Ricky looked down at the fluffy strapped on it’s back to his operating table.
“I’ve got some bad news: I need to cut off your dick or balls.”
“WAI?! Fwuffy nee speciaw wumps an nunu stick fow gud feews an hab babbehs! Wan be daddeh! Pwease nu take, nice mistah!”
Ricky faked sorrow.
“If I don’t then you’ll die.”
“WHA?! Fwuffy gu fowebeh-sweepies?! Pwease hewp!”
“Those are your options. If I cut your balls off, you can still have sex but you’ll never have children.”
The fluffy considered, then made his choice.
“Wan be daddeh mowe den wan gud feews. Babbehs am most impowtant thing in da howe wowd! Speciaw-fwiend sai wan be soon-mummah, dat mowe impowtant tu!”
Ricky shrugged.
Then he wiped off his scalpel before putting it away.
The fluffy blinked, confused.
“Wai nice mistah weabing?”
Ricky didn’t bother turning around.
“Don’t you know you’re already dickless?”
“WUT?! (Japanese translation: “NANI?!”)”
Then the fluffy’s dick flew off, having been cleanly severed.
“SCREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”
Later on the fluffy was dropped into a pen with his special friend Commitment.
“Speciaw-fwiend! Commitment miss yu su much!”
“Wub yu tu Speciaw-fwiend!”
They hugged each other.
“Commitment wan hab babbehs nao!”
“Yes, wan tu hab babbehs! Wiww be bestest daddeh fow dem! Aweady gib up su much, but aww wowth it!”
The fluffy went to put his nono stick into his special-friend’s special-place. Nothing happened.
What? The human had said he’d still be able to have babies and this was how babies were made. He’d sacrificed his nono stick for his special lumps for that!
While the fluffy’s mind kept going in loops due to his brain being incapable of basic logic a man dressed in a bathrobe made of fluffy fluff, fluffy fluff slippers with fluffy fluff socks, a shirt with “I am glad my father’s dead” written on it and a bullseye over his heart, a Naruto headband, fluffy fluff underwear with “Ricky’s friend Izzy was left unattended in my house and at the very least he had access to my underwear drawer” stamped on the bottom, and a ponytail long enough to wrap around his waist as a belt walked into the room. Unless otherwise mentioned it was the outfit he always wore when alone.
Josef Mongola had time to make a cup of coffee (every step of which involved abusing at least one fluffy) before the fluffy finally realized how he had been tricked.
“NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!”
Josef walked up to the pen, sipping his coffee. He spoke to the mare.
“Your boyfriend’s dick fell off because he didn’t love you enough.”
The fluffy protested.
“Dat’s nu twue! Meanie munstah mistah cut it off!”
Josef sipped his coffee.
“Who are you going to trust: your boyfriend who you’ve known for all this time or a human whose house you’re in?”
Commitment slapped her special-friend’s nose with her hoof.
“Nu wub yu nu mowe. Wan babbehs, bu yu nu wan gib dem. Yu dummeh fwuffy, nu wan be speciaw-fwiends wit yu nu mowe.”
Josef nodded his head.
“I can give you a boyfriend who’s definitely still got his dick if you want.”
“Yes. Wan babbehs.”
Josef opened the pen. Crimson strutted in.
“Cwimson am iwonic twist ending!”
Fluffy screams echoed through the house.
Josef smugly went back to the kitchen, saw the state of the ham sandwich he’d left in there, and took away Crimson’s video game privileges for a month.
…
Author’s Note: Josef Mongola belongs to @BFM101 Any claims I make about his characters are superseded by his canon (and my description of Josef’s hairstyle and leisure outfit is decidedly noncanon), but that won’t stop me from making shit up if it’s funny.