Cochrane’s Farm
Chapter Ten
The rest of the evening was nearly perfect. Steve and Katie sat out in the grass and talked until sunset. Katie insisted on going back into the barn when Steve went to feed the fluffies, so that they could “make up” for the nasty smarty incident. Candy was all smiles and “give huggies”—you’d never know that “daddeh” had just bashed her smarty foal against the barn door.
Thank God for short fluffy memories, he thought.
“You know, you really need to think about how you’re going to divide up all of the foals in the breeder pen. Grapefruit and the girls may seem happy and docile now, but “mummahs” can get really territorial if, say, one of the other dams’ foals takes a ball that her foal is playing with.”
Steve nodded. He’d pick up some more supplies and build some temporary dividers in the next couple of days before the mares foaled.
“It’s getting to be dinner time. You want to go out? I can make something here, if you’d like.”
“Hmm…let me think…do I want to get in the car, drive 20 minutes to a restaurant, wait for a table, and then have to drive all the way back here…or do I want to stay here with a glass of wine while a handsome guy prepares a home-cooked meal?”
“Roast chicken breast, it is, then!”
Steve got right to work, pulling out all of his ingredients and a bottle of Oregon Pinot Noir. “Volcanic soil, forest floor, smooth finish—what’s not to love?” Katie sat on the island while he cooked. She told him that she had done most of the cooking after her mom died. “Dad always seemed so tired when he got home from work, so I had to teach myself.”
Being a kid who lost a parent isn’t the best thing to share, he thought, but at least we can understand each other’s grief.
It was a lively dinner. Katie’s cheeks flushed, and the couple began to laugh about some of the most idiotic things. When they were done, they walked to the living room and sat close together on the couch. Katie set her glass down, one thing led to another, and…
…she passed out.
Steve sighed. Well, I guess it couldn’t be the perfect day. He buttoned his pants, got off the couch, and cradled Katie in his arms. Wow, she is incredibly light. He carried her upstairs, laid her down in his bed, and covered her with the blankets. After folding her shirt and placing it and a glass of water on the nightstand, he walked across the hallway to a guest bedroom that hadn’t been used since his idiot cousin needed a place to crash when his wife kicked him out.
Tomorrow is another day, he thought, and he collapsed on the bed. He blacked out as soon as he hit the pillow.
The morning came quickly. And suddenly. Steve was awakened by a long string of profanities coming from his bedroom.
Oh, that’s right. I’m in the guest room. He couldn’t help smiling to himself as he remembered the angel sleeping across the hall.
“Goddamn, motherfucking—GAH!—piece of shit!!!”
Shit. I think I forgot to turn the alarm off.
“Yeah, I work from noon to close today. I am so sorry I fell asleep last night.”
“Don’t worry about it. I was pretty buzzed myself.” Steve had a smile on his face, but that smile masked a hangover that could kill a horse.
Katie smiled back at him. “No, really. I’ll make it up to you,” she said as she rubbed his chest. “Maybe next time, we should just stick to one bottle.”
No arguments here.
“So, you think Pineapple and Grapefruit are going to foal by the 16th?”
“Yeah, if four weeks is standard gestation.”
“That sounds about right. Say, the University lets out for Spring Break on the 13th. Pineapple looks huge, so there’s a chance she could go early. How about I…bring over a suitcase and…plan to stay a few days. You know, to…help you out?”
Realizing that the stunned look on his face probably made him look like a moron, Steve started himself back to the present. “Uh, yeah. That would be great!”
Katie giggled. “Ok. We’ll plan on it. I’ll see you soon, but call me if anything comes up!” She stood on her tiptoes, but Steve still had to bend several inches in order to share a kiss. Worth it. They embraced for some time, with neither of them wanting to let go, but Katie eventually turned and got into the car.
I’ve never been more sad to see a car pull out of that driveway in my life.
The 13th seemed like it would never come. Steve used his time wisely, though—he sent a new draft of his book to the publisher, who raved that it “may be your best work yet!” The fluffy barn was quiet, save for “mummah songs” and the mad chatter of the foals. Two days after Katie’s last visit, he painted the two foal pens to look like they were surrounded by rolling hills and a blue sky, and put foal-safe accessories in the pens: low-lip litterboxes, water bottles, food bowls (though he may need a food trough if he ended up with more foals than expected), and some toys.
Candy only had the three foals remaining—two white foals (including the alicorn) and the brown earthie gelding. With no risk of “special huggies”, Steve decided to put the gelding in with the fillies. There’s no reason for him to be lonely. Candy was placated by the fact that daddeh allowed her free run of the barn so she could see her “babbehs” whenever she wanted. He thought he would give her a couple of days of freedom before trying to breed her with Seraph.
Steve sat on the front porch swing, sketching some new art when he heard a car pulling up the long driveway. Excited, he dropped his sketch pad and looked through the pine trees for a silver Corolla.
A silver car drove up, all right, but not Katie’s Corolla. This car was a Lexus sedan—one with which Steve was all too familiar.
God-fucking-dammit. What does she want this time?
A sharply dressed woman stepped out of the car. Her auburn-colored hair (the same color as Steve’s) and her tightly-drawn cheeks didn’t betray the true age of a woman Steve knew to be pushing 65.
“Hello, mother. To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?”
“Oh, come on, Stevie. Don’t you have a hug for poor old mom?”
Steve gave her an awkward hug, which he released as soon as he could. “Ok, now let’s cut the bullshit, mom. What are you doing here?”
“Well, I was just driving through the neighborhood, and—“
“No one just ‘drives through’ here, mom. And it’s not in a ‘neighborhood’. That’s why I moved here.”
“Oh, right. I forgot. Mr. Anti-Social, Look-At-Me, My-Life-Is-So-Hard-I-Think-I’ll-Blame-My-Mother. Freud would be proud, son.”
“Don’t you have somewhere to be?”
His mother sighed. “All right. Cecelia called: Little Evan is going to be baptized next month—on Easter Sunday. She was kind enough to invite all of us.”
Steve spit. “ ‘She was kind enough’? Hell, she kicked Nicky out of the house and refuses to let him see his son, all because she was fucking around! Of course, you wouldn’t have known about that, because you were in the middle of your European pool boy tour!”
“Now, don’t you get vulgar with me! When your father died, I was still a young woman. That’s a long fucking time to be lonely!”
“You may not remember this, but I was seven years old! And I walked in on you banging Uncle Ron before Dad was cold in the ground!”
The woman stopped cold. She knew that her son had her, though she would never admit it.
“I’ll be happy to come to Evan’s baptism. His whore of a mother is not his fault. But that’s not why you drove all the way out here, is it?”
Steve saw a glare in his mother’s eyes that he had seen many times before. It was the glare of disapproval.
“It has come to my attention that you have decided to…keep fluffy ponies.”
“Yeah, what of it?”
“Dammit, Steve. You are successful. You are fabulously wealthy—in your own right, and not counting your father’s inheritance when I die. Why would you waste your time breeding shitrats?”
“Why would you blow your life estate income entertaining pool boys?”
His mother flushed red. It’s fun to see her angry. “I can tell you why. Because you’re bored, and you’re lonely, and you fill that hole in your life by…well, getting plowed by pool boys. Well, I’m bored, too. Sure, I’m still writing, but I wanted a hobby. And at least mine doesn’t make my crotch itch.”
Steve took no joy in telling his mother off. That pleasure wore off a decade ago. Anything to make her leave, he thought. Katie will be here soon, and I’ll put off this introduction until the old bat croaks, it possible.
“Well, I’ve told you before, Steve—you’re an adult, and your life is yours to do with as you wish. I just hate to see you waste it.”
“Bye, mom. I’ll see you at the baptism.”
Steve’s mother took that as her cue to leave. No hugs were given as she left. She turned her car around to pull out of the driveway when her car came face-to-face with a silver Corolla. Rather than back up a carlength to let the Corolla in, she honked her horn until Katie backed up to a wide enough place in the driveway for her to pull off. The Lexus from Hell sped off and turned onto the country road.
Katie got out of her car and ran up to Steve, jumping up and wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist.
“I’ve missed you this week. I thought the last few days would never end. By the way, who the hell was that leaving when I got here?”
“My mother. Don’t worry, you didn’t miss anything.”
“I wish I’d had a chance to meet her.”
“No, you don’t. But enough of that—can I help you with your bags?”
Dealing with his mother always made him sour, but Steve felt his mood change completely when Katie arrived. Katie said she wanted to check on the dams first thing, “to make sure we aren’t interrupted later”.
They walked to the barn, arm in arm, talking about their respective weeks as they walked. Katie had been researching caffeine’s effects on children, and whether high-fructose corn syrup or cane sugar compounded those effects.
“Of course, we can’t use children in our lab tests, so we use lab fluffies instead.”
“Do you find it hard to test fluffies? I mean, you like fluffies, right?”
“Of course I love fluffies! They make great pets and great companions. But you can’t use animals for testing, for obvious reasons. And most of the fluffies we get are smarties and rejects, so it’s hard to feel bad about their suffering. It helps when you don’t name them, too.”
Steve nodded and grunted.
“Besides, we have to do worse things to some of them at FluffMart. I thought I was going to be sick the first time I was told to pillow a foal.”
Steve nodded again.
Katie squeezed his chest. “You big softie! I guess that’s why I like you.”
Candy ran up to Katie with her wingies flapping and tail swishing as soon as she walked into the barn.
“Hewwo, nice wady! Yu come tu see fwuffies ‘gain?”
“That’s right, Candy. Some of your friends are going to have babies soon!”
“Das wite! Aww mawes am soon-mummahs—‘cep Candee.” Candy looked a little sad.
Great. I know just how to cheer her up, Steve thought. “Candy, do you want to have babies again? It would make daddy really happy.
Candy gasped, and her eyes lit up. “Weawwy? Candee be soon-mummah ‘gain! Oh, yus, daddeh!”
“Ok, Candy. Seraph is a good fluffy—and he’s a wingie-fluffy, just like you! Would you like to have special huggies with Seraph?”
Seraph, still in his stallion pen, caught wind of the conversation and started jumping around and cheering. ”Yaaaay! Sewaf wan haf speshuw huggies! Candee am pwetty wingie-mawe!”
Candy looked a little nervous. “Daddeh? Am daddeh suwe? Sewaf am gud fwuffy, bu Candee nu wan speshuw pwace owwies.”
Steve cuddled the pink pegasus. “It’s ok, Candy. Daddy won’t let anything hurt you. Not even Seraph. Will you do it if daddy talks to Seraph first?”
“Otah, daddeh. If daddeh haf tawkies wif Sewaf, den Candee wiww haf speshuw huggies wif Sewaf fo daddeh.”
He told Candy what a good girl she was, and then he set her down in the breeding pen. Seraph was still jumping up and down and making a racket, when Steve walked up to his pen. He scooped up the black pegasus stallion careful to point his red rocket away from himself. But Seraph was more than happy to giggle and hump the air.
“Seraph. Seraph…SERAPH!” Steve bopped the stallion on the nose. “Owwies! Why daddeh huwt Sewaf? Am gud fwuffy! Huu huu…”
“Listen, Seraph. Do you remember when you gave special huggies to Orchid? You hurt her, because you were too rough. You need to be gentle with her.”
“Am sowwy, daddeh. How Sewaf be jentuw?”
Steve thought for a moment. “Easy. When daddy sets you down next to Candy, you need to talk to her first. Give her huggies. Maybe you two can play huggie tag for a while. Then, when she’s ready, she will tell you when she wants special huggies. But not until then. Daddy will be watching. If you don’t do as I told you, you will get the sorry stick.”
Seraph gasped. “Nu wan sowwy stick! Sewaf wiww be gud fwuffy! Nu gif speshuw huggies tiww Candee says.”
“Good boy, Seraph.” He placed the eager stallion into the pen, and much to his surprise, Seraph slowly shuffled to Candy’s side. The pair talked for a minute, and then gave each other huggies. “Coo…wuv!”, Candy said, as both pegasi gently flapped their tiny wings.
Katie moved over next to Steve. She held him by his waist. As the fluffies got into position, Steve noticed that she had started slowly grinding against him.
“You know, sweetie, I think they can take care of things themselves. How about we go back to the house and maybe…play some huggie tag?”
Holy shit, yes! “I think that sounds like a great idea,” he replied, as he squeezed her by the shoulders. They turned to leave through the barn’s side door when they heard a yell from behind them.
“Nuuuu, speshuw fwend! Nu make bad poopies hewe! Wizawd nu wan num mowe poopies!”
“HNNNNNG! BIGGEST POOPIES!!!”
Steve and Katie took one sad, longing glance at each other. Goddammit. Cockblocked by the unicorns.
Steve ran and grabbed the supplies for the birthing nest, while Katie cleaned Wizard’s face with a towel. The poor unicorn had caught the full blast of Pineapple’s stream of shit and fluids that would precede the birth of her foals. “Huu huu, nu smeww pwetty!”
“Have you ever done this before?”
“A couple times, back before FluffMart discontinued the ‘soon-mummah’ package.”
“Well, that’s a couple times minus one more than I have.”
They both knew that this was going to be a big litter. Pineapple had been immobile after week one. Although Steve’s other breeders had ballooned faster than Candy, who had come to the farm pregnant, none had gotten as big as the yellow unicorn—or as fast as she had.
Katie stroked Wizard’s white mane as he stood beside his “special friend”. I can’t say I blame him, after that sorry shower he got, Steve thought, as he sat behind the dam with his “catcher’s mitt”, a couple of hand towels he had wrapped around his right hand to reduce the mess and give the foals a soft landing spot. Pineapple let out another grunt.
“HNNNNNG!”
“Oh, there’s a head!”
A tiny unicorn foal plopped into Steve’s hands. The little blue colt, which had the beginnings of a yellow mane, let out a chirp, and both Wizard’s and Pineapple’s eyes lit up.
“Yu did it, speshuw fwend! Am wittow chiwpeh babbeh!”
Steve quickly handed the foal to Pineapple, who gave it “lickie-cleanies” and declared it a “good baby”. She handed the foal to Wizard, who placed it on its “mummah’s” teat.
The mare grunted and pushed again, and shot out three foals all at once. Steve had trouble catching them all. Again, all three were unicorns—another blue colt (this one with a light green mane, like its mother), a monochrome yellow filly, and a yellow filly with a light green mane.
“Jesus, I thought I was going to drop one.”
Katie laughed. “You’re doing great, ‘daddeh’.”
Pineapple cleaned the foals and said they were all good babies. Still, she wasn’t done.
“HNNNNNG! Nu! Nu mowe babbehs! Nu haf nuf miwkie pwaces!”
Wizard nuzzled his special friend. “Nu wowwy, speshuw fwend. Wizawd an daddeh wiww gif mummah ‘nuf nummies fo miwkies fo babbehs.”
“Fankoo, speshuw fwend. Pineappuw wuv ‘oo.”
Steve looked at Katie and saw a tear forming in the corner of her eye. It was a touching moment, watching these two creatures that had bonded together share in one of life’s great experiences. And Wizard, who a few weeks before was a beaten-down beta male in his herd, got to be one of today’s heroes.
Still, the time for reflection was short. Pineapple gave birth to four more foals before she shed her afterbirth and returned to normal size. The last four, all of which were fillies, had some truly striking colors—red with a white mane, monochrome blue, yellow with a white mane, and the last monochrome white.
“Oh my God, Steve. Do you know how much this one could be worth?”
“Yeah, I’ve seen some prices online. Still, it may be better to keep her as a breeder.”
The unicorns started to settle in with their large brood, and so Steve and Katie started to clean up. They knew that the family was well attended, with Wizard to help rotate the nursing foals and make sure that Pineapple had enough to eat. They planned a late morning, so a second kibble bowl was filled for the unicorns.
“SCREEEEEE! Nuuu huu huu! Nu wan make bad poopies! Owchid am sowwy!”
Orchid. Shit, no. It’s too soon.
“Well, this has been an exciting first evening, huh?”
“Yeah, but Orchid was one of the last to breed.”
“Oh, no. Have you got forceps?”
“They’re in the surgical kit.”
Katie ran to get the medical supplies, but Orchid had already birthed her first foal by the time she got back. Steve looked up at her with sadness in his eyes. When he shook his head, she knew what had happened.
“Am babbeh hewe? Wan see babbeh! Wan see!”
They decided it was no use to keep the stillborn foal from her. Its wings didn’t flap. Its legs didn’t twitch. And the foal’s mouth never once let out a chirp.
“Whuh…why babbeh nu move? Babbeh am foweva sweepies?”
Steve nodded his head. He gently stroked the mare’s fluff while she sobbed into her dead baby’s fluff. Orchid grunted again, and this time two foals came out at once—and both were dead.
The room was silent, save for the playing foals in the foal pen and the chirping unicorn foals across the walkway. Pineapple started to sing them a song to settle them.
“Mummah wuv babbehs, babbehs wuv mummah…”
“NUUUUUUU! Why aww babbehs foweva sweepies? WHYYYYYY?!?”
“Babbehs get miwkies, gwow up big an stwong…”
“WHYYYYYYYYY?!? Owchid am mummah-nu-mowe! Am bad mummah?”
Steve cleaned up the sad mess around the despondent mare, while Katie cuddled Orchid. The purple earthie was inconsolable. She fought so hard when Steve took away her stillborn foals that he had to hit her with the sorry stick.
“Candy, can you be a big helper for daddy?”
“Yus, daddeh. Candee awways be big hewpa fo daddeh.”
“Good girl. You see Orchid in there? Can you make a fluffpile with her tonight and give her lots of hugs? She has the worsest heart hurties.”
“Huggies awways make heawt huwties gu ‘way. Candee wiww gif huggies tu Owchid-fwend.”
When Steve and Katie left the barn a few minutes later, Orchid had settled down to sobbing into Candy’s fluff.
“You may have some of the best fluffies ever.”
“Yeah,” he replied as he closed the barn door.
Dinner was a light salad with grilled chicken—their glasses were filled only with water. The couple sat and talked about life, death, and what was really important. After a couple of hours, Katie took Steve’s hand.
“Come on.”
“Are you sure?”
“You were great today. Come on and let me show you how great I think you are.”
Silently, Steve followed her up the stairs.
