“Sniff sniff! Ooooh! Smeww wike skettis!”
Bosco followed the tantalizing smell into the kitchen, climbed into the big box the smell emanated from, and discovered a big bowl of…
“Skettis! Om nom nom!”
As Bosco dove headfirst into the bowl, he heard his mummah walk into the kitchen.
“Can’t believe I almost forgot the second lasagna. I’m too busy!”
Bosco watched as mummah slid a second tray of skettis into the box beside the first one, mouth too full to say “hi mummah!”
His eyes grew wide. TWO big bowls of skettis?! Bestest. Day. EVER. Mummah must love him so much!
Then mummah shut the door to the big box and it got dark and scary. Why would she do that? Bosco banged his hoofsies against the door, but mummah must not be able to hear.
“Mummah! Pweese wet Bosco out of sowwy bawx! Nu know whu du wong, buh nu du agin! Mummah! Pweese!”
Then a dim red glow came from underneath, allowing Bosco to see vaguely. Oh well, he reasoned. There were worst things than being locked inside a sorry box with TWO bowls of skettis!
“Nom nom! Gud skettis!”
Bosco’s tummy was getting full as he was nearly finished with the first skettis, but he noticed it was very hot and stuffy in the sorry box all of a sudden. His fluff was dripping with sweat. He began panting miserably and banged on the door again.
“Mummah! Hewp! Sowwy bawx too hot! Pweese wet Bosco out! Bosco sowwy!”
But mummah didn’t let him out. The floor was getting so hot, his hoofsies hurt! He kept shifting his hoofsies around, but he couldn’t stand more than a few seconds before he had to raise the ones he was standing on. It burned!
“Owies! Buuhuuhuu, mummah, Bosco sowwy! Pweese wet out! Huuhuuhuuuuuuu!”
“What smells like burnt hair?”
“Oh dear, I didn’t overcook the lasagna, did I? I followed the directions.”
“I dunno. Better check on it.”
“BOSCO! NOOOOO!”
Taffy floated face down in the aquarium, much to her owner’s distress. As far as fluffy deaths go, hers was one of the better ones.
The fish weren’t very appreciative of all the shit in their water though, and most went belly up soon after Taffy did.
“Ooh! Waww skettis!”
Isaac fluttered his wingies and began gnawing happily on the skettis he had found sticking out of the wall.
POP!
“Hey! The lights went out!”
“Better check the circuit breaker.”
“What smells like burnt hair?”
“Cinn’mun bestest fwuffy! Smawty fwuffy! Cinn’mun nu cawe whu stoopi daddeh say, gun git fwuffy tweats!”
Cinnamon, a unicorn stallion with an overinflated sense of adequacy, began to laboriously climb the bookshelf to reach the bag of treats that had been set out of his reach.
“Wuh! Shewf aww tipsy! Pweese shewf, nu faww ovew! Cinn’mun bestest fwuffy, wan tweats an- AAAAIIIEEEEEEEE!”
THUD! SPLUT!
“OWIES! Huuhuuuu, why huwt fwuffy? Am gud fwuffy! Nu wan biggest ow… hurk-blarg!”
“Hewwo! Bawkie-munsta wan be Wosemawy’s fwend?”
“SNARL!”
“SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEE! GIF BACK WEGGIE! NUUUUU-HUUHUUU!”
“Whu dis gween bwick behine fwidge? Sniff sniff- smewws wike nummies!”
three hours later
“MOOOOOOOM! Your weird talking cartoon horse is puking blood!”
“Wivew gunna fwy dis time! Pwease wingies, pwease wowk! Wivew wan fwy!”
River the blue and white pegasus took a running leap off the balcony, wings fluttering madly, and dove headfirst into the pavement, shattering his face and spraying blood all over his owner’s driveway.
“SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
“Wook babbehs! Mummah haf fwoaty fing! Wawa bad fow fwuffies, buh fwoaty fing make wawa fun!”
Marigold tried to coax her two foals into stepping onto the cheap styrofoam kneeboard floating at the edge of her owner’s swimming pool. When both hesitated, she stepped onto it… sending it floating away from shore and causing her to fall in.
SPLASH!
“Glub! Hewp! Blurb! Hewp! Wawa bad fow- brblbrblbrb!”
“Mummah! Babbeh safe mummah!”
Splish!
“Blurp! Hewp! Mummah, safe babbeh! Nu wike! Nu wi- brblblurb!”
“Nuuuuu! Bwudda!”
Splish!
“EEEEEEEE! Nu wan! Brblbrlbrblbrbl-bloop!”
“Yeah, I just installed the new engine in my Jeep yesterday.”
“Sweet! Turn it over, let’s hear it!”
THUMP.
“SCREEEEE!”
“What the fuck?!”
“What smells like burning hair?”
“Ok guys, our beta testers are reporting that our fluffy ponies are incredibly prone to accidental death and injury. These things are so stupid and so fragile, over half of them are dead or seriously injured just in the first week of testing. How the hell are we gonna solve this?”
“Shit, if we go try to tweak their genes to correct it, it’ll put us months, maybe even years behind schedule for general release!”
“What if we just tell people to lock the damn things in an empty room full of cushions so they don’t kill themselves? Then if they do end up dying, it’ll be the owner’s fault for not ensuring the safety of their expensive designer pet. It won’t cost us a thing, we don’t have to change anything, and the people whose fluffy ponies die off anyway will have to buy another one.”
“Sounds good. Carl, your turn to buy lunch?”
