This is a story that takes place in between Stevie’s new best friend by (that1hugboxer) and Prizes for stupid games by(that1hugboxer)
You are Duncan.
Tonight you are having Joey, her mother Jackie, her grandmother, Lorna, Štěpán, your mother, your father and your brother Jessie over for dinner.
Your mother has been feeding Stevie and fudge from the pantry and fridge throughout the week and didn’t tell you. The remaining ingredients are few and far between and with only 2 hours until your guests arrive you’ll have to make do.
You have never cooked for this many people before so you have to get creative. You have 1/4 a stick of bologna, half a pickle, one small onion, a bit of garlic,3 cups of flour , 1 bay leaf , salt, pepper ,a couple of tablespoons of cooking oil and a gallon of kvass.
Not much to work with, some people might even say it’s impossible to make a meal out of this … those people lack ingenuity. Those people may or may not be your own mother but that makes no difference.
Step 1 :Cutting bologna into bite sized pieces makes it go further
Step 2: Slice pickle lengthwise to create thin ribbons until there is pile of pickle ribbons.
Step 3: Peel and remove core from onion then slice onion into large chunks.
Step 4:Peel and mince a small piece of garlic .
Step 5: Fry bologna in pan with garlic, onions a little bit of flour , a bay leaf, a pinch of salt and pepper and a little bit of cooking oil
Step 6: Add water to bowl along with pickle ribbons and let soak for a few minutes
Step 7: Remove pickle ribbons and set on clean towel for drying
Step 8: You have flour and pickle water mix together create flatbread dough
Knead the pickle ribbons into the dough.
Step 9: Remove cooked ingredients from pan and then make nine circular pieces of flatbread and fry them in the pan used to cook the other ingredients.Top each of the nine circular flatbreads with a portion of the cooked ingredients minus the bay leaf and serve with a glass of kvass (a glass of water for Jessie).
Step 10: have verbal altercation with your mother as You learned she ordered pizza without telling you after you just spent 2 hours cooking.
As your guests arrive your mother apologizes for the meal you made.
“Jackie, Joey , Bubbeh… please forgive Duncan he means well. He’s never cooked for a party before. I ordered pizza if to make up for it
Bubbeh looks at the meal then looks at your mom and smiles.
For the briefest of moments you see your own grandmother in her.
“ sorry? Whatever for? This food looks delicious .”
Everyone settles down and grace is said.
Bubbeh takes a sip of the Kvass.
“Duncan Is this home made?!”
Your face lights up.
“Yes mam. It’s a recipe I learned from my adoptive grandmother.”
Jackie takes a bite of the bread .
“Oh my… this is …. Quite pleasant!”
Joey takes a bite of both the bread and toppings then washes it down with kvass.
“For what it is this is really good!”
You smile.
“Thank you for being polite guests . But I understand if you would rather have the pizza .”
Lorna pipes up.
“The only thing I’m upset about is that you didn’t make more but hey I guess that’s a good problem to have.”
Štěpán has finished his entire plate.
“ grandma Zofie taught you well cousin! This is cooking I remember from childhood. Only thing missing is grandma Zofie herself!”
Bubbeh takes a bite of the food.
“It a good thing there’s no more cause I’d be kvelling on this until I couldn’t move.”
Štěpán turns to Bubbeh.
“If you think this good, then you are in for big surprise when fridge and pantry properly stocked!”
Bubbeh turns to you.
“Curly hair, big nose, can make a meal out of nothing… are you sure you’re not Jewish?”
Jackie’s face turns beet red.
“MAH! You can’t be saying things like that!”
Bubbeh smirks.
“What? It’s a compliment!”
You burst out into a hyena laugh.
“It’s no problem at all Jackie. I’m honored your mother thinks so highly of me.”
As everyone finishes their food, Lorna , Štěpán and Bubbeh help you clear the table.
Bubbeh pulls you aside while everyone else talks at the table.
“Duncan dear … I heard from my granddaughter that you keep a lot of rescue fluffies that eventually go to good homes . Would it be alright if I…”
You nod knowing exactly what she’s asking for.”
Bubbeh hugs you.
“You are truly a gracious host.”
A little while later you and Bubbeh returned inside to find everyone gathered around the old tv watching reruns of full house.
Jackie turns to greet her mother.
“Hey mah where have you been-“
“(Chirp!! Chirp)”
“Mah…what is that?”
Bubbeh is bottle feeding a little hairless foal held in her arms.
“His name Wayne And he’s mine… though if you are nice to him I might let you hold him.”
Jackie chuckles.
“His first name wouldn’t happen to be John would it?”
Bubbeh tries to avoid eye contact.
Jackie sighs.
“I swear Joey gets her obsessive personality from you.”
