A day with the Skettiland trapper; Stops 3 and 4- emptying the trap and cooking lessons. (creeper)

Jake drove out to farmer Conners’ field near the egde of his property where Conners’ had paid for him to set up a series of live traps around his fields to keep the fluffies distracted from his corn. No. 17 gave out the alert earlier and he’d need to be quick emptying and resetting the trap before his next appointment. Pulling up to the cage he quickly turned around and backed the trailer up to the side. The trap was made out of flat square panels of interlocking 4x4 PVC pipe with chain link fencing and chicken wire over that to keep the foals from escaping. Two panels had a remote triggered trap door and the whole thing was covered in fake shrubbery to make it look like a large bush. the heart of the trap was the luring system, on one side was a small collapsible shed, also covered, with two solar panels on the roof, it powered the recording, camera, and scent sprayer that worked oh so well. As Jake stepped out of his truck he could hear the traps loudspeaker playing fluffy attracting music with a prerecording of fluffies singing that this was “SKettiwand” and the air smelled like a spaghetti air freshener and fluffy sex. The first thing he did was patrol the outside and like always the rejects were at the gates, begging to be let in. Three brown, half starved weanlings at one gate he scooped them up into a carrier then moved to the other side and saw a red alicorn sobbing over the crushed remains of a brood of foals.

Nuuuhuhuhuhuuuu bebbehs nu foweba sweepies. mumma nee bebbehs!- too distraught to notice Jake.

Assuming that this was the handwork of the herds resident smarty and this was an enfie mare kept out of Skettiland for the " Munsta enfie mawe dun dezewb gu tu skettiwand", so they never let her past the gate and killed her foals when she tried. At least it made them easier to sort out he thought as he scooped her up into the same carrier as the poopies. Putting the carrier into the flatbed he grabbed the next and then pulled back the cloth plants over the shed revealing a double split door. opening the bottom two sides then lowered the ramp on the trailer and latched the door too the ramp leaving no gaps. Stepping over the lower doors he opened the top ones then stepped inside, to his left a shelf with two large car batteries, a cheap tablet wired to it and the loudspeaker on the roof and the pheromone/shettie smell sprayer and gallon bottle reservoirs. In front of him another four panel door, he set the carrier on the shelf to his right then swung open the doors top halves, putting on a fake smile.

“Welcome to the gates of SkettiLand! Shall we get started?”

The fluffies stopped their garbled yammering and looked up at Jake in awe.

“I’m the Sketti-Man and I’m here to take you to Skettiland!”

A quick head count got an estimated 44 as they cheered and he spotted some pregnant mares and chirpy babies on others backs.

“Alright first to get into skettiland is the leader, where’s the herd smarty?”

Smawty hewe! Hewe! Wan Skettiwand nao!- A bright purple maned blue earthy stallion started jumping up on its hind legs.

Quickly as is stood he started shoving his way through the herd towards Jake. Reaching down the smarty fell back into the uppies position and was lifted up and stuffed into the carrier. He then called for the smarty’s special friends and collected two more mares, both pregnant. Gathering up the rest of the dams and their special friends if any in successive carriers he then stepped to the side of the shed and pulled a rope and the bottom two doors swung open. Leading Stalker to the traps rear gate he firmly held onto his collar then lifted the gate, spurring Stalker into a frenzy. Predictably they screeched and shat then ran through the shed, up the ramp and into the trailer. Dropping the gate he ran to the other side and shut the cage gate then lifted the ramp, locking it. Feeding Stalker another leg he barked happily, scratched his ear and took a shit, you could see the bits of fluff and bone in it. Checking for stragglers he shut all the doors, locked them, replaced the decoy cloth and lifted the gates. Checking his watch he hurried to his truck and and drove back to the main road, half way there his phone went off again and he took a quick look. Trap 25 was packed to the edges so he quickly hit the button then got Earl on the phone.

“Earl… Earl…EARL! Yes thank you, finally. Quit fucking around at Jimmie’s for a minute and get the big trailer over to trap 25…Yeah the big one where the super herd was rumored to be. We got 'em…Cuz I got an appointment with a client in 20 minutes and I’m gonna late…No I still got Stalker, go get Odin from home, get 'em sorted and hold onto them. We’ll use them for the demo tomorrow …Yeah you too, Spaz.” Chuckling as he hung up.

As predicted Jake was 20 minutes late but it didn’t matter, for as luck would have it the client needed some fluffies for the the job at hand. Raymundo’s fine delicacies and deli was a client earlier when Raymundo had hired him to wet/dry vacuum some micro-fluffs from his wall and they got to talking about the little bastards and the topic of eating them came up. At a low point Jake had finally resorted to eating fluffy meat and had gotten familiar with how to gut, skin and cook them and when people figured out they were a sustainable, viable food source the restaurants went for it. Now Raymundo had hired him to teach his chefs and delicatessens how to properly work with a fluffy. After a quick debate about the price of the fluffies that would be used in today’s lesson six chefs and two deli workers each had a shaking nervous whimpering fluffy at their table facing Jake with his. After the basics, squeezing shit, draining piss, he moved onto the the messy parts.

“Now, before we start we first use this.” Holding up a blaze orange four pointed stick with stop guard in the middle and t-grip handle. “this will prevent any remaining shit inside from contaminating the food. You insert it like so.” Jamming the tool up to the stop guard and giving it five good full twists.

The chefs followed with their tools creating a chorus of screees and cries then Jake pulled the tool out till it came to the twist point, they copied.

“Now with your field knife.” Holding up the right one. “You cut the intestine at the twist and pull the rest free through the anus.”


“Now tie the end just past the tool and continue to pull out the guts till you feel resistance, then you’ve reached the stomach.” Demonstrating as he explained. “Now roll your fluffy onto their backs and again take your field knife and take the gut hook end here and make the following cuts. wrist of each hoof, base of the tail, anus, and base of the neck. no higher or you risk prematurely killing the fluffy before servings hit the table. Now cut from each side of the anus to the hoof and the tail too, then take the tail in a firm grip with one hand the fluff at the rump and pull hard and fast.”

The bright green fluff flew off Jake’s fluffy in one pull leaving only headfluff. But the chefs needed a few tries and raised such a ear piercing shreeks the he pulled a roll of electrical tape from his pocket and tapped their mouths shut so he didn’t need to shout over them.

“Better.” Returning to his table. "now deli guys stop following at this point we’ll do something different with yours, everyone else get your, chopped limes. "Pulling out a large bowl of pre-cut limes and bottled lime juice. “Now take you fillet knife and pillow the fluffy at the shoulders, for the back once you cut the inner thigh all resistance will stop. Now this is where most people screw up. Don’t cut the belly open, it’s the diaphragm, you can’t breath without it and the fluffy suffocates before it hits the table and still living food is popular in fluffy meals. Cut here instead, the side from the base of the ribs to the hip where the belly meets the loin, you can now reach in and grasp the top of the stomach and cut it from the esophagus, tie it and now pull the rest out the anus. Set those aside we’ll be using them later to make sausages. Now take your lime juice and pour half the bottle into the fluffy after you’ve tied the remaining anus shut, then take the legs, halve them at the knee and stuff them in the side the fluffy with a few fist fist fulls of limes mixed in with some seasoning then put the fluffy in a serving bowl and pour the rest of the juice and limes over the belly area. Now take your marinade injectors and fill it with lime juice from the bowl and inject it evenly over the belly and now we let it sit. the limes with cook the meat for us so roasting or frying will not be necessary. So follow me to the deli tables and we’ll get started on how to properly season a fluffy sausage.”

After an hour of cutting seasoning, grinding and smoking the stopped to taste the fruits of their labors. each fluffy sat on their backs in the bowls breathing heavily, the belly meat jiggling with each breath it separated from the body with the gentlest fork poke. If their mouths weren’t taped shut they’d probably be in the “wan die” phase by now. the meat was soft spicy, sweet and tangy, everyone ate their fill and the still living leftovers were tossed in the trash. Raymundo hand bought three more fluffies for each chef to practice on and booked another lesson for next week and let him keep the pelts and some leftovers in a doggy bag for Stalker. Opening the bag for the dog who sat saintly in the passenger seat got a scratch behind the ear for being such a good bod and was handed the bag. He sniffed it, licked it and gobbled it up in a blink. this was his last scheduled stop for the day and was ready to head home when his phone buzzed again so he checked it. Trap 14 just went off. he sighed, pressed the button, hung up and drove off the empty another trap.

coming soon…the fur trade.


How nice for smarty to leave others fluffy behinde for their own safety.

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If only I had the money to pay someone to draw this trap, cause I can’t really visualize it well

think of those plastic dog fences for puppies you could set up in the back yard. cover it in camo netting and put a tiny tool shed next to it.