Tales from the Bright Side: Employee of the Month
by Ambitiousleather8309
(fanfic for @theman)
the owner of this particular franchise of Bright Side Daycare and Fluffmart was the best kind of absentee boss. His rules were simple: Don’t add or subtract from the population, no fires, no phone calls to him, and it was considered a good day.
Every month he posted a vote for employee of the month, but given that no one gave enough of a crap to participate, he voted himself employee of the month.
Pete and Kimmy had been working doubles for almost a week. Three people quit in as many days without notice, and although the two employees were thankful for the extra cash from the overtime, they were dog tired. caring for twenty fluffies twelve hours a day should be against the geneva conventions.
the owner was freshly returned from his vacation in jamaica, as jovial and good humored as ever with a fresh perm and gold chains resting against his chest hair, with his tropical print shirt unbuttoned low. The owner set about hiring more people to run his store, with interviews today. he set his constant companion, a ruby red stallion, to play in the colt room.
Prince Rupert was overjoyed to have another big stallion to play with, especially one who wasn’t a whiny bastard like Cinder. his highness and the owner’s fluffy happily batted a ball around while the babbeh colts watched the Sketti Dave cartoon special, which was just a badly rendered cgi bowl of spaghetti with comically large google eyes meandering through a side scrolling landscape. Hasbio really spared no expense with fluff tv.
The first few interviews went smoothly. mostly younger people who just needed a job, and it was either the Fluffmart or the fast food place at the mini-mall’s endcap. the fluffmart didnt drug test, so, for many the choice was clear.
It was just about closing as the owner was counting down the till and singing an old reggae song off rhythm and off key. After a sudden jingling of the front door chimes, the fluffmart was awash in perfume that preceded a beautiful woman in a long expensive coat, with a pure white unicorn in her oversized designer purse.
She curled her nose at the garish primary colors and fluorescent lighting above. Her face positively twisted in disgust as she lay eyes upon the owner and his loud floral shirt.
“Welcome to Bright Side FluffyCare, Miss Lady, you lookin’ fo a job?” the owner had a big smile full of large white teeth.
The posh woman didn’t respond, as if just staring would make the whole store, the man before her, less offensive to her delicate sensibilities.
“Aight no worries, Miss Lady, can i help with your shoppin? you need your fluffy looked after? I got some sketti flavored fluffy applesauce if you’re hungry!” the owner had a big braying laugh like a donkey that echoed in the linoleum and bare walls of the room.
The woman looked angry. “Are you making fun of me?out of official fluffmart uniform and stinking like weed? I’ll have your fucking job, you idiot. get me your manager.”
The owner’s face fell as he sighed and picked up the cashier’s phone, setting it to page the overhead speaker.
“Big Frenchie to the front fo managers assist. Big Frenchie to the front”
Holding the phone away from his mouth the owner adopted a baritone newcaster’s voice, “Yes, Big Frenchie, what seems to be the problem, here?”
then switching back to the overhead speaker, “Well this lady wants to speak to the manager because she don’t like my jokes and she dont like my new shirt from jamaica. Its red and its my favorite color and that hurts my feelings, boss.”
Adopting the non-regional diction baritone voice again, “well Frenchie be sure to tell her that you’re the owner and you’ll wear your nice ass shirt in your own store if you damn well please. And she can either fix her attitude or you’ll send the fluffies to give her sorry poopies all over her fake-ass manolos and fart in that fake-ass michael kors bag.”
Back to the overhead speaker, “You right as always, Boss. Paging Prince Rupert and Little Frenchie to the front for sorry poopies, Prince Rupert and Little Frenchie to the front for sorry poopies.”
The snobby woman left in a huff, the jingling slam was the last straw before the three fluffmart humans erupted in laughter. Kimmy had Little Frenchie under her arm, holding his back legs like he were a machine gun, followed by Pete holding the rotund Prince Rupert in a similar way, ready to aim their weapons at the bitchy lady.
The owner howled with laughter and took little frenchie in his arms for a hug.
”See, youngins, when you run into people like that all you can do is laugh. we need more laughs and more huggies in the world and less beeyotches.”
