Written for @justboredmitedelete
Not super christmasy but it was fun to write
“Huu… nu wan’… huuu huu… nu mean be ba’ poopy fwuffy.”
Curled in the bottom of a beat up shipping box was Poopy, a caramel brown and golden maned pegasus. Most people would kill for a cheap fluffy with those colorations, but not Poopy here. Poopy was not a valuable fluffy.
With a wet splat a dribble of shit fell from his side and onto the filthy box. Poopy was born to a breeder with a blocked colon, a colostomy was his only chance at life. After determining it was a fluke birth defect the breeder decided to keep him on as a stud but quickly grew tired of his care. Poopy cried often about the “bad poopies” falling out of him, he whined constantly about the bag attached to his side to catch them, and other fluffies bullied him so severely that it didn’t matter what he was named, Poopy was the only thing he responded to.
So he was listed on various fluffy selling sites for a discount. When no one bought him he was listed for free on Craigslist. When still no one called asking about him, the breeder decided to dump him in front of a store and wash his hands of the whole matter.
Poopy was found and shoved into a cardboard box very quickly, with no food or water. He had grown used to other fluffies forcing him to eat shit so subsisting off what fell from his stoma wasn’t new but he certainly wasn’t happy about it.
To summarize, it fucking sucked to be him.
So when the box opened to a smiling face, Poopy felt like maybe things were going to be okay.
“Nu fwend?” he asked as gloved hands lifted him from the box.
“Yeah, I’m gonna help you get a new daddy!” A woman held him carefully away from her body to avoid getting smeared with shit.
“Nyu daddeh?!” Poopy wiggled his hooves with excitement, looking around the new space.
“Yep, your daddy only wants the best fluffies, so he’s going to test you and some other fluffies.”
He was set gently into a clear box, He was excited to see a pretty mare on the other side of the transparent wall.
“Hewwo, pwetty fwuffy! Am-”
“EEEEEEWWWW! NU TAWK TU WIWWOW, STINKY POOPEH!” Willow screeched.
Poopy recoiled back from her, hiding behind his hooves.
“Huu… Poopeh jus’ wan’ wub…”
“Dummeh Poopeh nu get wub! Wub fo’ pwetty fwuffies!!” Willow hissed.
Before she could say more another shrill voice screamed over her.
“SHADDUP PABWO AM BESTEST FWUFFY AN’ DADDEH WUB PABWO BESTEST!!”
“NUH-UH!” Willow screeched back. “PABWO AM STOOPID DUMMEH!! WIWWOW AM PWETTEST SMAWTEST-”
A clear lid slammed down on all three partitions loudly. “SHUT UP!! God…”
Poopy sat as far away from Willow as he could be, trying to think about anything but the warm slimy feeling of his shit sliding down his side. The wall in front of him was solid white, but through the clear lid he could see a path leading up to a black and white checkered flag.
“GOOOOOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!”
All three fluffies jumped as a man’s voice came from seemingly nowhere.
“I’ll be tonight’s host of FLUFFY WARRIOR! Let’s see tonight’s contestants!”
Pablo yelped from the far side of the containers.
“Pablo here is a grade A smarty with the entitlement to match!”
“AM BESTEST FWUFFY!” he screeched.
“Will that be enough to get him through tonight’s events? Next up we have….”
Poopy jumped as Willow’s clear enclosure lifted up past him.
“WILLOW! One part beauty, one part bitch! Can she coast on her looks alone? And last…”
Poopy huddled under his hooves as his container lifted under him.
“POOPY! He’s never been loved but if he wins he’ll be given the good domestic life!”
Slowly lifting his hooves, Poopy looked at the path in front of him. There were high plastic walls and lots of strange things he didn’t have a name for. It sloped up in a gentle hill to where a man stood with his arms out.
His daddeh.
A small smile crossed his lips and he got to his hooves, ignoring Willow’s insults. He would be the bestest fluffy for his daddeh.
“ALLLLLLRIGHT! No more bets! Let’s get this party started innnnn….”
Willow slapped her hoof against the plastic next to him, but Poopy was locked in. He could see what was expected of him, to get to Daddeh before any of the other fluffies.
“THREE!”
“TWO!”
“ONE!”
“GOOOOOO!!!”
The clear barrier dropped, and all three fluffies took off down the track as fast as their tiny legs could carry them. It didn’t take too long for them to hit the first obstacle, strips of tape laid sticky side up across the path.
“Nuuuu! Wet guuu!” Poopy wailed as the adhesive tugged on his leg fluff.
“We have a slowdown at the first hurdle! Could be anyone’s game!”
Willow wailed loudly,“NUUUU WET GU OB PWETTY FWUFF!!”
Poopy felt tears pool in his eyes as he struggled with the horrible tape. It pulled painfully on his fluff everywhere but his shit covered side. It took a moment of furrowed brow staring for him to figure out what was gojng on.
“… Nu sticky to poopies?” He ran his free hoof down his side and then pressed it onto the tape. To his surprise it peeled right off his shit covered fluff. He quickly flopped onto his side, rolling the wet feces around and feeling the tape lose its grip on him.
“I CAN’T BELIEVE IT FOLKS, POOPY IS AT AN ADVANTAGE HERE!”
Shaking off the strips, Poopy continued down the track. He ignored the cries and whines from his competition and trundled into the next challenge.
Before him were a series of tubes arching over the track with small holes poked into them. A single glistening drop landed on his nose and Poopy’s nostrils flared in fear.
“WAWA BA’ FO FWUFFY!!”
“It most certainly is!” Daddeh said from the top of the hill. “But is having a daddy worth going through all that scary, dangerous water??”
Poopy chewed his lip, trotting in place nervously. He wanted a home more than anything, but water was SO dangerous! What if it dripped in his eyes and he went blind?
“Wawa nu am scawy!!” Poopy heard Willow cheer. “Baffies am nice! Feew pwetty!!”
If he didn’t do something mean old Willow would get to have a daddy and he wouldn’t!! With a nervous whinny Poopy charged through the pipes, each one hosing him down with water as he passed. He kept his eyes closed the entire time in hopes that if he couldn’t see the water it couldn’t hurt him. He was shocked when the floor fell out from under him, his chest slamming into a narrow plank.
Poopy was free of the scary water, now only one obstacle stood between him and Daddeh. A thin strip of wood lead up to the checkered flag at the end, just a little thicker than a single hoof. On either side of it was a pit lined with all sorts of scary, sharp things; needles, tacks, broken glass, old barbed wire. He quickly scooted back, away from the danger.
The walls between the lanes fell away here, Poopy saw Willow blow a raspberry at him. She had multiple strips of tape still attached to her fluff as she started across her plank. He set his jaw, hearing the fearful whines of Pablo still back at the water pipes, and started shuffling along the narrow stretch one hoofstep at a time. Looking down at the pit of danger made him tremble so he locked his eyes on Daddeh.
“It’s neck and neck with Pablo fallen so far behind, will either fluffy make it across the PIT OF DOOM?!”
“Faww, ugwy dummeh!” Willow called. “Nu wan’ shawe daddeh with nu smeww guud poopies!”
Poopy didn’t reply.
“DUMMEH POOPEH NU GET DADDEH!!” Willow screeched, enraged. “FAWW!! FAWW DOWN, NU GU NU MOWE!!”
Being a disabled, brown, abandoned fluffy, Poopy had heard worse. Way worse from fluffies he cared so much more about him, his mother, his siblings, even the human he used to belong to.
“NU! NUNUNUNU! YU NU GE’ GUUD DADDEH!!”
Poopy didn’t care. He would never get her to like him. Daddy, however, was smiling down at him. His arms opened as if to ask for a hug. Poopy grinned, breaking into a run.
“NU NU NU NU!!!” Willow’s screeches turned into a full scale tantrum as she slammed her hooves on the board. “WIWWOW AM PWETTEST! WIWWOW GE’ DADDEH! WIWWOW GE’ NICE HOUSIE! WIWWOW GE’-”
With a yelp, her hoof slipped off the side of the board sending her tumbling into the hazard pit.
Not a single person cared about her pained screams as Poopy finished the track and blew through the checkered flag into his new daddy’s arms. He was pulled into his first hug in years, melting into the tight embrace.
“WE HAVE A WINNER!! POOPY WENT ALL THE WAY!!”
Artificial cheers played over shitty speakers as a screen showed thousands of angry messages from people who didn’t bet on Poopy and he didn’t care about it one bit. He was loved. Held tightly in the arms of someone that really, truly loved him.
“We’ll get him a bath and a new name later tonight, I’ll be sure to update you all!” Daddy said, holding you out at arms length. “I know exactly where you’ll fit in with the other fluffies!”
“Allllllright! Skettie time!!”
The saferoom was flung into chaos as Daddy stepped over the baby gate. Fluffies swarmed around him, some heavily scarred, others pregnant, all survivors of Fluffy Warrior. He set down plates of food for each one of them, greeting them by name.
“We’re missing someone…”
He set his hands on his hips as he scanned the large room. The sleepy pit was empty other than its many blankets and pillows, he didn’t see anyone in the floor-to-ceiling play structure, no one was playing with any of the hundreds of toys scattered around the room.
“SCREEEEEEE!!”
Daddy leaned down. “There you are, Shitbag! I told you not to go near the food bowls!!”
Poopy, now named Shitbag, lay in a twitching pile on the padded floor near one of the sketti bowls. He pawed at the bulky black collar around his neck that delivered the shocks.
“Nu… haf… nu wan’ …”
“Now, Shitbag, you know that only fluffies that make good poopies get sketti!”
“Huuu huuuuuu!!” Shitbag wailed.
Daddeh scruffed him and dragged him away from the happily eating fluffs.
“Today you’ll be getting sketti poopies, isn’t that exciting?”
“Nu wan’ num poopies!!” He sobbed. “Wan’ sketties!!”
“I told you!” Daddeh knelt down, booping Shitbag on the nose gently. “Sketties are for good fluffies that can make good poopies!”
“Buhh… buh nu taste nummy…”
“Well I gave you an option, didn’t I? Are you saying you want to be an enfie friend instead?”
“Nu… nu am mawe… nu wan’ enfies…”
“Then you want to eat poopies!” Daddeh patted him on the head. “Glad to hear! Let me know if you ever change your mind, I’ll get that little special stick of yours chopped right off! I doubt you’ll get to use it, anyway.”
Shitbag sobbed into his hooves, feeling his body squirt waste into the bag strapped tightly to his side.
“Anyway, everyone enjoy your dinner, yell if you need me!”
Daddeh left, leaving behind a group of happy fluffies and one miserable lump of fluff and shit. It fucking sucked to be him.
