You are shaken out of your game when Bambi runs into your room crying and hugs your leg tightly.
“HUU HUU HUUUU! DADDAH HEWPIE! FWUFFY SCAWIE! BAMBI SCAWIEEE!!”
“Sounds like you’ve got other matters to attend to!” you hear your sniper jeer in the chat.
You reply, “I’ll be right back. Don’t let them get too close to the base!”
You quickly mute your microphone and step away from the gaming chair.
You accidentally stepped on little Bambi’s tail!
“Aww I’m sorry Bambi,” you say as you pick her up in a big hug that you know she needs right now.
“What’s wrong little girl?”
“huu huu fwuff tebee scawie daddah! Bambi scawie!”
“Now come on, Bambi. What could be that scary on Fluff TV?”
“uhuuu pwease wook an’ see! Pweasie!”
“Okay, I’ll come look with you.”
“Tankoo daddah, uhuuu”
You carry a softly sobbing Bambi in your arms into the safe room. You set her down on her favorite pillow and you sit down next to her in front of her little TV.
It’s a sweet little song playing on the TV. First a nice lady sings a line, and then the fluffies sing along too (kind of. Fluffies love to sing, but their ability to stay in tune is complicated).
“Everyfluffy is pretty, and everyfluffy gets huggies and love! Blue and pink and brown and green, everyfluffy gets huggies and love!”
An astonished grey pegasus asks the nice lady “EBEN da NU-PWETTY fwuffies geh’ huggies an’ wub??”
The nice lady picks up the fluffy in a hug and exclaims “What do you mean not-pretty fluffies?? EVERYfluffy is pretty!”
“oh, OTAY! Fwuffy wub yu, and wub AWW fwuffies!” the pegasus says as it hugs her face and starts flapping its little wings in joy.
And the song continues.
It’s good that HasBIO is starting to push back against fluffy colorism and teach that all fluffies are pretty.
You remember when you first picked Bambi up from the store, how sad and miserable she was. Nofluffy was playing with her, they called her ugly just because she was brown and had spots! When you brought little Bambi home, you had to keep telling her that her reddish-brown fluff and white spots were beautiful, and you loved her! And she didn’t believe you!
You look at her and see her singing along here and there, but still nervous. And that’s when it hits.
The TV goes half-static and flashes light and dark like at your old uncle’s house in Nowhere, Texas. The singing fluffies’ voices become sonically twisted and demonic.
Little Bambi’s hooves rush to cover her ears and she closes her eyes hard, and starts huu-huuing on her pillow.
You even see shadows appear in the background as Bambi runs into your lap, hugs you tightly, and cries harder into your body.
Then all in one second, the program goes back to normal.
The fluffies joyously shout “…Ewwyfwuffy gess HUGGIES an WUB!”
And the video pans out to show the fluffies hugging each other and cooing, while the nice lady gives them head scratches. What a cute little song!
“See daddah? Tebee am SU SUUU SCAWIE an’ an’ an’ an’ gif Bambi B-B-BAD HUU-HUUs! Pwease make scawie tebee stawp giffin’ scawies! Uhuuu…”
You hug Bambi again, resting your chin atop her head, and you tell her in your tenderest daddy voice, “Yes, you are right Bambi. You are a brave little fluffy for telling me about this. I will make sure that the TV stops giving you scaries.”
Bambi sobs in a tiny voice, “uhuuu, tankoo daddah” and hugs you as tightly as her little fluffy legs can hug.
“Bambi wub yu, daddah.”
The TV issue felt too perfect to be an accident. After some web searching, you find a forum on r/Fluffies where somebody else had this exact issue. It’s actually a pretty common issue for fluffies watching TV. You read down the replies, and it looks like the common factor is people using regular TVs.
With the HasBIO-affiliated TVs, this is almost never an issue. Those things are too expensive, but they always seem to sell out quickly. Darkly, now you may know why.
After further research, it appears the HasBIO TVs have computer chips that other TVs don’t have, and the Fluff TV network has become somewhat notorious for employing these types of conditional effects in their programming. Well, as notorious as anyone using tricks like this these days. Shit, even your new fridge has a computer chip in its filter system that won’t cooperate with generic water filters.
Looking further, you see that there was a lawsuit about this last year, fluffy owners sued HasBIO in a class action lawsuit alleging that their conditionally-affected programming caused their fluffies emotional distress. Supreme Court ruled that consuming Fluff TV programming is optional, and since fluffies are legally toys, nothing can cause them “emotional distress.” So for now, the only practicable solution is to buy a HasBIO television, or to not let Bambi watch Fluff TV while you are away.
As you bleakly pre-order a HasBIO Fluffy-friendly television online, you stew in abject hate. There are few things that you truly hate, but at the top of the list is corporate bloodsuckers who get rich through planned obsolescence.
Bambi had been peacefully resting in your lap, but you must have started petting her erratically. She wakes and looks with concern up at your steaming face.
“Daddah, wha wong? Why angwies? Daddah nee wub an’ huggie?”
You take a deep breath, calm yourself down, and reply, “yes Bambi, Daddy could use a big fluffy hug right now.”
Bambi giggles, “Okie daddah! Big fwuffy huggie ON DA WEY!”
After putting her to sleep in her little nest, you grimly walk into your hobby room, knowing what you have to do.
An hour later, you come up out of the hobby room holding your mail bomb in gloved hands. You will mail this to the CEO of Fluff TV, with the Craterside Fluff TV Regional Office as its return address. You learned the hard way not to put your own return address on a mail bomb, so hopefully this way they will not catch you.
As you drive to drop off the special package at a randomly determined post office on the other side of town, you feel victory and vengeance coursing through your bloodstream. It is a small crime to Fluff TV, and you doubt it will change their minds, but everything helps in the Revolution!
It’s a freezing day outside and fresh snow blankets the land. It has been two weeks of anxiety and no Fluff TV, so you and Bambi are sharing much needed cuddles and warm cocoa on the couch when a hard, fast knock comes to your door.
Before you get up to answer, the SWAT team rams your door down, and four big guys burst into your living room.
“Waaah! Scawie!! Daddah, dun wet big scawies huwtie Bambi!!”
“He’s got a fluffy! I think this is our guy! Check the whole place, leave no stone unturned!”
Two of the guys hustle into your other rooms while you and Bambi are stuck to the couch at gunpoint.
One of the guys must notice you twitch when his comrades rush into your hobby room, so he says gruffly, “make one move and i’ll make this rifle bust on your eyes.”
“UHUUUU!” cries Bambi as she takes off running and shitting, to go hide in the corner of the kitchen.
The other guy blasts at her but misses every shot. She cries even harder while shaking behind her little hooves on the linoleum floor.
Gunpoint guy shouts his companion down. “Come on, I get shooting at a dog. But what in God’s green Hell is a shitrat gonna do? Shit on your boots? Trigger itchy fucker”
“Sorry, sir” meekly says the blaster, as he slowly, menacingly, follows Bambi over to the kitchen corner.
Bambi is a whimpering pissing shaking mess as he stoops down to her level.
“So, you are a fluffy who likes to run?”
“uhu-uhu-uhuuu big mista scawie u-HUUUU”
“ANSWER ME, YOU SHIT!”
“She has the right to remain silent!”
Both of the guys bust out laughing as the other two return from your bedroom holding some of your bomb making materials in evidence bags.
“We got our guy!”
The gunpoint guy steps to you, grabs you by your wrists, and says “you’re coming with us.”
The blaster picks up Bambi violently by her nape neck, eliciting loud HUU-HUUs and a final tiny shit.
“You are coming too, shitter.”
“BAD UPSIES!! Wah hah HAAAAAH!!! PWEASE DUN BAD WOWDIES! Am good fwuffy… uhuuuu”
As he walks out behind you, you hear him swing your heartbroken Bambi into the door frame on the way out.
“SCREEEEEE!” THUNK! “UHUU-HUUUU HUUUUUUBU!!”
You are made to look as she holds her broken bleeding nose in her shaking hooves and cries in loud pained blood-choking sobs.
“DABBAHH! BAMBI NEEB HUBBIES!! UHUU HUU HUUUUB! PBWEASIE HUBGIES!!”
Her blood-infused drool drips from her twisted mouth and stains the walkway as you are both forcefully brought down the stairs of your apartment complex.
The guys, laughing, must enjoy the contortions on your face as you behold your little fluffy in torment and you cannot do anything to help her.
“Oh this fool is SOFT!”
“They’re gonna eat his ass just like apple pie, HA HA!”
You are in an interrogation room, facing two suited men. You see your broken angel restrained and crying in the next room with her own interrogator.
You hear your name.
“Remember. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.”
the other guy adds “and anything you don’t say, will be used against your little toy in the other room there.”
Through the glass, you can barely hear Bambi sob “uhuu huu! Bambi nu am toysie!”