A Recolor Never Hurt Anyone
“Wook!” Flakes showcased his drawing, beaming with pride. “Dis is Fwakes’s OC!”
It was a coloring book page of Sonic the Hedgehog, crudely colored in a red that matched Flakes’ fur. The snout was left uncolored and the nose was painted blue, an accidental line making it look kind of like he had just sneezed. That said, none of this made the OC any less impressive to the target of Flakes’ declaration, a blue colt by the name of Jam.
“Fwakes named OC Fiyebaww!” continued Flakes. “An’ he is weawwy coow an’ can make fiya!”
“Ooh, Jam made an OC too!” chirped Jam, pulling up his own drawing. This was another coloring book page, depicting Tails the Fox in a blue color that didn’t quite match Jam’s own, but was also the closest available option at the daycare. A few more strands of hair had been added to the fox’s forehead, so there was some attempt at changing the design, but it didn’t look like a new character so much as Tails having a bad hair day. Flakes was noneless impressed. “Jam named it Speedsy! Speedsy am supew fast and can contwow wawa an’ when he goes in wawa, Speedsy gets a fishy taiw wike a sea fwuffy!”
Editor’s note: Sea fluffies do not have fish tails, but with nobody at the daycare ever having seen one, this mistake was never corrected.
“Fiyebaww am supew fast too!” Flakes countered, realizing that perhaps his OC was a little underpowered. “An’ if he gets aww da chaos emewawds, Fiyabaww tuwns into a big scawy dwagon!”
Jam ooh-ed. “Wike in da new game??”
“Wait, what?”
“Oh pwease, stop being cwinge,” a new voice cut in, and the two fluffies turned with dismay to their playmate: Princess Fartinand, a royal purple pegasus whose fur sparkled as though she was the victim of a glitter-related accident. Which she was. Fluffy arts-and-crafts was not a particularly safe practice. “Yu am just being stupid an’ babbeh.”
Flakes gasped indignantly, hugging his picture to his chest. “Nu am cwinge!”
“Dun buwwy,” grumbled Jam, placing his own picture face-down as he glared at Princess Fartinand. “Am jus’ having fun, nu am huwting anyone.”
“Yu am huwting Pwincess Fawtinand’s bwain,” Fartinand sneered. “Am getting head huwties wistening to yu stuuupid awfuw OCs.”
“Fiyebaww nu am stupid…” murmured Flakes, but was already having doubts about his creative capabilities.
“Yeah, an’ Speedsy nu am stupid eithew!” Jam agreed. “An’ if yu stupid thinky pwace huwts den maybe yu am jus’ tuu stupid tu have an OC!”
Fartinand scoffed. "Nu need stupid OC. Pwincess Fawtinand haf much bettew! A daddeh dat wowks at SEGA!"
The two colts gasped in tandem, eyes wide. Fartinand’s dad? A SEGA worker?! “D-Dat means…”
“Dat’s wight!” Fartinand beamed with all the pride of an olympic gold medalist, puffing out her chest. "Pwincess Fawtinand owns Sonic Da Hedgehog!!"
There was no arguing that. If she owned Sonic then she owned the best of all the OCs ever, the ur-OC. Nothing the two made could compete.
“An’ yu,” Fartinand continued, pointing a hoof at the duo, “am just thieves. Yu stowe Sonic Da Hedgehog an’ pwetend yu made him! Su say again how yu stupid wecowow OCs nevah huwt anyone when yu stowe fwom Pwincess Fawtinand!”
“I-It am jus’ a fan OC,” whined Flakes. “Cuz Fwakes wikes Sonic a wot…”
“Nu cawe,” said Fartinand and stuck her tongue out. “Gib Pwincess Fawtinand stupid pictuwes. Wiww wip dumb fan OCs apawt, an’ den yu dummy babbehs can go dwaw yu own OCs dat am gud an’ not stupi’ babbeh poopie–”
“Es-cuse, am yu Fawtinand?” a fluffy suddenly interjected, cutting short the mare’s hateful tirade. Unlike the daycare fluffies he was an adult, red and white with a clip-on tie.
“Pwincess Fawtinand,” Fartinand corrected grumpily. “What do yu want?”
“Am Couwt Jones,” explained the fluffy and slid an envelope over to Fartinand. “Haf wettew fow yu.”
Fartinand carefully opened the letter, something possible only because it was never sealed to begin with, and stared down at the paper full of squiggles. Flakes and Jam peered curiously, but none of them could read so it didn’t help much.
“… What’s it say?” Fartinand finally asked.
“It’s a couwt summon,” said Court Jones. “Yu am being sued fow copywight infwingement.”
The purple pegasus blanched, horrified. “What!?”
“SEGA nu wikes when deiw IP is stowen,” Court Jones nodded as he placed a leash on Fartinand’s neck. “Yu nu am awwowed to say yu own Sonic da Hedgehog.”
“B-But what about dem!?” cried Fartinand as Court Jones begun to drag her away, flailing her hooves at Flakes and Jam. “Dey stowe too! Dey wecowowed Sonic! Why am dey nu being sued!?”
Court Jones shrugged lightly. “Dey jus’ wecowows. A wecowow nevah huwt anyone.”
“NUUUuuuuuuu…” As Princess Fartinand was dragged out of sight, Flakes and Jam exchanged a glance.
“… Yu, uh, said nyu Sonic game has Sonic tuwn tu dwagon?” Flakes finally asked.
“Uh-huh.”
“Maybe… maybe insted of dwagon, Fiyebaww tuwn into big fiya wowfie.”
Jam nodded. “Dat sounds bettew. An’ Speedsy tuwns into a dowfin! Can cause big wawa waves an’ put out aww Fiyebaww’s fiyas!”
“Nuh-uh, not if Fiyabaww buwns away aww da wawa!”
As the two resumed their OC discussion, debating how their fan characters would first fight and then become friends and then go on a world-saving quest to save Sonic and Tails (carefully trademarked SEGA) who had been arrested for the newly discovered crime of “copyright infringement”, a new story was beginning… A story of a friendship, of the worst fanfiction ever written, and of a bully mare losing all her assets in a lawsuit.
brilliant