Conditions Apply 1/3: By Stwumpo

“Sugarplum I already told you, no babies.”

The plump purple pegasus was absolutely crestfallen. No babbehs?! Why? She needed babbehs! “Huuuu bu daddeh, Shoogy-Pum su wonewy wen daddeh nu wound an an an an wan hab fambwy su hab heawt happies aww time and nebba ebba huhuhu nebba gain!”

Daddeh furrowed his brow. “Now sweetie, you know babies are a big responsibility. I already take care of you! I can’t take care of a bunch of NEW fluffies, Sugarplum! I’m only one daddy!” He was right. Babbehs are a lot of work, the teebee always told Sugarplum that. But babbehs are so wonderful! They make everything better! Isn’t that worth it?

“Nu daddeh. Daddeh nu haftu wowwy bout babbehs, Shugga-Pwum wiww be bestest mummah ebba! Gunna wub aww babbehs an gif miwkies an pway wif daddeh an babbehs an-” Daddeh stopped her.

“Hold it honey, no. Not that last part. I’ll let you have babies, but-” He was interrupted by a loud and excited squeal from Sugarplum. She was trying to say “babbehs” but got too excited. Her enthusiasm is met with a harsh slap to the back of her head. Daddeh will do that sometimes, it’s like a silly game she thinks. Though bouncing her thinky place off the tile floor doesn’t feel nice and she gets really dizzy and stays down instead of springing back up.

Daddeh must know she’s okay though because he keeps talking. So smart!

“Like. I. Said. You can have babies and a family. There are feral near here, figure that out with one of them when you’re in the yard. But darling? Sugarplum? Dear?” He gets really close as she’s picking herself up and grabs her snout in his fist, clamping it shut as he moves in for optimal eye contact.

“I don’t want to see them. I don’t want to hear them. I don’t want to be made directly aware of their presence.” Sugarplum knew this tone. She knew not to interrupt again. “That goes for your special friend if you want one. You can have a fluffy and some foals if you want, but Daddeh only has ONE fluffy, and that’s YOU. I’ll hold you responsible for keeping them out of sight.”

Sugarplum was scared anytime daddeh talked angry and big like that. It often led to hurties. “O-otay daddeh. Yoo wittwe Shuggew P-pwum memba dat fow watew…”

Within a week, she’d found a partner. She went to tell daddeh but remembered his warning, so instead she found a way for him to hop the fence. After some normal huggies, they commenced the special kind.

“Hooway! Am soon mummah! Soon mummah Shoogapwam!” She was so excited for her babbehs, and her special friend was as well. “Hooway fow speciaw fwend! An nao Kwooza wiww be daddeh! Hab bestest fambwy!” Truly the two young lovers were as happy as they’d ever been.

Or would ever be again.

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Plot came in a flash of THC, Salvinorin A, and Diphenhydramine Hydrochloride last night. It’s the first idea I’ve had in a while that really felt good.

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This is going to go very badly, isn’t it? I’ll need to prepare myself for the next parts.

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The thrust is gonna be “Anytime I’m aware of them I’m gonna fucking whale on you until I can’t hear, see, smell, or touch any of them. Then I’ll stop.” Yadda yadda yadda obvious allegory for abusive relationships.

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I don’t know why but this gives me “hiding in the attic”/Anne Frank vibes

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I suspect that man is acutely aware that a fluffy won’t be able to do what he’s asking.

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I mean it’s not gonna be “The Day The Clown Cried.” Even I’m not delusional enough to do Holocaust shit. But yeah, it’s gonna be grim.

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Setting a simple easily understood rule and depending on your victim’s inability to understand the implications of that rule are my favorite trope here

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Or is, not sure

Well unless you plan to destroy all copies so we can’t see it, I don’t think it’s going to be like that movie.

It’s not destroyed, it’s just not being released until certain people are dead. Harry Shearer has seen it. Says it’s real odd.

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Holy shit man, you’re not fucking around

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2024, it seems.

I only do the hardest of benadryl

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10 caplets usually gets me where I’m going.

I take like 15 25mg tabs a night for sleep aid. Apparently if you take just a stuoid amount of it you get high, but not in a good or fun way. It sounds profoundly unpleasant, and I smoke powerful Salvia extracts kind of all the fucking time.

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Unless you’re the size of Andre the Giant, 15 is a stupid amount. I’ve never taken more than 10, and that is already rough. Usually I’ll take 6 to fall asleep.

How did she get the semen donor to hop the fence?

I mean they’re Benadryl. The nice thing about them as a sleep aid is that you can overshoot by a whole lot before it gets remotely dangerous or unpleasant. Could six work? Maybe. But I’m an insomniac whose obstructive sleep apnea makes prescription sleep aids incredibly dangerous so I take a handful to guarantee sleep.

Also I haven’t had seasonal allergies in three years. Pretty sure my blood could reverse anaphylactic shock at this point.

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Through the magic of narrative convenience, Hater.

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