The Story of Twitter and Tumblr (by recreationalsadist)

Twitter was the prettiest fluffy ever, and he knew it.

He was a blue and white unicorn who could also sing beautifully.

Well, he thought his singing was beautiful, Humans just heard him making tweeting sounds.

Humans tended to fight around him, but he thought that was funny.

Tumblr was weird. He knew it, but embraced that fact.

He was a cyan blue and white alicorn who could tell stories, do dances, and even if he was cringe sometimes every good person loved him.

Unfortunately he’d had his special lumps taken away, but he didn’t let that keep him down.

One day a really dummy human walked into the Fluffmart where Twitter and Tumblr lived.

“Hi, I’m Elon Musk. I lucked into all my money!”

He pointed at Twitter.

“I could buy that fluffy if I wanted to and make him way better!”

The Fluffmart employee raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah right.”

“I’ll do it!”

“You promise?”

“Yes!”

“Okay, that’ll be 44 billion dollars.”

Elon paled.

“Um…I was just kidding.”

“Your agreement was legally binding, fork over the cash.”

"I was just doing it to troll people! WAAAAHHH, NU WIKE! Fine, I’ll buy Twitter. It’s not like my style of ownership and clear mental instability will cause it to plummet in value, thus also dooming Tesla. "

“Whatever.”

Twitter smirked at Tumblr as he was carried out of the store by his new owner.

“Teehee, Tumbwr nu ebah habe gud daddeh wike Twittew! Yu am dummeh, ugwy fwuffy!”

Tumblr pointed his butt at Twitter.

“Tumbwr nu need dummeh daddeh wike dat! Habe gud fwiends hewe!”

Later on Elon Musk brought Twitter back and threw him on the floor. The once-pretty unicorn was barely alive. He’d been pillowed, he was obvious malnourished, his horn was broken off, his fluff was falling out, his body was caked in shit, and there was a toilet plunger stuck in his ass.

Elon was mad.

“I’m as bad at fluffy ownership as I am at running a company! I fed him broken glass, pillowed him, removed most of his organs, and ensured his shit would stay inside him forever. How is he sick?!”

Twitter tried begging Tumblr for help.

“Tweet, pwease hewp Twittew! Su many owies! Need huggies fow make ebwyting bettew!”

Tumblr flipped off Twitter with the human hand he had growing out of his body.

“Yu am on yu own! Dis am da gwabe yu dug youwsewf!”

A Fluffmart employee walked up to Tumblr.

“You’re getting your porn, I mean your testicles back.”

“Hooway! Tumbwr am winnew in da gamesy ob wife!”

16 Likes

someone’s salty today

1 Like

Why would I be upset? Musk’s losing billions because he’s a fucking moron.

It’s hilarious.

It’s managed to surpass the crypto bubble burst in terms of comedic potential.

It’s no different from laughing at pegasus fluffies trying to fly and falling to their deaths.

4 Likes

“I am totally not salty guys look how totally not salty I am”

I lost nothing, Musk’s losing everything. What exactly do I have to be upset about?
Nothing funnier than a rich douchebag getting dickslapped by reality.

Or are you just upset Musk’s getting mocked ?

1 Like

I’d be more inclined to believe you’re not mad about Musk owning Twitter or whatever if you hadn’t just posted the equivalent of an entire Himalayan salt mine.

I’ve never met Elon Musk and I have no personal stake in Twitter, so what happens to them isn’t really something that keeps me up at night. I do like watching the constant melties from all the really unfortunate people who are super fixated on this though.

By that pretzel logic everyone on this website is mad about fluffies since we spend so much time mocking them. Elon Musk is a trainwreck of a person and it’s hilarious watching him crash and burn.

Just take the loss and stop digging yourself deeper.

1 Like

I don’t really see how you pitching a fit over some rich guy buying a social media company is a loss for anyone except you but okay

Like, it’d be one thing if there was some nuance to this story. The actual irl humor of “Elon stop what are you doing wtf are you even doing” is actually hilarious, but there’s none of that here–it’s just “elon eats poop and is a poopyhead and i dont like him aeeh”. It’s not a story, and it’s clearly not meant to amuse other people given the amount of fury oozing from the text.

Oof

1 Like

I think my favorite part of all of this is that the muskrat made the blue checkmark available to everyone which resulted in someone causing an Insulin company’s (Eli Lilly) stock to drop by about 16$/4.5%

Screenshot from Google

1 Like

“good person”

1 Like