Sky was SO happy! He was finally going to fly! He’d been really, really good and not tried to fly without his Daddy there so his Daddy had told him they were going to fly!
It was a type of flying called “base-jumping” where they’d be flying down from somewhere. It was going to be so much fun!
Sky was sad that they couldn’t have sketti first, but his Daddy had said he wanted to make sure Sky wouldn’t make bad peepees or bad poopies or sickie water when they were jumping and Sky was willing to wait for after flying to eat because he loved his Daddy that much.
And after they went flying Sky would tell Daddy about his new special friend Bullseye! Daddy had said Sky couldn’t have one but Sky’s special lumps had been hurting really badly and Bullseye had told him that babies were the most important thing ever. Sky knew that when his Daddy met her and saw Bullseye was going to have Sky’s babies he’d be so happy he’d be fine with it.
Sky hoped his babies would look just like him and Bullseye and be so pretty! He’d be the best daddy ever to his babies. Bullseye was so far along in her pregnancy she couldn’t move, but Sky had been bringing her nummies whenever he could. Sky’s Daddy had asked where he’d been taking them, but Sky had tricked him by saying they “Nu am fow Sky’s secwet speciaw-fwiend hu am hidden in Daddeh’s backyawd an habing Sky’s babbehs” so his Daddy didn’t know.
And now it was time to fly! Sky’s Daddy was wearing big heavy metal boots with pointy spikes on the bottom and had Sky strapped to him with a safety harness. His Daddy walked out into the backyard and started climbing onto the bench that Sky’s special friend was hidden behind. Sky gasped, they were so high up!
In reality they were only a few feet off the ground.
“Mummah wub babbehs, babbehs wub mummah! Babbehs come soon fow soon-mummah an make hooman gib mummah and babbehs homsies because am su pwetty! Soon-mummah am bestest mummah, hab babbehs soon an gib aww da wub!”
And Sky’s special friend was right below them.
“Are you ready to fly, Sky?” Sky’s Daddy asked him.
“YES! AM WEADY, DADDEH!” Sky cheerfully yelled.
That alerted Bullseye that there was someone above her. She looked up, but couldn’t move.
“Speciaw-fwiend? Nice Mistah? Be nyu Daddeh, cause soon-mummah-”
Sky cheered as his Daddy jumped, they were going to fly! He was still cheering when his daddy landed on Bullseye spiked boots-first and did to her midsection what wine-presses do to grapes. If wine-presses were extra-spiky and coated with parsley. Which honestly wasn’t necessary, but Sky’s Daddy felt like going the extra mile.
Bullseye was first punctured, then popped by the pressure, her internal organs and gestating foals bursting out of her like one of those movies where they care more about showing tons of gore than having a plot. You know the ones.
Sky cheered as he felt his Daddy land after their flight. Then he looked down and saw all the booboo juice.
Sky’s Daddy unbuckled him and set him down. Sky tapped his Daddy’s boot.
“What am happen, Daddeh?”
“That’s your special-friend, Sky. I just jumped on her and crushed her to death.”
Sky’s Daddy pulled back his boot and punted Sky. Sky flew until he smacked into the bench, landing with lots of broken bones next to the crushed near-corpse of Bullseye.
Bullseye managed to pull a last breath into her mangled lungs and spoke her last words.
“Nu wub yu nu mowe. Yu am wowst speciaw-fwiend.”
“NUUUUU!!! WAI!!! WAI DADDEH GIB BUWWSEYE AN BABBEHS FOEWBAH-SWEEPIES!!!”
Sky’s Daddy looked down at him and then started shouting.
“THAT IS WHAT YOU FUCKING GET!!! YOU FUCKED AROUND, YOU LIED TO ME, AND THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS! FUCK YOU!!!”
Sky’s Daddy pulled down his pants and farted directly in Sky’s face.
“TAKE THAT! I JUST ATE BROCCOLI YOGURT TO MAKE SURE THAT WAS AS BAD AS POSSIBLE! I DON’T EVEN LIKE BROCCOLI, THAT’S HOW MUCH I HATE YOU!”
Sky’s Daddy began shuffling back and forth and doing what looked like a football touchdown dance.
“THE BITCH IS DEAD, YOUR KIDS ARE DEAD, AND YOU’RE GOING TO BE DEAD TOO!!! FUCK YOU, SKY, I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU!!!”
Sky’s Daddy dabbed on him, flipped him off with both hands, and then peed on him. Then he turned around and left, leaving the broken Sky to sob.
“Huuhuuu, Sky nu no wut du wong but pwomise nebeh du it again!”
The Next Day:
Greg walked into the Fluffmart and walked up to the counter.
“Hey, do you have a light blue pegasus with a yellow mane? My previous one is dying and I want to replace him.”
The Fluffmart employee checked.
“We have one, but are you sure you want him? He’s a ‘bestest baby’ and is still demanding milk even though he’s old enough for kibble. Also he’s pro-Brexit. You’ll have to be very patient with him if you want to cure his bad behavior.”
“Don’t worry, I’m not the type of person to overreact to a badly-behaved fluffy. By the way, is that sale on spiked sodomizing sorry sticks still ongoing? My last one broke off inside my last fluffy.”