“Good morning. You’re through to the Centre for Hard Knocks. How can I help you today?”
“I have a fluffy who isn’t singing on Daddy’s Special Day with enough enthusiasm. What punishments do you have?”
“Well sir we have the Grey Room to teach them to appreciate you, the Bath to punish them with water, and we’re running a special Repentance Room on Thursday where fluffies have to confess their sins.”
“The Repentance Room sounds perfect.”
“Good choice sir. I’ll just need to you list your fluffy’s sins and take your payment details.
Waffle sat on the table. He didn’t know why he was there or what the funny machine was for but he knew better than to ask Mummah as questions always made her angry.
“Now stay exactly where you are while I leave the room,” said the doctor.
“Otay,” replied Waffle.
With that the doctor left, a light came on the funny machine and it made a noise. The doctor then returned.
“We’re all done here Waffle, Jill will take you to the playpen now.”
“Yay.”
And with that Jill picked up the brown colt and carried him down the hall. Like most staff members she wore water proof gloves in case the fluffy had an accident and someone needed to pick them up. As he talked to her he didn’t seem like a bad fluffy and couldn’t understand why his owner had wanted him to be blasted with a high level of radiation. However Jill had learned not to ask questions she didn’t want answered.
The Repentance room was a standard daycare room with a TV playing FluffyTV at the far end, a large litterbox in the centre, toys by one wall, sorry boxes on the opposite one. Jill put Waffle by the toys. May as well let him enjoy his last few moments she thought. Besides Waffle there were 12 other Fluffies and Jack in this room. Jack always enjoyed the drama of the Repentance Room, while Jill was simply rostered in to helping out here today.
The morning was uneventful with the Jack looking after 7 fluffies and Jill looking after the rest. They helped them play simple games; until Waffle, one of Jack’s fluffies, started staggering to the litterbox.
“It’s show time,” said Jack, who turned his full attention to Waffle.
Jill turned her head just in time to see Waffle vomiting by Mossy, a green mare Jack had been looking after.
“Why Waffu spit sickie wawa on Mossy? Mossy give yu sowwy hoofies,” she shouted hitting him with her front hooves.
These light taps was enough to cause the weakened Waffle to fall down with a thud, causing his fluff to fly everywhere. He then continued vomiting but now had diarrhoea as well.
“Eek,” screamed Mossy as she emptied her bowels. As she was also in the litterbox these were good poopies. Unfortunately she ran through her poo and out of the litterbox, leaving a trail of brown footprints.
“Mossy you’ve made bad poopies,” shouted Jack as he grabbed her.
“No hurt fluffy, am good fluffy,” screamed Mossy starting to cry.
“What happens to bad fluffies?” said Jack enjoying his power.
“Mossy am sorry, no mean to hurt Waffu.”
“Bad fluffies go in the sorry box.” He then strode over to the other side of the room and dropped her into it. She continued to cry as he activated the clean function.
“No wawa bad for fluffies,” cried Mossy as she was sprayed with jets of lukewarm water.
With Mossy taken care of Jack turned off FluffyTV while Jill tried to prevent the other fluffies getting dirty by trying to hug the dead Waffle.
With a clap of his hands Jack had the attention of all the fluffies. He savoured being the focal point and then delivered his sermon.
“Look here,” he said grabbing Waffle’s corpse, as he lifted it up his remaining fluff fell off. “This fluffy committed sin after sin, and for his wickedness he was punished by Alopecia.”
The living fluffies looked confused.
“Waffle was a bad fluffly.”
They understood that.
“Any fluffy who does not confess their sins will suffer as Waffle has suffered.”
Jack paused for dramatic effect as he waved the corpse over them.
“Am dancing babbeh,” said Sapphire. Jill wasn’t surprised as when fluffies were confused they’d often resorted to whatever they thought would get them out of trouble.
“I have a list of your sins from your mummies and daddies,” said Jack, ignoring the dancing fluffy as he dropped Waffle back into the litterbox and picked up his list, ”anyone who confesses all their sins is a good fluffy and will be saved, but those who refuse will be punished.”
“Everyone move towards Jack,” said Jill as without any guidance the fluffies would just stand around not knowing what to do next.
After the fluffies finished moving near Jack he began speaking again.
“Sapphire, confess your sin.”
“Am dancing babbeh,” she said while dancing.
“That’s not your sin,” said an annoyed Jack.
“Am good fluffy,” she said dancing more frantically.
“Sapphire has your mummy or daddy told you that you shouldn’t do something,” said Jill trying to help the fluffy.
“Safawa not sleep in clothe basket?”
“You have confessed all your sins,” shouted Jack.
“Am dancing babbeh,” she said, then fell over from trying to dance too fast.
“However for dancing so poorly you need to be punished.” He then grabbed the blue filly, who was too tired to move, and put her in the sorry box next to Mossy. Jill noticed he put it on max wash, probably because she kept interrupting his performance.
Jack continued to ask fluffies to confess their sins, working his way down the list until he got to Patter.
“Confess your sins.”
“Daddeh says Padda,
“Nu sing gud,” Patter rapidly sang.
Jill guessed he was talking so strangely because his owner would beat him if he didn’t.
“What else?” asked Jack.
“Bwadda no,
“dancie well.”
“Something else.”
“Padda nu twy,
“hawd enouf?”
“For failing to confess your sins you shall be punished,” bellowed Jack as he grabbed the fluffy and put him in the sorry box. Though he didn’t turn on the water.
Jack then continued down the list with the fluffies confessing their sins. Finally he got to the last Fluffy.
“Asshat confess your sins.”
“Ashad cwy too much.”
“What else?”
“Ashad keep wosing count when hid wid sowwy stick.”
“Something else.”
“Pwetty wade not tawk to daddeh?”
“No.”
“Daddeh’s team woses footbaw game?”
“For failing to confess your sins you shall be punished.”
Jack grabbed Asshat and put him in the sorry box next to patter. He then turned it to max wash. Ignoring the cries of the wet fluffies he turned to the rest.
“Lunch is ready. The good fluffies who confessed their sins get kibble, milk, and vegetables; while the bad ones get dry kibble.”
Happy to get actual food the good fluffies all crowded round the food troughs and happily ate; forgetting all about Waffle. The four in the sorry boxes ate less happily.
After lunch Jack discussed the 2nd phase with Jill.
“Do you want me to leave the fluffies in those boxes until they’ve finished confessing?”
“I should be okay with 10 for a short time.”
“Just don’t go soft on them. If they make bad poopies they need to be punished.”
“I know.”
With that Jack released Mossy and Sapphire. He then set up the Catherine Wheel in the middle of the litterbox; then picked up Asshat and tied him to it.
“Behold this fluffy,” shouted Jack “he refuses to confess to his sins. He shall be punished as Waffle was punished.”
He grabbed a razor.
“Bad fluffies don’t need fluff,
“Bad fluffies don’t need fluff,” Jack gleefully sang as she shaved Asshat bald. He always enjoyed this part, especially since this wheel made it easy to move the fluffy while shaving him.
Jill was attaching over the remaining 10 fluffies most were either watching the crying Asshat, or looking the other way and trying to ignore him. The one exception was a yellow colt named Daisy.
“Meanie wheel nu give hurties.”
“Asshat is being punished because he was bad.”
“Wheel give foreva sweepies to special fwiend. Wan special fwiend back.”
He then cried so much he lost control of his bowels and bladders. As he was outside the litterbox this meant he had to be punished. Jill picked him up and put him in the sorry box as quickly as she could. She always hated how literally anything could set off these fluffies, as it made it so difficult to do anything with a large group. She then went back to the mess he made and tried to clean it up before another fluffy stepped in it and needed to be cleaned/punished. While she was cleaning this up Jack finished the shaving.
“Asshat will you now confess to your sins; enfing babbeh.”
“Ashad no enfie babbeh. Ashad am gud fluffie.”
“For refusing you must be punished.”
Jack grabbed the sorry stick and looked for the best place to beat Asshat. As he had welts on his back and legs Jack decided on his belly. As a precaution Jack then turned Asshat upside down and locked the wheel in place so that if this fluffy started shitting he’d only cover himself in shit. A lesson Jack has learned after rapidly spinning the wheel had caused the fluffy on it to cover the whole room in diarrhoea.
“Confess,” shouted Jack as he struck the fluffy.
“Ow.”
“Confess,” followed by another strike.
“Aaah.”
As Asshat screamed he let out a torrent of faeces that fell onto him.
Jack hit him twice more on the chest.
“Confess or you’ll go forever sleepies, just like Waffle.”
“Stop, Ashad confwess. Ashad enfie babbehs,”cried Asshat.
“Now confess to causing the latest tax rises.”
“Wha?”
Jack hit Asshat’s belly.
“Ashad du da wawises.”
“You have confessed your sins,” said Jack as he untied Asshat from the wheel, then dropped him in the largest pile of shit he could find.
“Stay in the bad poopies where you belong.”
Asshat didn’t respond but just kept crying into the bad poopies. Jill looked at this fluffy with the wheel spoke pattern on his back and wondered if he was actually guilty of this or whether his owner had made this up so the other fluffies would hate him. As Asshat cried more and more and got dirtier and dirtier she remember that she hadn’t set the sorry box to clean Daisy, so she rushed over and started it up.
“You can deal with the other one.”
Jill turned round to see Jack walking away to look after the other fluffies. Jill was suspicious as she has never known Jack to refuse to torture a fluffy. She then looked at the list of fluffies and confirmed her suspicions; Patter’s owner hadn’t paid the extra $5 to have a confession beaten out of him. She then looked at his sins and groaned internally. Getting the fluffy to guess this sin would be difficult.
“Has you daddy mentioned anything he was unhappy about that didn’t involve you?”
“Bwudda no,
“dancie well.”
“Anything else?”
“Bawwoon nu,
“big enouf?”
“Something involving lemonade.”
“Wemonaid nu
“fizzy enouf?”
“You have confessed all your sins.”
Patter looked confused.
“That means you can go play with the other fluffies.”
Patter then walked towards the other fluffies, turned back to stare at Jill to make sure she hadn’t changed her mind, then walked towards them. Jill sighed; then picked up Asshat. This fluffy is going to need a lot of cleaning she thought as she put him in the sorry box and set it to max wash.
“I’m her to pick up my fluffy. His name is Patter.”
Jill went over to the 4 remaining fluffies and picked him up.
“Here he is.”
“Patter have you learned your lesson.”
“Wemonaid nu
“fizzy enouf.”
“If you don’t sing with more enthusiasm I’ll send you back here.”
“Padda,
“twy hadda.”
“Good to here. Daddy’s Special Day is tomorrow and I expect you to sing Daddy’s Special Song much better than you did last week.”