"The Intergalactic Tournament" Round 2: End of Day by NobodyAtAll

Round 2: Iyatagg Vs. Bellikose

After the end of the second round, my group heads out of the stadium.

We run into Deston, Sorcière, Mel and their fluffies in the lobby. They’ve been watching the fights at home, on TV.

“Mewwin wuz at da edge of Mewwin seet dyoo-win Mawwey fite wif Konba. Mewwin wud haf bin bite-in Mewwin fingew-naiws, if Mewwin had fingews.”

Deston tells me that Konba was caught at the Tele-Port at our city by Prometheus and Alpha’s family, and they sent him packing.

Prometheus is certain that Konba intended to blow up the planet out of spite.

He’ll probably be back.


Meanwhile, at the Tele-Port at New Quezon City, Alpha, in golden form again, drags Konba towards a portal, holding him by the spiky hair.

Prometheus, also in golden form again, follows them, looking most amused.

“Really? You came back for another go? Are you THAT stupid, Konba?”

“Unhand me, you metallic moron!”

“So you can destroy our planet? Yeeeeaaaah, NO. If you come back a third time, I WILL KILL YOU. You will NOT destroy our home. Over my dead body. Oh wait, I can’t die. BUT YOU CAN. Understood? I killed Cal in my timeline, so I can kill you too. Don’t make me do it, Konba. I don’t WANT to do it, but I WILL if I have to. If letting you live means everyone on Earth dies, then I MUST kill you.”

“What are you?”

Prometheus grins at Konba.

“A better man than you, THAT’S what he is.”

Alpha tosses Konba through a portal that the golden robot picked entirely at random.

“And STAY out, asshole!”


At the restaurant, the same one we went to yesterday, we see Zhala Jr., back at full health, and his group.

They’re all enjoying some roast zaru.

“See, Rhez? You wanted to eat a monkey, and I understand that this is, in fact, monkey meat. Nobody cares if you eat a zaru! This way, everyone’s happy!”

Since we’re outside the stadium, we’re wearing universal translators.

“…It is pretty tasty, Sire. And I’ve heard that those zaru are big. One of those could feed a lot more of our people than a small mo-- er, human.”

“Exactly! Things are a lot better on this side of the portal. If we want to be welcome on this side, we need to be better too! We need to be smarter! Look at my father, Rhez! His hatred for humanity cost him everything! His city, his throne, his sanity, his very life! I don’t want to go the same way! Do you?”

“…No, Sire. It’s just… hard to get used to. All my life, I thought humans were just weak, stupid food. But then they destroyed our capital! I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Neither was I. Humans are something special, alright.”

Zhala Jr. sees me and smiles.

“Especially you, Calvin! I’m a bit upset that I won’t get a chance to fight you.”

“We could always spar sometime. You know what sparring is, right?”

“Of course! I know my people have a reputation for being idiots, and believe me, it’s deserved. But that idiocy frustrates me! I wanna rise above that, Calvin.”

“I get that. Please, call me Cal, everyone does. I’m, uh, sorry I blew up your city.”

“I told you, Cal, don’t be. It wasn’t my city ever since Dad kicked me out. And we’re building a New Tyranno City. We’re not using as much metal this time, we want to share it with the humans of our world. I mean the city and the metal, by the way. We’ve already started making money, trade is booming! Plus… you know how much Igor hates it when you don’t pay for your drinks.”

Marley looks up from his bowl of spaghetti.

“Yu haf bin tu da Inn?”

“A few times, and that’s a recent development. I had to promise Igor that I’d make sure my people behave in there.”

“Huh. We’ll have to have a drink together some time. On another note, I’ve been meaning to ask…”

Zhala Jr. grins at me.

“I can probably guess. You’re wondering how I achieved that transformation without the serum. Basically, it’s the result of a little quest we undertook.”

“We? You mean you and Rhez?”

“No, no…”

He gestures under his table.

We see…

A fluffy, looking a lot like Yoshi with darker green fluff, also eating a bowl of spaghetti.

“You have a fluffy?

“Yup! His name’s Taka. He accompanied me on my quest after I saved his life.”

Zhala Jr. sighs sadly.

“Unfortunately, I was too late to save his herd.”

“Wait, but how does he understand you? Fluffies can’t understand your language without assistance.”

“Who says that I only speak my language?”

All of us humans drop whatever cutlery we were holding.

Because Zhala Jr. answered that question in perfect English, not the dinotites’ hissing language translated by our, um, translators.

We can tell the difference.

“Very impressive.”

“Thanks! I’ve been trying to teach our people, but you know how hard learning is for our people.”

He sees Rhez choking, and slaps him on the back to help him.

“See what I mean?”

He starts hissing angrily at his comrade.

“Chew before you swallow, idiot! I’ve told you this a thousand times! Do you have to choke to death before you finally learn?”


Later, in the privacy of our quarters, I share my theory about the Grand Judge with the others.

Uh, I think you mean MY theory, Cal.

Well, you’re a part of Cal’s mind, so…

TOUCHÉ.

Pierre thinks it over, rolling up a joint.

We brought a generous supply of the good stuff.

“So that’s why you asked me if Tenneb had ever participated before. I’m not going to lie, the idea concerns me. The Grand Judge never does anything without a good reason.”

Someone should pick up that phone, because I called it.

“Which means, if he truly did arrange for you and Duwen to meet… then there must be something going on. Something he can’t interfere with otherwise. Perhaps, something he needs you to deal with, and he cannot merely tell you. He refuses to interfere with interplanetary affairs outside of the Tournament.”

“What’s his deal, anyway? Where did he come from? Where does he go between each Tournament?”

“Nobody knows. He just… sort of appeared out of nowhere, some time after the God of Destruction’s reign of terror. Yes, it was that long ago. He sought to give the universe hope, something to strive for.”

Marley looks up at Pierre.

“Yu fink dewe am a con-eck-shun bee-tween dem too?”

“Again, nobody knows.”

“Wut abowt da Cosmic Dwagon? Can yu teww us aneefing abowt dat?”

“Well, I tried asking some of our extraterrestrial friends, but they refused to say anything other than you’ll see. Apparently, it’s something you have to see for yourself.”

“So there’s something about the Cosmic Dragon that literally everyone except the Earthlings knows, and nobody will tell us.”

“Pretty much, Cal. Of course, the Cosmic Dragon will show himself at the end of the Intergalactic Tournament, so we’ll see him eventually.”

I give Pierre a smirk.

“You’d better believe we’ll be there to see it. Even if I lose, I’m sticking around until the end. I’m not gonna run away crying like a bitch like Konba did.”

“Nee-fuw wiww Mawwey.”

“Attaboy.”


The next… I’m just going to say morning, me and Marley are the first ones up.

Deston and Mel are very busy, so they left with Sorcière, Merlin, Ridcully and Genghis, but Mel told Marley that the new sword is coming along nicely.

Each of these living quarters has a kitchen, and I specified that ours should be stocked with plenty of bacon.

So I start frying some up, hoping that’ll wake the others.

I feel bad for Achmed sometimes. He’s a Muslim, he’s not allowed to eat bacon.

Eating bacon or going to Heaven? That would be a tough call for me.

And for Commissioner Jackson too. John loves his BLTs, with lots of B and very little LT. Plus a generous dollop of brown sauce.

Unfortunately for him, his wife has been making sure he eats healthy, so, and this actually brings me to tears, dear readers, his BLTs these days are -sniff- the other way around.

He’s asked me if I could use my powers to sneak him BLTs the way he likes them, but I had to say “Hell no!”

I do not want to piss his wife off.

Helen Jackson is scary when she’s mad, and this is the world’s strongest man saying it.

Andre is the first one lured in by the sizzle of bacon.

“Nigga, I could smell that in my sleep.

“Mornin’, An-- put your clothes on, Andre! You know what happened the last time you ate bacon naked!”

Andre grumbles as he heads back upstairs to get dressed.

Yeah, it shouldn’t be a surprise that he slept in the nuddy, as John puts it. Despite Seth requesting that Andre wear something in bed.

Seth is now rooming with Jack.

Victor sleeps naked too, but he’s not here now. He left with Scarface to go to a bar.

They haven’t come back yet–

“Yo, Cal. Is that bacon?”

Oh, they just walked into the kitchen.

Victor’s clothes are disheveled, he reeks of booze, and he looks like he’s been in a fight.

Marley looks Victor up and down.

“Jee-sus. Wut happund?

“I, uh, hooked up with a Saingan. They like it rough, like me. His name’s Leeva. So, can I have some bacon?”

“You aren’t going to miss the fights because you’re too hungover, are you?”

“You slept through a few fights in the first round, Cal. So can I–”

“Smelly people don’t get bacon, Vic. Go take a shower, then you can have some bacon. You stink like the inside of Nanny’s still. Don’t forget to get dressed after that shower, I already had to tell Andre.”

Victor shrugs and heads upstairs. Each of our bedrooms up there has its own bathroom.

I just hope Pierre doesn’t wake up to Mister Johnson and the Juice Crew, he’s rooming with Victor.

Pierre got some underwear for Victor, but it’s just gathering dust.

Now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Pierre asleep.

“Scawface nu am smewwy. Can Scawface haf sum bacon, Caw?”

“Of course, Scarface.”


A couple of hours later, everyone’s awake, dressed, fed and watered, and we make our way to our area.

A few other groups are already here, and judging by the malice I can now feel, Duwen and Scha are one of them.

And the stands are gradually filling up.

We see Shyne, still clad in his cloak, walking up to our area.

“Mr. Korkea. We’ll be meeting in the ring soon.”

He offers me a handshake, and I accept.

“So, is this a bad time to tell you that I know your secret?”

He chuckles.

“Was it the little light show yesterday that tipped you off? Yes, my body is made of diamond. Oh dear, is your friend alright? He’s leaking.

I turn to Victor, who is salivating uncontrollably.

“He’s alright, Shyne. He just does that whenever large amounts of mineral wealth are involved.”

Victor wipes up the drool.

“Yeah, sorry. I shouldn’t see you as a walking pile of potential money, you’re a person. It’s been a while, Shyne. You were wearing that cloak last time we met, we didn’t figure out that you’re a diamond Silicoid until yesterday.”

“Fenrir Houndstooth, it’s been too long. I barely recognized you, you’ve got a lot more scars. And I don’t reveal my true nature to a lot of people. It should be obvious why I don’t. Oh, and if it isn’t Reaper!”

No, that’s not Victor’s real name. Victor isn’t even Victor’s real name. Only he knows his real name.

It’s just one of the many names Victor has used in his long life.

But who’s Reaper?

“Actually, I go by Victor these days. Just Victor. I couldn’t be bothered to think up a surname this time. Pierre’s gone back to using his real name, though.”

“Hello, Shyne. Long time no see. Yes, I retired the guise of Reaper since our last encounter. I still have the laser scythe I was using back then. I gave the skull mask I used to Victor.”

Fucking Pierre is Reaper? This is the first I’m hearing about it.

“It’s so good to see you two again. I thought you’d both have perished by now. Humans don’t live as long as Silicoids do, I’m aware.”

“Well, there was a close call last year…”

I have to interrupt, I’m feeling a bit confused right now.

“So you guys know Shyne? When did you meet him? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Victor grins.

“Before your time, Cal. We helped Shyne out of a sticky situation several decades ago. And you didn’t ask if we know Shyne.”

“Fair enough. But what was that about Pierre calling himself Reaper? Did I hear that right, Doc? You have a laser scythe?

Pierre looks very embarrassed.

“I was, ah, going through a phase. It’s a very long story, and we don’t have time to go into it today.”

“Alright, but you are telling me the story. And Shyne? I’ll see you in the ring soon.”

“I’ve been looking forward to it. But, um, I can tell that something’s on your mind.”

I look across the ring, at Duwen. He’s still avoiding eye contact.

“Yeah. Him. He gives me a bad feeling, Shyne. And I’m not just saying that because he’s a Tennebite.”

“Yes, he’s the least popular entrant by far. Well, the Tennebites like him, but, well…”

“They only like him because he’s another Tennebite. Not because he’s actually likeable.

“Ah, I didn’t know Earth had dealt with Tenneb before.”

“We haven’t. But I’ve got a pretty good idea of what makes them tick.”


Once the stadium is full, Mr. Announcer takes the mic.

“The third round begins today, folks! The finals are getting closer! Sixteen fighters remain! And the third round will begin with Calvin Korkea versus Shyne! Will the fighters please enter the ring?”

My group wishes me luck before I enter the ring.

“Kick his ass, hun!”

“Yu gut dis, daddeh.”

“Miles, Quin, keep an eye on me, if Cal knocks him out, I don’t think I can resist.”

“Mate, we’ll be standing by.”

“We’ll put you in a headlock if we have to.”

“Thanks, guys. Cal… at least try to knock his teeth out.”

“Scawface cud yoos a spawe gwiww.”

“And thank you, guys. And Vic, stop being Scrooge McDuck.”

As I enter the ring, Shyne does the same, nodding.

“I suppose you aren’t as vulnerable to my light show as Taarn-tual was.”

“Yup. I only have two eyes.”

“The fight will commence in three… two… one… AND BEGIN!!!”

Round 3: Calvin Vs. Shyne

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