"Wun Wub, Wub Heawt" Part 14 by NobodyAtAll

Part 13

Note: read “The Darkest One”, “Fire and Dark”, and “The Training Wheels Are Off” first.


“Soooooo… what do you guys think?

“Black is so sexy on you, hun. And I like the lines, that’s a nice touch.”

“Pwetty wineys wook wike Mawwey.”

“I was thinking of you when I was putting it together with Pierre, little buddy.”

“Mawwey am tuched. Wub yu, daddeh.”

“I love you too, Mar. I love all of you. No matter what comes next, we’re all in this together. We’re following the Way to the end.

Damn right, Cal. Well said.”


You’re currently standing in the living room, showing off the new battle suit that Pierre and you had designed together. He said that your input was invaluable, because of course, you were going to be the one wearing it.

You decided that the primary color should be black. Name one item of clothing that doesn’t look good in black. Can’t be done.

But black isn’t the only color on the suit. It’s also covered with Tron lines, like small, thin rainbows, but with only three colors: green, red, and yellow.

You were thinking about Marley at the time. All of this started with him. Without him, you would have never met Judy, or become a goddamn actual superhero. You wouldn’t have met your friends in the Fluffy Cabal and the ChaotiX.


Pierre ended up going ahead and buying Disney. He said that he’d been putting it off for years, in the exact same tone that someone would use to describe repainting the shed or cleaning out the garage. Crazy-ass son of a bitch. He said there’s gonna be some changes.

By now, you have the impression that Dr. Pierre Faucheuse can do anything that he sets his brilliant mind to.

You fully expect, that, if you go to Heaven when you eventually die, hopefully later rather than sooner, you’ll walk through the Pearly Gates and immediately see fucking Pierre sitting on the Throne, all like “Sup? Welcome to my crib, Cal. Yeah, I’m also literally God now. I had a problem with how the last asshole was running shit, so I initiated a hostile takeover and kicked him out. Take a seat, yours is here, right next to me.”

Seriously, he fucking bought Disney.

And Sega, too. Pierre has already provided you with a copy of the newest Sonic the Hedgehog game. This one is actually pretty good.

He also promised you that he’d do whatever it takes to reunite the Sonic Mania team and get them working on a sequel.

You expect him to drive literal truckloads of cold hard cash up to their houses.

Nintendo turned him down, though. Shigeru Miyamoto said, according to Pierre, translating from Japanese, “If you don’t get your shiny bald ass out of our building right now, I’ll flip you like a goddamn table.

Pierre is waiting for Miyamoto-san to retire before he asks again.


“But yeah, this suit’s got the works. Flameproof, bulletproof, shockproof, stain resistant, you name it, it’s proofed against it. And if you spill that stuff Dave distills on it, it’s 160 proof too.

“That was a terrible joke, Cal.”

“Ziggy nu unnewstan jokesie.”

“Pwoof am how swtong siwwy wawas awe, Ziggy. It am cawwed a pyoon. Dat am a pway on wowdsies.”

“Pway? Ziggy cud pway if daddeh wan.”

“Nu nao, Ziggy. Mawwey an Ziggy gon pway sum baww watew. It am gud fow bon-ding. Dok-tow Dess-tun say su.”

“Thank you, Marley. You’re being a good dad. And it’s called a pun, by the way. But nice work, your vocabulary’s improved a lot.

“…Wut am fo-cab-yu-wawwy?

You sigh.

“It means how many words you know, Marley.”

“Oh. Fank yu, daddeh. Nao Mawwey knu wun mowe wowdsie.”

“You’re welcome, Mar.”


He’ll get there, with the proper encouragement. Deston’s been very helpful. He has even given you some of his books, free of charge. A little trick Bolt and his owner Wally showed you after teaching you all about superspeed let you get through those books real quick.

They took their turn training you after Danny and Ghost. Your invisibility lessons weren’t that hard. The trick there is, you have to want to not be seen. Apparently, most X-Positives with the power are introverts. Danny said it’s unusual that someone as outgoing as you can do it. But you’ve never exactly been an attention whore, like Dave can be.

Dave is still being an asshole, but he’s gotten back together with Sandra.

Well, he’s gotten together with Sandra. They really only spent one night together…

He’s actually being nice to his girlfriend and kid. It unnerves you.

He’s tried being nice to you guys, too, but you all agree that it’s just too weird.

The universe probably can’t handle a nice Dave. It’d be like a stupid Pierre.

And Dave is, if gradually, starting to accept that everything that’s happening is actually happening. He’s still keeping the secrets.

So if he can get used to all of this, then maybe you can get used to Dave being nice.

You kind of owe it to him.


Today, you’re starting your training with Dwayne and his fluffy Rock. Wally gave you one final test: steal Victor’s underwear while he’s wearing it, without Victor noticing you.

It was a trap. You learned the hard way that Victor goes commando.

After he had put you in a headlock, Wally and Bolt came in, Victor let you go, and all three of them started laughing at you.

It turned out that the entire test was Victor’s idea. He said that it was a lesson in not blindly following orders, and never underestimating him.

You knew that was bullshit, at least the former was. You knew that he was just fucking with you, but you laughed anyway, because now that you weren’t struggling to breathe in Victor’s death grip, it was actually pretty funny.

Then Wally said you were free to move on to your lessons with Dwayne and Rock. Bolt wished you good luck. You thanked him.

“Hey, Cal, I also wish you good luck. Don’t choke.

“…Go fuck yourself, Victor.”

Then you all started laughing again.


Rock, as it turns out, is a former toughy from Blueberry’s herd, who discovered his superstrength when he tried to give a fluffy from a rival herd sorry hoofsies and accidentally turned the poor bastard into a red mist and fragments of green fluff and bone. And those were the parts of the fluffy that didn’t land on the other side of the forest.

Fortunately, Tommy and Pierre witnessed the gruesome event, Rock was quickly assigned to Dwayne, and Blueberry was promised that Rock would return to the herd once he had mastered his powers and wouldn’t accidentally crush any fluffies he hugged to death.

Blueberry, apparently, hurriedly told them to take their time. No rush. He’ll keep an eye on Rock’s special friend and babbehs while he’s gone. Bye bye. Don’t forget to write.

Little dude’s just as smart as Marley, apparently. Maybe even smarter.

And, fortunately, the fluffies of Blueberry’s herd are surprisingly well-behaved for a feral herd. Which is probably why they’ve survived so long. So Rock settled in at HQ nicely. He hasn’t demanded sketties or told anyone that the HQ now belongs to Blueberry’s Fluffy Cartel. Not once.

That’s what Tommy calls Blueberry’s herd.

And yeah, all of the fluffy X-Positives are assigned to human X-Positives with similar, if not identical powers. It was a deliberate decision on Pierre’s part.


“Alright, I’m heading out. Love you guys. I’ll see you all tonight if Rock doesn’t turn me into paste.”

“Good luck, hun.”

“You know I saw him lift up the Mothership? Little dude wasn’t even straining.

“Imagine how strong you’ll be.”

“Pierre says he’s already imagined it. Alright, now I really must be going.”

A few minutes later, youve changed into street clothes, and in the alley, you blip out, feeling like everything is going to be alright.


In the Great Hall of Darkness, the entire Order has gathered to hear Number Two address them. The fluffies stand closest to the podium, followed by the humans, and then, at the back, there’s… the rest.

There are members of a third species in the crowd, and, up on the podium, two of them are flanking Number Two. Behind Number Two, Dr. Stahlberg, head of the Science Division, is seated. Umbra is on a seat next to him, sleeping on a black cushion.

The faint odor of rotten eggs hangs in the air, to the displeasure of the humans and fluffies in the hall.

Number Two speaks into the microphone.

“How wonderful it is to speak to all of you on the Darkest One’s behalf, on this joyous occasion. We have some new faces in the crowd. Welcome, you’ll love it Up Here. We are close, people. The time is nigh. Soon, we will wage war on all who oppose us. We will annihilate our enemies, every last one of them. We will burn this world to the ground, and upon the ashes, we will build a new world. But first, before we can enact the plan, there is one thing we need.

The entire hall is silent.

“We. Need. The Brightest One. We need him alive. But we cannot get to him, he’s too well protected by the Faucheuse brothers, everyone he knows is. Pierre is protecting them with science, and Deston is protecting them with magic. And Victor is protecting them with violence. We cannot pierce the protective charms that Deston has placed on Calvin Korkea and all of his associates. We cannot evade the drones that Pierre has monitoring them at all times. What we need… is a diversion. So now, it’s time for my good friend Hans to tell us what the plan is. Hans, you’re up.”

Number Two steps aside, and Dr. Stahlberg takes the mic. He holds up a bottle labeled “P53”.

“Good day to all of you. I am pleased to announce that my Science Division has made enough progress on the weaponization of P53 that we can finally use it for our plan. It only works on 10% of the population, but that will be more than enough. So, what is the plan, you ask?”

Once again, silence. Everyone draws closer.

A diabolical smile spreads across Dr. Stahlberg’s face.

“The plan is… we’re gonna unleash Hell.

Part 15 (FINALE)

6 Likes

I really wanted to like this story because it is fairly well-written (good spelling and punctuation) with some funny bits, but it has been steadily grinding down my interest with Pierre’s annoying Mary Sue-ness and superpowered characters.

The whole “fluffy pheromone mutation will destroy the world” is not very interesting to me.

I’m sure there will be others who will leap to the defense of this story, but it’s just burnt me out. It’s too bloated, over the top and a meandering plotline.

I will keep checking back to see if you do something else and hope you do.

3 Likes

I am really sorry that you aren’t enjoying the story. I would like to say that when I started off, I wasn’t planning for it to go this way. All I was thinking was “I don’t want to write just another generic fluffy hugbox/abuse story.” Everything else just sort of happened.

I will be continuing this story arc to the end, but if more people want it, I’ll be happy to write stories that exclude all the fantastic elements. Except the fluffies, naturally, they’re a vital component. I am trying to write stories that people will enjoy. Again, I am sorry that I have failed you.

And Pierre isn’t exactly a Mary-Sue. At least, I didn’t intend him to be one. He does have his faults, he’s just very good at hiding them. They will soon become apparent.

I appreciate your criticism and value your input. Thank you.

2 Likes

I haven’t had a chance to say this before, so I’m just going to say this now: I wrote “One Chance” with your complaints in mind. I wanted to show you that Pierre is not a Mary Sue, because he’s not infallible, not omnipotent or omniscient, he cannot get away with everything, and he is certainly not the biggest fish in the pond. Yeah, he’s one of the biggest fish on Earth, but in my headcanon, the universe is so much bigger than Earth.

3 Likes

im blaming you for the soda thats now all over my computer from my nose…

awwwww, we love a redemption arch

. . . the rock and his fluffy rock. I SAW THAT PUN!!

god daaaaaaamn, so im guessing he got a handfull of balls or just depanced him and got a face full of dick
either way
wish i could have seen, may have ended with more soda everywhere though…

HAH!! SULFER! DEMONS! CALLED IT!!

Also if you have a reference of victor and scarface, i need it, gimmie

1 Like

Sadly, I don’t have a visual reference, but their appearances are described in multiple stories, such as “P53: Bad News”, “P53: Search and Destroy”, and “Where Everybody Knows Your Name”. As said in “Suit Up!”, Victor works out, and can afford to push his body harder than a normo can.

Victor’s got far more scars than Scarface, but if course, Victor’s been around for a lot longer. If you want a clue of how long he’s been around, see “No Way Out”. And if you want to see how they met, see “Child Soldiers”.

And they dress to the nines (or possibly the tens) when they go to the Eternal Gentlemen’s Club.

1 Like