“Huuhuu…owwies…tummy babbehs am soon babbehs?” Triscuit whimpered to herself, waggling around uselessly on the floor. This brown and tan mare was basically spherical because of her pregnancy and couldn’t really move too well but that was OK because daddeh helped her do stuff. Right now he wasn’t home though and she had lots of tummeh owies!
Well, it wasn’t appropriate to say he wasn’t here at all. He was, in spirit. The tiny room that was allotted for her had a poster of the man on the wall, glaring down from up high should Triscuit dare to think he wasn’t there to judge her. Really, it was one of the only pieces of decoration in the room. Aside from the litterbox, food and water dish, and a plastic grocery bag that he’d given her to play with it was the only form of stimuli in the room. Sometimes she talked to the poster or did dancies for it.
“Pwease dun wook daddeh. Owwies! Bigges’ poopies!” She squealed and slapped her hooves against the floor. Just then it felt like everything which had ever existed inside her body was coming up, the floodgates fully unleashed. A combination of shit, amniotic fluid, and tiny foals went spraying out everywhere. ‘Everywhere’ wasn’t an exaggeration. The force of this birth/shit storm sent her spiraling in a circle on the smooth floor like a fleshy top, sending a fan of poopies and chirpies all over the place.
Well surely daddeh wouldn’t be upset by that because she now had babbehs and babbehs were the most special thing in the whole world! Weakly crawling out, she gathered them up. There were four in all. A brown female, two blue males, and a pink babbeh with a pointy and wingies. This was nice but all her babbehs were incredibly important to her.
“Wub wub…waow…mummah babbeh am babbehs.” She mumbled in post-birth bliss, dreamily fluttering her eyelashes as she helped the chirpin’ little idiots to her teats. Sprawling out on a floor now covered in poopies and whatever else. Looking up to the poster of daddeh on the wall, she smiled. He’d be so proud!
+++++
“Triscuit, I’m home from the RAPE STORE! You know, that horrible place I rescued you from.” Kicking his shoes off and putting his coat up on a hook, Jimmy did a slide on his socks across the faux hardwood flooring in the kitchen. He’d put Triscuit up in the laundry room because he preferred to do his washing at the laundromat because that was a sweet place to meet chicks.
“But let’s be honest, I’m the one being raped. Have you seen egg prices? Haha, I’m so topical. Say, it really stinks like shit up in here.” Flinging open the laundry room door, he stared at the assorted puddles and splatters of drying shit. Sigh. Well, speaking of eggs you needed to crack a few to make an omelette.
Stomping over to the kitchen sink, he grabbed up the hose sprayer thing. His was pretty long. Not long enough to completely get into the laundry room, but he did his best to angle it in and spray lukewarm water everywhere. Dawn dishsoap squirted in spurts of green from his other hand.
“Nuuu! Daddeh, babbehs am hewe! Dun get babbehs su wet!” Triscuit cried out pitifully, attempting to curl her body up against the chirpies which were crying pathetically at the assault of water. Said water really not doing much more than turning all the shit and crud into a liquid state once more and making it stink up the joint further.
“Babies? I love chirpies! Cute li’l guys. Hold on. Let me just…” Angling the water nozzle, he shot her right in the eye with it. Squealing and shaking her head around furiously, Triscuit wondered why she was getting so many meanies.
Stepping into the room, Jimmy angled one toe and sent Triscuit flopping over onto her side like she was a rotten old log that he wanted to find bugs under. Nodding in approval at the two blue males.
“Blue babies are some of the best. I approve of this. Oh, but look at this.” Pointing at the pink alicorn which was cooing far more intelligently than the others (he could tell, Jimmy too was an intellectual), he nodded a bit.
“Now that one is the best. She’s the bestest baby. Now give her milk and sing the mummah song especially to her or I’ve got no choice but to send you back to the rape store.” He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. Giving a ‘huuhuu’, Triscuit wanted anything other than that.
“Buh. Buh aw babbeh am bestest babbeh. An’ yew fohget dis babbeh.” Carefully holding up her brown foal with eyes glimmering with hope that he too would find this precious little thing worthy of love, it only caused her daddeh to gasp with disgust.
“That one’s the worst! It just called me a dummy. I heard it! I slave all day to put food in your kibblehole and you give birth to a smarty-pants poop baby! Worst baby! BAD BABY!” Pointing an index finger right at the chirpy’s face, it just cheerped innocently and suckled on his fingertip happily.
++++++++++
The night had gone pretty well and despite daddeh saying that her brown babbeh was the wowstest, she seemed nice. You know, as nice as a chirpy COULD be and in her tiny mind that was all of them. Morning came and instead of waking up naturally and begging for kibble, daddeh was already in the room. He looked really cheesed off, too.
“Daddeh? Wha am wong? Twiscuit am be su gud.” She told him, trying to get him to calm down. Pointing down to her belly where her chirpies were slumbering, she looked down curiously.
There were her babbehs! All accounted for and mostly just how she had left them. Everything was in order except for the fact that her brown babbeh was dressed up in a spooky white ghost costume. Giggling, she scooped the costumed foal up.
“Su siwwy! Wook daddeh! She am spooky ghostie!” This caused Jimmy to scowl and shake his head.
“That’s not a ghost costume. It’s a Ku Klux Klan uniform! And who is behind it, hmm? Who would dare bring this symbol of hatred into my household?” Reaching over, Jimmy tore the teensy tiny Klan hood off of the chirpy and gasped. Should he be surprised though? Not really. It was none other than the wowstest babbeh.
“Real nice, Triscuit. I give you love, care, and a plastic grocery bag to play with and this is how you repay me. Racism. You know I masturbate almost exclusively to big beautiful African goddesses! This is FUCKED UP!” Throwing the hood to the floor, he shook an index finger at her. At this point Triscuit was so confused. Racism? Masturbation?
“I’m going out for a pack of smokes and to eat appetizers at Applebee’s. If you’re GOOD, I’ll bring you back a mozzarella stick.”
++++++++
“Otay, babbeh, mummah dun fink yew am badsies.” Triscuit had pulled the brown chirpy away from the others. Daddeh had been gracious enough to give him a flattened beer box to use as a nestie after giving birth and the three foals were sleeping and gently peeping on it.
Looking to to her dear little chiwpy-babbeh, Triscuit leaned down and gently licked the top of her head. Though she couldn’t see or talk yet, the babbeh still recogized it as warmth and love. Cooing softly. How could such a thing be bad?
Taking up the plastic grocery bag that served as her only toy, Triscuit shook it around wildly to create pleasing ‘whooshing’ noises. “Babbeh, soon yew pway wif fun baggy tu! Pwease be su gud an’ mummah an’ aw da babbehs pway wif baggy an’ hab huggies.” Sugarplum visions danced through her simple head of their entire family chasing one another around, one of them holding the bag and the others dutifiully giving pursuit. Daddeh was even in the vision, and he had a silly hat on because this was her imagination and anything could happen.
“Peep!” The foal called up heartily. Perhaps a promise to be good so her mother’s dreams could be fulfilled.
Carrying her babbeh back over to the others, she sprawled out to let them nurse as they wished. Eyes fluttering closed, she knew tomorrow would be different.
++++
Jimmy burst into her safe room, babbling at the top of his lungs. “Triscuit! Triscuit! It’s 10 PM, do you know where your babies are!?”
Screeching in surprise, the fluffy readjusted herself and looked down to her chirpies. She couldn’t count but she DID know that they were all there…except brown one!
“Daddeh! DADDEH! BWOWN BABBEH NU AM HEWE!” Springing to her hooves, she trotted to Jimmy and whined with urgency. With a smirk, Jimmy bent down and picked up the bestest babbeh from the cuddle pile she shared with her bwuddahs. Putting her into his shirt pocket, he pointed a finger to the door.
“Come on! Follow me. I bet I know where that bad baby went.” Well, she didn’t want to bother disagreeing with the idea that her foal was bad because all she wanted to do was find it. Trotting alongside her owner as they made their way out of the house and into the cool spring evening, Triscuit looked up to him worriedly.
“Pwease daddeh, babbeh am gud babbeh. Sabe babbeh! Mummah Twiskit suu scawdies!”
Gently petting the alicorn in his shirt pocket, he gave a small tut to the mummah mare. “Listen up, Triscuit. Stay close to me. This neighborhood really went to shit ever since that brown baby came into the world.” As if to underscore the dangerous scenario they found themselves in, an elderly gent who was mowing his grass stopped. Held a hand up in friendly greeting. The horror.
Soon enough they found themselves in the parking lot of a 7/11. Pretending to look around for a moment, Jimmy gasped and pointed to a corner of the area. There she was. Brown chirpy was sitting in a pile of illicit goods: Nunchucks, Chinese ninja stars, a crack pipe, a bottle with a post-it note on the side that read ‘PCP’. The foal had a red and black banadana wound around it’s teeny head.
“Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse. Your piece of shit baby sitting in the 7/11 parking lot with a Ninja Turtle arsenal, repping the colors of the Black Dragons and selling bootlegs DVDs.” With a look of disgust, he held up an obviously illegitimate copy of Borat. Triscuit shook her head.
“Nuuuuu! Babbeh nu do dat! It am assident! Babbeh espowe an’…” Jimmy poked an index finger up. Pressed it against Triscuit’s mouth to shoosh her.
“You listen to me, kiddo. Tomorrow I’m having a picnic out in the yard. Don’t you let this villain do some bad shit.”
++++++
True to his word, Jimmy was having a picnic out in the front yard the next day. The two blue male chirpies were positioned on a red and white plastic tablecloth from the Dollar Tree. Triscuit wasn’t exactly sure where brown babbeh was, but was sure she was finally being good and not doing bad stuff. Bestest babbeh was positioned on top of a miniature throne that daddeh had bought from Fluffmart. A tiara sat on top of her head.
“I’ve decided this bestest baby is named Princess Prissysparkles.” Jimmy announced proudly. Getting up on her back hooves, the mummah mare happily clapped her front hooves together.
“Su pwetty name! Dank yew fo’ wunchybew daddeh! Twiskit wub suu much! Dank yew!” Yes, her daddeh had been so generous. In front of Triscuit was a pizza Lunchable that she was having great fun and equal parts difficulty putting together. While the dumbass was preoccupied with the confusion of navigating small pepperonis inidivdually with her hooves, he’d step into the garage.
Brown babbeh was strapped to an RC plane, tied to the top with a length of butchers twine. Turning the toy on, he watched it take off from the darkness of his car bedroom.
“Holy shit Triscuit!” Bursting out from the garage, Jimmy made no attempt to hide the plane controls in his hands. Not like she’d be able to put two and two together.
Jerking up with shreds of cheese clinging to her muzzle, Triscuit looked up to her daddeh. “Wha?”
Zooming the plane up and around, he got her to pay attention to it. Her chirpy babbeh was tied to it! A little grey beard was strapped to her face. “Triscuit! Oh my God! Your brown baby went nuts and hijacked a plane! She wants to do 9/11 volume 2! She wants to 9/12 us because she hates our freedoms!”
Squealing, Triscuit got up and tried to swipe the plane down as it zipped over head. “Pwease nu! Babbeh! Dun nyen-eweb-un! Nu am nice, babbeh! Mummah wubs yew!” Beginning to piss herself out of pure fright over what her child was getting up to, Jimmy continued.
“She said she hates you! That’s mean! JESUS CHRIST LOOK OUT, BLUE BABIES!” Slamming the controls hard up, he watched as the plane gained distance in the air. Angling the control stick, he caused the toy to spiral down in a twisting descent straight toward the blue chirpies still on their Dollar Tree tablecloth! Crumpling down on the ground, the plane immediately caught fire with a long jet of sparks and pops. There were panicked peeps as the tiny shapes caught within the inferno could do nothing else but pitifully attempt to get rescued.
Triscuit ran forward, attempting to brave the flames. “BABBEHS! MUMMAH AM HEWE! EEEEEEE!” Sticking a hoof into the fire, it hurt. A lot. Tears blinding her eyes and not understanding what was happening, she back off. Peeps turned to terrified, pained wails that one would think chirpies weren’t even capable of. Then the RC plane fucking explode, warping the air around the tablecloth with a bell of extreme heat. Pepperonis, chirpy limbs, and a shit covered ass flew out across the air.
Standing there with great shock, Triscuit looked to her daddeh. By now he’d thrown the RC plane controller into the trash. You would think this was a waste of money but to be honest, a woman had teased him for being into RC planes and now he was over.
“Holy smokes, Princess Prissysparkles. I’m so sorry your sister was an Islamic terrorist.” Scooping the foal up off her throne, Jimmy let the chirpy suck on his thumb. Triscuit simply stared at him with a distant expression. It was hard to focus when you were looking at what had once been your baby’s ass smoldering on the front lawn.
“You know, I think there’s a moral to be learned here.” Jimmy scolded his mare, shaking a finger out.
“Whatever it was, I hope you’ve learned your lesson.”