It occurred to me that the text doesn’t appear as wingdings on mobile
Goldenrod lay in the tall grass atop a hill. His pastel yellow fluff reflecting the brilliant light of the stars overhead. His herd slept under the big Virginia live oak that grew at the bottom of the hill. He was one of the herd’s toughies and lookouts. Their smarty was pretty demanding but since he was a toughie he got a special friend and didn’t really care that much.
He looked down at his special friend, Peace, a pastel purple mare, and runaway sleeping with their foals in a little fluffpile covered with flowers she had picked. She was a runaway. Her mummah, Faith, said there were too many strays without homes and that having foals instead of adopting was ‘inhumane’, so she ran away.
Her mummah was supposedly the nicest human ever and would always put flowers in her fluff and sometimes brought her to things called “Peese Wallys” and she ended up being good at stopping fights in the herd by acting like her mummah that she missed so dearly.
The pastures all around them had once been cattle farm but now grew fallow and were the perfect place for a feral herd to live, with ample grass, water, and space to play. Goldenrod lazily looked out over the field. He was tired but had gotten plenty of sleep during the day, as he did every day. There was never anything to worry about on a night like this.
Something caught his attention above. One of the many small sky balls was moving around. How strange! He turned his head to watch as it moved back and forth with incredible speed. How could it be doing this. It wasn’t a blinky buggy, he knew that much. Suddenly it moved directly above him, and he had to crane his head to look up.
It was getting brighter and brighter! It was getting bigger! It was falling! He had to move before it hit him. He closed his eyes wincing, expecting it to hit him as he ran as fast as his legs could take him. He ran and ran and ran. But he didn’t feel the ground under his hooves. He opened his eyes.
It was bright all around him, he had to squint to see. He looked down at his hooves. They were several feet above the ground. He was … flying? He didn’t have wings, so this was a very confusing and terrifying experience as he could fall at any moment once falling remembered how to work. He shat him self in terror while flailing his legs and screaming only to see that his poopies were flying too.
He looked up, the light was right above him now and his herd was so far away. “HELWP GOWDENWOD!” he screamed but none of them seemed to hear him as they slept. The light was now all around him, blindingly so. He could do little else but close his eyes and whimper pathetically.
He felt himself fall and screamed again. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggghhhhh….” He ran out of breath and sucked in some air to cry again. Before he could, he felt ground under his hooves. Cautiously he opened his eyes again.
Asl he looked around, he saw a plain circular white room with the walls floor and ceiling blending seamlessly into each other. They seemed to glow faintly. Standing all around him were tall green human shaped things with big black eyes and two things that looked like funny horns sticking from their heads. The tallest, wearing a simple belt, stepped towards him.
“greetings small one we come in peace”
“Greetings small one. We come in peace.”
“AAAAAGH!!! SCAWY MUNSTAH!!!” It ignored his cries as it looked over at another one standing at a console nearby.
“analyze language”
“Analyze language.”
“NU NUM FWUFFIE! AAAAAAAGH!” He tried to run but his legs would not move.
“Unknown. Attempting dominant languages.”
“unknown attempting dominant languages”
“WEGGIES PLEASE WISTEN! NEE’ WUN FWOM MUNSTAH!” He was bawling hysterically.
“здороваться”
“NUU! HUU HUU HUU!”
“问候”
“NUU AM WEAL! AM ONWY DWEAM! AM ONWY DWEAM!” He closed his eyes again and ducked his head waiting for the inevitable.
“Greetings”
He stopped sobbing and looked up. “Yuu am … speaky? … munstah?” It looked confused as it processed Goldenrod’s question. “Ah, we are not monsters. I am known as Starseed. I come as an emissary to your world.”
Goldenrod did not understand at least 67% of that question but soldiered on. “Wuh am emmesawy?” Starseed looked over at the one next to him and said something.
“are you sure we picked the right ones”
“Are you sure we picked the right ones?”
“Their mass media shows these are the ruling class worshipped as gods and pampered by a slave race.”
“their mass media shows these are the ruling class worshipped as gods and pampered by a slave race”
“Very well, an emissary is a representative. I speak for my people. My responsibility is to prevent conflicts and unnecessary fighting between our people.”
“Oh! Yuu am wike speshow fwen?”
“What is a special friend?”
“Yus! Speshow fwen am pwetty puwple mawe an soon-mummah name Peese! Peese am vewy gud at stoppin fwuffies fwom mawkin sowwy hooves!”
“Yes Yes! We seek peace!” Starseed seemed to misinterpret the fluffspeak as it was filtered through his translator.
“She am sweepies wit widdle tawkie bebbehs wite nao.”
“locate her”
“Locate her.”
“asleep at the base of the tree”
“Asleep at the base of the tree.”
“I wish to speak to her”
“I wish to speak to her.”
They took him aside as they waited. “Do you mind if we run some passive tests on your physiology for our scientists?”
“Wut am dat?”
“We will examine your…” He paused for a second. Their translator must be broken as these Earthlings could not understand more complicated words. “We will look at your insides to better know about life on this planet.”
“Nuuu! Nu take tummeh sgettis!”
“Sgettis?” He pressed a few buttons and an image of spaghetti appeared to float in the air in front of Goldenrod. Goldenrod lunged at the picture and fell right through it.
“Wewe am sgettis?” Starseed rolled his eyes. Something that was not visible to a casual observer given the solid black nature of them. “We will be happy to synthesize ‘sgettis’ for you if you assist in our completely harmless medical scans.”
“Gowdenwod wub sgettis! Pwomise nu huwt fwuffy?” Starseed nodded once. “I promise on behalf of my people no harm will become of you.”
“Otay!” He was led by a physician into something like a large sorry box, requiring constant reassurance. Suddenly there was a loud bwiang and he felt a weird tingling sensation in his insides. “Dat am tickew Goldenrod!” he shouted as he giggled and rolled around.
The noise and sensation stopped, and he was removed and set back down. As he was, he saw his special friend talking to Starseed. He ran over. “Speshow fwen!”
Starseed rolled his eyes once again. “As I already said, I wish to negotiate a peace between our two people in good will. As representative of your kind, you must be able to negotiate treaties.”
“Peese wun nummy tweatie!”
“No, you do not eat treaties. They are agreements between leaders to establish…”
“Weadeh? Yuu mean smawty! Peese nu am smawty. Smawty am Gween fwuffy wit pointy pwace!”
Starseed glared at the technician.
“Located”
“Located”
Goldenrod and Peace were led off to one side. The poop that goldenrod brought with him was finally cleaned up by some weird floaty ball. One of the nice green talkie munstahs brought them a plate. On it was something that looked like sgettis, but wrong. The noodles were green, and the sauce was blue. The meatballs were purple.
Soon Smarty was brought aboard. “Greetings. My name is Stars-”
“Dis am smawty wand nao!” The demanding unicorn did not stop to process his strange situation.
“…Starseed. I wish to negotiate a peace tweaty between our people.”
Smarty looked around and saw Goldenrod and Peace eating their sgettis. “Peawse aweady get tweaties!”
“No, not those kind of treaties…”
“SMAWTY WAN SGETTIS NAO! GIB SMAWTY SGETTIS OW GET SOWWY POOPIES!”
“Please calm down. I will have someone prepare some spaghetti for you.”
“NUU GIB SGETTIS NAO!” He turned around cocking his tail to the side “WOWSTEST SOWWY POOPIES!” The announcement was accompanied by a vile stream of diarreah produced from smarty refusing to eat anything except the sweet diuretic wild berries that grew in the field.
Starseed kept his composure as well as he could. “We will bring spaghetti, if you would just wait.” Just then, another walked up to him.
“sir the genetic analysis is complete”
“Sir, the genetic analysis is complete!”
“Must you tell me about it now”
“Must you tell me about it now?”
“we seem to have made a mistake these are feral pets”
“we… seem to have made a mistake. These are… feral pets.”
Starseed stood still for a moment processing what he had just heard. Then suddenly, he drew a gun-shaped stick from his belt and pointed it at Smarty. A quick press and a blinding green light shot from it. Smarty flashed out of existence as he was almost instantly vaporized. Only able to let out the briefest “BUWNIE HU-” Before he was a pile of ash.
Goldenrod and Peace both witnessed this and began screaming! “MUNSTAH GIB BIGGEST BUWNIE HUWTIES!” “MUNSTAH GIB SMAWTY FOWEBA SWEEPIES!”
“perform invasive procedures then wipe their memories”
“Perform invasive procedures, then wipe their memories.”
Goldenrod was plopped on a table and strapped down. Peace on a table across from him. They both sobbed uncontrollably. “Huu Huu! Pwease gib bawk speshow fwiend! Need huggies and wub!” One walked behind him and lifted his tail. He felt some pressure and his eyes widened.
“NUU AM MAWE NU AM MAWE!” He screamed as the probe was inserted. He felt more tingling but this time it hurt. Across from him another munstah performed the same on his special friend as she watched Goldenrod get violated.
“Nuuu. Speshow poopie pwace huggies am bad fow soon mummah!” The probe entered. “SCREEEEEEEEE” Her screeching continued for a few seconds followed by “BIGGEST POOPIES!” a spray of premature foals shot out from her rear and splattered the pristine white table in booboo juice. “Huu huu huu! Nu am soon mummah no mowe!” Goldenrod saw his dead foals lying in a puddle of booboo juice and fainted from the horror.
Goldenrod awoke on the top of the hill as he basked in bright warm light. It was already dawn, he looked around. Smarty would give him the worst sorry hoofs for falling asleep. He couldn’t even remember falling asleep.
He walked down to where the herd was. His special friend watched their foals play as she sang to her tummeh babies. The other fluffies were milling about with an exceptionally cheerful mood. “Wewe am smawty?”
“Nu am knu!” One of the other toughies, Milkweed, responded. They quickly made Goldenrod the new Smarty but he let them still call him Goldenrod and he still took the night watch. A few weeks later, Peace gave birth to her second litter.
The foals looked strange, but they were his and so he didn’t let the other fluffies hurt his ‘two pointy’ bright green ‘munstah’ babbies. One day they were finally able to open their eyes. His favorite filly, a neon green one looked up at him with solid black eyes and chirped.
“Daddeh”
“Daddeh?”
Faint memories of that night came back. But all he could remember was up to receiving sgettis everthing after that was gone completely. The big munstah must have chosen to be Smarty’s new daddeh.
Goldenrod took watch that night as he did every night. He did not fear the return of the sky munstahs. After all, they came in peace.
Heard Spaceman on Spotify randomly and got the idea for an alien abduction story.