"One Man Army" by NobodyAtAll

Warning: spoilers for the Order of Darkness Saga and the Fiendlord Saga. Read “What Happens If We Fail” first.


Two individuals, a human man and a green stallion, both clad in shiny silver helmets and armor, enter a vast place filled with highly advanced technology via one of many large portals. Behind them, a oblong silver box, large enough for a person to fit inside, is floating, following them.

The portal through which the duo entered this place is marked 1999.

By now, you should be aware that the Inn Between Worlds is a place that exists outside of conventional time and space. That it exists, precisely as the name implies, between worlds.

But the Inn isn’t the only place like that.

This place also exists outside of time and space, and is the headquarters of a very special group of people, who do very special things.

There are a lot of other people here, many of whom have fluffies too. A lot of them are entering and exiting portals.

Most of the fluffies present are green stallions as well, and not all of the people are still human, but all the people are the exact same height, all but a few of them are male, and all of them are wearing the same silver helmets and armor.

The man who just arrived, along with his fluffy, walk up to one of the other people present, who addresses them.

“Ah, CQK-1986. And M-1986. How’d it go this time?”

The first man and his fluffy tap the sides of their helmets with a finger and hoof respectively, collapsing their helmets and revealing their appearances in full.

They look exactly like Calvin and Marley.

The other man collapses his helmet with a tap, as well.

Other than the scar over his left eye, milky white and blind, he looks exactly like Calvin too.

When it was said that this is a very special group of people, that was not entirely accurate.

It’s a very special group of person.

And that person is Calvin Korkea.

Specifically, alternate universe versions of Calvin Korkea.

This…

Is the headquarters of the One Man Army, a multiversal police force.


CQK-1986 fills in his commanding officer, CQK-15, on his and M-1986’s mission.

“We were able to neutralise the Umbra who succeeded in stealing his Calvin’s body.”

CQK-1986 gestures to the box that entered with them.

“Unfortunately, Timeline-1999’s Earth had already been destroyed by him, along with several other planets.”

M-1986 nods.

“But we did stawp Umbwa fwom dess-twoy-ing anee mowe pwanets. Ow movin untu anuvva timewine when Umbwa wuz dun wif his.

Another Calvin, alone, covered in vampire blood, enters from another portal, marked 2017.

CQK-15 turns to him.

“What about you, CQK-573?”

CQK-573 collapses his helmet, revealing him to be a blond Calvin.

“I was able to neutralise the Calvin of Timeline-2017, sir. I couldn’t bring him in, so I just ended up staking him instead.”

CQK-15 shrugs.

“We’re supposed to bring them in alive, but that Calvin wasn’t technically alive anymore, and he was a real piece of work. I can’t believe Ianos wanted to turn a Calvin into a vampire. The utter moron.

CQK-573 leaves to get his armor cleaned, and CQK-15 turns back to CQK-1986.

“We’ll have some boys take that nutjob down to the cells, because I’ve got another assignment for you two.”

CQK-1986 and M-1986 groan.

“Anudda wun? But we jus gut back!

“Yeah, you can’t even give us a moment to catch our breath first?”

CQK-15 grins in a rather Victor-esque manner.

“Sorry, boys. But we’ve got a situation in Timeline-1931. It’s fucking Murdoch again. Another Code Fuzz.”

CQK-1986 shakes his head in disbelief.

“Again? Wasn’t it obvious that fuzzies were a bad idea the first time?”

CQK-15 chuckles.

“Well, in most timelines, the first time was it. But you two know Murdoch survived in Timeline-1931.”

CQK-1986 nods.

“Yeah, yeah. Because in that timeline, Victor killed that Russian asshole before he could kill Murdoch. But I don’t get why Murdoch making more fuzzies is our problem.”

“Because it isn’t the Murdoch of Timeline-1931 making them this time. Another version killed him and took his place to evade the consequences of what the killer did in his timeline, and you both know we don’t allow that.

“God, he’s just as bad as those damn Sanchezes. But we’ll take care of him, sir.”

“Good luck, boys. The multiverse must survive.”

“Indeed, sir.”

CQK-1986 and M-1986 depart through a portal marked 1931.

A few more Calvins come in, escorting the containment unit holding the Umbra in Calvin’s body down to the cells, and CQK-15 heads to his office.


In CQK-15’s office, a scarred version of Marley is sitting on the desk.

“Hai daddeh. How it guin owt dewe?”

CQK-15 walks over and strokes M-15’s fluff.

“Pretty good, Mar. We finally got the Umbra who hijacked his Calvin’s body.”

M-15 nods happily.

Dat wun wuz eee-vay-din us fow tuu wong.”

“Tell me about it. He wouldn’t have stopped with destroying his timeline. He’s almost as bad as the Calvin in Timeline-9891. He’s still on the run, though, we don’t know which timeline he’s in now.

“Wut about da Cawvin in Timewine-Siss-Siss-Siss?”

He’s safely secured Down There. He’s not our problem unless he escapes his timeline. Can’t believe they turned a Calvin into a demon, too.”

“Sum pee-puw am jus tuu stoopid tu wive.”

That’s a bit rich of M-15, considering what species he is.

But CQK-15 agrees.

“Yeah, you’re right. But then there’s the Calvin of Timeline-1989. Now he looks promising.”

On a screen behind the desk, a photo appears, of the Calvin we know, and his friends and family.

“Ah, look at them. I’ll never forget Judy’s smile. Those dimples were always so cute.”

M-15 looks at the photo with a sad look on his face.

“Dey aww went foweba sweepies in ouw timewine.”

“I know. But they’re alive and well in many timelines, so… so I can live with that. Even if they aren’t my tribe, they’re still my tribe.”

M-15 turns back to CQK-15 in confusion.

“Mawwey nu unnewstan wut yu meen, daddeh.”

CQK-15 strokes Marley again.

“What I mean is, they aren’t our versions of our friends, but they’re still our friends. So, as long as there’s versions of our tribe who are safe and happy… well, then our versions being dead is something I can accept.”

“An dat am wai we du dis.”

“Exactly. The safety of the multiverse comes first, Mar. If we didn’t do this, then…”

“Dewe wud-unt be anee vew-shuns of ouw twibe dat am stiww awive.”

“Right again, Mar. Now, I need to go speak with CQK-1. Need to fill him in. He is the boss.”

“Wut abowt dis Cawvin?”

M-15 points a hoof towards the screen.

“We’ll be meeting him, eventually. Not just yet, though. He’ll have other things to deal with first. There’s something big coming up, and we might need his help. His power might be equal to CQK-1’s, one day.”

“An See-Kyoo-Kay-Wun am da stwongest of aww Cawvins.”

“Precisely. I’ll be back later, Mar. I also need to check on Timeline-1988 again, but I’m not expecting any changes there.

“Evwyfing am awn fiyah in dat timewine.”

“And we still don’t know what set it off. I mean, we know it was the Calvin of that timeline, but why his powers awakened in such a disastrous fashion…”

“Dat am wun fow da ay-ges, daddeh.”

“Ha. You may very well be right, Mar.”

With that, CQK-15 leaves the office.

M-15 turns to the screen again.

“Can yu pwease put anuvva eppy-sode of Captain Fwuffy awn, J.A.I.?”

An AI, speaking in a voice sounding like an Auto-Tuned version of Judy’s voice, replies from several speakers around the office.

“I’d be happy to, Marley.”

It stands for Judy-based Artificial Intelligence, by the way.

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