Buddy was a fluffy.
A brown fluffy.
A brown earthie fluffy with a brown mane.
Buddy’s mother had abandoned him at birth after seeing his colors. Her own bright fur meant that the homeless man who was in the same alley she’d given birth in had been able to spot her and he gleefully devoured her. Buddy had blended in well enough to survive.
And what of Buddy’s father? That’s a story for another day.
Anyway Buddy was scavenging around some dumpsters for food when he saw the human.
Buddy gasped and trotted over.
“Hewwo nice Mistah!“
The human didn’t look down from his phone.
Buddy tried again.
“Nice Mistah be nyu Daddeh fow Buddy? Am gud fwuffy.“
This time the human put his phone away.
“Well well well, how droll. A shitrat begging for adoption.“
Buddy whined.
“Pwease nu use bad wowdies, dey feew bad.“
The human snorted.
“Oh, you’re offended? Lol, what a loser.“
He turns to leave, then gets an idea.
“You know what? I WILL be your new owner. Your name is ‘Slave’ now.“
Buddy shook his head.
“Buddy’s namesies am Buddy! Awsu ‘Swabe‘ am on wist ob nu-awwowed namsies.“
Buddy asserting his existence as an independent sapient being irritated the human.
“Motherfucking biological AI word-blockers.“
He picks Buddy up (not noticing that Buddy’s ass is wiping poop on the bottom of his shirt) and starts walking down the street. He’s on the lookout for the perfect target.
And he spots one.
Buddy’s new owner marches right up to the first black man he sees and holds up Buddy.
“Hey look, Buddy! Another poopie fluffy!“
Buddy laughs.
“Siwwy Daddeh! Dat nu am fwuffy, dat am hoom-!“
He’s cut off by the target of his Daddeh’s taunting punching his Daddeh in the head.
Buddy lands safely on his Daddeh’s chest, covering him in poop, and starts begging as his Daddeh’s face is placed on the curb of the street they’re on.
“Pwease nu huwt Buddeh’s Daddeh nice Mistah! Cuwb-stomping am bad fow hoomins!“
Unwilling to deal with Buddy’s whining for another minute more the man just left.
Buddy got his Daddeh’s phone out.
“Nu wowwy, Daddeh! Buddy wiww sabe yu!“
Unfortunately fluffies can’t use phones. So Buddy just started yelling until an ambulance came.
The paramedics jumped out.
“Quick, get that fluffy on the stretcher, my kids need a new pet!“
Buddy was whisked off in the ambulance to a new home, but got sent to a shelter because the kids had actually wanted a dog.
The moral of this story is that ambulance drivers aren’t always trustworthy.