The lights flickered slightly within the dim basement, the consistent hum of the old bulb occasionally shorting as it’s filament threatened to short. Atop an old and timeworn wooden table, a rusted metal cage held a dark brown fluffy within, an earthie stallion who desperately pawed at the grated metal walls. Walking down the stairs, a dark figure slowly made his way into the basement, the stairs creaking and groaning under his feet with each step. Hefting a corroded car battery, the figure leered down at the fluffy, taking a pair of jumper cables and attaching them to the battery’s terminals.
Tapping the metal clasps together, the fluffy shrieked as sparks filled the air, the dark figure cackling madly at the creature’s terror. As the figure took the clamps and attached them to the top of the cage however, something went awry as he shook and screamed, clearly accidently electrocuting himself. Flailing wildly, the figure knocked the cage over with his arm, forcing the cage to the ground, it’s rusted and old base busting open, freeing the earthie. Trotting over to the grounded figure, the fluffy then stuck out it’s tongue in a raspberry before turning around and voiding it’s bowels on the stunned man.
The footage shifting abruptly, a flamboyant man suddenly takes the center focus, as a comical trombone played off the clumsy abuser from before. “Has this ever happened to you?!” His gaudy suit an offense to the senses, the man gestured to a still of the man before as he lay unconscious on the basement floor, head to toe covered in waste. “You get a brand, spankin’ new fluffy. You’ve gotten it back to evil lair. And now you want to try out some loud and painful fun, but you simply don’t have the cash…So you try to make do, like Shitrat Steve over here and it all falls apart…”
Playing lightly as the still fades, a slight jingle can now be heard in the background. “Well, here on Do It Yourself Abuse, we teach you how you can go from a dim witted Hammer Johnny, to a fluffy killing juggernaut. Broadcasting live and on your computer, whether you want it or not, I’m your DIYA host, as always, Blaine Killswell. And of course, you all know my lovely co-host, the beautiful and vivacious Janet…Jan, tell all our viewers out there in cyberspace hello!” Waving his hands, the focus shifted to a light blue pegasus, tied to a post with black wire, a small microphone clipped onto her chest fluff.
“Fwuffy nu undahstan’! Fwuffy nu am namsied Jan! Whewe am fwuffy! Whewe am babbehs!”
“That’s right Jan! We have a plethora of wonderful content tonight!” With the camera back on Blaine, he began to walk stage left, a large wooden table with a cloth draped over and hiding several large mounds, one of which was slightly moving. Pulling it off with a dramatic flair, Blaine smiled as he revealed an assortment of abuse tools and an off beige unicorn on a separate table. Struggling with the electrical tape that bound it’s hooves, the fluffy was wide eyed, glaring at Blaine slightly as it desperately tried to free itself.
“Wet fwuffy gu wite nao! Fwuffy gowna gib yu dah sowwiest hoofsies!”
“What a spirit on this one! Such fire!” Waving his hand stage right, Blaine flashed his unnaturally white grin. “What do you think Jan? Isn’t he one of the fiercest little fluffs we’ve had on the show or what?” Once again the camera shifted to the pegasus mare, wiggling wildly against the wires.
“WHEWE AM MUMMAH’S BABBEHS!!! P’WEASE WET FWUFFY GU!!! BABBEHS NEE’ MUMMAH!!!”
“Fantastic Jan! And we can’t let such a little firecracker go to waste, can we?!” Picking up a lighter and bottle of accelerant, Blaine held them up as the camera zoomed in on his hands. “Now many of you out there are still doing things the old fashioned way… But using things like this without thinking can be hazardous to both the fluffy and the abuser.” Taking the bottle, Blaine walked closer to the unicorn, holding it directly above the fluffy with the nozzle pointed downward. “Many abusers would think this is a safe way to start off a fluffy BBQ, but it could also be a one way ticket to the local burn ward!”
Walking further back, Blaine smiled as he led the bottle outward, his arm extended as he let the bottle rise and fall, squeezing it firmly and spraying a clear stream of lighter fluid onto the screaming fluffy.
“*SCREEEEEEE!!! BUWNIES!!! SEE PWACES HAB BUWNIES!!! *SCREEEEEEE!!!”
“Doing it directly above the fluffy could cause it to splatter, possibly getting it all over your clothes…But by spraying from far away, in even bursts as you move the bottle upwards, then down, you can better manage the stream! Less splatter, and you’re far less likely to get it on your clothes! Talk about a hot mess, right Jan?”
“FWUFFY NU KNO HU HOOMIN AM!!! NU KNO WAT HOOMIN AM TAWKIN” BOUTS’!!! SUM’BODY, P’WEASE HEWP FWUFFY!!!"
“Wonderful!” Taking the lighter as the camera zoomed in, Blaine laughed, teasing the sputtering unicorn by pretending to flick it several times. “Now many of you out there would probably use a small, store bought lighter now, one just like this. But trying to light something as flammable as a fluffy covered in gas, lamp oil, or in this case, lighter fluid, with something as little as this, could risk burning your hands, and maybe even catching your clothes…” Placing the lighter on the adjacent table, he then picked up a small box of matches. “It’s much safer to use something like this. Just strike the match and then lightly toss before it goes out.” In a swift and overexaggerated gesture, Blaine lit the match, now holding the small flame above his hand.
“P’wease nices’ mistuh…nu gib fwuffy buwnie huwties…fwuffies am fow hugg…*SCREEEEEEE!!!”
Not getting the chance to finish, the unicorn’s body erupted in flame as the match struck his body, his pained screams filling the air before the audio suddenly was lowered, with Blaine’s words now easily besting the fluffy’s death warbles. “Now matches obviously work well, but for a more permanent solution, you can always get yourself a utility lighter. They’re great for setting things ablaze from a distance but you probably want to use a small trail of the accelerant instead of holding it to the fluffy itself…” As Blaine continued on, the still writhing unicorn burned behind him, it’s body shaking and rolling against the table as it shrieked it’s last. “…with safety always being a must! Oh, it seems our friend has left the show. Let’s give him a round of applause for being such a good sport!” As Blaine smiled and waved his hand in front of the charred fluff’s corpse, the body still lightly ablaze, an audience clap-track played in the background.
“Loved how that fluffy went up! Haven’t seen talent like that in a while, eh Jan?” Panning over, the focus was then on the blue pegasus, her eyes wide and tongue sticking from her mouth in ghastly repose. Her body having been shifted slightly since she was last in focus, the wires had dug deeply against her throat as she tried to wiggle free.
“Well put, Jan! I couldn’t have said it better myself! And now, for out next segment on DIYA…cooking with foals! Stay tuned! You don’t want to miss out!”
This is my entry for Fluffies Online
It’s a little short but I loved working on it. And if you’re reading this, why not make something yourself for Fluffies Online Theme Week. The more, the merrier. 
Drawing of Blaine Killswell by Princess Purrpaws