"Lavender: Death Metal" by NobodyAtAll

Warning: spoilers for the Intergalactic Tournament, Universal Tour and God of Destruction Sagas.

Note: read “BAMF!” and “Born In The Shadow, With Blade Of The Light” first.


You are Lavender, and you feel worried.

You don’t know why you feel worried.

Everything on the fawm is great. Everyone’s happy.

Keith finally became a talkie babbeh.

Took him long enough.

Hoomins.

And the housie for your old daddeh and aunt Amy, and cousin James and Lilah is finished.

It’s nice! It’s out at the edge of the fawm, near another fawm.

The family living there has always gotten along with your family, your daddeh said.

“The Weissmans are solid, dependable people, Lav. Hey, you know Dave, right? His mom grew up on the Weissman farm. I think I caught Bad Chris spying on her once, but he insisted that he was just bird watching.”

You don’t know what that’s about, but you’ve met the Weissmans before, and they’re just as nice as mistah Dave is these bwite times.


And things are going smoothly with the Kay-oh-tiks.

More or less.

You and uncle Klaus went to a pwanet called Puppup to get a magic rockie.

The ayy-wee-enns living on Puppup look like barkie friends, and they’re nice!

But your “skwad”, as mistah Cal calls it, got there too late. The bad mistahs who wanted all the rockies had gotten the one on Puppup first.

And left a real mess behind.

You had seen one of the bad mistahs before. Mistah Cal fought him, at the end of the Intergalactic Tournament. Duwen, the bad mistah was called.

Your whole family was watching it from the fawm, on the teebee. You and your fluffy friends were all worried when mistah Cal started taking a standing-up napsie, but then mistah Cal started doing this weird gold and silver thing, and kicked Duwen’s poopie place.

Duwen wanted to win, so he could use the wish to get a bunch of rockies.

But because he lost, him and his bwuddah Scha decided to get the rockies the slow way.

And really bad things would happen if they did get them, so the Kay-oh-tiks went to go get the rockies first.

Then, after the Kay-oh-tiks got all of the rockies, Duwen tried to get into the Towah, where the rockies were.

The entire Kay-oh-tiks fought him. All the Kay-oh-tiks who can do the floaty thing used it to hold him still, and all of you had booboo-juice coming out of your nosies afterwards.

How strong was he?

And then Scha somehow got all the rockies anyway.

And made a big big big munstah come out of them.

And then the munstah nummed Scha, but he didn’t go forever sleepies, like you thought happens to someone who gets nummed, but he instead took control of it somehow.

The munstah stomped on Duwen. He went forever sleepies, just like that.

You thought it was disappointing, because you had seen mistah Cal having such a hard time with Duwen at the Tournament.

And mistah Cal is the strongest hoomin you know! If he was having a hard time with Duwen, Duwen must have been really really strong!

You wonder how Duwen became that strong, and if you could do it too.

Then mistah Cal and Marley made the munstah go forever sleepies with big big big woh-buts that look like them, called mekkas.

You didn’t get to see that, they all went through a big round green slimy thing, but mistah Cal told everyone what happened when he and Marley came back.

Apparently, a pwanet went boom.

But nobody was living on that pwanet anymore, so it wasn’t a big deal.


Other than that, it’s been business as usual.

You’ve been working for the Kay-oh-tiks, telling no-housie fluffies in the sitty how to get to the boxies where they can go to the Foun-day-shun.

And occasionally using your floaty thing on bad hoomins who want to give those fluffies forever sleepies.

But you’ve noticed that there are fewer and fewer bad hoomins who like hurting fluffies in the sitty these bwite times.

You don’t know where they’re going, but you don’t care.

As long as they’re not hurting fluffies.


Right now, it’s beddie time.

All the fluffies are in the saferoom, except Eddie. He’s in the new housie, with cousin James and Lilah.

Well, that makes sense. He’s their fluffy.

Daisy is a soon-mummah now. Your daddeh decided to let you all have babbehs again, and because you and Oak went first last time, you decided to let Daisy and Elm go first this time.

All the fluffies are asleep, except you and Oak.

You can’t sleep because you’re trying to figure out why you’re worried, and Oak can’t sleep because he’s worried about you not being able to sleep.

“Wavendew, du yu nee Oak tu caww daddeh fow da oiwie wawas?”

“Mebbeh dat wud hewp…”

But you can already feel your daddeh coming.

There’s a cah-meh-wuh in the saferoom.

So you think your daddeh already knows you can’t sleep.


Once your daddeh puts the oilie wawas that you share your name with on your beddie, you finally fall asleep.

And you have a bad sleepy picture again.

It’s a lot like your last one. The whole fawm has burnies, and everyone on it has burnies too.

Everyone except you.

And there’s a voice laughing all around you, saying things you don’t understand.

Mein Traum mag tot sein, aber tot heißt nicht erloschen! Ich bin unvermeidlich!

And, of course, there’s a munstah.

A metal munstah, that looks like mistah Cal.

But unlike mistah Alpha, who turned out to actually be rather nice, this one looks even more like a munstah. It’s bigger, and darker.

It looks down at you with glowing red see-places, and you look back up.

“Wai… wai am yu duin dis?”

“…”

Weww?!? Say sumfing! Aneefing! Dewe haf tu be a wee-sun dat yu am duin dis!”

“…”

Why won’t it say anything?!?

It lifts a metal footsie up.

“…”

STOMP

And then it stomps you.

And then you wake up.

And then you start screaming.

Aw, poopies.

Here we go, yet again.

3 Likes

traum is a non so Traum.
Also “Ich mag tot sein, aber mein Traum lebt weiter!” sound a bit better. Roughly translated it means “While I may be dead, my dreams lives on/keeps on.”

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It was supposed to be “my dream is dead, but dead doesn’t mean gone”.

Essentially throwing the ChaotiX’s words back in their faces. Because they’ve told him that his dream is dead multiple times.

Plus, “dead doesn’t mean gone” has popped up a few times.

I like the whole “arc words” thing.

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aber tot heißt nicht weg could be better as “aber tot heißt nicht erloschen”.

1 Like