you stand on the side of a bridge, your terrified to look down but apathetic about the action you have come here to commit. the ultimate repudiation of life, the endorsement of antinatalism, the extreme escape.
its been so long since you haven’t felt like this, so slow so disconnected, weighed down by everything around you, by yourself. all the world seems to slowly crush you, you want to cry just to externalize your emotion but you don’t know how. you tried to retreat to the things you used to love but you find nothing satisfactory . everything that used to bring you joy now feels stagnant. you feel yourself withering away. you feel the tint of grey in your perception of the world.
you know this feeling isnt you. you can feel this ball of grey sit on top of your mind and nestle into it. this isnt you, this is a parasite, but still you cannot go on like this, this world weariness this mundane torture. its to much its all to much. you look down, water races at least a hundred feet bellow . you dont want to do this, this isnt you, this is too much, but then you feel it, you feel the weight the desire for your body and mind to simply crumple into itself but it cannot, you want to scream and cry and curl into a ball, but you cannot, there is nothing, nothing but this,
you take a step foward
“humin hab saddies?” “need hugies?”
you feel something small and warm wrap around leg and look down, a small black and white pegasus is hugging your ankle intensly with eyes gazing up at you.
“nu hab saddies mistah, pwease hab happies”
you think about jumping with him but you cant bear yourself to
you bend down and pic him up, gently prying him off your knee,
you hug him close to your chest and close your eyes. hes hugging just as intensely eyes closed, he burys his head into you and begs you to live as if he had known you his entire life instead of 30 seconds.
“how about coming home with me little guy” you ask apprehensively, its been a while since you lived with someone and this is the first fluffy you would have
“humin wan be nyu daddeh?” the stallion asks just as apprehensively, he must have some bad memories
“only if your ok with it”
“hmm okway but onwy if can gib huggies when daddeh hab saddies”
“deal” you say smiling for the first time in a while, well thats not true, smiling inside and outside for the first time in a while,
“your going to need a name if i adopt you, how about clarence”
“cwawence wub nyu namsies! wub new daddeh!” he exclaims excitedly as you start to walk home
