“Bwudda wan pway huggie-tag?”
Herman looked over towards where Pamela and Lazarus were, Pamela was looking hopefully at her adoptive brother, but the little guy just looked sullenly back at her.
“Nu, Wazawus wan stay wiv Mistah Cuddews.”
As if proving a point, Lazarus wrapped his hoofs tighter around his stuffed bear and turned away from Pamela. Pamela looked hurt by his dismissal but she shook it off and went to help her mother with her new siblings.
Herman sighed. It had been a little over a week since the new foals were born and Lazarus had been a grump ever since then. At first Herman thought it was jealousy, Lazarus loved Cinnamon so much and being forced to shared that love with four newborn siblings, all of whom were helpless without their mother, probably took him by surprise, especially since he no longer had the bonding experience of feeding from Cinnamon’s teats.
But now Lazarus was just old enough to start trying solid foods and the foals were all walking and playing together, and he still moped about, barely giving the time of day to Pamela or any of his siblings anymore.
Herman got up and walked over to Lazarus’ bed, he knelt down and stroked his mane, being careful not to touch the scars where his wings had once been.
“You ok Laz? You not up for playing with Pamela today?”
“Wazawus nu feew wike it.”
“You haven’t felt like it for a while now, we’re starting to get a little worried.”
Lazarus looked up at where Pamela and Hickory were playing Huggy-Tag with two of the newborns, while Cinnamon sat to the sidelines feeding the other two. For a brief moment, Herman could see a flash of longing in Lazarus’ eyes, but the colt sighed and looked away.
“Famiwy du ok wivout Wazawus, nu need him dewe.”
“Hey now, don’t talk like that. I know Cinnamon’s been busy with the other foals but they were just chirpy-babbehs, they needed her to look after them. But they’re older now, they can walk and talk and play and they want their big brother to play with them.”
“Babbehs nu cawe bout Wazawus, dey nu eben wook wike Wazawus.”
Herman felt his breath catch in his throat, he had hoped Lazarus wouldn’t have noticed the colour difference.
“What do you mean?” He asked, trying to keep his voice as neutral as possible, he needed to see which way to play this.
“Wazawus am bwue Fwuffy, bu wittew bwuddas an sissies am bwown an gween an wook wike mummah an daddeh, nu udda Fwuffy in famiwy wook wike Wazawus.”
“Well Laz, looks don’t really mean anything. My dad and my brother both had blonde… I mean yellow hair and mine was brown before it turned this lovely shade of grey. But I knew they were my family even despite that, and Hickory and Cinnamon and all your siblings know you’re part of their family as well. Now come on, what do you say to a little game or two with them?”
Lazarus looked up again, Herman noted that he had a happier look on his face, but he wasn’t fully there yet. “Maybe wata, Wazawus wan hab wittew west wight nyo.”
“Well ok, but remember what we talked about.”
Lazarus nodded and smiled as Herman tickled his chin before leaving to join the others. Lazarus felt a little better and watched Pamela playing with the babbehs with a smile on his face.
But then he noticed something, when Pamela lowered herself to rub her nose on one of babbehs tummy’s, her exposed special-place was in Lazarus’ direct eye-line. The colt was still too young to understand what he was looking at, but the tingly feeling in his lumps took him by surprise.
“So, how’s raising the little one?”
Johnny passed a coffee over to Herman, with the winter snow now making harvest impossible, the old man decided to stay in contact with Johnny and Gheorghe by paying them a small visit. The two of them had purchased a farmhouse a few miles away from his place and were planning on expanding once they got some cash-flow behind them.
Herman took a sip of his coffee before answering. “He’s at that awkward stage where he’s starting to question everything around him, I thought at first he was just iffy about the newborns but now I fear he’s starting to catch onto some of the discrepancies in the stories we’ve told him.”
“Can Fluffy be that smart?” Gheorghe asked.
“Maybe, maybe not. Remember Lazarus is still an Alicorn, even if he doesn’t know it, they are meant to be smarter than other Fluffies. Honestly I’m torn about what to do, all he knows is Hickory and Cinnamon and he LOVES Cinnamon, he couldn’t bear to be separated from her when he was still a weanling. If I tell him they aren’t his real parents it might crush him, at the same time if I don’t tell him and he goes through the rest of his life with these doubts and questions what could that do to him in the future?”
Johnny reached over and gently patted Herman’s arm. “Sounds like you’re in a rough spot H.A.M., it’s a fucked up thing and I can’t really give you any good advice. All I’ll say is, whatever you’re gonna do, it’s better you do it sooner rather than later.”
Herman nodded. “You’re right, this isn’t a wait and see situation, I’ll think it over and if I haven’t done anything by the end of the week, I’ll get you two to tell him for me.”
The three man burst out laughing together, the sudden noise seemed to alert another body lurking in the house.
“Daddeh? Wha dat noisey?”
Gheorghe stood up. “I get her, no worries.”
Herman looked quizzically as Johnny as Gheorghe left. “You two got a Fluffy?”
“Little filly we found in the back garden, around about the same age as Lazarus I’d reckon, her whole family was hiding in one of the bushes. She’s an Alicorn so they were bullying and beating her up, me and Gheorghe made a deal with them, we’d take her off their hands and in return we’d give them some food for the road.”
“And did you?”
“We did, whole pack of kibble and everything. Of course it was ‘Mouthie Burnies Hurting Kibble but we never told them that.”
Herman chuckled at the image in his head, he wasn’t a fan of abusing Fluffies but after what some of the worst ones could do he wasn’t above seeing some justice doled out.
At that moment Gheorghe returned carrying the filly in his arms, Herman was surprised at how lucky they were to have found her. Her Fluff was lilac and surprisingly smooth for a feral, her mane a rich green and her whole body had tiny little sparkles running across it. She was clearly very shy and was holding onto Gheorghe tightly, but she wasn’t screaming or shitting herself which was a plus.
“Herman, this is Violet. This is friend Herman, say hello Violet.”
Violet peeked out from Gheorghe’s arms. “Hewwo, am yu nice mistah?”
Herman smiled. “I hope I am, it’s nice to meet you Violet. I have a few Fluffies of my own, if your daddies like I can bring them over some day for a playdate.”
“Pway? Vi-oh-wet hab fwiends? Ooh, bu Vi-oh-wet am munstah, Fwuffies nu wike munstahs.”
“My Fluffies do, they don’t care what you look like, they’ll be happy to have a new friend.”
Violent got visibly excited, she’d never had friends before and she was looking forward to finally getting to have her own. Herman couldn’t help but think of how lucky Lazarus must’ve been, he likely was bullied himself because he was a “munstah”, but thankfully he was abandoned before any of the abuse stuck to him.
Hopefully with any luck, Violet would be able to move passed her harsh upbringing.
Back at Herman’s house, Hickory and Cinnamon gathered the foals for their feeding time.
“Babbehs, am miwkies time.”
“MIWKIES!”
The four foals ran – or rather toddled – their way over to their mother, all of them giddy at the thought of having milkies. Cinnamon took the first two to arrive into her arms, the brown earthie colt they’d named Cumin and the cream unicorn filly they’d named Fennel, and gave them both a hug before placing them onto her teats. Hickory then took the other two, the green unicorn colt they’d named Basil and the brown earthie filly they’d named Nutmeg, and kept them warm while their siblings fed.
“Mummah wub babbehs, babbehs wub mummah, dwink da miwkies, gwow big an stwong.”
Lazarus listened to his mother sing to his brothers and sisters, it saddened him thinking he might never hear her song to him again now that he was a big babbeh. He wanted nothing more than to run over and tell Cinnamon how much he loved her, but he was scared that he might hurt the babbehs and make Cinnamon hate him.
But still, he wanted to have his mother love him one more time.
Just then he felt something nudge into him, he looked over and saw Pamela smiling at him.
“Bwudda wan pway nyo?” She asked hopefully.
Lazarus thought for a moment, and realised that yes, he would like to play, he’d been feeling so sad and lonely lately and it was his own fault.
“Yeh, Wazawus wan pway. Wet’s pway Huggy-Tag.”
“Pamewa wub Huggy-Tag. Pamewa gu fiwst.”
And before Lazarus could react, Pamela wrapped her hoofs around him and gave him a quick hug.
“TAG, Yu it.”
And she ran off, Lazarus laughed and chased after her. The two Fluffies raced around the living room and into the kitchen where Hickory and Cinnamon were, Basil and Nutmeg cheered at their playing siblings.
“Gu bwudda!” Basil cheered, his little hoofs waving back and forth.
Pamela tried to duck through some chair legs, but while Lazarus wasn’t as quick as her, he could certainly think faster. Seeing where she was going, Lazarus switched directions and jumped out just as Pamela was turning and landed on top of her, the two of them collapsed onto the floor, both of them laughing, it felt good for Lazarus to laugh again.
But then he smelt something, something new and intoxicating. It took him a moment to realise that in his position on top of Pamela he could smell her mare scent and his biological instinct was kicking in. It took him less than a moment to feel utterly shameful and horrified at the tingling in his lumps again.
Lazarus jumped off of Pamela and backed away, he looked into every staring eyes, convinced his family was looking at him with disgust, that they knew what was in his sick little head. In truth his family was looking at him with concern, none of them knew what was going on.
Pamela cautiously stepped forward. “Bwudda, am yu ok?”
“GIT BAK!” Lazarus snapped at her, the sudden noise spooked the foals and sent all four of them into floods of tears. Lazarus watched Hickory and Cinnamon gather the foals and try to calm them down and he knew his worst fears had come true, his family surely hated him now.
With his head still spiriling, Lazarus ran away, grabbing Mister Cuddles and retreating to a lonely room at the back of the house. Pamela went to follow but was stopped by her father.
“Weave bwudda fow nyo.”
“Bu Wazawus hab heawt-huwties.”
“Hik-o-wee knyo, bu Wazawus need be weft awone, nu wan gib him mowe huwties tiww knyo wai he hab huwties. Wait tiww daddeh come bak, he knyo wha du.”
Pamela reluctantly listened to her father and joined in to help calm her younger siblings, all the while her thoughts lay on Lazarus.
Herman noticed something was up when he came home and nobody rushed over to meet him. After checking in with Hickory about the day’s events he went off to find Lazarus, finding him in the wash-room at the back of the house.
Well, he heard him before he actually saw him.
“Enf, enf, enf, huu huu, am su sowwy mistah cuddews. Enf, enf, am wowstesh Fwuffy eba, huu, huu. Nu knyo wai wumps huwt wen wiv sissy, nu wan gib sissy enfies, huu huu, enf, enf, huu.”
Herman’s heart bled for the little guy, his hormones were starting to kick in and he was noticing mares, unfortunately the only mares in the house were the two he thought was his mother and his sister, and yet their scents were different enough that his biology couldn’t recognise them as his family even when his brain said they were.
It was a Freudian fucking nightmare.
Herman decided there and then to tell Lazarus the truth, he didn’t deserve to have this heartache anymore. But he’d let the poor guy finish first, no point in adding THAT embarrassment onto everything.
After a moments, Herman opened the door, Lazarus had pushed Mister Cuddles away in shame and was curled in a ball, he barely paid attention to Herman even as the old man sat down and stroked his Fluff.
“Wazawus am wowstesh Fwuffy.”
“No you’re not Laz, you’re just confused.”
“Nu confoosed, Wazawus smeww sissy speciaw-pwace, gib huwties in wumps. Wazawus am bad Fwuffy, wan gib sissy enfies.”
Herman sighed, this was going to be hard, especially since Lazarus was still young, it was going to be a lot for him to take in. Maybe too much.
“Laz, I have to tell you something, it’s going to sound mean and it might make you hate us, but I promise you, we did this to help you.”
Lazarus wiped away a tear and looked up at Herman, his little face curious as to what his daddy had to say. Herman paused for a moment trying to find the right way to start, after a few seconds he moved his hand down Lazarus’ back and brushed over the scars where his wings used to be.
“Laz, have you ever wondered how you got these hurty marks on your back?”
Lazarus thought for a moment, he was aware about the scars, having felt Herman rub them when he was getting washed, but since they didn’t hurt him he barely thought about them.
He shook his head. “Nu daddeh, nu fink bour huwtie-mawks.”
“Well, you got them when you were just a little baby, before you even opened your eyes. It’s where your wings use to be.”
“Wingies? Wazawus was a wingie-pointy?”
Herman silently thanked the Sky-Daddy that Lazarus didn’t call himself a monster. “You still are Laz, even without your wings, it’s why you’re so smart, wingie-pointy Fluffies are known to be very clever.”
“Bu… wai Wazawus nu hab wingies, wha happen?”
“Well… some Fluffies don’t like wingie-pointies, they think they’re monsters. They’re wrong to think that, but they do. Sometimes other Fluffies give wingie-pointies forever sleepies when they’re just little chirpies, but sometimes they’ll try to hide a wingie-pointy by biting off its wings. That’s what happened to you, your wings were bitten off so you would be a pointy babbeh.”
Lazarus started crying again. “Who wan gib babbeh huwties wike dat, am onwy wittew babbeh.”
“I can’t say for certain Laz, but I think it was your mother. Your REAL mother.”
Lazarus felt his whole world collapse out from under him. “Bu… mummah am mummah.”
“I found you outside one day, you’d been abandoned by your family, you looked so small and so hungry that I took you in and gave you to Cinnamon. She took you in as her own babbeh and she loved you from the moment you arrived, she might not be related to you, but she is your mother and she will love you for the rest of her days.”
Herman saw Lazarus starting to hyperventilate, thinking quickly he picked Lazarus off the floor and cradled him, giving him a finger to suck on. Lazarus took the finger and gently suckled for a moment, letting his heart-rate come back to normal, but as it did he was able to think about what Herman had told him, and the heartache returned.
“Wazawus hab nu famiwy, hab nu-wun.”
“Hey, like I said, Cinnamon is still your mother, even if she doesn’t look or smell like you, she will be your mother. And Hickory will be your father and Pamela, Cumin, Fennel, Basil and Nutmeg will be your siblings. We didn’t tell you sooner because we were trying to look after you, we wanted you to be happy, and you were, you loved Cinnamon even more than she loved you and we didn’t want to take that away from you. We should’ve said something earlier but… I guess I never considered Fluffy biology enough.”
“Bye-owo-gee? Wha?”
“Stuff inside you that makes you you and what makes you a Fluffy. How do I put this, your thinkie-place was telling you that Pamela was your sister, but when your smelt her special-place, your biology was telling you she WASN’T your sister and that confused you. If I had told you the truth sooner, you wouldn’t have gotten thinkie-place hurties and you wouldn’t have felt like a bad Fluffy.”
“Su, Wazawus nu am bad Fwuffy.”
“No, you never were and never have been. I don’t know why your family left you but Cinnamon and Hickory never will and neither will I, you’re part of this family blood or no blood. And so long as you’re with us, you will be loved.”
Lazarus looked up at Herman, he still had a million and one questions some of them with general curiosity, some of them with anger, but hearing the old man’s words, Lazarus realised that questions could wait, he wanted his family.
“Can Wazawus see famiwy pwease.”
Herman smiled. “Of course.”
Herman gently stood up and carried Lazarus back to the kitchen, the foals had long since calmed down but Herman could see they were still a little frightened of Lazarus. He placed the colt on the floor and stepped back, letting Lazarus handle this at his own pace.
Lazarus shuffled awkwardly for a bit before speaking up. “Wazawus am sowwy fow gibben babbehs scardies, hab finkiw-pwace pwobwems an akt wike big meanie dummeh. Nu mean tuu an am sowwy. Hab tawkies wiv daddeh, he teww Wazawus dat Cin-a-min an Hik-o-wee nu am mummah ow daddeh, dat yu hewp sabe Wazawus wen jus wittew babbeh. Wazawus undastan dat nu am famiwy bu wan yu tu knyo…”
Lazarus was cut off by Cinnamon enveloping him in a massive hug. “Yu AM famiwy, yu awway be famiwy an awways be Cin-a-min’s babbeh. Mummah wub babbeh, babbeh wub mummah.”
Hearing Cinnamon sing to him again finally broke Lazarus and he wrapped his hoofs around her, holding onto tightly as though scared this was all a dream. As tears fell from his eyes, Hickory, Pamela and the others foals all came up and joined in the hug, holding onto Lazarus as tightly as they could.
Herman could see Lazarus’ face and even with the tears there was a wide smile, there was still a lot for them to work through, but they would do it together, as a family.
Epilogue
Once the snow started the melt away, Herman stayed true to his promise and brought Lazarus and the family over to see Violet. Hickory, Cinnamon, Lazarus and Pamela all walked into the house while Herman carried the foals. Hickory and Cinnamon recognised Johnny and Gheorghe from when they came over to the farm before the winter.
“Hewwo mistah John-ee, hewwo Gow-gee.”
Johnny smiled and tussled Hickory’s mane. “Hello you two, how have you been?”
“Fwuffy famiwy gud, fank yu. Dese am babbehs, dey am Coo-min, Fenna, Bah-siw an Nuh-meg.”
The four foals all waved at the two men. “Hewwo nice mistahs.”
“Hey there, my name is Johnny and this is my partner Gheorghe.”
“Pawtna? Yu mean wike speciaw-fwiend?” Nutmeg asked curiously.
Johnny laughed. “Yeah, I guess you can say that.”
“Bu yu bov daddeh?”
“Hey now.” Herman stopped the conversation from getting any more embarrassing. “I’ll explain everything to you all when you’re older, right now we have a new friend to meet.”
Gheorghe nodded at the signal and opened the door. “Violet, your new friends are here.”
“Nyu fwiends?”
There was a pattering of hoofs on the floor as Violet came bounding into the room, seeing the many new faces almost brought her to tears, she was so happy to have so many new friends to meet.
Although one handsome blue stallion caught her eye first, and she caught his as well.
Lazarus felt that tingling in his lumps again, only this time there was no shame, he felt… warm, almost comforted looking at Violet as slowly the two of them approached each other, both grinning like idiots.
“Hewwo, am Vi-oh-wet.”
“Am Wazawus, Vi-oh-wet am vewy pwetty.”
“Weawwy? Eben doh am munstah.”
“Yu nu munstah, yu am wingie-pointy. Wazawus am wingie-pointy tuu, just nu hab wingies coz meanie take dem wen jus wittew babbeh.”
“Dat howwibew, who wan huwt wittew babbeh.”
As the two of them fell into a deep conversation, Cinnamon looked up at Herman and smiled. “Fank yu daddeh.”
“For what?”
“Fow gibben Wazawus anudda chance, he hab own famiwy soon coz of yu.”
Herman smiled and knelt down, letting the foals out to play with their family and to tickle Cinnamon on the chin.
“Couldn’t have done it without you girl.”
The three men watched their Fluffies together, content in their safety and in their happiness together.
Until Johnny played back what Cinnamon said in his head and the smile dropped from his face.
“Wait? What did she mean by ‘his own family soon’?
Gheorghe chuckled and put his arm over Johnny’s shoulder. “I explain when you older.”
