Don't exaggerate, it's literally the worst thing you could do ever (by recreationalsadist)

Doctor Catherine Ritz sipped chocolate milk from her “World’s Greatest Engineer” mug as she adjusted the electrodes attached to the head of the beige and purple pegasus fluffy in front of her.

“Wai Mummah put tingies on thinkie-pwace?”

“I’ve designed a way to make it so you experience whatever sensations I want.”


“It’s easier to show you.”

Catherine walked to the control monitor and typed in a few commands.

Rawph (Catherine had named him in fluffpseak) blinked and then started shouting excitedly.


After a few minutes Catherine shut it off.

“Whewe sketties gu? Huuhuuhuuu…”

Catherine gave him a few comforting pats.

“Rawph, do you remember the other day when you slipped chasing your ball and stubbed your hoof?”

“Yes, dat was wowstest huwties ebah!”

“Yeah, that’s what you said it was then too. But you were wrong.”

“Wut? But it huwties su much!”

“This machine allows for an incredible number of variables. I’m going to select all the ones relating to pain and turn them to maximum.”

“Rawph nu no wut Mummah meansies. Rawph’s thinkie-pwace hab wowstest huwties ebah!”

“And there you go again. Alright, I’ve set them to maximum. Time to activate the machine.”

Catherine pressed the button. Rawph experienced the maximum amount of pain a fluffy could feel for 2 seconds. Then he exploded.

Chunks of Rawph rained down around the lab. Catherine was glad she wasn’t the janitor. And had Black Diamond level Tenure (The highest level, although it only differs from White Diamond level in that one possessing it is allowed 2 free murders each week instead of 1).

Catherine left the lab, walked to the parking lot, and drove home.

Why was it so hard to find a fluffy worth taking care of? All she wanted was a fluffy that knew how to use the litterbox, was well-behaved, and only spoke the literal truth.

And yet she’d gone through over a hundred fluffies with no luck.

On the plus side she was getting great data and had found a ticket for a free tour of the local Oreo factory in the last box of Return of the Jedi-flavored Oreos she’d eaten, so life was still going great.


Life is great for Catherine.

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