DIY "Foal In A Can-non" Crafting Guide! (Fluffsploder)

It’s kind of amazing how little foresight Hasbio put into their creations. There’s no end of stories, legends, illustrations and documentation on the Fluffies themselves, of course. You’re looking at a website full’a them.

Following the gigantic farce where Fluffies escaped into the wild while still in their beta stage, forcing Hasbio’s hand to release them prematurely to cover up their gigantic mistake, you’d think there’d be some checks and balances in place to ensure the remaining stock was delivered safely to the public.

You’d think wrong.

So, Foals In A Can. FIACs, colloquially. You’ve seen a million different designs for them, 'cause a bunch of third party companies beat Hasbio to the punch. Cryostasis, catheters, gels, literal cans, hell in rough places you’d be lucky to get a cardboard tube and a half-starved runt in good condition. Plenty of ways to pack one of the little bastards into a convenient device ready to go.

A lot of the high tech ones were marvels of engineering, perfectly attuned to a Fluffies’ unique biochemistry to keep them nourished and happy - high quality foals for discerning buyers with buyback schemes for the used cannisters. Impressive stuff! Set the bar nice and early.

Hasbio being Hasbio, they once again half-arsed it. We’re talking barebones. Artificial milkies to save on mare maintenance, glasstic tubes that got alarmingly hot very quickly, very little for foal comfort leading to usually deeply stressed products.

The main draw of these cans compared to most others on the market was their trademark affordability, widespread availability, and surprising cleanliness due to a custom-fitted waste collection device that - somehow - collected foal crap without using awkward catheters or generic damping pads. None of this was made for the foal’s comfort, mind, more to prevent Hasbio from getting any nasty lawsuits over septic accidents.

It’s almost magical. The cleaning system would’ve been a marvel alone if it wasn’t for these facts:

A) It only operated well for its one very specific job of collecting baby foal crap, and

B) The combination of artificial milk and whatever was in the waste collectors made for a ridiculously volatile product that was prone to exploding violently under the right conditions.

If somehow something burned the waste collector just right, whatever unholy concoction would erupt with spectacular results. To Hasbio’s credit, the cannisters would hold firm so that generally injuries were rare as long as they weren’t already compromised, but it was still grounds for a lawsuit as kids witnessed foals exploding into pressurised gore inside vending machines.

So they were recalled, all stock was taken off the streets and everything was fine again.

If you believe that, you haven’t been paying attention.

Cleveland happened. Public opinion turned. Abusers went from being creepy social pariahs to pest control specialists overnight, and a lot of behaviour that would’ve gotten you shunned was slowly but surely normalised.

Cut to today. Fluffies are still sold, bought, bred, but abuse - decorated in just the right way so as to not offend the more delicate of sensibilities - was considered acceptable by the general populace, so long as it was entertaining.

You find a pamphlet tucked away in a quiet corner somewhere. It’s regarding these Hasbio cannisters, which are still goddamn everywhere. The automated resupply machines keep getting old stock pistoned away and quickly replaced with new ones and people are still buying them. Not to raise the foals, though. Not often. Other companies have that corner marketed now.

After browsing it, you visit the vendor on the corner, then make a trip to the hardware store.

This is what it says.

(Hope you enjoyed the post and, uh, that it actually shows up okay! And is legible! I can’t preview it and this makes me sad! My hand hurts from drawing!

I don’t usually draw cute stuff and I’ve never drawn a Fluffy before so this is a gamble for me, but I’ve read so many stories and loved so many pictures by this community that I felt like I should contribute my own! If my handwriting isn’t legible I’m happy to write a transcript.)

76 Likes

ohhhhhh i love this! this is so so creative i love it!! oh i can see teens buying foal in a can to pop em off like this for fun to cause trouble
maybe shoot em at a brick building to vandalize it.
Heck set it up under a car so when you start the car the foal pops and exploads and scares the shit outa that math teacher you dont like

8 Likes

Thanks! I wanted to bring something new to the table and I love junky craft stuff like this!

3 Likes

Imagine you walk out of your house and get hit with a broadside of foals

5 Likes

Very nice, well thought out and well drawn.
Hope to see more fun ideas.

3 Likes

yeah that sounds like hell
perfect for the fluffy universe

1 Like

interesting… ever hear of a potato gun?

2 Likes

Mmm… DIY ordinance. <3

This brings me back to reading Paladin Press books as a bored 13-year-old.

3 Likes

The future of warfare is, er, different.

1 Like

I would 100% support changing the nature of warfare such that combatants shoot screaming balls of fluff at one another instead of bullets

4 Likes

Bows and arrows with flaming foals tied to the ends. picture that.

1 Like

Brilliant!! I love new ideas!!

2 Likes

Yeah! I actually thought of adding some additional text about people using potato guns (I’m pretty certain there’s a comic of people abusing fluffies with them - I’ll link it if I can find it again) but I didn’t want to bloat the post too much.

I like to think that the appeal behind this approach is that you get to see the reaction of the fluffy inside the tube and that the mechanism gives a more visceral pyrotechnic display than a regular potato gun. Maybe people have contests where they build their own fluffy launchers and see how far they can go!

3 Likes

10/10 you got the stuff kid

2 Likes

Absolutely glorious

3 Likes