Anon's Roommate [ By Paincil ]

I honestly never had the desire to own a fluffy. I mean I get the appeal, they’re supposed to be cutesy with the way they talk and honestly the idea of owning a tiny horse is kinda interesting, but I think the main reason I’ve never wanted a fluffy is because I used to share a dorm room with a guy that owned one


>be me
>first year of college
>start late because of family drama
>really into character design
>my dream is to design my own indie multiplayer FPS like TF2 or early Overwatch
>end up sharing a dorm with 300 lbs. human beanbag chair whom I will refer to as ‘fluffag
>obsessed with fluffies
>owns posters, bootleg fluffytv discs, and other memorabilia
>crown jewel to his collection is a pegasus fluffy of his own named ‘fluffag jr.’
>the guy actually named his fluffy after himself
>not even a male fluffy
>”Hey, I don’t think we’re allowed to own pets here.”
>”Erm, actually she is my emotional support fluffy. I need her with me otherwise I’ll go crazy. Trust me, you won’t like me when a guy likes me lets his inner beast take hold of him”
>sounds retarded enough for me to believe him
>honestly should have tried moving dorms then and there but didn’t want to sound like a dick for not wanting to room with him because of his disability

This Means War


>try to live with fluffag and his sentient shit dispenser for about a month
>room constantly smells like liquid ass
>litter box not being changed regularly
>can’t open window
>fluffag is worried that jr. will try to kill herself
>can’t say I blame her tbh
>apparently fluffag jr. really wants to fly
>really entitled little shit just like her ‘daddeh’
>fat af
>smartie/bitch mare
>fluffag sr. treats her like the second coming of christ
>eventually reach boiling point after catching fluffag jr. deliberately shitting on my pillow
>slap the little fucker like pic related and make my way to the office to complain
>learn that his mother is the hierarchy
>won’t do anything about it
>request to move to a new dorm
>bitch smugly denied me and gave me a ‘shoo-shoo’ motion with her hand
>am also later reprimanded for hitting his fluffy
>it’s so fucking on

Flight of The Fluffy

>one week passes
>think of ways to get revenge on fluffag and jr.
>have to be discrete otherwise they’ll know it was me
>remember that fluffag’s fluffy wants to fly
>phone professors and fluffag
>say i’m dealing with important family matters
>sneakily grab one of fluffag’s shirts
>shove into jacket pocket
>go to parking spot an get in car
>drive around block
>park just out of view of dorm window
>wait for fluffag to leave before I make my move
>slip on fluffag’s t-shirt
>smells fucking putrid
>will probably have to burn my jacket after but soldier on
>slip back into dorm
>wearing shirt over my nose and a baseball cap to hide my hair
>stealth 100
>find fluffag jr. shitting on my pillow again
>focus anon
>”hey fluffag jr., hows my favorite little gal?”
>”hewwo daddeh, fwuffy am make gud poopsie on meanie munstah nestie”
>murder boner at 20%
>”good girl, as a reward I am going to teach you how to fly”
>”wewwy!? fwuffy am su happy! wan fwy!”
>murder boner at 40%
>yep! all you have to do is jump off of something super high! How about you try jumping from that desk to the bed?
>”otay! fwuffy make big jumpies fwom tabw!”
>their wings buzz with excitement
>sounds like a fly buzzing
>help them onto the desk and watch them jump
>our dorm room floor is solid laminated wood without even an inch of carpet
>their front hooves shatter like glass
>fluffag jr. begs for help
>give it false hope saying i’ll go get some and be right back
>turn them around
>ditch shirt
>bolt faster than an unshackled slave when they masta ain’t lookin’
>fluffag jr. is now terrified of her ‘daddeh’
>thinks that he is a liar
>fluffag sr. is distraught

Conversion Therapy

>start getting on fluffag jr.’s good side
>give them treats when fluffag isn’t looking
>mainly just bits of jerky that I keep hidden in my pillowcase
>reschedule classes without fluffag knowing
>wear fluffag’s old shirts when he goes to class
>make sure to cover face and use lower tone voice
>torment fluffag jr.
>pull wings/threaten to take them off
>pull mane
>insult her
>even fed her a small bit of a jalapeno once
>can’t run away because broken legs
>over time she drifts away from fluffag
>begins gravitating towards me
>fluffag accuses me of ‘stealing’ his fluffy
>no evidence
>jr. too spooked by him to say anything
>”Maybe you should try taking better care of her”
>activate tardrage
>fluffy daddy
>kek internally
>tries to win her back with treats and ‘huggies’
>doesn’t work
>constant gifts/attempts at physical interaction only scare his former fluffy more
>usually hides under bed
>sprays fluffag with shit and piss on multiple occasions
**>can’t approach from other side of bed **
>too fat to fit between bed and wall gap
>fluffag is pissed

Sidetrack - The Jalapeno Incident

Since a lot of you were asking, I’ll take a brief pause to tell you about what happened when I gave fluffag jr. a ‘spicy nummy’

>be me
>about 4-5 days after jr. broke her legs
>torture methods work wonders
>fluffag is confused
>too retarded to catch on to my antics
>walking to class one day when I see it
>a jalapeno slice in a discarded nacho box
>discreetly pocket the jalapeno
>return to dorm
>dawn my disguise
>tell jr. that I’m sorry for the way I’ve been treating her
>”Here’s a special flying nummy. It’ll make your wings big and strong”
>”Wewwy? Meanie munstah daddeh pwomise?”
>”I promise, but you have to eat the whole thing”
>”Yayy! Tank ou munstah daddeh! Junow’s wings be big an stwang fo fwye!”
>was tempted to shove the thing into its mouth and hold its muzzle shut
>eats the jalapeno in one bite
>instant regret
>shits and piss themselves on the spot
>complains about ‘mouth burnies’
>can’t get to food and water because broken legs
>begs to be taken to water dish
>”I lied, you are the worstest fluffy ever. You deserve forever sleepies”
>leave and go to classes
>return hours later to the foulest smelling shit I can fathom
>actually worse than usual fluffy shit smell
>fluffag sr. is covered in buttsauce
>also furiously trying to scrub molten jalapeno dukey out of his blanket
>learn he tried to pick his fluffy up 10 minutes after I left
>fear and digested jalapeno shift bowels into maximum overdrive
>furiously blasts fluffag sr.
>drops fluffy onto bed
>continues shitting itself
>blankets are completely ruined
>doesn’t want to ruin car with shit smell
>tries to wash it out himself
>uses paper towels and liquid hand soap
>finally caves after an hour of trying to wash blanket manually

Jr.’s Ascension


>been living with fluffag and his fluffy for half a year
>fluffag is pissed with me
>has tried to attack me multiple times
>has never managed to land a hit on me
>have never laid a hand on him
>jr. is still as entitled as ever
>constantly demands ‘nummies’ from me
>refuses to eat kibble
>I indulge her to keep in her good graces
>one day watching TV with fluffag and jr.
>ad for Red Bull comes on
>’Red Bull Gives you Wings’
>jr. gets an idea
>”Daddeh! Jewnor wan wingies! Gib wed buw NAO!”
>he obliges and gets ready to leave and get a can
>know nothing about energy drinks but knows Red Bull has a shitload of caffeine in it
>”Hey, are you sure that is a good idea? I mean-”
>leaves and comes back like 15 minutes later
>cracks open can
>dumps contents into water dish
>jr. waddles her fat ass over to the bowl
>drinks greedily
>practically finishes the entire can
>then it happens
>fucker begins to mutate
>grows huge ass wings and flys away
>leaves big ass hole in ceilings/floors of dorms
>lol jk
>fucker goes into cardiac arrest and keels over
>writhes around on the ground sputtering nonsense
>fluffag realizes he fucked up
>tries to do chest compressions
>ends up caving in fluffag jr’s ribs
>probably did them a favor by making it end quicker tbh
>after about a minute jr. passes away
>fluffag is devastated
>I just sit there watching TV
>”I tried to warn you dumbass”
>tardrage grief overdrive activate
>fluffag gets up and begins ‘charging’ his punch
>spins his arm around before lunging forward
>roll down the crack of the bed and he ends up punching the baseboard
>hurts himself but doesn’t break anything
>stay under the bed with my phone
>fluffag mourns over the loss of his fluffy


>months pass
>loss of fluffag jr. has sent fluffag sr. into a deep depression
>doesn’t go to classes
>spends all his time watching his bootleg flufftv recordings
>grades nosedive
>professors and mother get on his ass about it
>it’s not very effective
>eventually is told to gtfo
>campus security is called
>6’5 pure muscle hispanic guy
>fluffag is 5’2 sentient blob of grease an gristle
>fluffag is told to leave one last time
>tries to ‘swing’ on megaspick
>attack is easily telegraphed by him spinning his arm
>megaspick is not having it
>grabs him by the arm and pulls him out of the room
>drags his ass out into the hall
>last thing I hear is fluffag calling megaspick a retard as they round the corner
>look out window to continue watching
>fluffag emerges without his shirt running from megaspick
>manages to go halfway across parking before being tackled
>police end up being called
>no idea how he escaped or why police were called
>rumor has it he punched megaspick in the dick and tried to choke him out
> ( x ) Doubt
>end up getting new roommate a week later
>lean black guy
>loves to bake
>still in touch with him 4 years later
>attended his wedding as guest

As far as I know, fluffag probably got off with a slap on the wrist with how high and mighty his mom is but he never got back into the college. My best guess as to where he is now is that he lives in his mother’s basement eating tendies and rambling about fluffies online.


Okay, this was really hilarious. What’s scary is if fluffies were real, I could see this shit actually happening at a college :joy: