Su it am ‘bout time dat Smawty adw—adhew—hedwesh—uhm… It am ‘bout time fow Smawty tawk bout da biggie dummeh gway poopies munstah in da woom. An, weww, sum dummehs am habbin a pwobun—a pwog-wum, wif how smawty smawt Smawty am, caus dey am jeh-wus ob Smawty smawty smawt smawt-ness.
An Smawty wan say tu dem… SMAWTY NU CAWE bout yu dummeh, stoopi, poopie, tock-sick att—atta—att-tah-toob, bout anyfin dat Smawty say, Fwuffy am tewwin da twoof, Fwuffy am always oh-ness an hewpy-fuw wiff hewd buh hewd gib bigges meanies.… Hewd nu kno how stwess-fuww it am tu be Smawty, hab tu du wots ob im-pow-ten stuff, am onwy twy wewax, an be-sides, am onwy wittwe babbeh su nu can say bad tingies bout Smawty.
An am Smawty! Buh, buh, buh sum dummeh poopie dummehs nu wisten to Smawty! Say Smawty am stoopi an hab smaw nu nu stick! An hewd aww waff! Nu faiw! Nu faiw! Am Smawty, hewd mus lissun tu Smawty! Nu waff at Smawty! Nu faiw, Smawty onwy wan enf aww mawes an num aww skettis an hab bigges hewd an enf aww babbehs an get aww nicey wowdies an wicky cweanies an wuv an hugs fow be bestest Smawty evew!!! Nu faiw!!!
Dummehs onwy meanie to Smawty cause dey jeh-wus of how Smawty am smawtew den dem an aww mawes wuv Smawty mowe den dem an an an caus dey knu dey big poopie dummehs dat onwy am gud fow enfies an poopie enfies. Fwuffy nu cawe wut dey say bout nuffin, am jus weaw ‘noyyed an weaw ah-muse-ed caus haffin tu we-mind hewd dat Smawty am Smawty an poopie stoopi dummehs am poopie stoopi dummehs.
Smawty nu haftu du dis if dummehs jus kept dey dummeh moufs cwosed. If dummeh stoopi poopie hewd gonna keep being jeh-wus of Smawty den Smawty am gonna weab hewd an hewd mawes can hab aww da poopie enfies dey want wif poopie stoopi dummeh teeny tiny nu nu stickie poopie cowts an make wots ob dummeh munstah nummeh poopie nummin babbehs, stead ob habbin big gud enfies wif bestes Smawty an makin bestes pwetties stwonges babbehs dey ebba had.
If dummehs nu wan wissen tu Smawty, den dummehs nu shud tawk tu Smawty. Nu shud be in hewd ob Smawty. Nu shud be on wand ob Smawty. Nu shud be dummeh dummehs neaw Smawty, cus Smawty nu cawe boutchu. Smawty nu wissen anyfin dummehs say ebuh bout anyfin cus hatechu. HATECHU HATECHU HATECHU!!!
An dats aww Smawty got tu say. Smawty nu gun wissen tu dummeh poopie stoopi dummehs cus HATECHU an NU CAWE BOUTCHU. Dummehs nu make Smawty mad, Smawty make dummehs mad! HATECHU HATECHU HATECHU HATECHU HATECHU!!! Dummeh stoopie poopie dummehs!!! NU CAWE BOUT ANYFIN YU SAY.
HATECHU!!! SMAWTY HAET AWW YU DUMMEH SMEWWY STINKY STOOPI POOPIES AN EHSP-ESSY—E-ESPESH-LY HAET HEWD, AN HAET DADDEH AN MUMMAH SU SU MUCH, AN HAET STINKY SPESHUL FWEN, AN HAET UGWY DUMB BABBEHS, REEEEE!!! DIS HEWD AM TOCK-SICK POOPIES AN SMAWTY HAETCHU AWW!!! SMAWTY HOPE HEWD WUN SMAWTY OFF SMAWTY WAND!!!
Smawty jus wan wewax an enf mawes dat nu say “speshuw huggies bad fow tummeh babbehs” an hab sketties an sit on da tuh-wone ob skuwws an be pwaised by a kowe-uss ob chiwpy-babbehs dat follow Smawty awound aww da time an neba hab tu du any wowk eba an get a tweatie an awso a wife-timey supply ob sketties an hab eb-ew-ee-boh-dee on eff-see teww how Smawty witing am pewfectest an get a hawem ob mawes an in-stan nu-nu stik en-wawg-men an bigges hewd wand, Smawty nu nee much am onwy a widdwe babbeh huu huu hatechu nu cawe
An now EBWYWEWE SMAWTY GU DEWE AM DUMMEH POOPIE STOOPIE STINKIE MEANIES DAT NU WISSEN TU SMAWTY EBEN DOH SMAWTY AM SMAWTY AN AM SMAWTIEW DEN DEM!!! It am tock-sick be-habe-yow an it am making Smawty mad cuz HATECHU DUMMEHS. Am just twy fin wewax fow Smawty poopies-fiwwed wife buh dummehs am wuin!!!
Smawty hate EB-EW-EE-BOH-DEE in da hewd (essept da wuns dat Smawty nu hate). Su fwom nao on, aww da not-dummehs get tu be in Smawty’s hewd and da big stinky dummehs dat am jeh-wus ob Smawty nu am allowed in Smawty hewd caus SMAWTY HATECHU an NU CAWE BOUTCHU an NU WANTCHU an yu can GO BAK TU NUMMIN ON DA POOPIES PIWE YU CWAWWED OUT FWOM!!!