Always The Last Place You'd Expect: By Stwumpo

A mummah unicorn slumbers in the alley, her special friend by her side. She doesn’t hear as someone approaches, with a device in his hand. He kneels, places the device against her snoozing head, and presses a button. There is a buzz, a click, a flash, then nothing. The fluffy barely stirs as she releases her bowels and bladder before shuddering and drifting off with a soft “nu smeww pwetty” rasped under her snores.

In the morning she awakens. She is in unfamiliar territory. She doesn’t know where she is or who these other fluffies are. She yawns as she stretches out before turning to her boxmates. “Hewwo! Nyu fwends? Am fwuffy!”

The stallion looks confused, and flutters his wings nervously. “Wat mean? Am Chwistofew! Am speciaw fwend! Ou am Sunfwowa! Nu scawe pwease!” The yellow mare cocks her head in befuddlement. “Sunfwowew? Hu dat? Am udda nyu fwend?” Her special friend is growing panicked.

“Huuuuu nu scawies! Pwease! Babbehs need mummah!” She looked down. To her surprise, there were several foals peeping and cooing and hugging and wubbing and…


She reacted in a flash, batting away her children, these strange beings she’d never laid eyes on before. “Nu! Bad babbehs! Miwkies fow Fwuffy babbehs! Dummeh miwkie feef!” Christopher sprung into action. “Nuuuuu! Nu huwt babbehs! Ou dey mummah!”

The mare was now frantic, scrambling her weggies in an effort to free herself from this strange nest she’d clearly been lured to by this evil meanie fluffy. Her babbehs were terrified and hungry. “Mummah! Miwkies! Babbeh tummeh hab owwies!” She scowled and raised a hoof. “Nu! Bad babbehs nu steaw miwkies! Dey fo fwuffy babbehs! Nu bad dummeh babbehs!”

Christopher was stunned. He couldn’t understand what he was seeing. Maybe that’s why he was so slow to react. Whatever the reason, the consequence was seeing his beautiful orange son vomiting his own intestines out through his mouth, squealing and gurgling in agonized terror.

“NUUUUUU! PUMKIIIIIIN!” He took off towards his special friend, the mother of his children. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do, but he cannot watch his children die. Fortunately, he doesn’t have to.

Blinded by his own tears, he tramples his sobbimg daughter, her eyes hidden behind her scarediest hoofsies. He realizes his mistake as his foot slides out from under him, sending him tumbling to the ground.

His still living daughter is smeared across the smooth concrete of the alley, her torso and head stuck to his hoof. “PEWEEP CHEEEEEERP! OWWWIES DADDEH OWWWIES NU NU SOWWWWWWY!!!”

He didn’t have time to reflect before he felt a horn enter his eye. Unicorns were always less clumsy than other fluffies. Christopher thrashes his wingies in pain. “SCREEEEE! NUUUUU HUWT SEE PWACES! KWISTOPHEW NEE DOZE!”

His adrenaline fueled attacker huffed. “Nu cawe! Dummeh ugwy wingie poopie twy huwt gud mummah! Haftu fin weaw babbehs fow gif bestest miwkies!” Christopher tried to roll over and interject, but his beloved began stomping on his spine in a frenzy. “Nu! Nu wan uppies fow bad fwuffy! Ou wanna gif huwties tu mummah an make mummah babbehs hab tummeh huwties! Nao mummah nu hab nuff miwkies! Nee nummies!”

Christopher couldn’t feel anything past his shoulders. His weggies were both bruised and broken by the onslaught. His neck hurt so bad he didn’t want to move it. He was missing an eye, and his remaining one was filled by his dwindling family.

“Humf! If mummah hafta num dummie miwkie fiefs dun dat wat mummah du! Haftu haf pwenty miwkies fow babbehs, dey gunna hab su manneh hungwies! Come hewe, dummeh babbehs!” She began giggling to herself as she chased her screaming spawn around.

Christopher could only watch and scream and flail his busted legs as the best friend he’d ever had ran down, hobbled, and devoured the children they’d made together. His son, his adorable brown wingie colt, had run to the formerly safe bosom of his all powerful father.

“Daddeh! Pwease sabe Chokwit! Mummah am munstah! Hewp! Pwease hewp!” Behind him, the last of his siblings begged for mercy. “Nu, mummah! Candee nu am nummies, am Candee!” Her mother shrugged. “Soun wike nummie tu fwuffy! Weady be miwkies?” Her daughter sobbed and pleaded as she bit down on her head and silenced her. “Icky gwoss! Nu taste pwetty! Dese miwkies fow POOPIE babbeh.” She paused. “Du mummah hab poopie babbeh?”

She turned and saw Chocolate.


He stopped pleading and started screeching as his mother bit his lower half off. She finished him quickly thereafter, before waddling away. She ignored the wailing of that dummeh stawwion as she puttered off into the world.

Her babbehs were out here. She knew it.


Fuckin retared mare kills her babies and i love it keep up the great work stumpwo!!!

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Naming ones brood after comestibles would have gotten them into trouble at some point anyway.
Surprised there are not more “Pwetty Sketties” out among the ferals.

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