(This story features heavy use of slurs, albeit written in fluffy-speak. Read at your own peril.)
The Youtuber walked into the alleyway and grinned at what he saw, chewing on a rotting banana skin it had found abandoned on the ground.
A bright orange fluffy with a cyan colored mane. Gorgeous colors, just what he needed.
“Hey!” He said, almost jumping out at it. The fluffy squeaked in fear and promptly shit itself, but otherwise stayed where it was.
“Nyu daddeh?” It immediately asked.
“Yeah! Totally!” The man said, picking it up in his arms. “See, I’m a Youtuber! I’m pretty famous… well, I’m kinda famous… okay, I’m almost famous, but that’s why I need you!”
“Wha’ a ‘yoo-toob’?” The fluffy asked.
“That’s not important. What’s important is, you’re gonna help me be a star!”
He had spent all month looking after the fluffy, and spent time with it every day to teach it everything it needed to know.
Then, once it was ready, the Youtuber took the fluffy out to a busy area between a local mall and an office-building, where plenty of people would be wandering by at any time.
This was about to be the best prank in the history of viral media.
He watched, tracking the fluffy with his camera, as it waddled down the street. It had been briefed on what to do. Just walk up to certain people and talk to them, using the very specific words the Youtuber had spent all month teaching it to say.
For a few seconds nothing happened, then the fluffy spied it’s first target.
A large black man wearing jeans and a wifebeater, with several gold rings on each hand.
The Youtuber grinned with sick glee. He couldn’t have hoped for a better start!
The orange fluffy waddled up to him.
“H-hewwo!” It peeped. The towering black man glanced down at it, halting in place.
“What?” He snapped at it. “What do you want, man?”
“Uh, um… uh…” The fluffy murmured as it desperately tried to remember the words, the oh-so important words it had spent an entire month learning.
Then, with a flash of synpases sparking into life, it remembered!
“Fwuffeh wan teww yoo dat… uh… yoo a… a… a ‘diwty smewwy nigguw’.”
For a single second, nothing happened.
Then the black man’s boot-clad foot launched forwards, kicking the orange fluffy hard in the gut and sending it flying into the air, landing with a soft crash on the ground several feet away.
“Fuckin’ shitrat!” The man roared at it. “You think that’s fuckin’ funny?! Huh?!”
The fluffy weakly looked up, it’s entire body aching all over. It didn’t understand, the Youtuber had said this was what it was supposed to do! To walk up to the man with the brown skin and say that!
But then, just as the black man took a step towards the fluffy’s crumpled, hurting body, salavation appeared!
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” A woman’s voice snapped. She had stepped out of nowhere, standing between the black man and the bleeding, whimpering fluffy.
“Outta my way!”
“Like hell! Where do you get off, abusing innocent animals in the street like that?!”
“Innocent?! Bitch, this thing’s as racist as Trump! Listen!”
He pushed past the smaller woman and glared down at the fluffy.
“Shitrat! What did you call me?!”
The fluffy raised it’s head, called upon once more to deliver it’s line.
“A d-d-diwty smewwy n-n-nigguw…” It whimpered, the taste of blood strong in it’s mouth.
“See?! You hearing that shit?!”
“That’s… I…” The woman stammered, looking down at the fluffy now. The fluffy looked back up at her, and realised this was another opportunity to make the Youtuber proud! Maybe then everybody would understand he was trying to be nice to them!
“Hewwo ching-chong!” The fluffy squeaked, waggling it’s stubby legs at the Asian woman in the business-suit. “Yoo so howny! Ching-chong!”
Once more, for another whole second, nothing seemed to move in the world. Then the woman’s leg rose up and pistoned downwards, driving the tip of her high-heeled shoe into the orange fluffy’s stomach, piercing into it’s soft body.
“SCREE! HUWTIES!!!”
“That’s what a racist beast like you deserves!” The Asian woman shouted back at it.
“Damn right!” The black man agreed, stomping down hard on the fluffy’s rear legs, cracking the bones in both of them.
The Youtuber, meanwhile, was in heaven.
He filmed it all. The black man, the Asian woman, the Mexican who later joined them, who the fluffy referred to as ‘beanew’, then the male couple holding hands, who were of course called ‘fag-awts’.
But the topper was when an elderly man on a mobility scooter rode past, and the fluffy, despite all it’s injuries, against all odds, screamed out the word the Youtuber had never expected it to even have the opportunity to say.
"WE-TAWD!!! WE-TAWD!!! WE-TAWD!!!"
The Youtuber filmed it all, his heart racing at the potential amount of subscribers he’d gain from it all.
Eventually though, the crowd dispersed. The obscene fluffy could only stoke their ire so much before they simply had to move on, and eventually it’s injuries were so numerous it couldn’t produce any more toxicity or vulgarity.
So the Youtuber shut off the camera and departed, leaving the blood-soaked fluffy on the kerb once more.
The next day, the video went online. It was titled ‘Racist fluffy offends EVERYONE!!!’, and had the usual spate of engagement-boosting keywords in the description such as ‘gone sexual’, but in the end it didn’t matter.
Because the video failed to clock even one view.
Such was the life of a Youtuber, but hey, at least nothing of value had been wasted.