Allow me to catch you up to speed regarding the incident at the
Foal-in-a-can production facility
Last night security was breached
Not through means electronic
interference
or a publicity stunt by hasbio’s marketing department
The 4 ton doors to the facility were quite literally torn off their hinges
The security personnel fired upon the intruder until the barrels of their guns warped from heat buildup
The intruder had not even so much as a bruise from the hundreds of high caliber rounds hitting their body
The security personnel were quickly eliminated shortly thereafter
The intruder then made their way to the production line and freed the entirety of the facilities breeding mares. Foals and stallions before systematically destroyed every last piece of equipment on each floor of the facility
Every foal-in-a-can vending machine within a 20 mile radius was then dismantled and the foals freed
We do have video footage of the culprit
A fluffy stallion approximately 5 years of age
Crimson mane and tangerine fluff
Walking on his hind leg
Wearing a fluffy size white tank top and black parachute pants
The origin of this fluffy unit is as of this moment still unconfirmed
It is highly speculated that the unit in question originated from one our foal-in-a-can production facility
Though hasbio has numerous foal-in-a-can facilities
The circumstances surrounding the incident raise concerns that other facilities might be targeted in the future
We will effective immediately be putting all remaining foal-in-a-can facilities on high alert until further notice
Hasbio is fully aware of the situations absurdity but we assure you this is no laughing matter
Hundreds of millions of dollars worth of units and highly specialized industrial equipment were lost in less than 24 hours .
production has ceased entirely and repairs for this singular facility could take as long as 5 months
with an estimated labor cost of over half a billion dollars