you still alive?

Niv. Gift horse. Mouth.

Can you guys keep it down? My head is pounding.

I don’t remember drinking any Skull Smash today.

But that’s Skull Smash’s signature move.

“Come on Gam, let’s get that vat open…”

Oh. I must be back on Earth. At the School’s medbay, I think. My vision is clearing.

How did I get here? The last thing I remember is…

Oh.

“Where… what…”

“Uncle Cal?!? You’re awake?!?”

Oh, so that’s how I got here.

“Gamma. Beta. SITREP.”

“Dad just contacted us, he’s back on Earth with Uncle Prommy and Mar. And what’s left of the Caldroid 2.0.”

“Cal, you should probably get some rest–”

“Not now. So it’s gone?”

They quickly fill me in, as I quickly scarf down some protein bars.

They’ll do for now. I will need to rest soon.

“Cut its head off, huh? Heh, I was gonna do that. I’ve gotta thank Konba later. Alright. What’s the situation out there like?”

“They’ve got it under control, Cal. Hans and his pals are either dead or captive, and same goes for their forces.”

“Then let’s go.”

“But Cal–”

“But nothing, Beta. I’m sorry, but until Hans is dealt with, I can’t rest. Let’s go.

“Alright, I’ll blip you there. Gam, you catch up.”

“Of course, Mom.”

blip


blip

Beta and I appear in the heart of the city, heavily trashed by Hans’ forces.

blip

So does Gamma.

I see bodies of werewolves, Stoneheads, and zombie fluffies.

I see Pierre, Deston, Annette, Rex, and Kobul surrounding Hans, looking like me, struggling in Quin’s silver death grip.

He’s got a silver bracelet and a power dampener strapped on. Quin was keeping those in his bag of holding just in case he ran into Hans.

Pierre’s got his laser scythe, or photonic scythe, as he calls it, and it looks exactly as cool as I expected it to look.

I see Garm, looking like he went through a wood chipper, and Mhortur, who’s going to need a pair of dentures when he wakes up, both lying at Hans’ feet.

I see the rest of the ChaotiX, sans Reggae, Mortis, and Future Marley.

blip

Alpha, Present Marley and Prometheus appear, the two robots still golden, Alpha carrying the Caldroid 2.0’s head.

Prometheus is holding the rest of the bastard, including the arm I severed.

I step up with them, and Alpha and Prometheus dump the destroyed robot with Hans’ other two cohorts.

:musical_note:See me in your town with the pounds of the haze…:musical_note:

“Oh fuck you, Korkea!”

“No, Hans. Fuck you.

“Hiya, Daddy. The new look does NOT suit you.”

“Projekt Caldroid. What have you done to your successor?”

“Tore it to shreds. We’ll be examining it later. We’re going to have to do something about that glowing thing, too. But that can wait. See, I made a promise to Robot Jesus today, Hans.”

“There’s no such thing as Robot Jesus, idiot.”

Pierre chuckles.

“Give me a week or two. Three, tops.”

Fucking Pierre.

“You know it, Hans.”

“Anyway, Hans, the promise I made was…”

Alpha pops a silver wrist spike.

SHINK

“…that I was gonna CARVE MY NAME into you if you called me Projekt Caldroid again. Quin, keep him still for me.”

“You got it, Al.”

Halt, stopp! Nein, nicht!

You’re probably gonna wanna look away, dear readers.


Meanwhile, in England, in the forest surrounding Annette’s cottage, half a dozen fluffies from the local herd surround Demeter, the lower half of her mutilated wooden body firmly lodged in the ground, and urinate on her.

“Am it jus fwuffy, ow du nyu peepee stick wook kinna wike a owd hoomin wady?”

“Huh. Fwuffy see it tuu. Oh weww.”

“Ack… bmm… ncch… sscchhhcch…”

“Wai peepee stick make dem soundies wen hewd make peepees awn it?”

“Nice owd magic wady sed tu nu woh-wee abowt dat.”

Invisible to mortal eyes, Future Marley, still in nephilim form, guards Demeter, closely monitoring her.

She can see him.

And the grin on his face.


Alpha takes a step back, retracting the wrist spike, and admires his handiwork on Hans’ forehead.

ꪖ​ꪶρꫝꪖ​

Alpha does a chef’s kiss, a satisfied look on his face.

“Beautiful. And now… Miles? I think YOU made a promise too.”

Miles steps up, turned to silver too.

“Damn right I did. Give him here, mate.”

Quin does so.

Once Hans is securely held in Miles’ death grip, Quin takes a few steps back.

Mein Gott, what now–”

WHAM

And then Quin runs at Hans and kicks him square in the balls.

As Hans lets out a foal-esque squeak, Quin smiles, and the rest of us laugh.

“That’s the least you deserve for everything you’ve done.”

I nod, drawing the Sword of Kings.

“Indeed. Hans, you have been a pain in the ass for far too long. So here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m going to kill you.”

SLASH

I cut his head off.

With his clone body dead, he’s forced out, revealing himself in all his demonic glory.

“Scheiße.”

“And then I’m going to kill you again. Fucking stay dead this time, you hack.

SLASH

And then I cut his head off again.

Just. Like. That.

I love it, Cal! He was expecting to go out in a blaze of glory! He wanted a big, dramatic, climactic showdown! Denied, bitch!

Exactly. Why give him what he wanted?

This was all a lot easier than I expected after seeing that recording.

Fi, that recording is why it was easier.

Because this time around, we knew what was coming. Without that recording, I would have fought the bastard here, on Earth.

I think that is what made all the difference.

I gotta find a way to reward Jack for this.

Because, technically, he’s the one who saved the universe this time.

And, technically, he died to make it happen, for keeps.

He wasn’t even here, though. I’m pretty sure he spent the whole time in Victor’s cabin. Hoo boy, what do you think they got up to while we were fighting? You think they… y’know? I wouldn’t put it past Vic…

There’s no need to pry, Niv.

Thank you, Fi.

Knowing Victor, he’ll probably just tell Cal if he got intimate with Jack.

Ha! That’s Vic, alright!


As the remains of Hans Stahlberg fall to the ground, joining his other remains, the Death of Demons appears.

CALVIN. GOOD WORK. I WAS HOPING TO BRING HIM BACK TO HELL, BUT I CAN SETTLE FOR THIS. I GUESS I WAS JUST A LITTLE BIT TOO LATE.

One of his burning red pinprick eyes flickers for a second.

THEY WON’T BE HAPPY ABOUT THIS DOWN THERE, THOUGH. IT’S LEFT A LOT OF UNANSWERED QUESTIONS.

Pierre, turning his photonic scythe off, speaks up.

I can answer one question, I believe. How Hans got out. He mentioned business partners, and a deal that involved him sending all of our souls to Hell.”

OH, MY PEOPLE KNEW ABOUT THAT. BUT AZRAEL SAID WE COULDN’T TELL ANYONE UNLESS HANS SPILLED THE BEANS HIMSELF. DON’T ASK ME WHY, BUT NOW I CAN TELL THE BOYS DOWN THERE. GOOD WORK, PIERRE.

And like that, the Death of Demons vanishes.

Marley waddles up to me.

“Su… am dat it? Am it oba?”

“The fighting part is. But we’ve got a lot of unanswered questions, like Big Red said. Like, how did old Jack get those power dampening nanomachines in his system?”

Pierre looks down at the wreckage of the Caldroid 2.0.

“If I had to guess, I’d have to say this piece of junk was involved.”

“Why didn’t it just use them on me?

“Perhaps Hans wanted to prove a point, and have his creation defeat you at your best.

“Yeah, that tracks for him.”

“But if it am des-twoyed, den dat meen…”

“Doc, go tell Valerie to check if old Jack’s corpse is still existent. If it’s not, tell Vic that he can take present Jack home. We’re probably going to have to look into the whole world-ending entity inside the planet thing, too. And Miles?”

“Yeah, Cal?”

“Please catch me, I’m about to fa–”

And then I pass out.

Part 8 (Denouement)

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