It’s surprising sometimes, the way your brain ticks when things go just that right level of wrong. Noah always demonstrated his capacity to be a complete and total brat. Compared to Lee, he’s far more inclined to insubordination, tantrums, and just acting out for attention. Truth be told, you anticipated this moment coming. Even with him in complete tears, huuhuuing away all his woes and his near abandonment, you knew if things kept going like this, he will not hesitate to repeat it all again. In some way, you liked it, because it gave you all the more reason to punish him. Not to mention, you know the real reason why none of your punishments are sticking, and he’s currently consoling Noah as we speak.
If you think about it, Lee’s efforts are more akin to enablism than anything else. He’s rewarding Noah, and mitigating your efforts with his actions. It’s not hard to get upset over this, but it just means that the punishments aren’t going to do much on their own. No, you need to think about this for the long term. Blind abuse might be nice, but it’s not going to get you what you want.
An obedient, loving, and utterly dependent pet that will much rather die than abandon you. Getting them out of the car, you take the carrier inside in silence, still completely consumed in your own thoughts. It’s placed on the coffee table, and you stop from opening it. What are you going to do with the both of them?
Reality is not fair. Life is never fair. And that’s just how it is. The only thing that matters is your approach. You think about that as you stare at the two artificial organisms. The more you think on it, the more you contemplate on whether this is truly worth your time, or if it’s just a waste. A simple waste of time that can be better spent on something else.
It’s late to start thinking on such things, you’ve wasted the money cutting their balls off, and truth be told, they’re not going to last forever. What separates them from a real pet? It’s too fucking late to be contemplating these things. You hear Lee pushing his forehead against the carrier, he looks up at you for a moment and asks, “Daddeh wet fwuffehs out fo’ huggies an’ wub? Wee wan’ wun an’ pway.”
“You can’t run. Remember?” You reply, your voice emotionless, and matter-of-fact.
He stops touching the carrier’s gate, in shock from your words. You can see his expression fall, looking down at the ground for a second before away from you, tears starting to brim his eyes, “Oh… Wee 'membah dat.”
You head into the kitchen, and get a glass of water.
“Daddeh?”
Now, it’s Noah speaking up.
“Daddeh… stiww maddies wit’ Noah?”
What a stupid question. You set the cup down, going back to the carrier to stare at him for a moment, “No. I’m not mad at you.”
“Daddeh wub Noah?”
“No.”
“Pwease, Noah sowwy.”
“Why do you keep being bad? Why do you keep FUCKING up?”
You can’t help it, raising your voice a little, and the combo of swearing at Noah just causes him to cower in the corner of the carrier. Lee flinches, but says nothing, still hurt by being reminded of his lack of hindlegs. “Pwease daddeh, nu be maddies. Noah nu mean tu-”
Oh, that fucking tears it, you shove the carrier with the palm of your hand. Hard enough to shake it, just enough to make Noah shut up and Lee start crying louder, “Noah, don’t Fucking lie to me. You think I’m stupid?”
“Nu daddeh, Noah nu-”
“Shut up.”
He shuts his eyes, curling in the back of the carrier and sobbing to himself. Lee looks up at you, deciding to ask, “Dadd-”
“I don’t want to hear you either, Lee.”
Lee seems confused by your words, he hesitates, but asks, “Wai, daddeh? Wee-”
“Shut the fuck up, Lee.”
You’re not angry with him, really… you’re not even angry at Noah, you’re just tired. Tired of all this shit, and tired of yourself. It’s exhausting. The carrier feels so much heavier in your arms, the house has one room you thought about as an option for putting them for now. The garage. You don’t even tell them where you’re taking them, they’re set down in their carrier on the concrete floor and you walk away. Just need some time without them. A little alone time.
You’re Noah, and you’re the worstest Fluffy in the world. At least, that’s how it feels. Daddy hates you, you know that. He hates you so much that he won’t even punish you anymore for being a bad fluffy. That somehow hurts more than anything else. You don’t understand, but he left you and Lee alone in a new room. It’s not warm, there’s no toys to play with, and nothing soft to sleep on. After he left, the lights flicked off and you heard Lee start crying, “Daddeh! Daddeh! Wee hab wowstes’ scawdies!”
The darkness scares you too, there’s monsters in the dark and daddy isn’t here to save you both.
It’s so dark that you can’t even see Lee, much less anything else. Something brushes against you, your heart skips a beat and you squeak out in fear trying to move from whatever touched you. However, you can’t, you’re pressed against the back of the carrier, and you can feel yourself start to make bad peepees, “Dawkies gib Noah wowstes’ scawdies! Huuhuu! Daddeh sabe Noah!”
The both of you cry for him, and keep crying. Until you can feel your throat get sore, and you just cry to yourself. All you can think about is how all of this must be your fault. Daddy used the scary words, he looked so angry and he didn’t give any huggies. You think about how you acted, and the fact that you did all of this. And it gives you the biggest of heart hurties. Bad fluffies don’t deserve love, they don’t deserve hugs or anything. You did this, and got Lee in this mess too. Something touches you again, you don’t try to get away, but you cry. It hugs you, you can’t help hugging back, sobbing as you hear Lee whimper, “Wee wan’ daddeh.”
“Noah wan’ daddeh tu. Daddeh gib bestes’ huggies an’ sabe fwuffehs.”
“Daddeh su maddies. Nebah knu dat daddeh can hab such maddies.”
“Noah gib daddeh maddies. Make daddeh hab heawt-huwties an’ Noah sowwy, bu’ daddeh nu wub Noah.”
Lee keeps hugging, he nuzzles against your fluff as he whimpers, “Wee thinkies dat Noah gib mostes’ huggies an’ wub fo’ daddeh? Nebah gib daddeh heawt-huwties ebah ‘gain an’ daddeh be happies an’ daddeh wub Noah 'gain?”
That’s true, you smile a little and keep hugging Lee. Trembling together, unable to keep warm as the darkness starts to leech away all the warmth and huggies out of your bodies. You shiver as you try to keep warm with Lee, whimpering out, “Pwease, dawkes’ dawkies gu ‘way! So cowdies an’ gib wowstes’ scawdies. Noah sowwy daddeh. Nebah be baddies o’ gib daddeh wowstes’ heawt-huwties. Pwease sabe fwuffehs!”
There’s no telling how long it’s been, the passage of time being muddied by the darkness and the painful wait for your daddy to return. All you can do is hug each other, but even that gets tiring and your hooves begin to tremble from the constant effort. Eventually, the door opens, revealing light and a shadow that walks into the darkness. You are hopeful, letting your friend go to try and cry out for the figure, “Daddeh, Noah sowwy fo’ gibbin’ daddeh wowstes’ saddies. Pwease nu weave fwuffehs in wowstes’ dawkies an’-”
A loud shriek of metal stops you in the middle of what you’re saying, a slow grind that causes you to cover your ears in absolute agony. Even Lee covers his head as well, the two of you unable to tolerate that sound, crying as the figure drags it over towards the front of your cage. You peek over, and suddenly light floods your world. You can barely see what is going on, but the footsteps that echo in the big room give you an idea. It’s daddy, he walks to the chair that he sat in front of your cage, sitting down with something gray and shiny in his hands. His eyes are red and puffy, he sinks back into his seat with both of his hands over the shiny metal thing, hanging it down between his legs. His head hanging low, eyes vacant and expressionless.
“Daddeh hab saddies? Nee’ huggies?”
“You have no idea.”
His voice cracks, he grimaces for a moment, “I’ve been thinking about things. You have no idea how fucked up things have been for me for the last few years. It’s hard to keep holding it all together. I thought I could make something that can love me more than I can ever love myself. A selfless love that I can’t ever experience. So I decided to get a Fluffy, you guys are supposed to be full of that shit right?”
He sighs, “I look at you, the both of you, and I don’t feel that love. It’s just an illusion that I’m starting to become painfully aware of. You don’t really love me.”
“Nu daddeh, Noah wub yu. Noah awways wub yu.”
“You might be right, but you’re not real. None of it’s real. It’s programmed into you. All synthetic and an imitation of what is supposed to be real. And I’m a fool for believing in it. I’m always the fool.”
You push against the cage door, staring at him, sadness grips your heart just watching him suffer like this. Even Lee pulls himself to the cage, pushing against it to open it, “Wee sabe daddeh, an’ gib bestes’ huggies. Dat make aww saddies gu 'way.”
He doesn’t talk, playing with the shiny metal thing in his hand, it clicks as he turns something on it, spinning it with his thumb. Staring at it quietly, then you hear him start to cry, “I just want to be happy. Is that wrong? Why can’t I be happy?”
Those questions, they make your head hurt. All you can put together is that daddy is sad so huggies are in order. “Daddeh, Noah an’ Wee gib bestes’ huggies tu make saddies gu ‘way. Daddeh nee’ huggies an’ wub. Pwease wet fwuffehs gib bestes’ huggies an wub tu yu?”
There’s no reaction, he does nothing at first, but he slowly leans in and opens the door. You push the cage door open, stepping out onto the cold hard concrete floor. It is so cold, but you run over to your daddy and hug him with all your might. Hugging his pant’s leg, you can hear Lee crawl out, the pain of the concrete floor biting into his belly fluff as he drags himself over.
He doesn’t stop, even with the pain and bits of fluff getting torn away with each teeth gritting tug, when he gets to your side, he just hugs daddy’s foot alongside of you. The two of you giving it your all to make daddy happy by radiating all the love in your hearts. Everything that you’ve been taught, all of the things that you know in your heart should work. It’s quiet, you can hear Lee breathing heavily from his efforts just to get here, but nothing else.
A loud click, daddy smiles down at you both, lifting the metal object up to his head.
“I felt nothing.”
Everything afterwards was shattered by a loud BANG, you jump back, soiling yourself involuntarily in fear as daddy falls out of his chair. The metal object clattering on the ground, he lays on his side with booboo juice pooling underneath his head. You rush to his side, tears filling your vision as you scream out, “NU! DADDEH! Nu gu fowebah sweepies daddeh!”
It’s a mess, you can’t think anymore, everything is falling apart. You can’t hear Lee, you can’t hear yourself think, you just look at the growing puddle of blood and all you can do is hug his face with your trembling hooves, “Daddeh n-nu gu! Noah sowwy, Noah sowwy! Noah wub yu! Pwease-”
Lee struggles to your side, he tearfully trying to nuzzle against your side, but you shove him away. He’s not helping, “Wee hewp gib daddeh huggies! Daddeh nee’ aww da wub.”
He looks at daddy, and tries to hug him as well. The overwhelming aroma of blood biting into your nose, your arms still burning from hugging Lee, but you fight through it. You need to hug him back, need to show him that you still love him. You do love him, you’ve always loved him, why can’t he wake up for you?
“Daddeh nu gu, Noah wub daddeh, Noah awways wub daddeh… Pwease nu gu.”
Go with my blessings.