This is a DEFUNCT Choose Your Own Adventure from the old Booru. I figured I’d archive it here. (all parts).
ANOTHER GODDAMN CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE THING
FLUFFY BREEDER MAN GUY PART I:
[OK, basically I was kind of sad that the latest CYOA thing fizzled out. So I figured I’d do my own ripoffversion. I’m basically going to borrow Savannah11’s very basic template, but seeded with a few of my own choices — mostly too late and probably too weird besides — to get the thing going, and also so I just don’t c/p Savanah11’s thing and say go to town.
I’ll probably post somewhere betwen 1-2 every 1-2 days. Unless no one chooses anything, and this dies on the vine and everyone’s happier for it.
——
You have decided to become a fluffy breeder. Despite no experience, you jump in. You’ve obtained four fluffies from the nearby dark alley. You have named them:
CHUMPO - Soon Mummah; Pink fluff, purple mane, earthy.
HUMPO — Fwuffy Daddeh; Green fluff, blue mane, unicorn, but not a smarty to date.
DUMPO - talkie babbeh 1; blue fluff, orange mane, earthy.
FLUMPO - talkie babbeh 2;red fluff, purple mane, unicorn.
CHAPPY — Unrelated stud; Purple fluff, green mane, pegasus
Though you’ve only had them for a day, you’ve set them up with the bare necessities. A safe room (ultimately to be some form of kennel design you haven’t figured out yet), a blanket, a large cushion for the fluffs to form a fluff pile, a ball and a block. Just one. You’re not made of money.
You’ve told the fluffies the rules:
- Don’t Make Bad Poopies
- Don’t be smarties.
- What Hoomin Daddeh Says Goes.
- Do Not Beg.
- Bad fluffies go into the fluffpile.
- Badness is determined by Hoomin Daddeh.
- Even bad fluffies must breed.
- Fluffies get Kibble only.
- Bad fluffies get worse kibble.
- VERY VERY good fluffies get Skettis. (But seriously, you gotta be fluffy Jesus or some shit.)
You’ve explained that the fluffpile is the punishment — bad fluffies will be sewn to each other. Obviously, this will become your breeding stock, as you can’t very well sell a foal sewn to five other foals.
Of course, this first batch of foals will be breeding stock — you’ve got to start somewhere.
NOW THAT THE BACKSTORY IS OUT OF THE WAY:
Today is a busy day. You need to go to work and after work, swing by the FluffMart to pick up more kibble.
When you get home, you see that you’ve left the saferoom door open, and the fluffies are all sitting in your livingroom.
CHUMPO, HUMPO and DUMPO are sitting by the picture window looking out at your lawn. CHAPPY is crying. FLUMPO, however is puffing his cheeks.
WHAT DO YOU DO???
ANOTHER GODDAMN CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE THING
FLUFFY BREEDER MAN GUY PART II:
CURRENT FLUFFIES:
CHUMPO - Soon Mummah; Pink fluff, purple mane, earthy.
HUMPO — Fwuffy Daddeh; Green fluff, blue mane, unicorn, but not a smarty to date.
DUMPO - talkie babbeh 1; blue fluff, orange mane, earthy, female.
FLUMPO - talkie babbeh 2;red fluff, purple mane, unicorn, male.
CHAPPY — Unrelated stud; Purple fluff, green mane, pegasus
You’re irritated that the fluffies have all gotten out of the safe room. You consider pillowing them to keep this from happening, but you figure you might hold off on that. It might make the fluffpile more amusing to start adding legs.
You approach CHUMPO, HUMP AND DUMPO at the window. “Hey guys, whatcha lookin’ at?”
“Gwassies!” CHUMPO replies.
You look out the window and see that, indeed, there is nothing out there. At least you know you were right not to waste money on Fluff TV. These guys will watch ANYTHING.
“Okay, time to go back into the saferoom.”
“Otay daddeh! Babbehs fowwow Fwuffy daddeh and mummah back!” HUMPO replies. You notice that pretty soon HUMPO will have to roll CHUMPO around. But the three fluffies get back into the room uneventfully.
Now time to deal with the other two.
First, you pick up CHAPPY, and give him a hug.
“What’s wrong, buddy?”
“FWUMPO MEANIE DADDEH! SAID CHAPPY WAS DUMMEH FWUFFY! FWUMPO SAY WINGIES AM DUMMEHS AND WINGIE FWUFFIES AM DUMMIES TOO! HUU HUU HUU!”
“Don’t worry, I’ll have a talk with Flumpo right now.”
You carry CHAPPY Back to the safe room, and come back to confront FLUMPO.
“FLUMPO! Why did you call Chappy a dummy?”
“CHAPPY AM DUMMIE! WINGIES NU GUD! AND DUMMEH NU HAVE NICE NAME WIKE FWUMPO!”
“Flumpo. I am disappointed in you. You’re a bad babbeh.”
“NU CAWE! FWUMPO AM BESTEST BABBEH.”
“Did your parents say you were the Bestest Babbeh?”
“NU! Dey dummeh too! Fwumpo figuwe it owt by fwuffy!”
“Well, you’re wrong, Flumpo. That makes you the dummeh.”
“NUUUUU! Nu am dummeh!”
“Looks like a dummy to me. You’ve been a very bad babbeh. Now come with me.”
With that you pick up FLUMPO and carry him back to the safe room.
“FLUFFIES COME HERE.”
The other four fluffies come up to you, still holding FLUMPO.
“FLUMPO HAS BEEN A BAD BABBEH. He says he’s the bestest babbeh.”
“NUUUUUUUUU!!! FWUMPO NU AM BESTEST BABBEH” DUMPO wails.
“That’s right, Dumpo. No one is the bestest babbeh.”
DUMPO quietly whimpers.
“Flumpo also said that wingie-fluffies were dummehs! And that’s not true at all!”
CHAPPY sniffles.
“Now, Flumpo’s been a bad babbeh. But he can only be punished when another fluffy is bad. So FOR NOW, Flumpo will not get punished. BUT — he is NOT a good fluffy. And when another fluffy is bad, both of you will be punished at the same time.”
The fluffies look confused. But that’s not really your problem is it?
“NOW. I’m tired. I had a hard day at work, and I’m going to sleep. You can stay up, but when the room goes dark and your night light comes on, it’s time to sleep, all right?”
“OTAY!!!” the fluffies all say in unison. Even FLUMPO, though his “otay” seems vaguely surly. At least as surly as a fluffy can get, which isn’t that surly.
You set the timer on the lights, and leave, closing the door.
You decide to do a bit of research on how much you can start selling fluffies for when you start getting enough, but soon you fall asleep.
WHAT DO YOU WAKE UP TO IN THE SAFEROOM?
(basically pick a fluffy or two and say what they do in the saferoom. Doesn’t have to be long, that’ll be my department.)
The current status of the fluffies. All are in the safe room, which is safely locked.:
CHUMPO, HUMPO, DUMPO: Happy after a full day of staring at grass.
CHAPPY: Still whimpering, but for the most part getting over his sadness after seeing FLUMPO be scolded.
FLUMPO: Not in the best of humors. Is slated for the fluffpile if/when another fluffy is bad.
SAFEROOM CONTENTS:
- 5 fluffies.
- a blanket.
- a large cushion for all the fluffies to sleep on.
- 1 ball
- 1 block
- Powder blue walls with clouds painted on.
- A window, painted shut, though too high for any fluffy to see out of.
- A small trough, loaded with kibble for fluffies to free-feed. DUMPO and FLUMPO are old enough to eat kibble, though CHUMPO is still lactating.
ANOTHER GODDAMN CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE THING
FLUFFY BREEDER MAN GUY PART III:
CURRENT FLUFFIES:
CHUMPO - Soon Mummah; Pink fluff, purple mane, earthy.
HUMPO — Fwuffy Daddeh; Green fluff, blue mane, unicorn, but not a smarty to date.
DUMPO - talkie babbeh 1; blue fluff, orange mane, earthy, female.
FLUMPO - talkie babbeh 2;red fluff, purple mane, unicorn, male.
CHAPPY — Unrelated stud; Purple fluff, green mane, pegasus
Well, you didn’t get any research done, but hey, it’s not time to sell any foals yet anyway, so no harm done. You slept surprisingly well on the couch with your laptop… well, now on the floor.
You pour yourself a cup of coffee and figure you may as well check in on the saferoom. You imagine it’ll be much the same as every other morning — huggies, pway and whatever else the little idiots think is fun.
Unfortunately, when you open the door, that’s not what you see.
CHUMPO is staring at the painted clouds on the wall, enraptured.
She’s the only happy fluffy.
HUMPO and DUMPO are crying in what appears to be sympathy for CHAPPY, who is now covered in shit.
“DUMMEH DADDEH NU HEWE NAO! CHAPPY AM DUMMEH POOPEH FWUFFY! POOPY WINGIE! HAHAHA!”
“Huu huu huu… nu am dummeh… wuv wingies…”
“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!”
The fluffies jump and turn. Surprisingly no one shits in fear and/or surprise. Awesome!
“FLUMPO, I WARNED YOU. I told you you were going to get punished later, but obviously that’s not working. I’m going to get Chappy cleaned up and then I’ll deal with you later.”
You wish you had a sorry box to store Flumpo in. You should have realized that the first fluffy to be bad would cause problems for your fluff-pile plan. And lucky you, the other fluffies have all been well-behaved so far.
You pick FLUMPO and CHAPPY up. On the way to the bathroom, you remember that you just took out the trash a couple days ago, so the bathroom wastebasket only has a few used kleenexes in it.
“Fuck it, that’ll do.”
You place FLUMPO in the near-empty wastebasket.
“Nu wan sowwy boxie!! Nu wan!!”
Huh. Little bastard thinks it’s a sorry box. More money saved!
As you bath the sobbing CHAPPY, you think about what the fate of FLUMPO should be — at least until another fluffy is bad and joins the fluffpile.
The bizarre idea of having sex with FLUMPO crosses your mind. You’ll have to up your meds. You didn’t have any interest in that sort of thing BEFORE that incident with the horse.
(Get your minds out of the gutter. When you were 13, you worked as a farmhand on your uncle’s farm for a week. That ended quickly as you got the bright idea that it’d be fun to surprise one of the Clydesdales. The horse kicked and it landed directly on your crotch, obliterating your naughty bits. Even though you have a catheter bag stuck to your leg now, you consider yourself lucky. After all, you’ve since learned a kick from a Clydesdale could EASILY kill a person.)
You could always swat him with something, but you don’t have a sorry stick. You do have a fine collction of whips, but you don’t want to spoil them on a fluffy foal.
But then… your mind drifts back to the idea you had when FLUMPO first acted up. Pillowing. You consider taking one leg at a time to punish him each time he’s bad until another fluffy acts up… but drastic times call for drastic methods.
CHAPPY is now clean, and cooing.
“WUV DADDEH! Wuv cwean! Wuv baffies!”
“Aw, you’re a good little guy too, Chappy. I love you too. Now let’s get you back to your friends so I can deal with Flumpo.”
You take CHAPPY back to the saferoom and HUMPO and DUMPO run over to hug him. CHUMPO looks over and sees the others hugging and slowly waddles over to join the hugging.
HUMPO looks up nerviously.
“Daddeh… whewe… whewe Fwumpo?”
“Don’t worry, Humpo. I’m punishing him next. He’ll be back, though — and hopefully much better behaved.”
This cheers HUMPO up immediately.
“YAY! Wuv daddeh!”
You exit the saferoom (again, making sure to close the door this time), and go back to the bathroom. You see FLUMPO with his cheeks puffed, and the wastebasket is now filled with shit.
“DUMMEH DADDEH! FWUMPO SAID NU WAN SOWWY BOXIE!!”
Yeah, little fucker’s gonna have some fun today. You pick the now-filthy foal out and roughly dunk him into CHAPPY’s bathwater and swish him around in the soapy, shitty water. It got most of the big stuff off so to finish the job you turn the tap on full blast and run FLUMPO under it until he’s clean.
“NUU WAN WAWA!! WAWA BAD FO FWUFFY!!! NUUUUUUU!”
“Yeah, right now I don’t really care what you want.”
With the foal clean, you take him to your doctor’s surgery. (Actually it’s just the kitchen.) You get out your tools and put FLUMPO down on the cutting board. You put a cotton ball in front of his face.
“OK, Flumpo, this is ether, and it’s going to make you so sleepy you won’t be woken up until I wake you.”
“o….tay…. dummmeh… da….”
GodDAMN, you love the suggestibility of these things. You’re obviously not gonna waste good money on Ether! That was just a cotton ball you farted on.
But time to see how this works.
You grab your handy-dandy knife and bring the blade down on his front right leg. Sure enough, FLUMPO is out. He doesn’t twtich or anything. You’d think he was did if it weren’t for the soft snoring.
You work quickly and pillow the foal, practicing your sewing skills on the stumps. And… then a twisted idea comes to your mind. It’s a pity to waste the legs, after all… and you do need to practice your sewing.
You shave a stripe in FLUMPO’s backfluff, so there’s bare skin exposed. You then proceed to sew the severed legs to the bare flesh in a row, sorta like the spines of a stegosaurus! The first leg is a little roughly sewn, but by the fourth, you’re a regular seamstress!
“OK, FLUMPO! It’s time to wake up and go back to the saferoom.”
“DAT’S WITE DUMMEH DADDEH FWUMPO AWAKE NAO! FWUMPO GO BACK TO SAFEWOOM AND….and… and…. wewe weggies?”
“Oh, I turned you into a very special stegosaurus fluffy! Sure you won’t have your weggies anymore to run and play and hug, but hey!”
“Nuuuu! WAN WEGGIES DUMMEH DADDEH!!!”
“We all want a lot of things, Flumpo.”
You carry him back to the saferoom and put him down.
Oddly enough, CHUMPO is the first to notice. She rarely seems to notice much of ANYTHING.
“EEEE!! MUNSTAH BABBEH!!! EEEE! BABBEH WEGGIES WONG PWACE!!! EEEE!!”
“Yes, Chumpo, Flumpo was a bad babbeh and he needed to be pun—“
You’re interrupted by an even louder scream from CHUMPO.
“BIGGEST POOPIES!!! BIGGEST POOPIES!!!”
She births a litter of four right then.
WHAT ARE THE FOALS AND WHAT DO YOU NAME THEM?
The current status of the fluffies. All are in the safe room, which is safely locked.:
CHUMPO: Distracted, tired from giving birth and is happily cleaning FOAL 1.
HUMPO: Proud of his new babbehs, and happy. Doesn’t particularly care about FLUMPO right now.
DUMPO: Happy to see his new brothers and/or sisters.
CHAPPY: Thrilled both about the new babbehs, but also happy to see FLUMPO legless and munstahfied.
FLUMPO: Angry, sad, pillowed with his legs sewn to his back. Doesn’t give a shit about the babbehs because he’s got bigger things to worry about. Like how his legs are sewn to his back.
FOAL 1: A newly born foal still covered in afterbirth and goo that you can’t really make out much of anything.
FOAL 2: A newly born foal still covered in afterbirth and goo that you can’t really make out much of anything.
FOAL 3: A newly born foal still covered in afterbirth and goo that you can’t really make out much of anything.
FOAL 4: A newly born foal still covered in afterbirth and goo that you can’t really make out much of anything.
SAFEROOM CONTENTS:
- 9 fluffies, 4 of which are foals, one of which is pillowed.
- a blanket.
- a large cushion for all the fluffies to sleep on.
- 1 ball
- 1 block
- Powder blue walls with clouds painted on.
- A window, painted shut, though too high for any fluffy to see out of.
- A small trough, loaded with kibble for fluffies to free-feed. DUMPO and FLUMPO are old enough to eat kibble, though CHUMPO is still lactating.
- A litterbox because I forgot that last time. I mean, seriously, you’re not insane. Fluffies need a goddamn litterbox.
ANOTHER GODDAMN CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE THING
FLUFFY BREEDER MAN GUY PART IV:
You give each of the foals to CHUMPO to clean them off. You now see your current fluffies are:
CHUMPO - New Mummah; Pink fluff, purple mane, earthy.
HUMPO - Fwuffy Daddeh; Green fluff, blue mane, unicorn, but not a smarty to date.
DUMPO - talkie babbeh 1; blue fluff, orange mane, earthy, female.
FLUMPO - talkie babbeh 2;red fluff, purple mane, unicorn, male; currently pillowed with his legs sewn to his back, destined for the fluffpile
CHAPPY - Unrelated stud; Purple fluff, green mane, pegasus
SLUTO - new baby 1; pure white fluff, blue mane (to come), pegasus, female.
FOAL 4 - new baby 2; neon green fluff, dark red mane (to come), earthy, female.
FOAL 3 - new baby 3; black fluff, red mane, earthy, male.
CUMDUMPSTER - new baby 4; red and blue fluff, white mane, alicorn, male.
You name the foals as she cleans them. CHUMPO is too busy to say much, but you hear her mumble something like “bestest name fow babbeh” at each one so whatever.
When she cleans CUMDUMPSTER you notice he was an alicorn slightly before CHUMPO did. You’re surprised, though as CHUMPO just said “wookit hownie wingie babbeh nu taste pwetty” as she cleaned him. Looks like you don’t have to worry too much about hand-rearing him.
HUMPO wasn’t as chill about it though. “MUNSTAH BABBEH!!!” he shrieked.
“Humpo, NO. That is not a monster babbeh. That is a friend babbeh.”
“Fwend babbeh? Nu munstah?”
“Only a bad fluffy would think this is a monster,” you say, shifting slightly to allow HUMPO a clear line of sight to the glowering FLUMPO. You stomp slightly to get the attention of CHAPPY and DUMPO so they understand this too.
“… nu… nu wan be bad fwuffy… cumdumpsta nu munsta. cumdumpsta fwend.”
“Damn right, Humpo.”
HUMPO, DUMPO and CHAPPY all regard CUMDUMPSTER with a wary warmness. DUMPO goes over to give CUMDUMPSTER a hug but CHUMPO warns her away.
“Nu! Babbeh tuu widdow fow huggies! Jus’ miwkies!”
DUMPO sulks but then tries to console herself with a little of her mother’s milk.
“NU! DUMMEH DUMPO TUU BIG FOW MIWKIES! NEED MIWKIES FOH BABBEHS!!”
“NU HUGGIES?? NU MIWKIES?? WHY MUMMEH MEANIES TU DUMPO??”
“DUMPO BEIN’ MEANIES TU BABBEHS BY STEAWWING MIWKIES!! BABBEHS NEED MIWKIES!!”
DUMPO then started crying and ran off to where FLUMPO sat.
WHAT HAPPENS BETWEEN DUMPO AND FLUMPO?
CURRENT STATUS OF FLUFFIES:
CHUMPO: Tired from having given birth AND yelling at DUMPO.
HUMPO: The Doting father.
DUMPO: Sad that her mother yelled at her for taking milk and trying to hug her young brother. Standing near FLUMPO.
FLUMPO: Angry and sad about being the world’s first Stegofluffy. Lying near DUMPO.
CHAPPY: Distracted by the new babies to really care too much about anything.
SLUTO, FOAL 4, FOAL 3 and CUMDUMPSTER: Either nursing or sleeping by their mother, exhausted from being born.
SAFEROOM CONTENTS:
- 9 fluffies, 4 of which are foals, one of which is pillowed.
- a blanket.
- a large cushion for all the fluffies to sleep on.
- 1 ball
- 1 block
- Powder blue walls with clouds painted on.
- A window, painted shut, though too high for any fluffy to see out of.
- A small trough, loaded with kibble for fluffies to free-feed. DUMPO and FLUMPO are old enough to eat kibble, though CHUMPO is still lactating. SLUTO, FOAL 4, FOAL 3 and CUMDUMPSTER still require only milk.
- A litterbox.
ANOTHER GODDAMN CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE THING
FLUFFY BREEDER MAN GUY PART V:
CURRENT FLUFFIES:
CHUMPO - New Mummah; Pink fluff, purple mane, earthy.
HUMPO - Fwuffy Daddeh; Green fluff, blue mane, unicorn, but not a smarty to date.
DUMPO - talkie babbeh 1; blue fluff, orange mane, earthy, female.
FLUMPO - talkie babbeh 2;red fluff, purple mane, unicorn, male; currently pillowed with his legs sewn to his back, destined for the fluffpile
CHAPPY - Unrelated stud; Purple fluff, green mane, pegasus
SLUTO - new baby 1; pure white fluff, blue mane, pegasus, female.
FOAL 4 - new baby 2; neon green fluff, dark red mane, earthy, female.
FOAL 3 - new baby 3; black fluff, red mane, earthy, male.
CUMDUMPSTER - new baby 4; red and blue fluff, white mane, alicorn, male.
Out of the corner of your eye you see that DUMPO is crying next to the pillowed FLUMPO.
“Huu huu, Mummah nu wuv Dumpo anymow. Nu gib miwkies, nu gib huggies to babbeh, nu wuv Dumpo.”
“Huu huu, nu one wuv Fwumpo! Dummeh Chappy get dummeh daddeh tu take Fwumpo weggies! Just cuz dummeh chappy dummeh wingies… DUMMEH! DUMMEH DUMMEH!!!”
DUMPO started to laugh.
“Dummeh Fwumpo dummeh! Weggies wite DERE!” And she pointed to his back.
“Dummeh Dumpo! Nu waff at Fwumpo!”
“Dummeh Dumpo! Dummeh Dumpo!” DUMPO sings at her brother mockingly, as she bats at FLUMPO’s back-legs.
“NUUUUUU! DUMPO DUMMEH! NU WAFF!!”
You swear for a second you see FLUMPO taking huge bites out of DUMPO’s back, but you blink and it’s gone. DUMPO has stopped batting at the legs, and is starting to stomp on her brother’s side.
“OWWIES!! OWIES!!! HEWP HEWP!!”
You run over and boom “DUMPO! YOU ARE A BAD FLUFFY! THAT IS ENOUGH. YOU’RE JOINING THE FLUFFPILE.”
“Yay! Dumpo wuv fwuffpiwe!”
“Yeah, we’ll see how much you love it,” you say as you go to pick her up. Just then, across the room, you hear CHAPPY cry out:
“FOAW TWEE!!!”
YOUR CHOICE IS TWO-FOLD:
- WHAT DOES CHAPPY SEE?
- WHERE WILL YOU SEW DUMPO TO FLUMPO? (On FLUMPO’s body that is. You’ll do it in the kitchen like before. And remember the rules — particularly, Even Bad Fluffies Must Breed.)
CURRENT STATUS OF FLUFFIES:
CHAPPY: Currently shouting “FOAW TWEE!!”
CHUMPO, HUMPO, SLUTO, FOAL 4, CUMDUMPSTER: On the other side of the room with CHAPPY and FOAL 3.
FOAL 3: Either doing something or having something done to him.
FLUMPO: Sad and angry about the whole Stegofluff situation and also being abused by DUMPO.
DUMPO: ‘Bousta find herself sewn to Flumpo.
SAFEROOM CONTENTS:
- 9 fluffies, 4 of which are foals. One Fluffy, a talkie-babbeh is pillowed, and another is about to get sewn to that first fluffy.
- a blanket.
- a large cushion for all the fluffies to sleep on.
- 1 ball
- 1 block
- Powder blue walls with clouds painted on.
- A window, painted shut, though too high for any fluffy to see out of.
- A small trough, loaded with kibble for fluffies to free-feed. DUMPO and FLUMPO are old enough to eat kibble, though CHUMPO is still lactating. SLUTO, FOAL 4, FOAL 3 and CUMDUMPSTER still require only milk.
- A litterbox.
ANOTHER GODDAMN CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE THING
FLUFFY BREEDER MAN GUY PART VI:
CURRENT FLUFFIES:
CHUMPO - New Mummah; Pink fluff, purple mane, earthy.
HUMPO - Fwuffy Daddeh; Green fluff, blue mane, unicorn, but not a smarty to date.
DUMPO - talkie babbeh 1; blue fluff, orange mane, earthy, female, newly destined for the fluffpile
FLUMPO - talkie babbeh 2;red fluff, purple mane, unicorn, male; currently pillowed with his legs sewn to his back, destined for the fluffpile
CHAPPY - Unrelated stud; Purple fluff, green mane, pegasus
SLUTO - chirpie babbeh 1; pure white fluff, blue mane, pegasus, female.
FOAL 4 - chirpie babbeh 2; neon green fluff, dark red mane, earthy, female.
FOAL 3 - chirpie babbeh 3; black fluff, red mane, earthy, male.
CUMDUMPSTER - chirpie babbeh 4; red and blue fluff, white mane, alicorn, male.
“Yay! Dumpo wuv fwuffpiwe!”
“Yeah, we’ll see how much you love it,” you say as you go to pick her up. Just then, across the room, you hear CHAPPY cry out:
“FOAW TWEE!!!”
You look over and you see Foal 3 chirping madly at some sort of grey mass… JESUS CHRIST IT’S A RAT HOW DID A FUCKING RAT GET IN HERE HOLY CHRIST AAAAAAA
You run over to Foal 3, but it’s too late — the rat has eaten Foal 3’s front right leg. Foal 3’s front left isn’t looking so hot either, but you think you can save it.
Luckily for you, you had the presence of mind to watch where the rat escaped to. There’s a hole in the wall. You’re not sure how it got there, but it looks like it might have chewed from BOTH sides. The rat obviously got it started, but she had some help on the saferoom side.
You see some stray fluff by the hole, but it doesn’t help; the hole is near the blanket, so pretty much every fluffy is over there.
Luck is on your side though — the toy block looks like it might be the perfect size to wedge in the hole. That’ll at least buy you a bit of time until you can fix it seriously.
“LISTEN UP FLUFFIES.”
The fluffies are distracted. DUMPO and FLUMPO are bickering. DUMPO at least realized she didn’t want to make being a “bad fluffy” worse by continuing with her physical assault on her brother, so she’s content to just call him a dummy over and over. CHAPPY is still traumatized, CHUMPO is still sleeping from having given birth and HUMPO is busy watching the other three chirpies.
You stomp your boot and yell “FLUFFIES GODDAMN IT”
You hear a chorus of nuuuus and prrrts.
“OK, FIRST OFF, you guys are gonna have to clean those scaredy poopies if you don’t want to be BAD FLUFFIES.”
If anyone didn’t get the point, you pointedly look over at DUMPO and FLUMPO. A collectively stage-whispered “eep” filled the room.
“SECOND OFF. HAS ANY FLUFFY BEEN EATING THE WALL?”
“Waww nummies awe tasty nummehs!!” DUMPO shouts.
Well, that makes things easier.
“DUMPO, it is YOUR FAULT this happened. YOU ATE A HOLE IN THE WALL AND A RAT CAME THROUGH AND ATE YOUR BROTHER’S FRONT LEG. YOU ARE A BAD FLUFFY. DOUBLY BAD FOR BEATING UP ON YOUR BROTHER. YOU ARE A VERY VERY BAD FLUFFY.”
“Dumpo sowwy… sowwy foaw twee, sowwy daddeh, sowwy wattie…”
“DON’T APOLOGIZE TO THE FUCKING RAT”
“DUMPO SOWWY SOWWY”
“SORRY’S NOT GOING TO CUT IT. YOU’RE GOING TO THE FLUFF PILE.”
And with that you pick up FOAL 3, DUMPO and FLUMPO and carry them off to your surgery. Kitchen. Whatever. You throw DUMPO and FLUMPO on the counter, and run to the bathroom to get the wastebasket/makeshift sorry box.
Throwing them both in (“Nuuuuuuu! Nu wan sowwy boxie!!”), you then attend to FOAL 3’s wounds. Thanks to the practice you got on FLUMPO, you’re able to expertly patch his stump up. You’re even pretty sure it’ll heal over and won’t even leave a fluffless patch or anything. With luck, since the injury happened so young, he won’t miss the leg.
You gingerly bring FOAL 3 back to the saferoom and put him with his mother. CHUMPO’s awake by now, and doesn’t realize her new son had a leg eaten.
“Hewwo babbeh! Foaw twee hab twee weggies! dat funneh! yuu su smawty daddeh gibbin Foaw twee dat name!”
Well, that was easy. Good thing you didn’t name one of the foals “head in a pan.”
Now back to the kitchen to deal with DUMPO. You’ve been wondering what to do on the way back. The ONLY reason you rejected your first idea — anus to mouth, human centipede style — was because eating nothing but FLUMPO’s shit would probably make for sickly, unsellable foals.
Still, with as bad as DUMPO had been you were tempted anyways.
But then you had the perfect idea.
You empty the wastebasket onto the counter and do the fart-in-a-cotton-ball trick and it works just like you knew it would. You realize you don’t even really NEED to fart on it, that part just makes you laugh. You gotta get your kicks somewhere, right?
You make quick work of the fluffies and bring them back to the saferoom and wake them up.
“oooo, Dumpo nu feew weew… wat… wat smell… nuu!! poopie pwace!! Nuuuu! Why can Dumpo nu get way from poopeh pwace??!?!”
“NUUUU!! FWUMPO SMEWW POOPIES!! NU AM POOPIE BABBEH!! NU AM POOPIE BABBEH!!!”
Seems like they don’t enjoy being sown to each other’s leftsides. You kept DUMPO’s legs on though, curious to see if she could get around and how.
She hadn’t taken her hooves yet, but she was having trouble getting her balance. FLUMPO was a full fluffy — he still had his legs after all, just not in the right place — and, honestly, some days you’re surprised that a fluffy can hold itself up. And they’re not even that heavy!
Now that the fluffpile is started and everyone not in the fluffpile is resting peacefully, you might as well fix that hole in the wall. You leave the block in there as extra padding and then nail a 2x4 over the hole.
“Let’s see the little bastard get through that.”
YOU FIND YOURSELF JUMPING FORWARD IN TIME AT THE AMAZING RATE OF 1 SEC/SEC. TWO WEEKS GO BY AND NOW IT’S TWO WEEKS LATER. YOUR MIND IS BLOWN, AND YOUR FLUFFIES ARE GROWN. Well, some of them.
The CHIRPIE BABBEHS are now TALKEH BABBEHS. The former TALKEH BABBEHS (who also so happen to be the fluffpile) are now FULL GROWN FLUFFIES. The former FULL GROWN FLUFFIES are still FULL GROWN.
**** LEVEL ONE: COMPLETE ****
** WINNERS DON’T DO DRUGS **
That means it’s time to breed! The TALKEH BABBEHS are still too young, so the candidates are:
CHUMPO - FEMALE
HUMPO - MALE
DUMPO - FEMALE
FLUMPO - MALE
CHAPPY - UNRELATED MALE
WHAT ARE THE PAIRS? and WHO GETS LEFT OUT THIS ROUND?
AND what of the TALKIE BABBEHS:
SLUTO
FOAL 4
FOAL 3
CUMDUMPSTER
EVERYONE PICK ONE PERSONALITY TRAIT PER FOAL and their personalities will be determined in the next chapter as a combo of what YOU say!
CURRENT STATUS OF FLUFFIES:
CHUMPO - Pink fluff, purple mane, earthy. Has, to date, birthed all foals.
HUMPO - Green fluff, blue mane, unicorn, but not a smarty to date. Has, to date, sired all foals.
CHAPPY - Unrelated stud; Purple fluff, green mane, pegasus. To date, sired NO ONE.
SLUTO - talkie baby 1; pure white fluff, blue mane, pegasus, female.
FOAL 4 - talkie baby 2; neon green fluff, dark red mane, earthy, female.
FOAL 3 - talkie baby 3; black fluff, red mane, earthy, male.
CUMDUMPSTER - talkie baby 4; red and blue fluff, white mane, alicorn, male.
THE FLUFFPILE:
DUMPO - blue fluff, orange mane, earthy, female. Sewn to FLUMPO’s left side.
FLUMPO - red fluff, purple mane, unicorn, male; currently pillowed with his legs sewn to his back. Sewn to DUMPO’s left side.
SAFEROOM CONTENTS:
- 9 fluffies, 4 of which are foals. One Fluffy is pillowed, and another is sewn to that fluffy on each’s left sides.
- a blanket.
- a large cushion for all the fluffies to sleep on.
- 1 ball
- 1 block, in the wall, boarded up when DUMPO helped a rat gnaw a hole in. You realize she probably didn’t do much, what with fluffies’ weak teeth, but it’s the principle of the thing you know?
- Powder blue walls with clouds painted on.
- A window, painted shut, though too high for any fluffy to see out of.
- A small trough, loaded with kibble for fluffies to free-feed. The TALKIE BABBEHS can eat kibble and CHUMPO is NOT lactating.
- A litterbox.
ANOTHER GODDAMN CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE THING
FLUFFY BREEDER MAN GUY PART VII:
CURRENT FLUFFIES:
CURRENT STATUS OF FLUFFIES:
ADULTS:S
CHUMPO - Pink fluff, purple mane, earthy. Has, to date, birthed all foals.
HUMPO - Green fluff, blue mane, unicorn, but not a smarty to date. Has, to date, sired all foals.
CHAPPY - Unrelated stud; Purple fluff, green mane, pegasus. To date, sired NO ONE.
FOALS:
SLUTO - talkie baby 1; pure white fluff, blue mane, pegasus, female.
FOAL 4 - talkie baby 2; neon green fluff, dark red mane, earthy, female.
FOAL 3 - talkie baby 3; black fluff, red mane, earthy, male, missing the right, front leg; front left is damaged but works.
CUMDUMPSTER - talkie baby 4; red and blue fluff, white mane, alicorn, male.
THE FLUFFPILE:
DUMPO - blue fluff, orange mane, earthy, female. Sewn to FLUMPO’s left side.
FLUMPO - red fluff, purple mane, unicorn, male; currently pillowed with his legs sewn to his back. Sewn to DUMPO’s left side.
It’s been a few weeks and not too much exciting has happened. It turns out the Fluffpile seems to be a decent enough way to deter bad behavior, as evidenced by the fact that no one’s been added to the fluffpile since DUMPO.
The babies have grown up a bit more to talkie-babbehs, and their personalities have made themselves known. SLUTO has shown herself to be shy, but quite smart. She’s one of the most well-behaved of the babies so far.
FOAL 3 is a bit timid — and you’ve discovered that anything gray terrifies him. Especially if it’s bigger than he is.
FOAL 4 is overly friendly and a bit dim. She means well, but luckily the safe room is, for the most part safe, so she hasn’t gotten into any real trouble yet. Woe to be her should she actually meet someone who wants to do her harm.
CUMDUMPSTER is an little ‘splorer, though luckily, his alicorn wits keep him out of too much trouble. But you have found him outside the saferoom a couple times even though you’re certain you’ve locked the door — and besides, the toddler gate you picked up after his first ‘splorin’ should act as a back up.
“OKAY Fluffies! There are two orders of business! We’re going to have MORE FOALS soon so FOAL 3 and FOAL 4, you’re getting new names.”
“YAAAAY”
“FOAL 4, your new name is ‘NEON’.”
“YAY! Neon wuv nu name!!”
“Glad to hear it. FOAL 3, your new name is ROUGE. You know, like the makeup.”
“Wouge nu no wat makeup am but wuv nu namie!!”
“…can… can cumpdumpsta hab nu namie?” CUMDUMPSTER murmurs.
“Nope! Yours isn’t confusing!”
“Awww…”
“DON’T YOU LOVE YOUR NAME CUMDUMPSTER?”
“…yes, cumdumpsta wuv old namie.”
“GOOD. Okay, now, like I said, there’s gonna be more foals!”
“But Chumpo nu am soon-mummah!”
“Not yet you’re not! It’s SPECIAL HUGGIE DAY! And you can only have special huggies with who I say. So, let’s see. Let’s get some new blood in here. Chappy! You have special huggies with Dumpo!”
“Yaay! Chappy wuv Dumpo!”
“Dumpo get special huggies? Yaay!”
“Nuuuuuu….” FLUMPO whines.
“Humpo, you and Chumpo are special friends, so you guys have special huggies.”
“Chumpo wuv babbehs!”
“… do… do Fwumpo get special huggies?”
“Nope! Maybe next time when we get more female fluffies.”
“Nuu huu huu. Fwumpo hate chu.”
“Well, words like that mean you might never get special huggies. Think about that.”
“huu huu huu…”
You set the fluffies at it, though you have to laugh at watching each of CHAPPY’s thrusts has the side effect of smacking FLUMPO in the face.
As the room choruses off-key variations on “GUD FEEWS” you know your job is done. Now time to look at what the foals are doing.
Oh, goddammit, where’s goddamn CUMDUMPSTER?
WHERE IS CUMDUMPSTER?
CURRENT STATUS OF FLUFFIES:
ADULTS:
CHUMPO - Pink fluff, purple mane, earthy. Knocked up by HUMPO.
HUMPO - Green fluff, blue mane, unicorn, but not a smarty to date. Has, to date, sired all foals.
CHAPPY - Unrelated stud; Purple fluff, green mane, pegasus. To date, sired NO ONE.
FOALS:
SLUTO - talkie baby 1; pure white fluff, blue mane, pegasus, female.
NEON - talkie baby 2; neon green fluff, dark red mane, earthy, female.
ROUGE - talkie baby 3; black fluff, red mane, earthy, male.
CUMDUMPSTER - talkie baby 4; red and blue fluff, white mane, alicorn, male.
THE FLUFFPILE:
DUMPO - blue fluff, orange mane, earthy, female. Sewn to FLUMPO’s left side. Knocked up by CHAPPY.
FLUMPO - red fluff, purple mane, unicorn, male; currently pillowed with his legs sewn to his back. Sewn to DUMPO’s left side.
SAFEROOM CONTENTS:
- 8 fluffies, 3 of which are foals. One Fluffy is pillowed, and another is sewn to that fluffy on each’s left sides. One foal appears to be missing.
- a blanket.
- a large cushion for all the fluffies to sleep on.
- 1 ball
- 1 block, in the wall, boarded up when DUMPO helped a rat gnaw a hole in. You realize she probably didn’t do much, what with fluffies’ weak teeth, but it’s the principle of the thing you know?
- Powder blue walls with clouds painted on.
- A window, painted shut, though too high for any fluffy to see out of.
- A small trough, loaded with kibble for fluffies to free-feed. The TALKIE BABBEHS can eat kibble and CHUMPO is NOT lactating.
- A litterbox.
- a Toddler gate set up outside the door as an added barrier.
ANOTHER GODDAMN CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE THING
FLUFFY BREEDER MAN GUY PART VIII:
CURRENT STATUS OF FLUFFIES:
ADULTS:
CHUMPO - Pink fluff, purple mane, earthy. Knocked up by HUMPO.
HUMPO - Green fluff, blue mane, unicorn, but not a smarty to date. Has, to date, sired all foals.
CHAPPY - Unrelated stud; Purple fluff, green mane, pegasus. To date, sired NO ONE.
FOALS:
SLUTO - talkie baby 1; pure white fluff, blue mane, pegasus, female.
NEON - talkie baby 2; neon green fluff, dark red mane, earthy, female.
ROUGE - talkie baby 3; black fluff, red mane, earthy, male.
CUMDUMPSTER - talkie baby 4; red and blue fluff, white mane, alicorn, male.
THE FLUFFPILE:
DUMPO - blue fluff, orange mane, earthy, female. Sewn to FLUMPO’s left side. Knocked up by CHAPPY.
FLUMPO - red fluff, purple mane, unicorn, male; currently pillowed with his legs sewn to his back. Sewn to DUMPO’s left side.
You hear a crash and run out to the main room. You’re pretty sure that was CUMDUMPSTER.
You look around and think you can piece together what happened.
* * *
“DUH AM CUMDUMPSTA AM GODDAMN IWWITATION” CUMDUMPSTER (probably) said.
From there, he got into your liquor cabinet. You’re not sure exactly HOW, but he knocked over a bottle of your best cognac and somehow broke it.
“CUMDUMPSTA GET INTO NUTHA FUCKING MESS AND MAY AS WEWW DWINK DIS CUZ WAT DA FUCK AM FWUFFY MOWON!!”
CUMDUMPSTER guzzled the cognac. Being not only a fluffy, but a foal, he’d probably be drunk if he’d had a single lick.
“CUMDUMPSTA NU WIKE WAWAS BETTA DWINK MOWE FO SUM FUCKING WEASON! CUMDUMPSTA DUMB AS HEWW! AND AWICOWNS AWE DA SMAWT ONES!!”
And so he lapped up the ENTIRE contents — sure maybe just 3 shots worth but STILL.
“WHOO CUMDUMPSTA FUCKED UPPIES!!! WHOOO!!”
And the dumb little shit staggered around and somehow slammed into the wall.
“HEY CUMDUMPSTA GON’ WUN INTO DA WALL NOW! DAT SEEM LIKE GOOD IDEA! DUHHHH!!!”
…Which is when CUMPDUMPSTER derped himself and passed out, leaving you to the scene before you right now.
Jesus.
* * *
Well, whatever, derping ain’t hereditary, and he’s still an alicorn, so whatever. You’ll have to see if the derping takes care of CUMDUMPSTER’s ‘splorin’. You carry his passed-out body to the safe room and set it down.
You ask NEON, ROUGE and SLUTO if they saw their brother leave the saferoom, but they weird…. weirdly fascinated by the special huggies, so they didn’t. Whatever.
That said you think that perhaps that if the fluffies had more things in their saferoom, CUMDUMPSTER wouldn’t have gone on his little walkabout.
With the adults (except FLUMPO) passed out with the sleep of sex-exhaustion and CUMDUMPSTER sleeping off his bender, it’s pretty quiet. The three foals are pushing the ball back and forth. FLUMPO has a stain on his cheek from the, ahm, aftermath and the beginnings of what looks like a black eye.
At least DUMPO’s been getting stronger lately and can actually drag FLUMPO to the food and litterbox. His belly’s getting a little raw as the fluff there rubbed away.
Anyway, everyone seems chill for the most part. You take a trip down to FluffMart.
YOU ARE WILLING TO SPEND $20 ON FLUFFIES. WHAT DO YOU BUY?
(restrictions: nothing EXPLICITLY designed for abuse, like a baseball bat with nails in it. However you don’t necessarily need to get 100% fluffy safe items either. Fluffies hurt themselves. It’s a fact of “life”. ALSO: You’ve got enough supplies like litter and food, so don’t worry about getting kibble or whatnot. Unless you really want to I guess. I’m not your mom.)
AND FOR EXTRA CREDIT: WHAT DID THE FOALS AND FLUMPO DO?
CURRENT STATUS OF FLUFFIES:
ADULTS:
CHUMPO - Pink fluff, purple mane, earthy. Knocked up by HUMPO. Asleep.
HUMPO - Green fluff, blue mane, unicorn, but not a smarty to date. Has, to date, sired all foals. Asleep.
CHAPPY - Unrelated stud; Purple fluff, green mane, pegasus. To date, sired NO ONE. Asleep.
FOALS:
SLUTO - talkie baby 1; pure white fluff, blue mane, pegasus, female. Playing ball.
NEON - talkie baby 2; neon green fluff, dark red mane, earthy, female. Playing ball.
ROUGE - talkie baby 3; black fluff, red mane, earthy, male. Playing ball.
CUMDUMPSTER - talkie baby 4; red and blue fluff, white mane, alicorn, male, derped. Alseep.
THE FLUFFPILE:
DUMPO - blue fluff, orange mane, earthy, female. Sewn to FLUMPO’s left side. Knocked up by CHAPPY. Asleep.
FLUMPO - red fluff, purple mane, unicorn, male; currently pillowed with his legs sewn to his back. Sewn to DUMPO’s left side. Stained and Bruised.
SAFEROOM CONTENTS:
- 8 fluffies, 4 of which are foals. One Fluffy is pillowed, and another is sewn to that fluffy on each’s left sides. The Alicorn foal is derped.
- a blanket.
- a large cushion for all the fluffies to sleep on.
- 1 ball
- 1 block, in the wall, boarded up when DUMPO helped a rat gnaw a hole in. You realize she probably didn’t do much, what with fluffies’ weak teeth, but it’s the principle of the thing you know?
- Powder blue walls with clouds painted on.
- A window, painted shut, though too high for any fluffy to see out of.
- A small trough, loaded with kibble for fluffies to free-feed. The TALKIE BABBEHS can eat kibble and CHUMPO is NOT lactating.
- A litterbox.
- a Toddler gate set up outside the door as an added barrier.
ANOTHER GODDAMN CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE THING
FLUFFY BREEDER MAN GUY PART IX:
CURRENT STATUS OF FLUFFIES:
ADULTS:
CHUMPO - Pink fluff, purple mane, earthy. Knocked up by HUMPO. Asleep.
HUMPO - Green fluff, blue mane, unicorn, but not a smarty to date. Has, to date, sired all foals. Asleep.
CHAPPY - Unrelated stud; Purple fluff, green mane, pegasus. To date, sired NO ONE. Asleep.
FOALS:
SLUTO - talkie baby 1; pure white fluff, blue mane, pegasus, female. Playing ball.
NEON - talkie baby 2; neon green fluff, dark red mane, earthy, female. Playing ball.
ROUGE - talkie baby 3; black fluff, red mane, earthy, male, missing a leg. Playing ball.
CUMDUMPSTER - talkie baby 4; red and blue fluff, white mane, alicorn, male, derped. Asleep.
THE FLUFFPILE:
DUMPO - blue fluff, orange mane, earthy, female. Sewn to FLUMPO’s left side. Knocked up by CHAPPY. Asleep.
FLUMPO - red fluff, purple mane, unicorn, male; currently pillowed with his legs sewn to his back. Sewn to DUMPO’s left side. Stained and Bruised.
You drive down to FluffMart with your $20 in hand. What will you get? On the way you hadn’t really thought about it. Instead, you saw a billboard for chicken but you misread it and you thought it said children and then you laughed at that on the way all wondering if baby chickens eat children nuggets and by the time you knew it you were pulling into the parking lot.
“Hello and welcome to FluffMart where the fluffies are at a mart.” The young, attractive cashier says. You go up to her.
“Um… hello, um, I GOT A DERPED FLUFFY I GOT A MASHED IN DICK AND A COLOSTOMY BAG IS THERE SOMETHING FOR MY DERPED FLUFFY I KNOW THERE’S NOTHING FOR MY MASHED IN DICK BUT CAN I GET SOME SORT OF ANTI-DERP MEDICATION PLEASE I CAN’T HAVE SEX”
Nailed it.
She looks at you with that reaction you always see from women. You’re pretty sure it’s the sneer of arousal. Too bad for her, though! You can’t have sex!
“Uh, yeah. Totally. I’m assuming it’s a horn-job?”
“HORNS YES HORN IN BRAIN HE GOT FUCKED UP”
“Yeah, all you gotta do is just blow really hard into the fluffie’s mouth and it’ll pop out.”
“Really?”
“yeah, just like a cartoon. Here, try it.” And with that, she reaches into a bin and pulls out an dingy green unicorn.
“New dadde—bhhhhhbbllll-dabbleh?” the foal calls out as she pushes his horn into its skull.
“And… you just blow in the mouth?”
“Yeah, like a cartoon.”
“Wow, that’s great! let me give it a try!”
You clamp your mouth down on the foal’s and blow as hard as you can. Sadly, it doesn’t seem to be working.
“Give it another go.”
You inhale as deeply as you can and blow into the foal’s mouth.
“Make sure you really get a good seal. It’s the vacuum action.”
You blow and blow and blow. You blow so hard your eyes are shut so when you hear a cartoony “pop” noise you open your eyes expecting to see his horn popped back out.
Instead you see the foals eyes are dangling by its optic nerves on its cheek.
“SCREEEEEEEE”
“Oh, jeez, it didn’t seem to work…”
“OF COURSE IT DIDN’T WORK. OF COURSE YOU CAN’T UNDERP A FOAL. IT’S GOT ITS HORN IN ITS GODDAMN BRAIN YOU IDIOT. FUCK YOU!”
And with that she throws the screaming foal at your head.
“GET OUT!”
“But I still need something for my fluffies!”
“GIVE ME YOUR MONEY”
You give her the $20.
“FUCK YOU THERE’S SOME BOXES IN THE DUMPSTER OUT BACK. THEY MIGHT NOT HAVE TOO MUCH SHIT ON THEM. NOW GET OUT OF HERE YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT MORON.”
Score! You can totally make a maze out of those boxes! Not just that, but you find a new ball in the dumpster too! It’s got some maggots on it from the nearby shit but hey, just wash that off and you’re good!
You come back home with your haul and take some staples and staple together the boxes into a maze. You cut off the top so you can always see where the fluffies are in the maze.
“Hi, Guys! I’m back! And i got you a new ball and a new maze toy!” You throw the ball on the floor. You see that there was a maggot still hanging out you missed somehow, but whatever. Extra protein for the lucky fluffy who eats it.
The fluffies have been up for a little bit — it took longer than you expected to staple the box maze together — and they’re gathered around the 2x4 you nailed to the wall over the block that’s in the hole that the rat came through. Except CUMDUMPSTER who’s still sleeping off his drunk.
NEON is the first to notice. “OOOOH, MAZIE GAME!! FUN!!”
“Yeah, go check it out! and maybe from time to time you might find treasure in the maze!”
“OOH, TREASUWE??”
“Yeah. But not now though. BUt you got a ball too, so there you go.” But then you realize, maybe you do have a treasure!
“Actually… there is a new friend in the maze!”
And you deftly put the ugly green foal in one of the maze’s dead ends without the fluffies seeing. Luckily, he’s screamed himself out, though he’s still breathing, so hey. When the fluffies find him, they’ll be able to take him out and give him huggies and food and whatever!
“SO GO FIND YOUR NEW FRIEND!”
YOU HAVE SEVERAL POTENTIAL OPTIONS IN PLAY:
A) DOES ANYONE FIND THE UGLY GREEN FOAL?
B) DO THEY LIKE THE MAZE?
C) WHAT OF CUMDUMPSTER’S DRUNK? DOES HE WAKE UP ANYTIME SOON?
D) WHAT’S THAT MAGGOT?
E) DO YOU LIKE YOUR NEW HAIRSTYLE?
F) WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THE 2X4?
G) DO YOU THINK THAT LADY WILL CALL? EVEN THOUGH YOU DIDN’T GIVE HER YOUR NUMBER?
H) MAYBE SOMETHING ELSE HAPPENS I’M NOT A GODDAMN MINDREADER.
CURRENT STATUS OF FLUFFIES:
ADULTS:
CHUMPO - Pink fluff, purple mane, earthy. Knocked up by HUMPO. Asleep.
HUMPO - Green fluff, blue mane, unicorn, but not a smarty to date. Has, to date, sired all foals. Asleep.
CHAPPY - Unrelated stud; Purple fluff, green mane, pegasus. To date, sired NO ONE. Asleep.
FOALS:
SLUTO - talkie baby 1; pure white fluff, blue mane, pegasus, female.
NEON - talkie baby 2; neon green fluff, dark red mane, earthy, female.
ROUGE - talkie baby 3; black fluff, red mane, earthy, male, missing a leg. P
CUMDUMPSTER - talkie baby 4; red and blue fluff, white mane, alicorn, male, derped. Asleep.
THE FLUFFPILE:
DUMPO - blue fluff, orange mane, earthy, female. Sewn to FLUMPO’s left side. Knocked up by CHAPPY. Asleep.
FLUMPO - red fluff, purple mane, unicorn, male; currently pillowed with his legs sewn to his back. Sewn to DUMPO’s left side. Stained and Bruised.
SAFEROOM CONTENTS:
- 8 fluffies, 4 of which are foals. One Fluffy is pillowed, and another is sewn to that fluffy on each’s left sides. The Alicorn foal is derped.
- a blanket.
- a large cushion for all the fluffies to sleep on.
- 2 balls
- 1 maggot attached to one of the balls
- a big box maze with the top cut off and a living foal with popped-out-eyes in one of the dead ends
- 1 block, in the wall, boarded up when DUMPO helped a rat gnaw a hole in. You realize she probably didn’t do much, what with fluffies’ weak teeth, but it’s the principle of the thing you know?
- Powder blue walls with clouds painted on.
- A window, painted shut, though too high for any fluffy to see out of.
- A small trough, loaded with kibble for fluffies to free-feed. The TALKIE BABBEHS can eat kibble and CHUMPO is NOT lactating.
- A litterbox.
- a Toddler gate set up outside the door as an added barrier.
ANOTHER GODDAMN CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE THING
FLUFFY BREEDER MAN GUY PART X:
CURRENT STATUS OF FLUFFIES:
ADULTS:
CHUMPO - Pink fluff, purple mane, earthy. Knocked up by HUMPO. Asleep.
HUMPO - Green fluff, blue mane, unicorn, but not a smarty to date. Has, to date, sired all foals. Asleep.
CHAPPY - Unrelated stud; Purple fluff, green mane, pegasus. To date, sired NO ONE. Asleep.
FOALS:
SLUTO - talkie baby 1; pure white fluff, blue mane, pegasus, female.
NEON - talkie baby 2; neon green fluff, dark red mane, earthy, female.
ROUGE - talkie baby 3; black fluff, red mane, earthy, male, missing a leg. P
CUMDUMPSTER - talkie baby 4; red and blue fluff, white mane, alicorn, male, derped. Asleep.
THE FLUFFPILE:
DUMPO - blue fluff, orange mane, earthy, female. Sewn to FLUMPO’s left side. Knocked up by CHAPPY. Asleep.
FLUMPO - red fluff, purple mane, unicorn, male; currently pillowed with his legs sewn to his back. Sewn to DUMPO’s left side. Stained and Bruised.
The fluffies seem interested in the maze. Good job, you! You have clearly improved the lives of these fluffies! ROUGE is the first to go into the maze. That’s not surprising. Though CUMDUMPSTER was the ‘spwowin’ babbeh,’ ROUGE is pretty outgoing.
You hear SLUTO shout “tiny skettis!” and suck in the floor maggot. Well, sounds like that problem solved. Looked like she didn’t even chew. Dang.
You FINALLY hear CUMDUMPSTER stirring…. and he pukes. “Babbleh nu feew pwebby. Babbleh wub yuu, yuu fwubbies besties fwubbies.” He pukes again and passes out in it.
Looking around at the room you see that the 2x4 looks a bit further out from the wall than you expected, but it looks like it’s still in there pretty good, so whatever, you’ll deal with it later. Not like a rat can squeeze through there.
“EEEE MUNSTAH!”
Looks like ROUGE found the surprise! “Hi, Rouge! You found your new friend!”
“…pweeb hewp babbleh nu sees nuu daddeh gib kissie hubbies”
“Munsta babbeh need hewpies! Nu nu kissie hubbies. Huggies!”
ROGUE hugs the new foal.
“Gibble babbleh nummies?”
“Otay!”
And ROUGE picked the ugly green baby up by the scruff and drug him from the maze. It took a few tries, but I purposely made the maze not TOO difficult. They are fluffies after all. You then watch as ROUGE brings him mouthfuls of kibble.
“Gud nubblies! Nu babbww?” The foal gestured at an empty space to the right of the ball.
ROUGE nudged the ball over to the baby, who took it and played with it.
“Gibb ubba babbww!” and he pointed to the left of the new ball you just brough home.
ROUGE does what he says.
“GUD! Nawb dubbleh gu bway!” the foal barked.
ROUGE did as she was told and sat staring at the foal.
“SCREEEEEE!”
WHO IS SCREAMING?!
WHY?
CURRENT STATUS OF FLUFFIES:
ADULTS:
CHUMPO - Pink fluff, purple mane, earthy. Knocked up by HUMPO. Asleep.
HUMPO - Green fluff, blue mane, unicorn, but not a smarty to date. Has, to date, sired all foals. Asleep.
CHAPPY - Unrelated stud; Purple fluff, green mane, pegasus. To date, sired NO ONE. Asleep.
FOALS:
SLUTO - talkie baby 1; pure white fluff, blue mane, pegasus, female. Eaten a maggot.
NEON - talkie baby 2; neon green fluff, dark red mane, earthy, female.
ROUGE - talkie baby 3; black fluff, red mane, earthy, male, missing a leg. P
CUMDUMPSTER - talkie baby 4; red and blue fluff, white mane, alicorn, male, derped. Asleep.
UNNAMED UGLY GREEN FOAL: a derped dingy green unicorn, lighter green mane, male. In a failed attempt at un-derping, has his eyes dangling onto his cheeks by the optic nerves.
THE FLUFFPILE:
DUMPO - blue fluff, orange mane, earthy, female. Sewn to FLUMPO’s left side. Knocked up by CHAPPY. Asleep.
FLUMPO - red fluff, purple mane, unicorn, male; currently pillowed with his legs sewn to his back. Sewn to DUMPO’s left side. Stained and Bruised.
SAFEROOM CONTENTS:
- 8 fluffies, 4 of which are foals. One Fluffy is pillowed, and another is sewn to that fluffy on each’s left sides. The Alicorn foal is derped.
- a blanket.
- a large cushion for all the fluffies to sleep on.
- 2 balls
- a big box maze with the top cut off
- 1 block, in the wall, boarded up when DUMPO helped a rat gnaw a hole in. You realize she probably didn’t do much, what with fluffies’ weak teeth, but it’s the principle of the thing you know?
- Powder blue walls with clouds painted on.
- A window, painted shut, though too high for any fluffy to see out of.
- A small trough, loaded with kibble for fluffies to free-feed. The TALKIE BABBEHS can eat kibble and CHUMPO is NOT lactating.
- A litterbox.
- a Toddler gate set up outside the door as an added barrier.
ANOTHER GODDAMN CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE THING
FLUFFY BREEDER MAN GUY PART XI:
CURRENT STATUS OF FLUFFIES:
ADULTS:
CHUMPO - Pink fluff, purple mane, earthy. Knocked up by HUMPO. Asleep.
HUMPO - Green fluff, blue mane, unicorn, but not a smarty to date. Has, to date, sired all foals. Asleep.
CHAPPY - Unrelated stud; Purple fluff, green mane, pegasus. To date, sired NO ONE. Asleep.
FOALS:
SLUTO - talkie baby 1; pure white fluff, blue mane, pegasus, female. Eaten a maggot.
NEON - talkie baby 2; neon green fluff, dark red mane, earthy, female.
ROUGE - talkie baby 3; black fluff, red mane, earthy, male, missing a leg. P
CUMDUMPSTER - talkie baby 4; red and blue fluff, white mane, alicorn, male, derped. Asleep.
UNNAMED UGLY GREEN FOAL: a derped dingy green unicorn, lighter green mane, male. In a failed attempt at un-derping, has his eyes dangling onto his cheeks by the optic nerves.
THE FLUFFPILE:
DUMPO - blue fluff, orange mane, earthy, female. Sewn to FLUMPO’s left side. Knocked up by CHAPPY. Asleep.
FLUMPO - red fluff, purple mane, unicorn, male; currently pillowed with his legs sewn to his back. Sewn to DUMPO’s left side. Stained and Bruised.
“SCREEEEEEEEE!”
Who was that? You think you see a grey blur out of the corner of your eye, but when you turn to look you don’t see anything.
In fact, you really DON’T see anything. Except a pile of vomit. CUMDUMPSTER’s vomit, in fact. Wasn’t CUMDUMPSTER still sleeping off his drunk? But you don’t see him there.
You glance around the safe room, you don’t see him anywhere.
“SCREEEEEEEEEEEEE!” You hear a soft thump.
You look in the direction of the scream and see that ROUGE has dropped dead. He has a scream of horror frozen on his face. Christ, it looks like he was scared to death.
It’s a weird day today.
“SCREEEEEEE!!!”
Christ, what NOW? You look over and see a bug crawling out of SLUTO’s stomach. That… can’t be good. You walk over and try pulling the bug out, but with it comes more of SLUTO’s organs. You decide to do the merciful thing and put her down. By stomping on her head.
Suddenly, you hear a bang and a crash in the living room. You run out and see… nothing. Strange. You look around to see if you can figure out what must have fallen. Crawling around, looking to see if you can determine the cause of the noise, you suddenly hear a chorus of screaming from the safe room.
You get up on your feet and run back in to the safe room. And you see NEON’s entire front half is gone. The ugly green foal is now just an eyeball.
And the fluffpile is catatonic. Well, FLUMPO is. DUMPO’s been asleep facing the wall, so she hasn’t seen anything. You roll the fluffpile over. DUMPO’s not asleep. She’s missing her face.
“SCREEEEEEEEE!”
DEAR GOD. You look over and you see HUMPO and CHAPPY mauled. Nothing looks to be eaten away. They’re just bleeding out from a number of cuts.
CHUMPO looks over at them and says “gwoss boo-boos” and goes back to staring at the wall.
You hear something happening in your living room again. Desperate to catch the criminal, you rush out there.
With all the horror of the day, you didn’t notice that it’d become night while you weren’t looking. Your lights are all off.
“HELLO? HELLO? WHO’S THERE? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??”
The television snaps on. The soft hum of static fills the room. Gradually, a picture drifts into focus.
It’s…
a rat.
The rat starts chirping and squealing at you through the television.
It continues vocalizing and then ends with a strange series of plosives. If you didn’t know better you’d swear it was… laughing.
You start sniffing and it… smells like gas? But how? You don’t even have a gas oven!
You hear a couple of scratches and… then it’s the last thing you ever heard as your house combusted in a huge fireball.
CURRENT STATUS OF FLUFFIES:
They’re dead, Dave.
CURRENT STATUS OF YOU:
You’re dead, Dave.
CURRENT STATUS OF RAT:
THE VICTOR