Chapter 32: The First Of Many Mistakes
Soot moved away from the hole in the floor, not wanting to listen in on Travis’ ‘enf, enf, enf’ as he and Raisin had special-huggies. Part of her felt like she should be happier, Raisin finally got to be a mummah with no worries about meanies hurting her babbehs, and Travis got to be a daddeh for the first time.
But something didn’t sit right with her, she kept thinking to what Breaker said about the cold-times coming soon, and wondered if this was the right time for making babbehs.
Not wanting to question her new Smarty, Soot went outside for a moment, taking in the fresh air of the morning. Already she could feel the slight nip from the drop in temperature, not enough to be uncomfortable, but enough to realise the cold-times were coming soon. She wondered what the cold-times would be like, having never seen one herself before, she was scared, but intrigued at the same time, her young mind wondering exactly how a whole world could freeze over, stuck in time until the bright-ball decided to return.
As she took in the crisp morning, her eyes wandered over to the lake, she couldn’t see Ramsey’s body anymore, either he had floated off to the other side or had sunk to the bottom to join her mother’s corpse. Soot hoped it was the first option, her mummah didn’t deserve to spend forever next to the meanie who drove her to suicide. It still hurt Soot to think of Ramsey as her father, to know that she shared blood with a monster, but looking out at the reservoir and knowing that somewhere in the big water he was dead, she did feel a little better.
Travis was right, she wasn’t her father. She was going to be so much better.
With a final smirk towards Ramsey’s watery grave, Soot turned back inside and went to check on Lilypad, hoping the new life in the pregnant mare would help wash away the old life the herd was now free from.
Elsewhere, Breaker, Crusher and Shitbrick gathered what food they could find, Breaker had lucked out by finding a discarded plastic bag tangled in some bushes, a helpful but unpleasant reminder that they weren’t as far from humans as they thought they were. With Shitbrick dragging the bag with his teeth, the trio was able to gather up anything they could find, which unfortunately was not as much as they hoped for.
Leaves and grass were plentiful yes, but they wilted quickly and couldn’t hold on over a long winter period. Fruits were hard to find, even harder to find still edible, whatever had been dropped to the forest floor over the summer had rotted and turned to inedible mush over the weeks. Their only solace was discarded human food, dropped bags of crisps, forgotten bars of chocolate, even a mostly full tub of peanuts. There wasn’t a lot, ironically the isolation the herd had from human intruders also meant that there wasn’t much in the way of human food, but they had enough to at least get started.
Crusher pushed a half-full bag of - if he could read he’d know it was called – Trail Mix into Shitbrick’s collection and turned to Breaker.
“Nu find nummies nu mowe speciaw-fwiend, fink need gu bak nyo.”
Breaker let out a long sigh. “Nu hab enuff, fink dewe be mowe bu…”
Shitbrick dropped the bag’s handle from his mouth and jogged over in front of Breaker. “Can wook fow mowe nummies wata, nu wan baggie tu wip and wose wots of nummies, wittew nummies nyo wiww du.”
“Shitbwick am wight speciaw-fwiend.” Crusher wrapped a hoof around Breaker’s shoulder, given the blue earthie a reassuring cuddle. “Nu need find wots nummies nyo, hab many bwite-times tiww cowd-times. Wittew nummies ebewy bwite-time wiww keep Fwuffies safe.”
Breaker had to smiled as Crusher licked his cheek. He knew Crusher was trying to cheer him up, trying to see things from a more optimistic point of view, and Breaker also knew that they didn’t have nearly as many days until winter came as they thought. But he had to admit, seeing his mate smiling and laughing for the first time since… well since they first met at Crowley’s den, it made all the worries and fears he had melt away.
Maybe only for a moment, but a moment more than what he had before.
“Ok, Fwuffies take wha hab bak, twy gain neks bwite-time, gu wittew fuwtha, dewe hab be nummies sumwhewe.”
The trio turned round to head for home, Shitbrick reached for the bag of food but Crusher beat him too it.
“Shitbwick cawwy baggie hewe, Cwusha nu mind cawwy it bak.”
Shitbrick was momentarily taken aback by the kindness and found himself welling up. “Fank yu. Shitbwick knyp nu desewve fwiends, nu desewve be pawt of hewd. Am stiww sowwy fow hewping dummeh Wam-see.”
Breaker saddled up alongside Shitbrick and walked with him whilst Crusher took up the rear with the bag, the extra weight posing no issue for a strong earthie like himself.
“Bweaka an speciaw-fwiend nu can caww Shitbwick meanie ow dummeh. Fwuffies yoose be in biggesh meanie hewd wiv munstah Fwuffy cawwed Cwowwey, he gib wowstesh bad huggies an foweba sweepies tu wots of Fwuffies. An Bweaka an Cwusha hewp him.”
Shitbrick gasped, sure he’d seen his two new friends act out violently in the coup against Ramsey, but to actively hurt other Fluffies…?
“Wai fwiends du dat?”
Breaker thought for a moment, realising that he’d never bother to ask himself that question before.
“Was… safe. Cwowwey was biggesh meanie bu he keep hewd safe, awways hab nummies awways hab sweepie pwace. An… an Cwowwey nu cawe dat Bweaka wan stawwion as speciaw-fwiend.”
Breaker looked back and Crusher, seeing a blush glowing on the stallion’s face. Breaker smiled back before turning to Shitbrick again.
“Aww Cwowwey ask is fow woyawtee, fow Fwuffies tu gib wowstesh huwties tu udda Fwuffies su dat hewd awways hab safety. Maybe dat am wong, maybe Bweaka am bad Fwuffy fow gibben huwties an foweba sweepies tu gud Fwuffies. Bu it nu change wha Bweaka awweady dun, onwy fing Bweaka change is wha Bweaka du nyo.”
“Am dat wai fwiends am wiv Twavis?”
Breaker nodded. “Twavis am smawt, an he am fwiendwy. Maybe tuu fwiendwy, make bad Smawty bu gud Smawty fwiend. Bweaka nu wan huwt udda Fwuffies, wan tu west an had gud times wiv speciaw-fwiend. Bweaka fink can hab dat wiv Twavis, maybe hab tu huwt Fwuffies tiww Twavis weawn be gud Smawty fwiend, bu Bweaka am wiwwing tu du dat if mean can hab safe pwace fow speciaw-fwiend.”
A silence fell over the trio, all of them imagining a safer life, a happy life, where they didn’t need to worry about meanies or hurties ever again. Part of each of them knew it was an impossible dream, but it gave them hope that they’d see it one day.
After a moment, Shitbrick spoke up. “Wha happen tu Cwowwey?”
“He gu foweba sweepies, faww into wawa whiwe twyin tu gib bad speciaw-huggies tu Twavis mummah.”
Crusher giggled behind them. “Cwusha nu fink dat. Fink Mag-ee gib Cwowwey foweba sweepies hewsewf.”
Breaker considered this for a minutes before shrugging. “Maybe she du, maybe she nu du. Cwowwey stiww am foweba sweepies. Nu matta anee-way.”
With their past firmly behind them, the trio marched forward towards their new future.
They arrived back at the reservoir just after midday, although with all the shading from the trees it looked a lot later than it actually was. Travis went out to greet them as the three stallions hoisted their gatherings through the bushes.
“Gud finds?” Travis asked them.
Breaker shook his head. “Nu hab much, wittew bit tu hewp bu nu much.”
Travis looked inside the bag and smiled. “It mowe dan wha hab, it hewp wots.”
“Travis find much in Wam-see hidie pwace?” Breaker asked while Crusher and Shitbrick took the bag inside.
Travis shook his head as well. “Nu, dewe wots of nummies, bu Wam-see am gweedy, take ebewyfing he wan, bu neba num it aww. Wots of nummies awweady gu bad, nu gud fow hewd.”
“Bweaka am suwpwised dat fat-ee nu num it aww.”
Travis laughed, he knew he shouldn’t but Ramsey was a piece of shit and he was dead, they didn’t need to hold back their disdain for him anymore.
The two of them made to return inside when Raisin came bounding out of the door and rushing towards Travis.
“Speciaw-fwiend, speciaw-fwiend. Waisin hab babbeh feewin in tummeh, am soon-mummah gain.”
Travis broke out into a smile and enveloped his new mate in a hug, overjoyed to be a father again. He turned to Breaker to share in the joy, but only saw confusion and disappointment of his friends face. Swallowing his joy, Travis turned back to Raisin.
“Dat am bestehs fing speciaw-fwiend, gu inside an keep safe wiv Wiwwypad, Twavis need tawkies tu Bweaka.”
Raisin, too ecstatic to notice the awkwardness between the two stallions, nodded and ran back inside, humming away a mummah song to herself. Travis waited until she was out of earshot before turning to Breaker.
“Twavis nu wan Bweaka gun say…”
“Dat dis am bad finkie-pwace pwan? Wha am Twavis duin, cowd-times be hewe vewy soon, nu am gud time hab babbehs.”
“Twavis knyo bu… Waisin wose hew babbehs cos of Twavis, an Twavis stiww hab heawt-huwties fwom wosing Angew an babbehs. Knyo dis nu am bestesh time, bu nu hab betta time tiww hot-times, an Twavis nu fink can wait dat wong. Yu say weaves onwy jus tuwn bwown nyo, stiww hab wots of fowebas tiww cowd-times, babbehs be big babbehs befowe den.”
Breaker sighed, Travis wasn’t acting stupidly… well he was but it was born from a genuine place of love, love for his new mate, his new herd and his new family.
“Maybe Twavis am wight, maybe dewe am enuff bwite-times tiww cowd-times come. Bu Twavis need knyo, dat may nu be twue, cowd-times come weneba cowd-times wan, nu cawe bout babbehs bein big ow wittew. If cowd-times wan be meanie, den Twavis wose mowe babbehs if hewd nu am pwepawed. Am Twavis weady fow dat?”
Travis gulped, realising now how foolish he had been, so caught up in the prospect of finally being a daddy again, of the presumed safety of his new home that he never considered there were still dangers.
“Am Twavis dummeh?”
Breaker shook his head. “Nu, Twavis jus wan wha ebewy Fwuffy wan, wub an babbehs. Bweaka neba wose babbehs, neba hab babbehs tu wose befowe, nu knyo wha dat feew wike. Bu fink it mush be wowstesh eba heawt-huwties, nu bwame Twavis wan be daddeh gain. Hewd am in gud homesie, if can hab enuff nummies, fink dey be gud in cowd-times.”
Travis smiled and hugged Breaker. “Fank yu, Twavis nu mean be dummeh. Maybe Bweaka make betta Smawty.”
Breaker shook his head. “Bweaka nu am gud weada, can fowwow, can du wha Smawty fwiend say, bu nu can wead. Twavis hab wun dummeh pwan, yu gun hab wots of dem befowe am gud Smawty-fwiend. Jus neks time, tawkies tu Bweaka fiwst.”
Travis laughed and the two of them went inside. As Breaker took off to join Crusher, Travis took a breath and looked over the herd… HIS herd.
Raisin and Lilypad were sharing in the joy of being expectant mothers, this time finally able to feed and raise their children, Soot and Shitbrick were stockpiling the newly found food into Ramsey’s hiding hole, and Breaker and Crusher were resting up after a long day’s hunting. It might have been Travis’ first day as the new Smarty, but he felt like things had gone well.
He hoped they had gone well. But what if they hadn’t, what if by giving Raisin special-huggies he had doomed them all, one extra body out of being able to gather food plus who knows how many more mouths to feed over the cold-times.
He thought of Ramsey, the fat bastard who had ensured the herd never grew so there would never be too many mouths to feed. He thought of Crowley, the monster who took what he wanted and wasn’t afraid to kill to do so. Was their cruelty the key to their success, did they survive in place of other Fluffies who were too weak to face against them? Travis didn’t want to be a Smarty, he wanted to be a Smarty-friend but could a Smarty-friend protect his herd against someone like Ramsey, someone like Crowley? Could he stay true to himself or could he…
“Speciaw-fwiend, wha yu finkies bout?”
Travis turned to Raisin, too lost in his thoughts to even notice her arrival. But as he looked at her face he saw flashes of Angel staring back at him, both as the beautiful mare he first saw in that alleyway, and as the broken, blinded husk he last saw in Mister Vincent’s basement. As he looked into Raisin’s eyes he didn’t see himself but rather the black face of Crow cackling back at him, mocking Travis for letting his children die, for forgetting about them so quickly in favour of a new family, of being nothing more than a stupid cumtoy only good for being fucked in the…
“Nuffin. Fwuffy nu hab finkies, jus hab heawt-happies hewd am gud. Nu can wait tu meet tummeh-babbehs.”
Raisin cooed and cuddled up beside her mate, purring as she placed her ear against his heartbeat. Travis held back his trembling body and held her close as all his anxieties slowly melted away, and a lot slower than he would’ve liked.
He wasn’t scared of Raisin figuring out he was lying, of having to tell her the full truth about Angel and losing his first litter, of the poisonous anger he had towards Angel, of the suicidal thoughts he had afterwards, of what he did to Citrus to save himself before finding her.
No, he was more scared of how easy it had been to lie to her in the first place.
Thanks to @infraredturbine for creating this cover for the Before The Storm series, I’ll use it in future to signify the start of a new arc but figured I’d introduce it here first since I haven’t done a new chapter in quite some time.
