“Entrez !”, a melodious woman’s voice called out.
Dave, a little unsure of himself, slowly opened the door to find a lady sitting at a large desk, bootied feet resting on its top. Like him, she was clad in the peculiar white protective clothing, complete with gloves and mask. Despite her being covered up in the least flattering of attire, he could see that she was a handsome and poised middle-aged woman. A strand of dark hair escaped the hood of her suit, probably a violation of some sort, but it was not Dave’s place to point it out.
“Mr. David Brewbaker, I presume. Welcome!”
“Thank you, Doctor…”he peeked at the placard on her desk “Payne.”
“You can call me Gina or Doc, like everyone down here does.” She extended a gloved hand, which David stumbled a little to shake.
“I take it you’ve been briefed about why I requested you as the newest addition to our little subterranean family?”
“Um…no, actually I haven’t.”
“That’s quite all right.” She produced a thick manilla envelope and handed it to him. “I have hand picked you based on your reliable record and psychological profile.”
So that’s what those weird psych tests Hasbio had administered were used for…thought Dave.
“You seem like the right man for the job. I’ve got a whopping big stack of paperwork here for you to peruse tonight, and if you agree, and sign and initial everything, this is the new salary you’ll be looking at.” She flipped to the last page, and pointed out a surprisingly large number.
“Really ?” Dave gaped incredulously. This must be a dream or a mistake. That particular sum would ensure Zoe the best schools, a safer neighborhood, dance class…no, even better, horseback riding lessons, college, trade school, art school, whatever she wanted. It would mean that, despite the tragedy of her childhood, her future would be a bright one where she could pursue her dreams. For that, Dave would give anything or do anything.
He grasped the stack of forms. “ I don’t need to peruse anything. Count me in.” The truth was, he didn’t dare hesitate, lest someone else seize this opportunity.
“Well, congratulations, and welcome aboard !”
“It’s a pleasure to be here, Doc !” Dave shook her hand again, a bit overzealously, grinning from ear to ear beneath his surgical mask.
“Just take this up to HR. Before we begin, I believe you will have to take some training on sub level security clearance, as well as sign away your life and your first-born haha. You must realize, working here will mean that you can never, ever reveal company secrets or talk about what we do here, but you’ll be thoroughly briefed, I’m sure.”
“I understand that, Ma’am. And I know there would be serious consequences if I were to fail in that regard.”
“I knew you’d understand… from your psych profile.”
A week later, Dave had completed a rather daunting course on the secrecy required by his security clearance, and had heard dire warnings of what would happen to him if he dared to breach it. Now he had returned, freshly decontaminated and suited up, to sub-level one. And Doctor Payne.
“Excellent ! Let’s get started with a tour !”
She led him further down the corridor to another elevator, which was marked with a large biohazard sign. “Sterile Elevator” a forbidding yellow sign read. “Absolutely no street clothes past this point.”
“Doc, why all the precautions? Aren’t we just a toy company?”
“Just…a toy company ? Oh, my sweet Summer child…What we are on the brink of is far more than …just…a toy. And yet, it will revolutionize what children come to think of as toys. I daresay it will revolutionize childhood !”
She seemed to have neatly dodged the question.
They descended in the elevator, this one smaller and more cramped than the last, which made Dave very nervous indeed, especially standing next to this somewhat intimidating academic. Fortunately, they only needed to travel down one level.
What greeted them was a hallway with glass walls with a view to several laboratories where white-suited scientists fussed over electron microscopes, centrifuges and other apparatus Dave did not recognize.
“This is Genetics, where we do the bulk of the work. You needn’t trouble yourself about the hard science, but suffice it to say, we are isolating parts of various animal genomes to produce something…absolutely magical.”
“I know next to nothing about science, Doc. Why’d you pick me ?”
“Oh don’t worry about that. We have all the scientists we need. What you’ll be doing is equally important and more suited to your skillset. Come along.” She hastened back to the elevator, and they descended another level.
The next floor down was dimly lit, warm, and very quiet.
“Shhhh.” she cautioned him, “The babies are sleeping.”
She pointed to several illuminated glass tanks full of liquid. Within each was floating what appeared to be a fetus. These were at different stages of development, and all appeared slightly different, as if they were from various animals.
“This is the Incubator. Do not disturb.”
Dave nodded, fascinated, as they returned to the elevator, descending again.
“This will be your domain. This and the next three levels down.”
Dave saw a hallway with doors, each with a clipboard attached.
“You will be caring for our test subjects. You’re an excellent nurturer, Dave, and that is precisely what these little darlings need.”
She swung open one of the doors to reveal a room lines with cages stacked four to a row and three high. Dave was taken aback by what he saw.
The creatures in these cages were unlike any animals he had seen before, fleshy, and in some cases, furry, scaled, horned, pockmarked, lumpy, pustulent, or some combination of all of these. A few tentacled or finned ones flailed in tanks of liquid, causing it to slosh out. These were the most uncanny, as they peered out of their aquariums with dolphinlike intelligence. One made a high, whistling, clicking sound at their approach. Several seemed to have primate characteristics, clinging to and swinging from the bars of their cages, hooting, and, in one case, flinging something unsavory at them which looked like poo and only narrowly missed Dave’s arm. They mewled hideously as the humans entered, flopping and squirming misshapenly. An abomination with three eyes and a mouth filled with tiny, razor sharp fangs lolled its tongue out and oozed, slug like, toward Dave.
“Go on…” Doctor Payne encouraged,”Offer him your hand. He’s quite harmless.”
Entirely uncertain of the wisdom of this proposition, Dave stuck a finger in the cage and shrieked as the creature’s slimy tongue reached out to lick it. Glove or not, he could feel the viscousness of the slime.
“Mama” it vocalized, through thick mucous.
He nearly crapped himself.
Regina laughed heartily. “Don’t worry. These unfortunates aren’t the toys. These are just our failed attempts. In order to make an exquisite omelet, a few eggs must be broken. But we need to take care of them all the same, don’t we Snookums ? So we can continue to learn…isn’t that right ?” She crooned, petting something that looked like a cross between a lop-eared bunny and a naked, fleshy iguana through the bars. It rolled over submissively, exposing a long, flabby belly covered in nipples…or pimples. One of them peeled open to reveal a darting eyeball. Dave felt suddenly nauseous.
“Poor dear. She’s got the right personality, but not the look.”
“There are six rooms of these little cuties. You will feed and water them and clean their cages, administer any medications we have for them, and mark off what you’ve done on the clipboards. If any become sick, injured or deceased, you will inform me immediately, and, most likely, unless I tell you to do otherwise, cart them off to the incinerator. Understood ?”
Dave nodded, holding back his gorge by chanting “Six figure salary. Six figure salary.” In his head like a mantra.
“Great !” Moving on…”
They reached sub level four.
Regina looked excited. “This. Is the best part. Are you ready ?”
Dave tried to contain his trepidation. “Sure am !”
“Ta-da!” she cried, with genuine enthusiasm, spreading her arms wide and spinning a little to showcase a large, bright room which felt strangely like a kindergarten.
“These.” She said dramatically, “Are the successes…to greater and lesser degrees. We are sooooo close to perfection, but haven’t quite arrived.”
Childlike, sing-songy music poured out of wall speakers, and bright cartoon images played on a large screen. There were colorful scenes of children and small, babyish ponies playing painted on the walls, and small, soft beanbags lay about the room along with various infantile toys, soft cloth blocks, colorful balls, and very simple puzzles. Dave noticed that the place had been “baby proofed”, with outlets covered, electrical cords out of reach, and any sharp edges covered in foam. Even the floor had that bouncy consistency they make playgrounds with now. In his day, kids had to learn the hard way not to fall off the jungle gym.
A shrill cry of “Mummah! Mummah !” erupted from various corners of the room. Then he saw them for the first time. His mouth dropped open in genuine astonishment. Diminutive ponies of every color of the rainbow, ten or fifteen of them, varying somewhat in size, shape and color, some with unicorn horns, or goat like horns, some with wings, some with curly long manes, some with straight ones, some with none. Most were approximately the size of small dogs, while one, an obnoxiously hot pink one, was the height of a great dane. Another, he noticed, was a mottled flesh-tone, almost hairless, and rather more piggish than ponyish.
“Ah yes. That’s Wilbur, one of our most promising candidates for prototype. He has the intelligence of a pig, but the problem is…well, he looks like one.”
Wilbur bounded up to them. “Who nyu nice mistah? Am nyu daddeh? Wook ebewyone! Nyu daddeh !” Dave was soon overwhelmed by ponies…or…approximations thereof, pawing softly at legs, clamoring for attention.
“Wh-what …are they ?” he stammered, awestruck.
“They’re Hasbio’s next big thing !”