A Backwoods Encounter
Chapter 2
After my original run in with the feral herd, the rest of the day went rather smoothly. They mainly fucked off to the field behind the barn. A couple of them watched the horses through the fence and they mainly kept to themselves while I went about my chores. There were a few moments of one or two coming up to me and calling me “daddeh”….
“Okay let’s can that shit right now.” I finally stated after the third time of this. “Tell the rest of your herd, my name is Mister Grimm. Understand? The next fluffy to call me daddy is getting a fucking smack.”
“Otay mistuh gwimm….” The green little vermin replied sadly and waddled off to spread the word.
I got two fuckin kids already, I ain’t nobody else’s fuckin daddy!
Finished my chores and relaxed in the barn with a beer, watching my animals and the fluffies getting acquainted with each other. I found it ironic that the pigs seemed more apt to be friendly with them than the horses.
The next day is where shit took the turn I’d expected……
Same morning ritual; coffee in the kitchen looking out of my window at the land and doing a checklist. I stepped out onto my front porch to have a smoke when I saw it. A very definitive shaking and jolting of a corn stalk at the far end of the row. Mother…… Fucker……
Unlit smoke hanging from my lips, I stormed across the yard and around the garden. Sure as shit, there he was…. A dark blue fluffy with a yellow mane, tugging at an ear of corn. There were two others actually pleading with him to stop. I made a mental note to remember who knew which way was up here.
“HEY!” I barked, “The fuck do you think you’re doing?!”
The other two fluffies ran over to me and stood off to the side. “Pwease mistuh gwimm! We teww fwuffy no eat ou nummies! Fwuffy no wisten!”
I looked at the two tattle tales with a raised eyebrow and back to the offending fuckwad. “I remember you… You’re one of the little shits that ran off yesterday after I waxed your smarty!”
The fluffy took a stance and puffed himself up with an angry glare, “Ou gif smawty foweva sweepies! Tuffy show ou! Tuffy gonna gif ou wowstest huwties and take aww ou nummies!”
Hmmm…… Kay….
“Is that so then? Well the light’s green you little tard! Let’s fuckin go!” I egged the tuffy on for shits and giggles, drawing an angry yell as he rushed me. He was a bit bigger than the smarty was yesterday. When he rammed my leg I actually felt it. Kinda like bumping your coffee table a bit hard. Left a sore spot but not worth thinking about after 3 seconds.
The tuffy got the raw deal in the attack. He impacted with my shin and fucking vibrated. I thought he may have just killed himself on impact but he was still alive. I rolled my head and cracked my neck, feeling a hate boil in my gut that I hadn’t felt since the onset of puberty when a boys testosterone starts to boost his aggression.
I grabbed the tuffy up by the scruff of his neck and gave him a quick jab about where his kidneys ought to be. The fluffies legs flailed for a moment with a scream, followed by the desired voiding of bowels and urinating. I looked down at my boots and shrugged.
“Nice try, fuckass. I deal with pig shit on a daily basis. You have no power here.”
I turned to the other two who were hugging each other and watching in terror. “Go get the herd and tell them to come to the big metal circle. Now.”
About 10 minutes later, the herd was gathered around my coral while I sat on the fence and the tuffy was trapped inside. There were boards about a foot and a half high around the base to deter snakes and whatnot so getting out was a tall order for a fluffy, but the herd looking in was easy.
“This fluffy was caught stealing from my wife’s garden. What did I say happen to fluffies who do that?”
There was a collective gasp and a few murmurs about “forever sleepies”. Surprisingly, a couple of the herd blew raspberries at the tuffy and called him dummy.
“Now, I’ve made a decision…… I think we can work it out so that you little guys CAN eat some of our food…. But there has to be a trade. That means I want something from you.” A brief look around showed everybody was staring intently and listening. “If you fluffies help me do work, then I’ll give you some of the food, understand?” The whole herd lit up and made all manner of happy noises and thanks and uuuuggghhh that baby talk gets so fucking annoying……
“Good! But…… We cannot tolerate thieves. Fluffies who break the rules will be punished.” I took out my zippo and lit my smoke finally, sitting on the corral fencing and looking directly at the tuffy thief.
“Let this be an example.” And with that, I tossed my zippo to land on the tuffy’s back.
He panicked. His fluff quickly smoldered as the zippo slid off of his back but his fluff was lighting up like a brush fire in the desert. “Buwnies! Hawt! BUWNIES BAD FO FWUFFY! HEWD HEWP FWUFFY!” He screamed as he frantically ran around the corral but it didn’t last long. He was quickly engulfed and I’m guessing he inhaled the heat and collapsed his lungs because he wailing came to a decidedly abrupt end.
The smoldering shitrat dropped in the corral and I hopped outside the fence with a stretch.
“Alright then! Follow me and we’ll get you little dudes sorted for chorin’!”