The Fluffy Hunter (Orchid)

This is my first story and I’m typing on a phone so excuse the mistakes ^^

It was his first day on the job.

He decided to start working as a Fluffy Exterminator. He was waiting for his first call so that he could get started.

(Ring! Ring! Ring!)

He picked up the phone and sighed.

“Thank you for calling Fluffy Removal Corporation. My name is Jack, how may I help ?”

His name wasn’t actually jack but it’d help the him not get identified by the government.

An old woman responded.

“Can you remove some fluffiest for me? I’ve been having a fluffy problem for weeks and they are starting to ruin my flower garden.”

He sat upright in his seat. He tensed in excitement knowing he’s getting paid to beat the living shit out of fluffies. Literally.

“Ok Ma’am we’ll be there soon. May I ask for your location?”

The old woman sounded like she was getting more and more worried ever second that passed.

“Hurry please! My location is 34 Lincoln Avenue, They’re chewing in the fence and getting feces everywhere!”

“Ok Ma’am I’ll get there as soon as possible.”

He put down the phone and got out of his seat.

He had been showed how to operate the truck and where to get trash bags. He got in the truck and started the engine. He smiled, knowing how this was going to end.

He turned off the truck and put on the gas mask. He didn’t expect the stench to be this…odorous…

The old woman had to walk across the stone pathway in order to not get feces on her shoe.

“Please help! They’re in the backyard, but have been coming out to the front to poop!”

He smiled and replied “I’ll try my best ma’am”

He walked to the back. What he saw would forever stay in his brain. As a guy with a fairly string stomach, this could’ve made him end up on his knees, throwing up everywhere if he wasn’t trained and prepared for this moment. He opened the gate to the backyard and walked inside.

“Nyu daddeh?”

He looked down and saw a malnourished foal with forest green fluff and a dirt brown mane.

He felt pity for the creature as he could tell he was the shit-eater in the herd. It wasn’t long until more fluffies surrounded him. There was a massive herd at his feet, with tons and tons of foals. His boa constrictor would like these generous offerings back home. He put on his most fake,blinding and harmless smile.

“Can I see your pretty babbehs? You guys have such beautiful foals!”

The mares all held out their foals. He put all the foals in a small Ziploc bag and closed the bag.

“Thanks for the free food!”

“Siwwy mistah! Babbehs nu am Nummies!”

He smiled and made his hand make a gun symbol. He looked around at the herd until he heard…


A smarty. He had a huge shit-eating grin on his face. He smiled at the smarty and the toughies behind him.
"Goodbye you Lovecraftian Abominations that are a result of mankind’s attempt at playing god.’

A burst of energy came out of his finger and incinerated the smarty and his toughies. All hell broke loose.


He simply stomped on the bitch.

“You don’t give demands, I do!”

“I’ll give you a chance to run back into the forest where I never have to see you again, or you stay here and go foweba sweepies”

The herd started to run as he started his countdown started.


He laughed as he watched as the fluffies tried to run as fast as their stubby legs could take them.


He ran towards the fluffies and shoved them in the bag as quickly as he could, making sure he didn’t miss any of them. He tied the bag and walked to the front.

“All solved Ma’am.”

“Thank you so much! I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t gotten here sooner!”

The woman went back inside and took out a was of cash and handed it to him. He took the offer kindly and started to wash her house and hose down the dirt caked with fluffy shit and piss. The sun made drying the house quick.

He got in the truck and turned on the radio. He knew the rest of his shift would be a heavenly experience.


Fluffies aren’t Lovecraftian. They’re just abominations.

Your action seems to jump from place to place. I would highly recommend slowing the hell down with your pacing. In addition, the line “You don’t give demands, I do” is irrelevant to what the mare said. She wasn’t giving demands, just threatening.

I understand you’re writing on your phone but running through a few pencil and paper drafts and taking some time to review your story development could seriously help. Would definitely do a lot to assuage the “no fuckin’ paragraphs” problem you got.

Also why the hell can he just blast fools with energy from his finger? What is this, a crossover episode?

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Sorry this is my first story and I didn’t really explain this properly. “Jack” is an experiment from a lab and has excaord the lab 10 years ago. I’m really sorry because this is my first story and I’m trying my best :persevere:


This has potential, keep writing, try to take your time … I really hope there’s some foal-eating action later on.

Row row my man
You got dis.