God it snowed a lot. This year has been crazy. I live out in the middle of nowhere in a log cabin with my cat, Lemmy Catmister. We have all we need and while the snow piled up we stayed nice and warm, the fire dancing away in the stove.
Well it is Christmas, the snow is almost two meters high, thats like 8 subway sandwiches for my american friends… anyway I was sitting back watching LOTR extended cut, Helms Deep was about to pop off when I hear a knock on my door. This is rather odd as I don’t associate with humanity and I’m way the fuck in the middle of nowhere as said before.
I hit pause on my PS5 and open the door. Sitting on its shit covered ass is a pink and yellow fluffy. It is as round as it is tall, I am surprised it was able to walk at all. I looked beyond my door, there was a tunnel leading up to my door, like a Bugs Bunny cartoon. The fluffy looks up at me.
“Hewwo nice mistar, am soon mammah, gib nice housies and nummie skitties to make bestest milkies for new babbehs?” I look at it…at the fluffy lump before me. It is Christmas, what kind of asshole would i be to turn away such a poor fluffy.
“Sure, come on in.” I open the door further, the fluffy waddled in. I close the door and turn and see she made the way to my cats food.
“Nummys for mammah” the fat pighorse said as she desended on my cats dish. I pay top cash for my Kitties food, like fuck I’d let a shitpig eat it. I quickly scooped it up “Bad upsies!!” It squacked, i plop it down in a cardboard box.
“Thats not for you, I’ll get you something to eat.” I open a can of chefboyardee and slop it into a bowl and drop it next to the fluffy who devours it like the fucking pig it is.
“Mmm fank woo fow sketties daddeh! So nummy!!” I put a small box of litter after it eats and i go back to LOTR. The shit pig is talking, i guess to me, probably to its retarded babbies. Just as the Riders of Rohan arrive, “SKREEE, BIGGEST POOPIES!!” Of course. I pause the movie and go to the box, it is a fucking mess, the birth juice splattered everywhere. The mare grunts and pushes out her first born, a purple earthy, followed by a green unicorn a blue Pegasus and a brown earthy. The fluffy licked all the babbehs and began singinger her mamma song. So annoying. I guess it is time to begin my Christmas fun.
“Wow so many babbehs, do you have a favourite?” He happy mare picks up tje purple earthy and holds it up. It peeps meekly.
“Dis one daddeh! Dis am bestest babbeh!!” I pick it up from her hooves it peeps wildly “gasp, daddeh be careful, am onwy widdle babbeh, to widdle for upsies!!hu hu hu.. gib back to mammah!” I look at the thing, its eyes closed tight, newborn Christmas foal. So full of life and wonders! Such a life to live…
I open the stove door and huck it into the fire.
“Peepeepeepeepeepeepeep!!” It squeels and stubles around on its little stubby legs the heat of the fire quickly begins to smolder its fur. The soft pads of its hooves ignight almost instantly. It dances from hoof to hoof trying not to burn but the flames lap up the legs, eventually the fire consumes it fully. It runs around burning till finally it stops. It lays on its side, quiet and very dead.
So you should know about fluffies and fire. If you ever smell burning hair, it has a very distinct odor. Fluffy hair, fluffy fluff i should say has… has a plastic, yet fleshy sent, like old gym socks covered in rotten pigblood and a dash of sadness…
"Nuuu babbeh am owy widdle babbeh, nu burny hurties, mammah need to gib huggies and wub… " the mare peeks over the box and watches her babbeh burn alive. "Why hurt babbeh…?
“Only bad mammahs have bestes babbehs… now do you have a bestest babbeh?” The mammah sniffs and picks up the blue Pegasus
“Pretty winngy babbeh is bestest now.” I grab my fire tongs and grab the blue babbeh. “SCREER, NU TAKE BABBBEH!” I slowly push the blue foal into the burning hot box. The little foal peeps and cheeps as the fire laps at it. Unlike its purple brother i slowly turn it like im roasting a marshmallow its tail cought first burning up to its special lumps and asshole. It cheeped and squeeled, its little legs kicks and its head flails. Mammah is beside herself. “Babbeh! Nuu mammah gib huggies and make hurties go away!!” There is a big pile of orange coals i dig the little bastard deep into it. It peeps then it doesn’t. Oh that smell…
I turn and ask the stupid thing again, “Alright shit pig, do you have a favourite babbeh? Remember only bad fluffies have bestest babbehs…”
The stupid mamma picks up her green babbeh and holds her in her hoofs. “Gween babbeh am bestest babbeh” the little unicorn filly foal peeps in her mammahs fluff. I grab the fire poker and the green fluffy. “NUUU MAMMA WUV BABBEH!” I shove the little shit on the end of the poker and then jam it into the stove. I pick up the fat mare and hold it up to my eye level. “Skree bad upsies!!”
“You are a bad mammah, all your babbehs gro burnie hurties because of it. And so will you.” I slide the dead green unicorn off the blood covered poker and shove the mammah into the stove. Fire dances all over the fat pig as it squeels I close the door. The remaining foal, the brown one, I toss to Lemmy Cat. She begins to fuck around with it, its peeps kicking in the hunter instinct. The last thing the mammah sees as the fire consumes her is Lemmy cat eating her last babbeh. Her last poooie babbeh getting eaten by my cat.
Merry Christmas.
