Say Sketties! [Deadhand31, art by AmbitousLeather8309]

Say Sketties!

A sequel of sorts to Bowl’s Eye View

Many thanks to AmbitiousLeather8309 for his art!


)

“Come on, daddy! We’re almost there!”

James looked up ahead at the trail as his daughter, Kaylee, was leading the way on their family hike to the overlook. His wife, Jules, was right next to him as he trudged along the trail. She was the lucky one to be carrying only a rucksack.

His load was greater, and far more annoying. His daughter’s monochrome pink fluffy, Rose, was in a fluffy carrier mounted on his front. She was wearing the bright orange collar assigned to her at the park’s ranger station. It designated her as an owned domestic and meant a hefty fine if it was not returned. The national park superintendent took unwanted fluffy breeding seriously. James called out, “I’m coming, sweetie! Don’t go too far ahead, now! Mom and I are keeping a steady pace!” He then mumbled to himself “No thanks to this little shit…”

“Nu say bad wowds!”

James scowled at the biotoy’s admonishment; he knew that Rose didn’t like him. The feeling was beyond mutual. He never wanted to bring the annoying shit geyser along but Kaylee begged and promised to be responsible. Kaylee had kept every promise made in caring for Rose and he just couldn’t help but melt when Kaylee brought out the doe eyes. Those things should be illegal.

“Relax, James!” Jules gently slapped his shoulder. “We’ll be there soon, and you can drop Rose to play with Kaylee while you set up for your pictures…” That thought kept James going. He was an avid photographer and the overlook was a great spot for landscapes and portraits. He had researched with other amateur photographer groups to find the best times for wide shots of the lake and the surrounding woods. He had it planned to give himself the optimal set up time.

“We’re there!” Kaylee shouted. “Daddy, look!”

James walked ahead. He couldn’t help but smile as he approached the overlook. In front of him stretched the wide landscape of Bronson Lake. The sun shone down, reflecting off the calm lake water. The sky was clear and the sun was just right from this position to minimize shadows. It was perfect.

“Wose need make peepees!” Well, almost perfect. He unstrapped the carrier and gently lay the fluffy on the ground. She went as Kaylee took her by the bushes to keep her out of the way. James couldn’t help but wonder if maybe an errant hungry badger could be in the bushes. He couldn’t wonder too long, though. He had to get things set up.

James went to work, his excitement building. If all went planned, he’d have the family Christmas card photo by the end of the day. James had just got his camera mounted on the tripod when he heard a scream followed by a loud, wet fart.

“Scawy sketti wan huwt Wose!!” Kaylee’s annoying toy had started running in circles, trailing a line of runny fluffy-dump behind it. James breathed through his mouth as he went to find the source of the fluffy’s fear. A simple garter snake had startled her and was already slithering away. If only it could have been a timber rattler…

“You’re fine, Rose…. It’s just a harmless snake. It’s more scared of you than you are of it……” It had good reason to be. Despite being cute and fluffy Rose produced excrement which smelled like multiple forms of death.

“Alright! Jules! Kaylee! Let’s get together for a family photo! The light is perfect!” Jules gave a sigh as she walked towards the spot James had picked out. The camera had the perfect angle to get the lake in the background.

“Daddy…. Can Rose be in the picture too?” James looked down to see Kaylee looking up at him with her cute wide eyes again. Dammit, the fluffy stunk from the defensive shitting, but luckily none of that would show up. He sighed.

“Ok, dear, but only if Rose can sit still and look at the camera…” He looked to Rose. “Can you do that for your mummah, Rose?”

Rose looked up with vacant joy. “Sit and wook at camewa! Wan make mummah happy!” At least it could follow simple directions. James sat her down in front, a little bit away from his family as he got in position with his wife and daughter. He covertly held the camera remote in the palm of his hand.

“Alright everyone, say cheese….”

“Nu! Nu wike cheese! Wike sketties!” Rose just had to interject.

“Okay… on three, everyone say ‘Sketties!” Anything to make that damn thing shut up and cooperate.

“Alright…. 3… 2… 1…”

The camera starting rapidly taking shots as they all shouted “SKETTIES!”

……

Don Swenson looked at the picture that went viral. Despite the situation, it had warmed his heart. What was meant to be a nice family picture had turned out to be quite the display of predatory gore. He couldn’t help but to admire the expensive equipment that was capable of such a feat.

The picture was clearly meant to be a nice photo of a family and a shitrat on the overlook over Bronson Lake. It was very picturesque. To the side of the family was a sprawling view of the lake in all its natural splendor. The photographer had placed the fluffy perfectly in front of the family so as not to obscure the scene. Unfortunately for the family, the fluffy was far enough away for one of Bob’s falcons to do its job.

In front of the smiling family was the moment directly after the falcon’s strike. The fluffy’s head was twisted at an unnatural angle as the falcon had flown through the creature, still beaming its dimwitted smile. The raptor’s wings were outstretched behind it; talons clutching some of the vertebrae as flesh was stricken from the fluffy’s back.

He was happy to see that the photographer had used ultra-high resolution. He had zoomed in to the scene multiple times. Each frame of the predatory skill nearly brought a tear to his eye. He got up from his computer to go the front window of his cabin. He saw Bob Green get in his truck, taking the fluffy hunting falcons to a new destination where their skills would hopefully be more appreciated.

Fucking fluffies. Even by dying they ruined things.

18 Likes

Brilliant!

2 Likes

and that girl is traumatized

so did bob run away as soon as a pet fluffy was killed?

2 Likes

More like the falcon program had to be terminated due to bad PR

2 Likes

reminds me of the stories were the us tried to weaponize animals

one example the bat bomb

1 Like

I remember reading about that. They set fire to the base that they were launching from.

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i also want to say that yes, the girl is traumatized, but that can be expected with fluffies. They have a very short life expectancy which is only surpassed by their reproduction rate. Fluffies end up dying in gory (comical to people like me) ways because they are so stupid. There was a story earlier today where a sea fluffy drowned when it realized it was living in water.

those birds are my idols

1 Like

Good falcon! James, Jules, get your spawn a cat.