Note: read every previous story first. No, I’m not joking.
Under a dark, cloudy sky, the Day of Fate comes again. At the heart of the city, the Harbinger of Chaos and the Harbinger of Fate have met at last.
The city has been evacuated. Nobody seems to be here, except Umbra, and the army that has gathered to face him and his new master.
Today, the future of all that exists will be decided.
As the alternate timeline Umbra who stole my body glares down at me, I glare right back up.
So does everyone else.
“Umbra. I told you I’d go for the hat trick.”
And I fire an energy blast at him.
Unfortunately, when the smoke clears, he’s unharmed, and surrounded by a grey barrier.
He looks very smug now, and he sneers at me in his deep, raspy voice. Which, now, is only coming from him.
“You didn’t think it would be that easy, did you? My new master’s power trumps that of everyone here. You’re fighting the inevitable.”
“How about you come out of that bubble and face us like a man, Umbra? Or are you still just a scared little shitrat on the inside?”
“I won’t fall for your goading. I’m smarter than the Umbra you faced twice before.”
“He was a moron, so that’s not really much of a boast.”
Marley grins up at Umbra.
“Yu am stiww pikkin a fite wif daddeh, su yu am jus as dummeh as da udda Umbwa.”
“In my timeline, I ripped your leg off, shitrat. Shall I show you how?”
“Nu bovva. It jus gwo backsie.”
We’re still not sure if the regeneration we copied from Victor can regrow our limbs, and we’re in no hurry to find out, but Umbra doesn’t need to know that.
Pierre and Deston glare up at Umbra, hatred, fury and disgust in their eyes.
“We never should have created you, Umbra.”
“In any timeline. Your entire existence is a mistake.”
“Oh, I’d say it was a happy accident. By the way, I killed the two of you in my timeline. And you both burned in Hell for your failures.”
Victor points a rocket launcher up at Umbra, and Scarface and Greebo scowl at Umbra.
“Good luck pulling that shit with me.”
“The last time I saw my version of you, you were still alive. Your soul wasn’t in your body anymore, though. Can you guess where it was?”
“The same place you’re going? Honestly, going to Hell wouldn’t be a surprise for me.”
“Yu am bettah den dis peesa shit, Souw Bwuddah. Umbwa am da wun hu tuk Scawface an Gweebo see-pwaces away.”
“Oh yes, I remember that! Such a fun spell! How about I do the other eyes, even things out for the two of you?”
“Yeah, you’re right, Soul Brother. Touch any fluffies and you’re dead, Umbra.”
CQK-1 steps up, giving Umbra the sternest look he can manage.
Damn, I’ve gotta start practicing that.
“U-1999. You are under arrest for–”
“Shut up. My new boss can get me out of any prison you put me in. Send me to the Edge of Eternity if you want. I’ll be back here in a minute, tops.”
Klaus, in nephilim form, stares daggers at his former “boss”.
"I’m guessing you enslaved me in your timeline too."
“Oh hello, Number Two! I almost didn’t recognize you! White is not your color! Have you missed kissing my ass? Come on, one quick peck, for old times’ sake!”
"My name is KLAUS OLDMAN, you son of a bitch. You never even bothered to ask."
“Because I don’t fucking care, Number Two. I’m going to enjoy having a nephilim work for me.”
"I will NEVER serve you again, Umbra."
Lavender, standing next to Klaus, stares daggers at Umbra too.
“Yu cudda bin a gud fwuffy, Umbwa. But yu wud wah-fuw be bad.”
“I’m not going to let a shitrat lecture me on morality.”
Reggae and Mortis fix their blank white eyes on their killer.
“We’ve been waiting for you for a long time, Umbra.”
Reggae’s in no mood to do the accent today.
“Yu kiwwed us. Nao, we wiww kiww yu.”
“Ah, yes. I met you two in my timeline. And I left Jamaica with a pair of brand new elite zombie flunkies, because I knew all about the Staff of Necrosis the Undying. I did my homework, unlike your Umbra!”
Slayer, in demon form, winks at Umbra.
"Hey, Umbwa. Fanks fow sum-un-in awwa dem dee-mun fwuffies, cuz Swayew haf bin hafin SU much fun wif dee-mun powahs."
He flies up to the bubble, and leers at Umbra.
"Suuu… am Umbwa duin aneefing awf-tew dis?"
And then Slayer starts making kissy noises and enfing the air, making his intentions very clear to everyone present.
Umbra looks absolutely nauseated by the prospect, and everyone else laughs at it.
“…That’s disgusting! What the fuck is wrong with you?!?”
"Swayew no-nos nu am in Umbwa poopie pwace, DAT am wong! Come awn! Da too of us can make sum sweet myoo-sik tugeba!"
“Nope, not talking to you anymore.”
Umbra looks back down at me.
“You’re being awfully quiet, Cal. It’s so unlike you. Usually, you just can’t seem to shut up. Why the change?”
And I look back up at him, unsheathing the Sword of Kings.
Ten imaginary dollars says the cunt bursts into flames like a vampire when you stab him with it.
What would you even spend imaginary money on?
I dunno. A nice new imaginary hat, maybe?
This isn’t the time for your banter, guys!
I point the Sword of Kings at Umbra.
“I’ve got nothing left to say to you, that’s why. Except this: COME OUT OF THAT FUCKING BUBBLE OR I’M POPPING IT!!!”
“No. You don’t get to dictate the terms. That’s your problem, Calvin. Every time you don’t like the rules, you think you can just play by your own rules instead. You’re too chaotic, Calvin. And that makes you a threat to all of reality!”
“The fuck are you on about? I’m trying to save reality–”
“LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED NOT LONG AGO!!! Remember the Citadel, Calvin? Remember how an alliance of your alternates came close to destroying everything?”
“But we shut it down! And it was more alternates of me who fixed the damage–”
“IT CAN HAPPEN AGAIN!!! AS LONG AS ANY VERSION OF YOU EXISTS, IT CAN ALL HAPPEN AGAIN!!! AND THAT MAKES YOUR VERY EXISTENCE A THREAT TO ALL OF REALITY!!! A THREAT THAT MUST BE EXPUNGED!!!”
“So that’s Fate’s game? This is all just to kill me?”
“This is all so Fate can take his rightful place, as the one who decides what will be. And his first decision is…”
We hear popping sounds, coming from all around us.
“…CALVIN KORKEA MUST DIE!!!”
And we hear many, many creatures approach from the alleyways.
The stomping sounds like Demeter’s Forces of Nature, but the chanting is different.
“No more light! Drown in depths of night!”
As they get closer, we all gasp.
“What the fuck are those things?!?”
Umbra laughs at me.
“Our forces, Korkea! We’ve combined our strengths! ALL TO DESTROY YOU!!!”
What’s this we bullshit? Is this Fate’s doing?
“In time, you all shall learn!”
They look like the Forces of Nature, but their bodies are a mishmash of plant matter and technology.
“Death shall rise! Ash fills the skies!”
They have the leathery bat-like wings of demons, and the horns and burning eyes of demons too.
“As all you know will burn!”
They have scaly claws, much like, well, a scaly’s claws.
“Countless fruitless days!”
Deston holds up a strange looking bronze device, pointing it at one of the things, and a light on it turns green.
“These things have magic.”
“For the future refused to change!”
I’m sorry, but this is just TOO ridiculous. Please, destroy them all now, or I may actually DIE of ridiculousness.
Just be glad that they’re not also vampires, Niv.
I’d be okay with that, Fi. If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that vampires have so many weak points. These assholes being vampires would make them EASIER to destroy.
“And here… we remain… we remain…”
As the… the whatever they are prepare to attack, we prepare to fight back, and Umbra floats away in his bubble, heading towards Faucheuse Tower.
“Have fun, Korkea! I’ll see you again if you survive this! Where it all began!”
“YOU COWARDLY SHITRAT!!!”
“Nope! Still not falling for it!”
And then the monsters charge at us, finishing their chant.