by the time Jake got home Earl had brought back the second trailer and had gone home for the day as has his kids to their families. After a long shower and a hot dinner he went straight to bed, it was only 7:30 pm, but he had to get up early to prepare for his biggest appointment ever. he had sold fluffy meat to the FluffCo Kibble factory for years, they bought from trappers and farmers all the time, hell a truck was coming in two days to empty his freezer. But this was going to help him break into the industry like no other. in the early day of the fluffy when they ruined his hunting, both he and Earl had tried to clear the local woods of fluffies with the grinder. it was a kill trap with the same power and luring system as the live trap that replaced it and a kill counter that read in the thousands. they still had it and after a drunken “eureka!” moment it got a massive overhaul in preparation for new life it just needed one last part that FluffCo had agreed to provide for the sake of the demonstration. And if it didn’t work out there was that other little gold mine that fell into his lap, that rouge breeding pair of designer fluffs had given him four white and black alicorns and a mess of shiny and sparkly of almost every color and type. he might have to start hiring employees outside the family after this.
4:30 am came too soon, but his alarm reminded him to get up anyway. A quick breakfast and a large thermos of coffee later and he was out the door, Stalker close behind. stepping down the back porch he climbed into his old super duty truck and pulled it around to the backside of the big barn, where the grinder was kept. a modified 20ft long shipping container on a semi-trailer flatbed, covered top to bottom in camo rags and fake foliage, solar panels laid flat on top. Two TV’s behind plexiglass were mounted on the side, one larger up high and a smaller one down low. locking the 5th wheel trailer hitch into place he just backed it up to the trailer when he saw Earl’s van light silently pulling up to the driveway. He brought Mark with him who was already on his third cup of coffee. they hitched up the trailers full of fluffies and followed Jake down the road, Earl in his van and Mark in his dad’s daily work truck.
it was 8:30 am when they reached the outskirts of Cleveland, an overpriced looking sports car sat waiting by the “Welcome to Cleveland” sign. it’s bumpers and tires ruined with fluffy blood and chunks and the business suit leaning next to it didn’t seem happy about it. parked in the long abandoned street next to him was a semi-truck with a refrigerated food trailer on it’s back end.
“Told ya, you should a rode in the semi.” The driver chuckled at the suit from the truck window. “Hey Jake!” Waving to Jake as he pulled up. “I pick up meat for you guys from him every few weeks or so.”
The driver jumped out from his rig and ran to the back opening the trailer doors while Jake backed the grinder up to it. the driver opened the left door to the grinder and directed Jake to back up till the two ends connected. As soon as they locked together Earl got to work, pulling a few sets of solar panels and car batteries out with a few lengths of ducts.
“Hello Mr. Coleson, prompt i see.” Said the suit shaking his hand. “So this is “Thee grinder”. i must say it’s certainly… different.”
“It’s ugly as sin i know, Mr. Glenn.” Laughing a little. “But incognito is the way to go with fluffies. If it just looks like a big ass bush and smells like dinner they’ll come runnin. shall we take a tour inside the inner workings to better understand your investment?”
“I insist.”
“right this way then!” Pulling a curtain of camo aside to reveal an open door and steps. “Now before we step inside take note of the duct works by your feet, fluffies go in there and up this gentle incline lined with fake plants and Christmas lights to make the journey seem pleasant and magical.” Gesturing Mr. Glenn up the stairs. “The tunnel continues back and forth until they reach the ceiling there then they reach this long straight part that end in the trap door here to the conveyor belt here then drops them into the the grinder itself. Earl made it out of an ice fishing auger and a steel pipe and some other parts, which spits them out through this hose into the box pre-lined with plastic bags which is sent down this other conveyor belt and into the fridge trailer. what do you think?”
“It seems a bit… Rube Goldberg-ian in nature. and then there’s the fur in the meat, customers wont like that.”
“Oh that’s not gonna be a problem.” Chuckling slyly. “Earl! We ready yet?” Shouting out the door.
“Yeah we ready!” He shouted back somewhere outside.
“Let’s have a seat outside and sit somewhere out of site.”
Stepping outside all the vehicles had been covered in camo cloth the solar panels on roof had been erected into a proper house roof shape and the air started to smell like a spaghetti scented car freshener and fluffy sex. the only things not covered were the trailers full of fluffies, Earl and Mark had ducked into their own vehicles. Jake led Mr. Glenn to his own truck opening the passenger side for him before getting in himself,taking a laptop off the seat as he did.
“Earl loaded the grinder with mini cams to show you the whole process in detail first person.” Opining the laptop the cams already booted up then took a walkie talky from the cupholder. “Earl, lite the pilot lite. drop the gates on my mark.” typing a few keys. “And now.”
the ramped dropped from a remote release and the gates swung open, the air was filled with sweet melodious childlike singing of “Skettiland” and slowly the fluffies started to climb out. the air smelled sweet and enticing, the air also carried the most beautiful music they had ever heard and before them they saw a giant bush with TV window that started to play. a shiny blue unicorn appeared in a safe room wonderland with plates of “Sketties” everywhere.
'Ou fownd SKETTIEWAND! YAAAAAAAY! Fwuffy am Candy an Candy am in skettiwand wight now! In skettiwand dew nu huwties ebaw and nu fowebew sweepies. Aww bebbehs am gud bebbehs and soon mummahs who num skettiewand sketties hab nu huwties when bebbehs come and aww bebbehs come out good.
the view slid over to three poopie foals ate a plate of sketties.
Aww poopie an munstuh bebbehs who num sketties tuwn to good bebbehs.
a cheap special effect turned the foals from brown to pretty colors and they started to dance with joy at the change. then it showed three alicorn foals doing the same, all three horns vanished in another cheap special effect, the cam slid back to Candy.
aww ou wost fwends an famwy awe hewe in skettie wand waitin fo ou.
she ran to the bottom corner of the screen and reappeared on the smaller TV by the tunnel duct.
Da secwet tunneh to skettiewand is hewe! Huwwy fo munsta's git ou! huwwy! Sketties awe waitin fo ou!
they were entranced, it seemed impossible to them all, they had made it, the skettieman was right, he had taken them to it. the promised land of food and safety for all. they couldn’t get into the tunnel fast enough, the inside floor was soft on their delicate hooves with colored twinkling lights overhead made the gentle climb up a wondrous adventure with Candy’s voice playing all around urging them on, turn after turn. after a final turn there was a straight path unlit, dark but on the other side at the very end, a hot, steaming plate of sketties. the cam focused on the first in, a blue maned green unicorn stallion. he bolted forward as fast as he could his eyes locked on those sketties, then the floor turned into loose rubber flaps that he fell through landing hard on a steep slide that sent him all the way back and bounced his face off a hard steel stop plate and dropped into a tall wire basket on a conveyor belt headed back the other way again. a wall of flames erupted on both sides of him and he shrieked and flailed about burning off all his fur, leaving only singed, stinging flesh. his sobs drowned out by the other fluffies behind him received the same treatment, he didn’t even notice the basket suddenly start to tip, till it dropped him into a large steel bowl.
“How do the ones outside not hear whats going on inside? this seems so noisy.”
“We double lined the whole inside with sound board, each is like eight layers of drywall panels. you could fire a cannon in there and nobody would notice.”
the bottom of the bowl had a hole in it that lead to the auger spinning steadily and he skidded to a halt on his back millimeters from the edge. he breathed heavily trying to roll to his hooves, till the next fluffy in line landed on him and both fell into the auger shrieking and crying as their bodies were torn apart in several chunks. their last sight is of more burnt,fluff-less, fluffies falling on top of them.
“Earl, make the catch bowl steeper on the next grinder.” Jake spoke into his walkie talkie.
“I saw it on my end. You just enjoy the show. heh heh heh.”
the auger made fast work of the tender fluffy meat and brittle bones pressing it through a grate and out a short hose as ground chuck into a plastic lined cardboard box. it sat on another conveyor belt with a scale and when it read 40 Lbs. the boxed rolled off and another took it’s place from a dispenser/folder machine. the full box’s flaps were shut by a series of simple bars that knocked down the flaps and under a tape dispenser sealing it shut. it continued on its way through the hole to the freezer trailer where a simple set of automated wheels and pistons moved the belt and slid the box neatly into the corner. the belt slid over and deposited another and another until sixty boxes filled the back floor to almost the ceiling.
“Well i must say you’ve certainly built a better mouse trap per say.”
And collection is simple, send out two guys to top off the propane, boxes and bait, then swap trailers with an empty one. Now of course this is only a proof of concept prototype that needs constant tinkering, but if you sponsor us we can get much better and sturdier gear an-
“I’ve heard enough Mr Coleson and i must say this “Skettiland trap” is brilliant. the labor costs savings alone! it takes dozens of paid employees to catch, or breed and then skin and process this many fluffies costs thousands and you just made it just two, gas and cardboard.”
"well then i guess we just need to talk terms now.
Hey, Jake" Earl squawked over the walkie. “Check out the out outside cam on number 2.”
Jake brought up the cam and saw in the nearby distance a small feral herd of 30 or forty fluffies, the smell and music drawing them closer and saw Candy up on the screen. They were immediately entranced, they had found it after so long, so many lost… SKettiLand.
thus concludes the Skettilands trapper story after a brief break we’ll start the next arch. -Earl’s shift.