"Metallic Madness" Part 9 by NobodyAtAll

Part 8

The four of us fight our way through the streets, running towards Hans.

Kirk grabs Marley, in ball form, throwing him at a robot bee.


“What’s our strategy, Cal?”

I grab a robotic crab, leaping up and slamming it into another one.


“We need to find his weakness! But what’s his weakness?”

The groin, traditionally.

I can’t deny that blows to the groin have gotten results in the past.

Miles ensnares robots with webs.



You, mate?”

“I don’t live rent free in his head like the old Hans, Miles! This Hans doesn’t remember all the times we thwarted him!”

Marley shoves an energy blast into a robot monkey’s face.


“Daddeh wibe went fwee in Vanessa head!”

Miles snaps his fingers.

“That’s it! That’s their weakness! If we can get them squabbling with each other…”

Kirk grins, punching a robot mantis away.


“That’ll open them up to a flanking maneuver! Brilliant, bog-trotter-- I mean, Miles!”

“I’m only one quarter Irish, mate.”

“Sorry. The one drop rule was pretty big back in my day. I still need to apologize to that fa-- blond man and that ni-- big black guy.”

I steer my legs over to Kirk, patting him on the back.

“Their names are Jackson and Roland, but we usually call them Jack and Rocky.”

“I have to ask, are they–”

“They’re just friends, Kirk. Rocky’s got a girlfriend. Jack’s currently single, I think. He dated a caveman for a while.”

“A caveman? I missed a lot when I was on ice, didn’t I?”

Marley laughs.

“Budee, yu nu knu da hawf of it.”

I nod.

“We can fill you in while we take care of that conditioning. Okay, I’m gonna go ahead and rile the MetalliX up! As soon as you see an opportunity, take it!


I push myself up to top speed, plowing through robots.

Meanwhile, the ChaotiX fights the robotic legions, but aren’t having much success.


Jack cuts Zeit Mann in half, but the two halves just reattach themselves.


“Getting tired, time-meddler? You can’t outlast a perfect machine.”


“SHUT IT!!!”


Asimov, still wired into Erwin’s Stahlkörper 2.0, punches Mumm Mann to bits, but again, the bits reassemble themselves.

“Doctow! Widdwe hewp hewe!”

Erwin fires energy blasts at Schlechtniks, back to back with Pierre, who is hacking and slashing Schlechtniks with his photonic scythe.

“I’m a little busy right now, Asimov!”

Wally is running to and fro, working to get any innocent bystanders still around out of the way.


Judy casts Omega power-enhanced spells at Metal Judy, clashing with its anti-magical rays.



“I can’t feel pain, you stupid bitch–”


Blueberry, his Blaukörper glowing gold once more, sends Metal Judy flying.


Metal Judy flies back.

“Faker? She’s the faker around here.”

Judy laughs.


“Didn’t you already learn that plane shifting me won’t work?”

“I wasn’t plane shifting you.


A massive mass of writhing, spiky tentacles appears behind Metal Judy.

The robot turns around, seeing the mass.

“Oh no. Not one of those!”

The insatiably horny spiked tentacle monster chases Metal Judy off the battlefield.


Judy sarcastically waves goodbye.

“Don’t worry, it can make some! Des, don’t lose track of that thing!”

Deston nods, turning robots into toy soldiers, only to see them turn back on their own.

“I’ll send someone to send it home when it’s done with that scrapheap, Judy. Mutyz!

Alpha and Omega grab either side of Metal Calvin and pull.


They tear it in half.

But like Zeit Mann, the halves just reattach themselves.

“Irritated outburst: I’m so sick of this shit, Al!”

"It’s all up to Cal and the others, Om! We just need to hold out for as long as we can!"

“Blunt remark: we can’t do this forever.”

I fly up to the head of the Titanenmonarch.

“Hey, Hans! Yoohoo!”

"Herr Korkea. DIE."

He swings a massive fist at me, but I just barely dodge it.


“So, I’ve gotta ask you something! That ultimate power you’re wielding… you aren’t sharing it with your friends, are you?”

"There are seven other Stones of Octavo. We’ve worked out an arrangement. Two for each of us."

He swings again, and I dodge again.


“Yeah, but are you gonna stick to that arrangement? Are you gonna be happy with two, when you could have eight? How do your buddies know that you won’t take all that power for yourself? How do you know that they won’t do that?”

He swings a third time, and I teleport out of the way.



"Because we trust each other. You understand the power of trust, yes?"

Pur-lease! The Hans I know backstabbed a lot of people! What makes you any different from all the other backups of him?”

"I am NOT the Hans you know, Herr Korkea. And I am tired of your questions. I said DIE."

He raises a giant metal hand.


And Devil Island appears, floating up in the air, its shadow falling over the city.

"Die with this city!"

He sweeps his hand down, and the island starts falling towards the city.


I fly off, returning to the others.

Up in the Titanenmonarch’s command center, Hans slouches in a metal throne, where the red bubble used to be.

He’s controlling the Titanenmonarch with his thoughts, now.

"Does Herr Korkea really think that he can disrupt our alliance?"

Vanessa smiles.

“He underestimated our bond, Hans. He thought a few words would break us apart.”

Demeter nods.

“But we hold all the cards here. I can’t wait to see him and all his friends die.”

Argyrum slithers over to Hans.

"Hmm? Well, yes, all of our forces are in the city too. But I can recreate them. As many times as I need to."

Hans casually examines his hand, red electricity crackling between his fingertips.

"I could get used to this. If this is what just one of those things can do, imagine what I could do with all eight…"

“…Hans, you mean we, right?”

"Oh, of course, Vanessa. My mistake."

Vanessa and Demeter shoot each other cautious looks.

"I felt that, ladies. It’s just the power high talking, is all. I’m sure I’ll be alright once I’ve acclimated to the power."

That doesn’t seem to reassure the others.

I reunite with the others, the four of us hovering above the streets, looking up at the descending island.

“Come on, guys. All together.”

Me and Marley charge energy blasts, Kirk charges an energy spear, and Miles charges a lightning bolt.

“Am dis gunna be enuff, daddeh?”

“I hope so, Mar. Come on! NOW!!!”

We unleash our blasts on the island, screaming like wild animals.





But it doesn’t work.

As the island draws closer to the city, we see why it didn’t work.

A translucent red force field, surrounding the entire island.

But we’ve been here before! Use the Sword of Kings! You’ve got your hands free this time!

I don’t know if the Sword of Kings can match the power of a Stone of Octavo, Niv.

But we can’t do nothing, Fi!

Gene flies over to us, in uniform and holding a silver briefcase.

“Cal! Cal, listen!”

“Gene! So you know the sitch?”

He opens the briefcase, revealing the two containment units with the two Stones of Octavo we recovered from the battle against Vulcanus. The blue and orange ones.

“Yeah, the Commander knows what we need. But how are you going to use them? Organic beings can’t wield that power like Vulcanus and Hans do!”

I open one container, holding the blue one.

“Not directly, no. But see, here’s the thing, Gene.”

I pluck the Stone out with an armor-encased finger, placing it on my chest plate, and the adamantium nanomachines move it to the helmet, on my forehead, glowing blue lines of energy spreading throughout the armor.

I grit my teeth as I feel the power. It’s not as bad as when I held it in my bare hand. It hurts, but it’s not agony.

Fucking Valerie plans for everything.

I open the other container for Marley, and place the orange Stone on his armor’s chest plate.

He cries out in pain, as glowing orange lines spread across his armor, the Stone moving to his helmet’s forehead.

“Guh! Ooh, dat smawts!”

Gene gapes at us.

“It’s not killing you! How?”

I laugh.

“Like I said, Valerie thinks of everything. She gets that from her dad. She thought we might have to do this.”

“End this quickly, Cal!”

“Right. First things first: that island. Mar, you remember what Val said, right? Entirely focused on a singular goal.”

“Yus, daddeh.”

I point a hand up at the island, and Marley points a hoof at it.

We focus as hard as we can.

The entire city starts shaking.



The island is gone.

The Titanenmonarch glares at us.

"Where is it, Herr Korkea?"

“Where you found it, Hans.”

"Ah, yes. You have two Stones. Thank you for bringing them to me, Herr Korkea."

“Me? Not us?

In the command center, Vanessa glares at Hans.

“That’s the second time you’ve done that, Hans. Maybe you should let one of us take over for a bit–”

"I am FINE, Vanessa."

Demeter chuckles.

Are you? Hans, I’m starting to wonder if Korkea doesn’t have a point.”

"That’s what he WANTS you to think! Do you really trust him over me, Demeter? Don’t forget: I put you two in those Stahlkörpers, and I can take you OUT of them!"

Vanessa gasps.

“Hans, how can you say that? We are to be the King and Queen of the new world, are we not?”

Hans chuckles.

"Whose idea was all of this, Vanessa? Without me, you’d still be rotting in prison. Without me, you’d still be a frail old fleshbag! Everything you have, you owe to ME! Now sit down and be quiet while I kill Herr Korkea and his shitrat!"

“…So it’s like that, is it?”

Vanessa gets up, gesturing for Demeter to do the same.

"Where are you going?"

Vanessa smiles.

“We’re leaving. When you feel like apologizing for what you just said, come find us. If you get out of this, that is. Argyrum, are you coming too?”

Argyrum doesn’t move from their current position in Hans’ lap.

"Argyrum is staying with me, and so are you."


Suddenly, Vanessa and Demeter are both sitting down again, bound by glowing red chains.

"Perhaps I do not need a Queen after all. Consider yourself demoted to concubine, Vanessa. And you, Demeter. Now, back to business."

I laugh at Hans. We heard his side of the conversation, and worked out the gist of Vanessa and Demeter’s side.

“Oh, relationship trouble? So soon after the honeymoon? Have you considered couples counseling, Hans?”

"Very funny, Herr Korkea. Now, here’s my ultimatum. Give me the Stones, or I kill every last one of your allies."

“Why should I accept this ultimatum?”

“We gut too. Yu onwy gut wun.

"But I can tap into more power than you can, even with only one Stone. If you harnessed the full power of those Stones, it would burn your flesh, boil your blood, shatter your bones. But I have no flesh to burn. No blood to boil. No bones to shatter. Could you annihilate me before the power annihilates YOU?"

I hate to say it, but he’s right. These nano armors might be able to let us safely tap into some of the Stone’s power, but…

We’re still organic inside the armors. Using the full power of the Stones would kill us.

And there’s no guarantee that we’d take Hans down with us.

But here’s what he doesn’t get, dear readers:

We’re not trying to defeat him.

We’re just the distraction.

Perhaps I should point out that Miles and Kirk aren’t here anymore.

Guess where they are.

Hovering by the back of the Titanenmonarch’s head, Miles turns to Kirk.

“You’re up, mate. Get me in there.”

Kirk lifts a fist up.

“Alright. But I don’t know what we’re gonna do next.”

“Leave it to me.”


Schatten punches a hole in the Titanenmonarch, and Miles flies inside, into the command center.


"Argyrum? Please move."

Argyrum slithers off Hans’ lap, and Hans floats up into the air, turning to Miles, idly pointing a finger at him.



Hans fires a finger beam at Miles, but only strikes an afterimage.

“Missed me, cunt!”

Hans turns again, seeing Miles giving him the finger.


But only blasts another afterimage.



Miles zips around the command center, leaving afterimage after afterimage.


Hans keeps trying to kill Miles, but keeps hitting afterimages, riddling the command center full of holes.

Then Hans roars, clenching his fists.


Miles is slammed into a wall, and so are Vanessa, Demeter, and Argyrum, all four of them sliding to the floor.

"You thought you could outsmart ME, ginger? NOBODY outsmarts me! I do the outsmarting!"

Miles laughs, pointing behind Hans.

“Then outsmart that.

Hans turns around.

Seeing Kirk lunge at him, wreathed in red and black flames.



Kirk punches Hans in the gut, so hard that the Stone of Octavo is forced out of his mechanical body.

Hans falls to the floor, and the Titanenmonarch goes dark, falling forwards.

When it hits the ground, there’s a deafening crash.

Me and Marley land with Gene, seeing at least an entire city block crushed by the Titanenmonarch.

Fortunately, nobody was in the way.

The fighting has stopped. There’s nothing powering all of those robots anymore.

The red Stone of Octavo bounces towards us from the Titanenmonarch, and I see Miles and Kirk flying towards us, Miles carrying Vanessa, Kirk carrying Demeter.

“Are you guys okay?”

“A bit scuffed, mate, but we’ll be fine!”

“Can’t say the same for Hans, though. Or Argyrum.”

I scoop the Stone up, putting all three Stones in containment units, handing the containers to Gene, who puts them in the briefcase.

“Now we’ve got three. Put them somewhere safe, Gene.”

Gene nods.

“Don’t worry, Cal. I’m sure we can–”



Something big and rounded flies out of the wreckage of the Titanenmonarch, past us, and it takes us a few seconds to realize what just happened.

The briefcase is gone, and Hans, in his flying contraption, is flying up into the air, Argyrum waving goodbye to us.

“None of you can breathe in space, can you? Auf Wiedersehen, Herr Korkea! Wir sehen uns wieder!”

He’s right. We CAN’T breathe in space.

But Valerie took that into account too, didn’t she?

I was hoping I wouldn’t have to go into space today.

“Miles! Mar! Let’s go!”

“Wut abowt Kiwk, daddeh?”

“He doesn’t have anything that lets him breathe in a vacuum! I’m sorry to leave you behind, Kirk.”

Kirk smiles at me.

“Don’t be. Just give him one for me. Get moving, Cal!”


Me, Marley and Miles take off, following Hans into the upper atmosphere.

Part 10