One fall evening Greg the definitely human adult paused in the middle of watching what definitely wasn’t niche porn when he heard a soft knocking at his front door.
Opening it he didn’t see anyone. Then he looked down and saw a fluffy mare. She was obviously pregnant and nearly immobile from her bulk. It had taken the last of her strength to get to Greg’s front door and if he closed it she’d be stuck there for the foreseeable future.
“Pwease nice mistah, be nyu daddeh? Soon-mummah nee wawm homsie and wotsa nummies fow tummeh-babbehs befowe cowd-times come.”
Greg rubbed his chin, considering his options. Then he brightened.
“Yes! I’ll be your new ‘daddy.’ I even have a little house just for you that you can live in.”
“Weawy! TANK YU, NYU DADDEH! Soon-mummah hab su many heawt-happies!”
“And I’ll give you a name: ‘Leaves.’”
“New namsie?! Weabs wub new namsie!”
Donning long gloves, Greg scooped up Leaves and carried her into his backyard.
“Now let me take you to your new forever home.”
“Weabs can stay fowebah? YAY!”
“You and your babies will be here for the rest of your lives. And you’ll have more than enough food.”
“Dis best day EBAH! WEABES WUB WUB WUB DADDEH!!!”
Greg reached his destination and deposited Leaves in a metal box with an open lid. Leaves didn’t see it as a sorry box since it had slots on the side she could look out of. Plus when she looked around her new home she saw it was full of dry leaves, grass clippings, and old newspapers.
“Weabs nyu nestie am made fwom nummies?! Weabs am wuckiest fwuffy ebah!”
Greg chuckled as he lit a match.
“Well, you definitely have a lot of luck. Except in your case it’s bad.”
Leaves was confused. How did she have bad luck? She had a new home, a loving daddy, and her nest was super comfortable AND edible. And as an outside observer would say: “made of highly flammable material”. And now that she started sniffing she realized it smelled funny. If fluffies knew what “lighter fluid” was Leaves would say her new nest smelled like that.
Leaves new nest was made out of lighter fluid-soaked flammable material. Also her new home was a burn barrel.
This realization failed to dawn on Leaves because fluffies are ignorant, stupid, and incredibly unobservant.
Greg tossed the match into the burn barrel. Leafy and her babies went up with a huge “fwoomp” as the fire started consuming her. Unfortunately for her, fluffies take a surprisingly long time to burn and she didn’t lose her ability to feel pain until seconds before she burned to death.
Greg’s next door neighbor Justin heard a fluffy screaming in horrendous agony and walked over to the fence separating their properties.
“What are you doing, Greg?”
Greg smiled.
“Just burning Leaves.”
Justin looked down, saw the burn barrel and its contents, and then looked back up at Greg.
“You’re willing to do all that for the sake of a pun, but you couldn’t put in the work to save your marriage.”
A single tear rolled down Greg’s face as he realized Justin was right.
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Author’s note: After having been asked, I am fine with people adapting my stories into visual art if they message me to get my permission first. I’d love to see my stories adapted.
