More technical writing fun and headcanon fun! Credit to rakateal in TFC discord for giving me the idea about ass-rot.
COMPENDIUM CHIMERUS
CHAPTER TWO
CHIMERUS EQUIDAE HEALTHCARE & DIET
Before we continue into the next chapter, I’d like to discuss a few things first. Perhaps you are wondering why I did not include physiology in the first chapter. After all it’d make sense to open with the different types of fluffies, right? Well, it made more sense to me to include it in chapter four, which will dive into fluffy mental healthcare, as well as physiology. See, my editor told me it was silly to do that, and in various other animal health texts he’s worked on that such a thing would be placed as close to the beginning as possible. But I thought it would be more interesting for my readers to approach the mind and body simultaneously. The next thing I’d like to bring up is the contents of this chapter. It will include health issues (which admittedly are few and far between) the different types of fluffy. We will also be discussing pre-natal healthcare. Without further ado, let’s dig in!
SECTION I
HEALTH AND DIET
As most (maybe not you, the common schlub reading this) in the medical and scientific communities are aware, fluffies are the result of Hasbio experimenting and combining many different small domestic or domestic adjacent species’ genomes and shaping them into a cute little pony-thing. Due to this, fluffies carry the potential to develop health issues that are only present in certain species. Hence, it is very important to take your fluffy in for regular fluff-sicians (fluffy+physician, rolls off the tongue better than flufftrenarian) visits. I will give a detailed breakdown of these further within this chapter. For now, I’ll just start off with its metabolism and diet. Despite what you might think (and I don’t blame you with how some of them act), fluffies were created for ‘stimulation’. ‘Stimulation’ in the sense that they’re meant to be at play, running. A fluffy at play is a healthy one, I always say. This is mostly due to their metabolism.
Their high metabolism lends to a sizeable appetite. Even if it does not spend its time running and playing, it will still burn calories at a high rate. I posit this is a partial reason why feral fluffies leave such a large hoofprint on the local flora and fauna in more rural areas, coupled with their goat-like ability to subsist on a vast multitude of foliage, not to mention their own waste. Due to this appetite, fluffies will often request or eat more than they might need to thrive. This typically leads to obesity. Obesity carries the same risks in fluffies as it does in humans and other mammals. Depression, reinforcement of sedentary behaviors and habits, difficulty in mating, and extra stress on legs. Fluffy skeletons are already frail enough as, so, any extra weight and stress on it may make their bones weaker and susceptible to fractures, breaks, and sprains. So, what can you do to make sure your fluffy is eating right, regardless of how active they are?
It’s a simple matter of balancing nutrients. Despite how much it might whine or cry, do not give in! It’s for its own good. Avoid frequent feeding of spaghetti unless it is a moderately active fluffy. It being high in carbohydrates, so frequently eating it may lead to wait gain. Instead, I suggest feeding it a diet of protein and fiber rich food. Boneless fish and chicken (you would not believe how easy a bone will splinter and puncture a fluffy’s internals or cause damage to teeth), veggies, and fruit. If you are uninterested or unable to have a more direct role in your fluffy’s diet, I suggest a simple diet of kibble. Kibble is nutritionally balanced if not bland, so, I also recommend incorporating soft fruits. Try to keep things fresh with different fruit so your fluffy will grow to associate mealtime with the tasty, tasty fruit, rather than the droll bland kibble.
To cap this section off, I would generally avoid feeding a fluffy table food. Depending on their temperament, they may become accustomed to eating the same foods as you and may demonstrate unwanted behaviors, which will be further elaborated upon in chapter 3 and 4. This is especially important for any child raising their own fluffy as a pet, as the child may feel pressured or guilty and acquiesce to a more demanding and choleric fluffy. There are also rumors that some fluffy models will expel deadly sarin gas upon consumption of rhubarb or rhubarb related products. It is with much relief that I can say that this rumor is false. The worst that will happen is bloating and gas. Admittedly, very potent gas. Keep your fluffy healthy with a nutritionally balanced diet and exercise, and you can expect to tack on an extra year or two to their lifespan.
SECTION II
HYGIENE
Hygiene is a very important subject for you to consider when raising your own fluffy. Fluffies are known vectors of disease and parasites, so proper care for your fluffy’s hygiene is paramount. You would not believe how many people bring in their fluffy and their fluff is caked in grime, their hoof pads are filthy, and how much of their tail and rear are encrusted with their own fecal matter. It’s disgusting. It’s a hazard for you, your fluffy, and all those around you. Do yourself a favor and follow these steps for proper care for your fluffy, and you’ll be thanking yourself later down the line. Doubly so if your fluffy is not a strictly indoor fluffy. Maybe you take it to a fluffypark, take it to fluffcare, or let it run around your yard for a little bit each day. Or perhaps it’s a feral who has yet to completely acclimate to living indoors. Trust me, generations of living in the wild will require you to re-teach them a few things.
So, how do we keep our fluffy’s coat clean and fresh? How do we keep their soft little hooves healthy and in working order, knowing that fluffies are hardwired to fear water and will likely panic if submerged in water? Well, starting off, we must know what a clean fluffy should look like. A clean fluffy’s coat will be soft and vibrant. Unless it has an especially thick coat, you should feel no tangles or feel any resistance if you were to run your fingers along its body. It should also carry the light scent of baby powder mixed with vanilla. I find it to be very nice and relaxing. A clean fluffy’s mane should similarly be free of any tangles, knots, or matting. Likewise, the mane should smell as the rest of the coat does. Fluffies do not naturally sweat, instead doing so via their hooves. It is not uncommon to feel some moisture under the hooves of a fluffy on a hot summer’s day.
A fluffy’s hooves are not actually keratinous like you might think like a horse or any ungulate. Instead, it is a soft, leathery pad. It’s more like a thick-yet-soft callous under their feet. A healthy fluffy hoof should be a nice toasty golden brown, and smooth. Their hooves are what enable them to walk comfortably on warm and cool climes and help provide extra balance to their bodies. Without them, they can expect a lifetime of leg and spinal issues. A fluffy’s hooves should not carry any odor. Sweat should smell musty in the same way a human’s does. Their softness lends itself to being punctured or cut, so take care if you plan to take your fluffy outside. They are also susceptible to hot outdoor temperatures. A fluffy hoof tends to stick to the hot ground, and you can put two and two together what might happen if it lifts its leg. As a fluffy might say, it’s not very “pwetty”.
So, what does a filthy fluffy look, feel, and smell like? In my experience, a very filthy fluffy will have matted fluff. It will be very dull looking and feel dry and perhaps slightly oily. Their fluff will carry the scent of raw sewage mixed with pine. Add in feces if present on its body. It absolutely reeks. Their mane will similarly feel greasy and dry and straw-like. Feces will likely be present and dried around their anus, and likely dried into the base of their tails as well. You might also notice discolored teeth, and a very foul-smelling breath. A smell like spoiled plant matter will be noticeable if there are any rotten teeth in its mouth. You may notice hoof discoloration. Where there was once a nice, healthy hoof is now a yellowish-green one, which may point towards infection or injury. A course of antibiotics should do the trick, as well as keeping weight off that hoof. Due to their intelligence (or lack thereof), they will tend to be oblivious to the true issue, only reporting about their symptoms.
Now, going back to the question at hand: how do we overcome a fluffy’s innate fear of water? I hate to disappoint you, dear reader, but I will be covering this in chapter 4.
SECTION III
PRE-NATAL CARE
So, your beloved fluffy has a) snuck out and gotten herself knocked up b) unwanted intercourse c) gotten pregnant under your auspices? Before we get started, I want to lay out possible options here. Abortion can be safely induced within the first 10 days of pregnancy before the development of the fetal stage. The embyros will be safely re-absorbed into the fluffy’s body, sparing it any psychological anguish. This can be accomplished by either a regiment of pills, though this must be started on the first day, or a direct injection into the dam’s uterus which can be done at any time before the start of the fetal stage. Any time after that, the fetal development will have begun, which will cause the dam to expel the stillborn fetuses. Miscarriage can be induced by blunt force to the stomach area, with repeated instances of intercourse also increasing the chance of miscarriage. Obviously, forcefully inducing miscarriage carries the highest risk of psychological pain, suffering, and death, so exercise discretion.
So, onto the actual pre-natal care! Within the first 5 days, there are no immediate physical differences. Your fluffy may not demonstrate any psychological differences, but this varies. After the embryonic stage wraps up, your fluffy will begin to fatten up. And I mean fatten up. Typically, each fetus will add a few extra ounces, but at the end of development, each will add an extra pound. Towards the end of the pregnancy, your mare will be bloated to the point of being immobile. She will require food be brought to her, and moved into the litterbox to eliminate waste as she will be unable to do so herself. If you are unable to attend to your dam’s needs, I would highly recommend the purchase of an auto-feeder and catheters. During the fetal stage, it’s very important to keep your dam’s spirits up. Since she won’t be able to run around and play anymore, she might grow depressed.
The key here is to provide her with some manner of stimulation. There are quite a few toys that can be directly manipulated via the mouth that can keep her occupied. Otherwise, you can always plop them in front of the television for them to watch Fluff-TV. For the uninitiated, Fluff-TV is a TV channel with programming dedicated to just fluffy content. As in the above section regarding diet, it is recommended to limit their time watching Fluff-TV. If he is present, it is recommended to always keep the dam’s “speshuw fwen’” nearby. Many of the above issues with a heavily pregnant dam can be avoided altogether if she has her companion with her. Failing that, try to be there for her as much as you can. It is also important to factor in her hygienic concerns as well. When the time comes, you do not want her foals brought into the world swimming in filth.
SECTION IV
FLUFFY-PROOFING YOUR HOME
Many of the patients I have come into my clinic are often ones with self-inflicted injuries. A fluffy is a very delicate creature, both physically and psychologically. Thus, it is critical to minimize the amount of risk your fluffy might encounter. As we all know, fluffies are of limited intelligence and so are apt to injuring themselves due to it. To start off, I would like to introduce the concept of a saferoom. A saferoom is a place (ideally) in your house where your fluffy will spend most of their time playing, eating, and sleeping. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t just lock your fluffy inside of their saferoom and never let them out, but it should simply be the safest place in your house for your fluffy. It is simply one of the more convenient alternatives to meticulously making sure that your fluffy little friend won’t wander and get into something they shouldn’t. Even if something clearly isn’t food, if it looks or smells “pwetty” enough or enough like “skettis” they will try to eat it. Or carelessly knock it over, breaking it.
For those who have limited space in their homes, live in an apartment, or simply let their fluffy roam freely around the house then never fear. We’ve got you covered here. I would first begin by restricting your fluffy’s access to one floor of your home only. By doing so, you drastically reduce the chance of injury climbing or attempting to walk downstairs. You would not believe how many of my patients come in with broken legs, ribs, or worse from tripping over themselves getting up or downstairs. Despite being genetically comprised of creatures capable of climbing, fluffies are not great climbers. Their hooves afford them little traction, and their tails are little more than cosmetics that do not assist or aid in balancing. If you absolutely must allow your fluffy access to both up and downstairs, then, I suggest you invest in a stair-climber.
Alternatively, simply carry your fluffy up and down the stairs. Simple enough. Next, I would advise you to teach your fluffy the merits of not chewing and gnawing on everything that might look like “sketti”. Yarn, wires, cables, rope, hair ties, that kind of thing. These can cause incredibly painful bowel obstructions for your fluffy. These are typically fatal, as the stress of surgical intervention can cost upwards to thousands of dollars. Alternatively, you may wish to consider investing in a fluffy repellent spray. Undetectable to the human nose aside from the slight scent of mildew, this “nu pwetty” scent will be sure to utterly disgust and convince your fluffy to turn tail from any object you wish to keep them away from. Especially useful to use on wires and above-mentioned objects. Its scent and taste are also sure to keep your other less fluffy but more furry friends away from any problematic objects.
SECTION V
COMMON AILMENTS
I will go over some of the more common ailments that can happen to your fluffy. They might sound horrifying—and for the most part that’s because they are. It is unknown how many of these are naturally occurring, or simply flaws in their genome and the result of throwing so many different animal genomes in a blender. Most of these are non-fatal and can easily be treated by either medical intervention or antibiotics.
RECTAL ROT – One of the most common things a fluffy might do in self-defense (possibly from skunk DNA) or as a threat or disciplinary measure is spray a blast of their own feces at the target. This is obviously unsanitary, but it gets worse. Fluffy fecal matter contains high amounts of digestive enzymes, stomach acid, and bile. While not enough to cause serious burns or lesions in humanoid targets, a fluffy’s sphincter and colon are far more vulnerable. Repeated spraying of “sowwy poopies” can cause serious damage to your fluffy’s digestive tract and rectum. Repeated instances of this could eventually cause inflammation that will lead to slow, painful necrosis of tissue. Recommend feeding fluffy acid reducers and adding more fiber to their diet to reduce the rate at which they’re able to expel waste. If necrosis is in progress, we recommend either euthanizing the fluffy or installation of a colostomy bag. Physical symptoms are as follows: red puffy anus, awkward sitting posture to prevent from putting pressure on anus, blood in stool, necrosis (unmistakable stench of rotting flesh)
FLUFFY FLU – Fluffy Flu Is an ailment that occurs around the same time of the year as the cold/flu occurs in humans. Symptoms present very similarly as in humans. This condition is especially lethal in herds, as the flu is little more than a death sentence for newborns and foals. In domestic fluffies, recommended course of action is to isolate to prevent spread. Physical symptoms include: lethargy, runny nose, dried mucus around muzzle, coughing, nausea
PYOMETRA – Pyometra is an issue inherited from their cat and dog DNA. Pyometra is simply the case of bacteria entering the fluffy’s vagina and reaching her uterus, causing an infection, and swelling. Think of it as like your appendix becoming infected. Carries same risk of blood infection and untreated will cause a painful death. Causes typically include poor hygiene and advanced age. Spaying is recommended in order to completely avoid. Physical symptoms include: hard mass on fluffy’s underbelly, lethargy, complaints of pain in “speshuw pwace”, immobility, lack of appetite or desire for water
ALCOHOL AND CANNIBINOID POISONING – Much like the animals they are comprised of, a fluffy’s body is not meant to handle the intake of alcohol or cannabis. Given their very small bodies, even a glass of alcohol would be enough to poison a fluffy and kill its liver. Fortunately, due to its bitter taste and smell fluffies tend to avoid most liquors and alcohols, though may be tempted to try clear alcohols most likely due to confusing them for water. Similarly, marijuana consumption can cause poisoning in fluffies. Cannabis consumption also presents similar issues to fluffies, though rather than attack the liver, It will attack their heart by drastically lowering its heartrate. Physical symptoms include: loss of coordination, slurred speech, seizures, dilated pupils, coma
WORMS AND PARASITES – Like various household pets, fluffies too are vulnerable to the ravages of parasites and worms. This condition is more common in herds than in domestics, but can still occur due to very poor hygiene. Contraction typically occurs from contact with infected fecal matter where the eggs are laid, consumption raw or uncooked meats or feces, or contact with infected animals. There are a multitude of different parasitic infections that your fluffy can experience as well. From something as simple as a tapeworm, but can also include ocular parasites that will consume the fluffy’s optic nerves if left untreated. Physical symptoms include: complaints of itchiness from “poopie pwace”, presence of worms in fecal matter, reduced appetite, swelling of eyes and eye sockets, fluffy eye color changing from its natural color to a bright pink, photophobia (sensitivity to light)
SUNBURN – Like an irishman, fluffies are also vulnerable to sunburn. Nothing too big to write home about here, but I encounter it frequently enough that I chose to include it here. There exist many sunscreen products out there specifically formulated for sensitive fluffy skin. Extreme exposure can result in welts and boils developing on its skin. Prolonged sun exposure can result in carcinoma. Symptoms include: redness, complaints of pain all over, complaints of itchiness, shedding of skin, splaying (resting on stomach with its legs splayed out at its sides)
MOVING ON
Armed with knowledge of a fluffy’s lifecycle, health, and diet we can now move onto chapter 3! We’ve merely touched upon the various behaviors exhibited by fluffies in these first two chapters but now we’ll get a much closer look at the ‘what’ of what a fluffy is and how it acts, and possible solutions to unwanted behaviors.