“Get a hold of yourself Dr. Greysen!” Colonel Jeffries shouted, trying to stop his friend from smashing any more equipment.
“NO!” Dr. Greysen shouted back, “They ruined chemistry! They buttfucked physics!”
“No they didn’t, that’s an exaggeration.” Jeffries countered, finally managing to wrench Greysen back from the lab bench.
“Yes they did!” Greysen sobbed, “Now I’ll have to deal with electrons, positrons, and fluffitrons? Protons, neutrons, and smartions?” Greyson collapsed into Jeffries arms, grasping his friend for support. “And I just confirmed a quawk- it’s the size of a quark with the same charge, but it insists on being called a quawk when it’s not asking for quantized sketti, not to mention the higgs-babbehs-on. Larry, they go all the way down, please let me destroy it before it’s too late and they get everywhere.”
“You know I can’t Fred, the military police are on the way to move all this to area fluffy-one.”
“God help us”
TEN YEARS LATER
“-and from there we arrived at our current stockpile. Fluffinuclear warheads. Ten times more powerful than thermonuclear weapons at one tenth the size. How do they work you might ask? Well, that’s what I’m here to tell you.”
The video centered on a man in military dress, seemingly a captain in rank. His hair was slightly graying, and his bald spot had reached the very top of his head. He stood in front of a blackboard and a large projector screen.
“A regular thermonuclear weapon is initiated by high explosives compressing a hollow plutonium ‘pit’ onto a small amount of tritium, all within the apparatus we call the primary. The pit becomes supercritical as it shrinks, and a fission reaction starts, aided by small amounts of fusion from the tritium in the center. Fission and fusion feed each other, and very soon we have an expanding wave of high energy particles and x-rays. These travel to the ‘secondary’ or fusion, stage where a hollow ‘sparkplug’ of plutonium is bombarded by the products of the primary stage, with help from ‘neutron guns’ and the sparkplug begins to fission. Within and around the sparkplug is lithium deuturide, the fusion fuel, and the section of fuel within the sparkplug is strongly compressed by the fissioning plutonium and begins to fuse. From here, the rest of the fusion fuel begins fusing. Beyond the fusion fuel is a casing of uranium which, upon being bombarded by the combined fission and fusion produced particles and x-rays, undergoes a fantasticly energetic fission, after which the entire warhead devolves into a ball of intense heat and energy hotter than the surface of the sun, with the fission and fusion reactions only stopping when their respective fuels are too thermally heated and/or too disperite for the reaction to continue.
This brings us to fluff-matter. While fluff-matter normally acts like regular matter, there is an exception when it comes to both fission and fusion. Fluff-matter atoms are loath to fission, but fuse with between two and three orders of magnitude more energy than of regular matter fusion. The fluff-matter itself insists that huggies (fusion) are best when they are ‘stwongest huggies’ suggesting that they actually seem to modulate both the strong and the weak nuclear forces. Thus, a warhead employing matter for the fission segments and fluff-matter for the fusion segments produces fantastically more energy than a simple thermonuclear device composed entirely of matter. While a entirely fluff-matter weapon seems unlikely given the extraordinarily high activation energy needed to begin fission, the fluffinuclear weapon seems very much to be the weapon of the future.”
The captain puts down his pointer and addresses the camera very directly.
“It cannot be overstated how devastating a weapon this is- using one on earth would litter the entire world with fluff-matter, which ‘hugs’ regular matter until it too becomes fluff-matter. Based on lab testing, as little as 0.5% fluff-matter will kill most non-fluffy organic life, and at levels higher than ten percent, otherwise inert substances begin to ask for sketties and hugs. If you remember nothing else from this discussion, remember this; fluffinuclear weapons are planet killers, and only to be used as a final, desperate resort. Even distant planets converted to fluff-matter may eventually produce meteors that one day may reach, and once that happens, it’s game over."